Ujujoan:

I'm sorry to say this Aby but you caused this for yourself. You see one of the reasons why I don't date broke guys is because I don't want to give any man the impression that I can pick up his bills and make up for what he can't provide financially.

some men were sheltered and provided for all their lives. They just don't know how to be men! It's part of your responsibility as his wife to teach him.

Before you took up a second job, you should have ensured he got one for himself, I mean why do you have to be the man and woman at the same time? This is not about being selfish on your part, this is about teaching your man how to be responsible.

I also noticed that you don't talk to him about it. My dear this man is your husband. He has some sort of responsibility towards you. You are letting him off tooo easily and that's the sad part!

Thanks for all your replies. I know you are right, Ujujoan, When I met him he was in a tough situation but I really loved him, and I thought, as a responsible and educated woman, that I had this chance to choose the man I loved and not the one who could take care of me. I thought it would be for a short time only and that I'd enjoy shared responsibilities later. I honestly believed that, since I was able to take care of both of us, I should not let him go because of money. It sounded so "down to earth" compared to our feelings.

Now, I don't think my man would be in that situation forever, but I realize it will last way longer than I expected it at first. And I am not sure if I am able to keep up with what I used to do. I took a second job myself because it is very difficult for him to find a job here (no qualification and his language skills in my country language are not great) whereas I knew I could just get one anytime (I applied and got hired the same week). We were in a difficult financial situation and I couldn't just watch and wait. There is a child involved,

I know I should 'teach him', I just don't know how. If we separate and he doesn't give me child support money, the government might not renew his papers next time. No matter what happens in our marriage, I couldn't separate my child from her father. Should I tell him to do something about the situation and threaten him with divorce? I don't like this idea so much, I'm really lost. If I had enough to take care of the family, I guess I wouldn't mind that much. We'd probably have arguments about him not being romantic enough and all, but I don't think there would be anything major. But I can't take care of the family myself. Not currently.

I am not perfect myself, that is for sure. The problem here is not about who is wrong/right, it's about me not being able to handle the situation our marriage is in, And I don't know what to do about it.

well my dear uc everyone is facing one thing or the other, but just commit him to God and thats all

.

AbyDee:

Thanks for all your replies. I know you are right, Ujujoan, When I met him he was in a tough situation but I really loved him, and I thought, as a responsible and educated woman, that I had this chance to choose the man I loved and not the one who could take care of me. I thought it would be for a short time only and that I'd enjoy shared responsibilities later. I honestly believed that, since I was able to take care of both of us, I should not let him go because of money. It sounded so "down to earth" compared to our feelings.

Now, I don't think my man would be in that situation forever, but I realize it will last way longer than I expected it at first. And I am not sure if I am able to keep up with what I used to do. I took a second job myself because it is very difficult for him to find a job here (no qualification and his language skills in my country language are not great) whereas I knew I could just get one anytime (I applied and got hired the same week). We were in a difficult financial situation and I couldn't just watch and wait. There is a child involved,

I know I should 'teach him', I just don't know how. If we separate and he doesn't give me child support money, the government might not renew his papers next time. No matter what happens in our marriage, I couldn't separate my child from her father. Should I tell him to do something about the situation and threaten him with divorce? I don't like this idea so much, I'm really lost. If I had enough to take care of the family, I guess I wouldn't mind that much. We'd probably have arguments about him not being romantic enough and all, but I don't think there would be anything major. But I can't take care of the family myself. Not currently.

I am not perfect myself, that is for sure. The problem here is not about who is wrong/right, it's about me not being able to handle the situation our marriage is in, And I don't know what to do about it.

You keep making excuses for him . . remember humans were made to adapt! It's a natural instinct that when explored, always works to one's advantage . , but ONLY when explored! If he wasn't married to you, won't he find a way to survive?

Sometimes, to help people grow, you have to be firm and strict . . .

