.

First, you need to get yourself out of the thoughts of what your dad told you because the mind is a very powerful tool and just as the Bible says that "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he".

You are the one you need to set yourself free and please, love yourself. Except you love yourself, no one will love you because what you project of yourself is what people get to see.

Most importantly, stop comparing yourself to others. Engage in things you love and watch your life blossom again. Above all, you need contentment, knowing it can only get better.

divaluvmiz:
I can't believe I've spent 10 good years of my life without achieving any meaningful thing.
I was young, with great potentials and vision. I graduated early. Everybody wants me, but I don't know how it turn out like this.
I'm 32 already.
I graduated 10 years ago yet, I don't have a good job, I don't have a good marriage.
I felt this is not my life. Is like there's a switch somewhere.
Years ago, my late dad told me to send him my personal earned money so he can use it to buy goat and make some sacrifice to nulify some things on my behalf, otherwise, I would not be able to get a job with my certificate and I can't get married. then I was pregnant and wanted to get married to my child's father who was my friend. but I told my father that i can not do that. Because I'm a child of God and i don't believe in all that. (My dad was not a Christian. He was diabolic) Shortly, he died.

To my greatest surprised, my friend whom we were so much in love, who begged me with everything to keep our first child and not to have an abortion, the same guy who took me to his family and decleared we're having a baby and we wants to get married, left after 7 months into my pregnancy without any reason.

This is 7years already and nothing exciting has happened to me.
The only thing I heard from him, is messages of appology, no fianancia support. Nothing.
Till date, I don't have a meaningful job, I've watched good friends who loved me still walk away to marry some other people.
The last was my best friend who just got married. He told me few days to his wedding how much he loved me.
(What surprised me was: why didn't he tell me all along?) He's been so good to me. Every member of my family know him and they loved him. Nothing he can't do for me.
I had to block him on my phone so he can concentrate on his new life Instead calling me always.
He's not the first person who truly loved me, but can't marry me. I'm always meeting good people, who can walk a mile for me, but they can't marry me for no reason and they can't let me go.
The one I love to be with, always walk away. The one I have no connection, no interest in, are the one around me.

I just woke up and realized that I've really wasted time without achieving anything.

Could it be there are powers beyond God?

Are they prayers God don't answer until we appeal traditional gods?
Are they sin beyound God's forgiveness?
I was innocent and in love, had pre-marital sex and had a baby outside weddlock. Is this beyond God's forgiveness no matter how I tried?
I have been praying and asking God to fix my life even if there's a family course that I knew nothing about. Yet, nothing positive have changed. is there something I'm not doing well?




I feel depressed.

Don't feel depressed. At 32, you're still young. Be grateful to God for the gift of life. Everyone has his or her time. Yours is coming soon. When God decides to bless you, HE will overwhelm you with HIS blessings. God will grant you all your heart desires. Just stay positive and take life, one step at a time.

You need to remember the bright side of life. Say hi in an email

Sorry for the harsh words but apart from family curses, you singlehandedly took decision that ruined your life. Even if you had no job, hustling & taking care of yourself would have been easier without having an extra mouth to feed. Even people with no children are struggling, Nigeria is hard. No sugar coating it, curses or not.

Falling in love is a sham in Nigeria in both ways, that's why women need to be financially stable before having babies. All this my husband says he will take care of me bullshit doesn't fly when he leaves you & abscond.

Your biggest problem right now is, you have no source of income. Tell people your biggest skills or strength, so you can get a job & some support if you declare what makes you useful as a person instead of just being depressed.

If you want to start a business, write a business plan, I want to do XYZ. Then I need 123 Amount, at least people on Nairaland can help you, that is If you aren't a scammer.

Sorry please bt,do always remember now that, there are Sunny,Rainy n even Stormy cum Tsunamic days under the sun.Bt,the absoluteness of it all is that,there is an Almighty Super Natural Being,who sees n knows all you're going through but,will still come to fix your things at your own Destined time and season,which is around the corner.So,be of good cheer.. Pinned.

Op.....


Good morning........

I understand what you feel even though not up to 5%....

But you gotta love yourself......

Accept yourself........


You see apart from other points you raised here....

One of your major challenges is comparison.....

One sad important good thing about life is that life is fairly unequal........

Everyone has their different roads on which they run life.....

You trying to compare yourself to someone else will distort your everything.....

Also you trying to run the way someone whose road is slippery runs means that you wouldn't get to your desire....





Life is a separate business we all are fully separate and different from other people....