I'll give you an instance . . . (it's a long story sha )

A friend of mind recently got married to this really wonderful guy. You see, he's not well educated and is a bit laid back when it comes to making money. But like your husband, he dreams of big things and 'hopes' for when his people will be in government so that they can give him contracts and make him rich overnight

My friend on the other hand has always been a go-getter! She started working, living on her own and providing for her family from age 20. She was lucky to get a job immediately after graduation but she didn't stop there . . . she ventured into businesses, acquired properties and sold back to make profit! In-fact, she's generally a hustler . .

Along came this really cute, young guy who appeared to head over heels in love with her . . he was on bended knees, begging her to marry him. I was one of the people who called him a gold-digger then and told her to run as fast as her legs to carry her! He had all the signs of a GD . . . he was literally jobless and had a knack for dating rich girls. My friend seemed to fit his profile and I could swear he was just after her money!

After a while, my friend feel in love with him too and decided to marry him. And she became more aggressive towards making money while 'hubby' was driving around in her ride and getting fat on her meals! I sat her down and talked to her as a friend/sister! I saw the path they were heading for and I couldn't let that happen!

The first step was to quit spending on him. No more expensive gifts, no more paying for trips, vacations, dates! No more loaning him her car, letting him spend weeks unending in her house! I told her she had to get used to his own lifestyle instead of expecting allowing him to get used to hers. She had to stop giving him the impression that she was there as some sort of financial remedy! She had to let him see just how bad it is to starve!

It was difficult at first because the guy kept complaining. He said she had become lazy (imagine a pot calling kettle black) and stingy! At a point he got fed up and left her . . . but he came back; this time determined to work hard to provide for himself first of all . . and then for her! She let him struggle through it . . but surprisingly he made it!

My friend, God bless her, was patient! She waited for 3 years . . as time went by, he saw he could lose her any day if he didn't work hard to marry her and my friend stubbornly refused to sponsor the wedding. Infact at this point, she had enrolled for an online course which was taking up almost 80% of her savings!

So he worked harder and harder and harder . . They had a modest wedding, and they live in a modest apartment. They have a modest lifestyle, one where the man earned the right to be in charge!

If she had married him immediately and taken up the responsibility, she might be living a more flamboyant lifestyle, but will be feeling exactly the way you feel now.

But a man's instincts is always to provide for his family and he needed a woman like her to teach him how to do just that! Today they make investments together and she contributes to the upkeep of the family, but if she has to quit her job for maternity reasons, her husband will be capable of taking care of them!

You are a woman for God's sakes . . you have the natural ability to make a man into what you want him to be! I suggest you try to improve your man rather than let him waste!

AbyDee, how can i send u a Personal Message? We need to talk!

Hi Swissess, maybe you have an email I can contact you through? (you could show it and later edit the message)?

@Ujujoan & Chaircover, thanks for your advices, there is a lot of true in them, I'm still trying to accept the idea. Will post again to update later.

Amydee, I will do that. when are you online?

when I read your post first I thought my husband has a twin! they are so much alike.

I know exactly what you are going through. and anybody that thinks that we women need a reason or even permission from NL to cheat on our husbands has not understood anything at all! this is not about cheating, men! in the place where I live anybody can cheat on anybody - no big fuss about that. if that was my aim, I would not even come out here to talk about my problems.

but Amydee, I also think that we are to blame as well. I gave my husband a lot of freedom. accepted anything he did or wanted. never asked anything, never expected anything. now he is sort of spoilt and takes me and everything I do for granted. or at least does not see any reason to be thankful for.
I doubt that any Nigerian woman would put up with this!
but I have to say that my husband still helps me a lot. he does a lot of housework, takes care of the children, doesn't go out much.
MY only problem is that the concept of 'together' is so different. he just doesnt care. and I want to do things together. as a couple, as a family, we have a lot of discussions about that. sitting at home together, him at the computer or watching football is not spending time together for me!!

hope to talk to you soon. s

I'm online now

.

Cc how could i mind you saying sth? Thanks for ur concern. Yes he's a good man and he's trying so much. I have tried to take him out. No Chance. The answer is always no! Although I'm even the one paying!
He doesnt like going out with me / us.
He rather goes to places that are not for women as he says. Wakekeepings etc.

CC, Ujujoan, I have been thinking a lot about what you girls said. The thing is, I have to admit, yes he would still survive without me but I don't want to survive. I don't have big plans for my future but I want a decent and peaceful life. I don't want to be missing a meal everyday or to constantly worry about how I'd pay the next bill or how our child will get a decent education. I cannot live the kind of life that he can afford today. And that's probably why I feel so much pressure to work hard and keep the family out of this kind of lifestyle.

I don't know how this matter can be solved. I told him I wouldn't pay the rent and food starting from this month, that it would be his own responsibility. He has prospects for a job starting in a couple of months, but I don't think he'd get any money before that.

I am staying in my family for a few days, without him. I really wonder if I'd be able to handle this situation a longer time. I know he starts seeing that something's wrong, but somehow he doesnt want to know what is really going on. If I start talking to him he just remains silent and later changes the topic,

Swissess, I guess our men have something in common. I don't know what makes them believe that since we said "I do" we no longer have needs as human beings, such as care, sweet words, dates and so on,

To Abydee:

AbyDee:

CC, Ujujoan, I have been thinking a lot about what you girls said. The thing is, I have to admit, yes he would still survive without me but I don't want to survive. I don't have big plans for my future but I want a decent and peaceful life. I don't want to be missing a meal everyday or to constantly worry about how I'd pay the next bill or how our child will get a decent education. I cannot live the kind of life that he can afford today. And that's probably why I feel so much pressure to work hard and keep the family out of this kind of lifestyle.

I don't know how this matter can be solved. I told him I wouldn't pay the rent and food starting from this month, that it would be his own responsibility. He has prospects for a job starting in a couple of months, but I don't think he'd get any money before that.

I am staying in my family for a few days, without him. I really wonder if I'd be able to handle this situation a longer time. I know he starts seeing that something's wrong, but somehow he doesnt want to know what is really going on. If I start talking to him he just remains silent and later changes the topic,

Swissess, I guess our men have something in common. I don't know what makes them believe that since we said "I do" we no longer have needs as human beings, such as care, sweet words, dates and so on,

It wasn't so long that you were able to reach him and tease him out of his shell, and if i guess right a month has not passed since you achieved this feat, so maybe you were unwittingly crowding him too much which made him regress back into his shell. Surely, you cannot give up on him now especially when he has allowed you in to let you know he has a heart and he cares. Why not try whatever it was you did one more time but this time tell him you need him as the head of the household to be leading you in daily perhaps prayer and praise and worship, instead of talking (which men deem nagging by the way).

You know this man, you married him, so you should know some of his interests, and I dunno how easy it is to set up a company in the Country you are in,  but this is just a thought - why not suggest to him and encourage him in this self-employed direction, at least this would give him something to mull over, and although the bulk of the initial financial outlay would have to come from you, whatever money comes in would relieve you of the financial burden you are currently saddled under, and this would be better for your Husband rather than him just sitting at home twiddling his thumbs and getting depressed with his manhood questioned daily.

Sandygal:

@OP, i feel you because i am in the same situation as you but i think mine is worse, but am happy that u are looking for ways to make your marriage work just as i am. But, how do you begin to talk to a man who will give you a million logical reasons for whatever u are talking to him about, a man who cares less of his wife, has blatantly refused to go to church with my kids and i or join in prayers at home, the list is endless.For instance, i have been talking to him about paying for my driving lessons fee so at least i can relieve myself of the stress i go thru everyday going out with my kids but anytime, i bring up the issue, he will insult me and tell me that i should have gotten the license from nigeria before coming. I cannot even help myself in any way cos i am not working yet, my hubby doesnt even cae about what i wear, my feelings, etc.
Honestly, my own case is worse, i just feel like a failure but i still believe in God,