Don't expect life to throw you what it throws at Mr A.........



You not getting a good job for you and your child in this situation is terrible in the current situation of Nigeria....but that doesn't mean that you should compare or begin to lose yourself......

Life is like boat in the ocean.....
You must brace yourself in order for you not to fallout.....



Also remove your mind from any thing like diabolic related not because they don't exists but because you yourself have nothing to do with it........it's a hard situation but brace your mind and pull it together, settle your mind, infact take your time and take up your destiny, your life.....hold it cause it's yours and no one else.....

Redesign your life not look like your neighbors on but how it should be.....

The moment you try to copy someone else you begin to limit your abilities....

Recreate your life and take charge
......

The marriage aspect........hmmmmmmmmmmm
It appears to be terrible because of what the society tends to believe.......

Ask yourself if the society fed you or bathed or cooked for you or gave you job......


Your life goal shouldn't be to please anyone or the society.....

But rather you should please yourself and achieve your desires......


You are you and no one else ......





The employment situation is really terrible....

But you shouldn't try to kill yourself because you can't get the kind of job you want......

Have you tried exploring other areas you must not work for others ......


In the current situation of this world, your degrees or certificates cannot provide what you want.....

Rather to survive in today's world you gotta use your brain so much..... utilize it......


Think outside the box.......

Try different things.....

Search things people can do on Google.....

It is hard in this life but the truth is that there is money......

We just gotta look beyond where we are ....

Stop comparison.........
Don't feel low....
There has never being a day age or degree has being a determinant of who will succeed or not....


What determines it isn't just hard work but smart work......

We humans create smart phones.....we too must be smart like them.....we must work smart like them....

Try your hand in many things....


You said your child is about 7 years ..... don't underestimate the power of your child.....as you begin to think outside the box carry your child along.....your child could work along with you .....



In this world your certificate is worthless......

Your certificate is only a credential in getting you to be able to work for someone else but it doesn't guarantee your success......





Just pull yourself together......
Recreate yourself.....
If you're an insider then you gotta open up yourself wisely to people and new ideas ....

For you to put your problems here.....I means you are ready to change and take the big leap today.....



To your marriage life ..
..
I don't see marriage as a thing for everyone
......

And that's why I tell you not to base your life in way to please the society......

Marriage is also no determinant of success or a peaceful life....




You are a woman ...

You are greater than you know.....

You don't have to let others exploit your potentials.....
Exploit your potentials to your benefit..
......

Keep our head up......
Create a good network of friends.....
Turn your friends to your customers, turn your customers to your friends......


Good luck
....
I would have said more but I think the little I've written here should at least compensate you to about 2 percent....


But don't forget God.....

If you believe him then stick to him...
If you believe in African traditional religion then stick to it....or if you're a Muslim stick to it except it contradicts your personal views .......

I wish you the best of luck....

Cheer up....
Live happily.....

No more comparisons.....

You will overcome sis that's life, alot of us are going through alot too.
You can read my own predicament from my profile..
Is well with you

Baby girl, it is well.

Why not change your location entirely, I think your mind is tricking you into believing all of this because you are still within the vicinity. Good luck.

You have still not taken responsibility for your life and your life decisions, it's a shame...


You're 32, wallowing in self-pity and still blaming forces for the negative choices you made

Sorry to say, you're not ready for success yet.

sisisioge:
Baby girl, it is well.

Why not change your location entirely, I think your mind is tricking you into believing all of this because you are still within the vicinity. Good luck.

How do you suggest she changes her location?

First, she is financially incapable and there is no hint that any of her family members/friends are willing to provide a lifeline.

So I ask again, how exactly do you want her to move?

Raalsalghul:


How do you suggest she changes her location?

First, she is financially incapable and there is no hint that any of her family members/friends are willing to provide a lifeline.

So I ask again, how exactly do you want her to move?

Aunty...don't you think its too early to be lawyering fellow commentors ?

Anyways, no matter how broke we are so long as we truly want to do something, we get it done! Her best bet is to move, new opportunities for jobs and new people for love interest. She might take another year to gather resources towards it fa but in the end, the end justifies the means

Amanee:
You have still not taken responsibility for your life and your life decisions, it's a shame...


You're 32, wallowing in self-pity and still blaming forces for the negative choices you made

Sorry to say, you're not ready for success yet.

Wallowing in self pity? I don't think so. You wouldn't understand.

sisisioge:


Aunty...don't you think its too early to be lawyering fellow commentors ?