If this is not too late, I have a few driving lessons voucher and last year's books and CD-rom ^{which might come in handy}, lying around that I can pass to you if you don't mind. Okay, honestly I didn't open the bag my driving instructor gave me so I am not sure if there was a CD there, but I know I paid for the 2 or 3 books and whatever else he recommended I bought to get him off my neck sha

AbyDee:

CC, Ujujoan, I have been thinking a lot about what you girls said. The thing is, I have to admit, yes he would still survive without me but I don't want to survive. I don't have big plans for my future but I want a decent and peaceful life. I don't want to be missing a meal everyday or to constantly worry about how I'd pay the next bill or how our child will get a decent education. I cannot live the kind of life that he can afford today. And that's probably why I feel so much pressure to work hard and keep the family out of this kind of lifestyle.

I don't know how this matter can be solved. I told him I wouldn't pay the rent and food starting from this month, that it would be his own responsibility. He has prospects for a job starting in a couple of months, but I don't think he'd get any money before that.

I am staying in my family for a few days, without him. I really wonder if I'd be able to handle this situation a longer time. I know he starts seeing that something's wrong, but somehow he doesn't want to know what is really going on. If I start talking to him he just remains silent and later changes the topic,

Swissess, I guess our men have something in common. I don't know what makes them believe that since we said "I do" we no longer have needs as human beings, such as care, sweet words, dates and so on,

The mistake has already being done . . . you married him!

Honestly, I don't know how to relate with this particular problem. I find it strange that a full grown man will rather leave his family responsibilities to his wife. IMO, a few discomfort on your part is not too big a sacrifice to make if it would encourage him to pick up the slack. I mean come to think about it, why would he worry when he's got a superwoman for a wife

The only way he'll come out of that shell is if he has to . . .

Busy body and Ujujoan, thank you for your replies.

I don't really know how to relate with that matter myself. Sometimes we live wonderful days together, and sometimes he's just like his old self, back in his shell and depressed and not involved in the family life, Though I have been surprised to see some changes in him lately, he finally started making friends on his own, started getting involved in this country (language, social life, ), getting work prospects on his own, No major change yet, but what is really different is that he did all of this by himself, without my help/advice or anything. I have to say that I am very proud of him, and I am starting to wonder if he wasn't feeling worse, all these years, than what he actually showed. Maybe he was truly depressed and I didn't notice since I didn't know him before?

I don't really know how things are gonna go for now, I thought a lot about it during the last week and let him know a few of my thoughts. he's been helpful afterwards soo, who knows, things might be getting better.

just one thing again, I am really confused about the situation, but it doesn't change the fact that I truly love him and respect him. Me coming here for advices doesn't mean that things are always wrong between us, just that some things in the relationship aren't right and that we need to understand and fix them.

thanks to all of you

AbyDee:

Busy body and Ujujoan, thank you for your replies.

I don't really know how to relate with that matter myself. Sometimes we live wonderful days together, and sometimes he's just like his old self, back in his shell and depressed and not involved in the family life, Though I have been surprised to see some changes in him lately, he finally started making friends on his own, started getting involved in this country (language, social life, ), getting work prospects on his own, No major change yet, but what is really different is that he did all of this by himself, without my help/advice or anything. I have to say that I am very proud of him, and I am starting to wonder if he wasn't feeling worse, all these years, than what he actually showed. Maybe he was truly depressed and I didn't notice since I didn't know him before?

I don't really know how things are gonna go for now, I thought a lot about it during the last week and let him know a few of my thoughts. he's been helpful afterwards soo, who knows, things might be getting better.

just one thing again, I am really confused about the situation, but it doesn't change the fact that I truly love him and respect him. Me coming here for advices doesn't mean that things are always wrong between us, just that some things in the relationship aren't right and that we need to understand and fix them.

thanks to all of you

I'm happy things are looking up for you.

I wish you the very best!

hi dear abydee,

i feel ur pains u r a very strong and courageous woman n i commend u for that my dear like someone said this is it , u r in it u have to try and make it work , it isnt easy what u r doing but i will say u have been doing great , your husband is a regular man like the guys all said u have to stand up for yourself , a man will not work or do anything if u r doing everyhing , make sure u do only things that r convenient and please dont displease yourself to please him, as some nairalanders said let him work even if is 5 bucks let him bring it and take care of his family he is the man and always b on the supporting side , know how much he earns and how much he can afford and support the rest where he doesnt hav dont carry everything on your shoulders , the load of marriage was not meant for only one person u will break down , u r only human and u deserve the right to happiness no matter how little it is, my mother married my dad was doing all the perfect wife and being treat like trash and was thrown out at the end with no where to go , but the same man married another woman and was controlled and ruled by the woman , so my dear take the good advice here and always make urself happy and comfortable and no matter what u do dont forget ur kid she comes first , lastly love and pray for ur husband cos since i was born that is the only one that never disappoints or turns his back on us , after all said marriage is not perfect and ur own story wont end in sorrow with prayer patience , some litle work and the help OF GOD u can make it work , ur story wont b the worst, be strong abydee GOD is with u all the way and he loves u more than anyone else

@pster, i will like you cast your mind to when u were courting (if there's any). there were questions you never asked like;

what he likes n how he likes 'em.

how he likes to express himself.

and you never studied how his personality would fit in to yours, e.t.c

all you need to do now is to look for a common ground for you to continue to be faithfull to him, dnt cheat on him.

when you hear whats going on in other ppls homes you will thank God for your husband.

Hi sis, I really felt for you after going tru ur write up, all you need do is call ur hubby to order by either waking him up at night and talk to him, but in a polite manner if possible u can do dat in tears tell him how bad you feel living all alone even after marriage which u're suppose to be a father and a daughter or a mother and son, in the process of doing so do not do this on a working day or on Sundays cuz he might pick offence dat he has to go to work tomorrow, search within ur self where u personally went wrong in d course of ur marriage u know we men are had hearted, just ask him if there is anything u've done to deserve this from him. And on ur own part u allowed dis since u married him and allow him to smoke, club and see friends at any point he wishes to, you were suppose to control him as in not letting him smoke around you not wanting anything to do with his friends and never go clubbing with him before marriage, so he won't do any of those around you. I'm telling you this out of experience, aside from my mum today, "I have just one woman dat am scared of and at the same time one woman I respect" cuz without her, I would have been nobody today, I wish you'll find peace in your marriage that will last until forever. I do all those things before deciding to go into marriage and today, I am one of the happiest men on earth even if not earning much but coming back home to those that loves and welcome you with a smile is something. BE PRAYERFUL IT WILL SURELY COME TO PAST. "Hope it works for you as it did to my wife"

I was touch when i read this post. I'm going to hint out some point about love and possibly give u some Godly advice that u need to apply for the restoration of your love and happiness in your married home at the end of my comment.

Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, u fell in love with your spouse. U anticipated his call, wanted his touch, and liked his idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a spontaneous experience. U didn't have to do anything, that's why it's called "falling" in love - because it's happening to u.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet. Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that u were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to u. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love diminish. It's the natural cycle of every relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive u nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if u think about your marriage, u will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when u were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, u and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as u and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love u once had, u may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

@Hopea23 said two things that i want to advice u against; Don't say u regret marrying him, don't give the devil chance to come into your marriage. Your negative proclamation about your marriage will give the devil chance to snare and hold your enemies marriage captive and not your's. Let the issues of marriage life proceed out of your mouth.

@abydee, now that u are going through this hard time, step up your faith and keep declaring God's word upon your marriage. ou[b]U have to fight the good fight of faith by setling your marriage life upon christ. Don't get it hurt with your husband, hand over him to christ the author and finisher of [/b]our faith.