Anyways, no matter how broke we are so long as we truly want to do something, we get it done! Her best bet is to move, new opportunities for jobs and new people for love interest. She might take another year to gather resources towards it fa but in the end, the end justifies the means

It is not as easy as you think.

We need more information from the poster before taking your solution into consideration.

She might have visible opportunities in her current vicinity, but she's too blinded by self-pity to see that.

It's called time and seasons, you will be fine if you want, concentrate on your positives and stop wallowing in self pity.

There's a spiritual dimension to life though, get closer to God.

@All. Thank you. It was too much on me last night because I couldn't sleep, different thought going through my mind, so, I decided to share it here. I felt better.
I'm sorry I can't reply everyone comments.
Someone suggested I change location, thanks. It's a nice idea.
Another person asked if I have a skill or bussiness idesl. yes I have a small scale business I'm managing. The problem is, I've not been able to develop it professionally, because every time I save little thing to improve, I'll be faced with paying school fees and many other expenses. So it's hard for me to work it out.
It's like I'm trying hard to pay school fees and buy food stuffs and I keep repeating the same process.
To the person that said I'm wallowing in self pity, it's not true. The shoe I wear, you wouldn't understand it.
It's easy to say everything exactly the way they are here and feel better since it's faceless

Raalsalghul:


It is not as easy as you think.

We need more information from the poster before taking your solution into consideration.

She might have visible opportunities in her current vicinity, but she's too blinded by self-pity to see that.

Ok...that's another angle, didn't even think of that. Well done maami.

When you advise girls to stop dating and opening "nyash" for irresponsible jobless boys, they'll think you don't know what you're talking about. Next, they'll start talking trash about being in "love" and bla bla bla.

Girls generally don't know how to make decision of whom is good for them in a relationship, they tend to base their choices on ephemeral things like looks and other inconsequential things. Op clearly stated it in her post that "those who want her, she doesn't " love " them while those she wants usually don't want her " Imagine such nonsense!

A man who truly want you would not abandon you with pregnancy! In most cases of men who run away after impregnating a girl, if one digs deep, one would discover that the girls were the ones practically forcing themselves on the guys in the name of yeye "love". While noble men would be honest from onset and tell such ladies they don't want her, players would only " chop and clean mouth " before abandoning her.

Wise girls wait for the guys to be the ones "falling in love" so they can condition the relationship properly in a way that their interests will be protected, but foolish girls fall yakata for fine face and physique of a player, hence they get played with pregnancy and a child/children out of wedlock as the outcome

I think you already have a clue to what your problem is. It's never too late.

Struggle to get money and buy the goat. Look for people to help you cook and and go and give it to beggars.

MrToothBrush:
I think you already have a clue to what your problem is. It's never too late.

Struggle to get money and buy the goat. Look for people to help you cook and and go and give it to beggars.

Seriously?

divaluvmiz:
@All. Thank you. It was too much on me last night because I couldn't sleep, different thought going through my mind, so, I decided to share it here. I felt better.
I'm sorry I can't reply everyone comments.
Someone suggested I change location, thanks. It's a nice idea.
Another person asked if I have a skill or bussiness idesl. yes I have a small scale business I'm managing. The problem is, I've not been able to develop it professionally, because every time I save little thing to improve, I'll be faced with paying school fees and many other expenses. So it's hard for me to work it out.
It's like I'm trying hard to pay school fees and buy food stuffs and I keep repeating the same process.
To the person that said I'm wallowing in self pity, it's not true. The shoe I wear, you wouldn't understand it.
It's easy to say everything exactly the way they are here and feel better since it's faceless

You're blessed! You just don't realize it.
You have a child that's all yours! what blessing can be bigger than that?
That things didn't turn out the way you planned, doesn't mean you're failure.
What you need to do is start living for the moment. Stop comparing your life to others.
Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for each day.
Don't allow the devil steal your joy.
This might sound hard but, DECIDE TO BE HAPPY! Raise your child with happiness.
Live life by your own standard, not what the society expects of you.
Let go of anxieties and live free.
The worse that could happen to you is to live as a single mother to your child, which is not bad.

the spiritual superceded the physical

Mariangeles:


Seriously?

divaluvmiz:
@All. Thank you. It was too much on me last night because I couldn't sleep, different thought going through my mind, so, I decided to share it here. I felt better.
I'm sorry I can't reply everyone comments.
Someone suggested I change location, thanks. It's a nice idea.
Another person asked if I have a skill or bussiness idesl. yes I have a small scale business I'm managing. The problem is, I've not been able to develop it professionally, because every time I save little thing to improve, I'll be faced with paying school fees and many other expenses. So it's hard for me to work it out.
It's like I'm trying hard to pay school fees and buy food stuffs and I keep repeating the same process.
To the person that said I'm wallowing in self pity, it's not true. The shoe I wear, you wouldn't understand it.
It's easy to say everything exactly the way they are here and feel better since it's faceless

Why don't you beg your parents to take your child in, you will be able to move forward financially and then you might find someone who won't walk out on you. Carrying your burdens alone can make you burn out from stress.

divaluvmiz:
I can't believe I've spent 10 good years of my life without achieving any meaningful thing.
I was young, with great potentials and vision. I graduated early. Everybody wants me, but I don't know how it turn out like this.
I'm 32 already.
I graduated 10 years ago yet, I don't have a good job, I don't have a good marriage.
I felt this is not my life. Is like there's a switch somewhere.
Years ago, my late dad told me to send him my personal earned money so he can use it to buy goat and make some sacrifice to nulify some things on my behalf, otherwise, I would not be able to get a job with my certificate and I can't get married. then I was pregnant and wanted to get married to my child's father who was my friend. but I told my father that i can not do that. Because I'm a child of God and i don't believe in all that. (My dad was not a Christian. He was diabolic) Shortly, he died.

To my greatest surprised, my friend whom we were so much in love, who begged me with everything to keep our first child and not to have an abortion, the same guy who took me to his family and decleared we're having a baby and we wants to get married, left after 7 months into my pregnancy without any reason.

This is 7years already and nothing exciting has happened to me.
The only thing I heard from him, is messages of appology, no fianancia support. Nothing.
Till date, I don't have a meaningful job, I've watched good friends who loved me still walk away to marry some other people.
The last was my best friend who just got married. He told me few days to his wedding how much he loved me.
(What surprised me was: why didn't he tell me all along?) He's been so good to me. Every member of my family know him and they loved him. Nothing he can't do for me.
I had to block him on my phone so he can concentrate on his new life Instead calling me always.
He's not the first person who truly loved me, but can't marry me. I'm always meeting good people, who can walk a mile for me, but they can't marry me for no reason and they can't let me go.
The one I love to be with, always walk away. The one I have no connection, no interest in, are the one around me.

I just woke up and realized that I've really wasted time without achieving anything.

Could it be there are powers beyond God?

Are they prayers God don't answer until we appeal traditional gods?
Are they sin beyound God's forgiveness?
I was innocent and in love, had pre-marital sex and had a baby outside weddlock. Is this beyond God's forgiveness no matter how I tried?
I have been praying and asking God to fix my life even if there's a family course that I knew nothing about. Yet, nothing positive have changed. is there something I'm not doing well?




I feel depressed.
I don't even know how to help myself

do what your father told you. Sweat out the money, buy the stuff and give it to those that won't be able to repay you. You can ask your prophet for more revelation into that.

Sincerely I don't understand how you'll get pregnant for someone and he will abandon you, please did you force yourself on him? and when he rejected the baby, you don't know his house or his father's house where you will go and drop the baby! The baby is both of you, not urs alone! Unmh!!


Anyway, miracle happens, don't relent in prayers, always. And have faith!

MrToothBrush:
the spiritual superceded the physical

Kikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikiki
OK. It depends on the spiritual realm you're referring to.

You're 32 years old right, I believe you still have a bright future ahead of you. If you can stay focused, believe that all things work together for your good and be prayerful.

Dear OP, please do not give up on your self. I would advice you focus more on ur business and ur child for now. In God's time he will make things beautiful.

divaluvmiz:
I can't believe I've spent 10 good years of my life without achieving any meaningful thing.
I was young, with great potentials and vision. I graduated early. Everybody wants me, but I don't know how it turn out like this.
I'm 32 already.
I graduated 10 years ago yet, I don't have a good job, I don't have a good marriage.
I felt this is not my life. Is like there's a switch somewhere.
Years ago, my late dad told me to send him my personal earned money so he can use it to buy goat and make some sacrifice to nulify some things on my behalf, otherwise, I would not be able to get a job with my certificate and I can't get married. then I was pregnant and wanted to get married to my child's father who was my friend. but I told my father that i can not do that. Because I'm a child of God and i don't believe in all that. (My dad was not a Christian. He was diabolic) Shortly, he died.

To my greatest surprised, my friend whom we were so much in love, who begged me with everything to keep our first child and not to have an abortion, the same guy who took me to his family and decleared we're having a baby and we wants to get married, left after 7 months into my pregnancy without any reason.

This is 7years already and nothing exciting has happened to me.
The only thing I heard from him, is messages of appology, no fianancia support. Nothing.
Till date, I don't have a meaningful job, I've watched good friends who loved me still walk away to marry some other people.
The last was my best friend who just got married. He told me few days to his wedding how much he loved me.
(What surprised me was: why didn't he tell me all along?) He's been so good to me. Every member of my family know him and they loved him. Nothing he can't do for me.
I had to block him on my phone so he can concentrate on his new life Instead calling me always.
He's not the first person who truly loved me, but can't marry me. I'm always meeting good people, who can walk a mile for me, but they can't marry me for no reason and they can't let me go.
The one I love to be with, always walk away. The one I have no connection, no interest in, are the one around me.

I just woke up and realized that I've really wasted time without achieving anything.

Could it be there are powers beyond God?

Are they prayers God don't answer until we appeal traditional gods?
Are they sin beyound God's forgiveness?
I was innocent and in love, had pre-marital sex and had a baby outside weddlock. Is this beyond God's forgiveness no matter how I tried?
I have been praying and asking God to fix my life even if there's a family course that I knew nothing about. Yet, nothing positive have changed. is there something I'm not doing well?




I feel depressed.
I don't even know how to help myself

Maybe you are setting your sights too high. Those men you desire may be well out of your league.

You may be beautiful, loving, and generally a good person, but when it comes to marriage, men tend to go for people in the same social cycle as them. In other words, they want to marry from a good family, or someone with a good job, someone that presents a good image. Now, you are a single mother without a job/business, I'm not sure how that fits.

You need to bring down your expectations. You say men are around you, but you have no interest in them? Why? Maybe you think you are better than them, but when you really think about it, you are not. Maybe what you really need to do is to give one of them a chance.

Forget all those men claiming they love you and yet walk out on you to marry someone else. The did not choose you, and for that they are not your friends.


And there is nothing spiritual od diabolical about that.

UjuJoan2:


Maybe you are setting your sights too high. Those men you desire may be well out of your league.

You may be beautiful, loving, and generally a good person, but when it comes to marriage, men tend to go for people in the same social cycle as them. In other words, they want to marry from a good family, or someone with a good job, someone that presents a good image. Now, you are a single mother without a job/business, I'm not sure how that fits.

You need to bring down your expectations. You say men are around you, but you have no interest in them? Why? Maybe you think you are better than them, but when you really think about it, you are not. Maybe what you really need to do is to give one of them a chance.

Forget all those men claiming they love you and yet walk out on you to marry someone else. The did not choose you, and for that they are not your friends.


And there is nothing spiritual od diabolical about that.

@divaluvmiz:

Read this over and over.

I very much believe in the spiritual sha.

Pray very well to know if your parents don't have a covenant with a family idol. When people do not fulfill their promises to these idols, it backfires except he/she is a strong believer.

You might be reaching out of your league which is a recipe for heartbreak.

truthsayer009:
Sorry for the harsh words but apart from family curses, you singlehandedly took decision that ruined your life. Even if you had no job, hustling & taking care of yourself would have been easier without having an extra mouth to feed. Even people with no children are struggling, Nigeria is hard. No sugar coating it, curses or not.

Falling in love is a sham in Nigeria in both ways, that's why women need to be financially stable before having babies. All this my husband says he will take care of me bullshit doesn't fly when he leaves you & abscond.

Your biggest problem right now is, you have no source of income. Tell people your biggest skills or strength, so you can get a job & some support if you declare what makes you useful as a person instead of just being depressed.

If you want to start a business, write a business plan, I want to do XYZ. Then I need 123 Amount, at least people on Nairaland can help you, that is If you aren't a scammer.

You talk too much and didn't make sense.

You also lack empathy.

bukatyne:


@divaluvmiz:

Read this over and over.

I very much believe in the spiritual sha.

Pray very well to know if your parents don't have a covenant with a family idol. When people do not fulfill their promises to these idols, it backfires except he/she is a strong believer.

You might be reaching out of your league which is a recipe for heartbreak.

You people are wicked. How can someone who just want a man to be happy with be reaching out of her league?

Chisos!! What type of world are we in? Is being a single mum a punishment or a disease?

Let me talk any further. You guys here make me weak everytime.