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND
God almighty will give u knowledge, wisdom, strenght, courage, endurance, effort, zeal and detemination to succeed in your married life. Best of luck in all your endavours.


very educative advice

crazycandy:

I was touch when i read this post. I'm going to hint out some point about love and possibly give u some Godly advice that u need to apply for the restoration of your love and happiness in your married home at the end of my comment.

Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, u fell in love with your spouse. U anticipated his call, wanted his touch, and liked his idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a spontaneous experience. U didn't have to do anything, that's why it's called "falling" in love - because it's happening to u.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet. Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that u were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to u. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love diminish. It's the natural cycle of every relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive u nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if u think about your marriage, u will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when u were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, u and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as u and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love u once had, u may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

@Hopea23 said two things that i want to advice u against; Don't say u regret marrying him, don't give the devil chance to come into your marriage. Your negative proclamation about your marriage will give the devil chance to snare and hold your enemies marriage captive and not your's. Let the issues of marriage life proceed out of your mouth.

@abydee, now that u are going through this hard time, step up your faith and keep declaring God's word upon your marriage. ou[b]U have to fight the good fight of faith by setling your marriage life upon christ. Don't get it hurt with your husband, hand over him to christ the author and finisher of [/b]our faith.

[b]THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND[/b]God almighty will give u knowledge, wisdom, strenght, courage, endurance, effort, zeal and detemination to succeed in your married life. Best of luck in all your endavours.


very educative advice

i love the bolded part, and that is the truth, 'Love the person you married', if you guys were still dating then we could say, that amendements could be made, but now that you are married, you have to try harder to make it work, unless it is resulting in violence, then in that case, just run!!!!. But from all you have said, if your hubby is not spicing the marriage, you spice it up, give him surprise gifts, surprise him with lunches, buy nice lingeries and do pole dance for him at night, when you are in the bedroom, do things that will make him think he is sleeping with a sophisticated prostitute, how is your cooking? Kill him ( in a good way) with delicious meal, crack jokes and make fun of him all day., i am telling you, you will start to see changes, it is definitely going to be gradual, but it would be effective, i don't know what your faith is like, pray, pray and pray, pray for your hubby and what you want him to be, the type of husband you want him to be, and you will see everything coming to pass gradually, and when he starts to show you how he feels, it would come out naturally, give what i have said a trial, but it has to be a longtime committment.

I swear 2 u ma',no woman would like 2 be in ur shoes,not even a lucky aristo girls. I may say ur hobby don't like love u. I don't mean u're bad. I'll advise u play ur normal part in the house,get a suagrboy to screw u when u need it and plan the future for ur child
.Then if ur hobby begins to notice that u're not freaked at his attitudes, he may feel remorse for his action. As God may have it, u 2 could reconcile. (I'm very interested 2 know how this live story leads, here's my email yormzy2dinc@yahoo.com). All d best 2 u.

@ Poster, you strike me as the main problem in this situation. While reading through your post and subsequent responses, it seem to me that you have only created for yourself, the picture of a self righteous being wanting the best out of every situation. Even if you never considered cultural differences before considering the marriage thing, here you are in this union and you must just live with it and make the best of it. Why haven't you sieved the good side of your husband and learn to penetrate from there?. At a glance, you sounded like a moralist and then you began to get selfish with your feelings also. Frankly, I am aware that there comes a stage in marriages or even relationship were either party is yearning for a spark but might not be getting same but for real, all you have to do is wade through your challenges to become a better person.

The option of cheating could be very grievous and of course you will remain the weeping party in this case if you dare to do that basically because we have so many single mothers out there that the society doesn't just respect anymore. Have you not heard about the woman making her home?. That is the best you can do for yourself in this circumstance because certainly, the devil you know,

I know how you feel. Your husband sounds like mine. I don't want to get out of my marriage too but sometimes it just gets awfully lonely. He is never there for me.

At least you are lucky no much troubles.I have a friend married with a kid too.They are both jobless and the man has enough debts.They are both looking for jobs to pay off the loans that the woman wasn't aware of because the man was not open.Just thank God for the Kind of husband you have and ask God to change the little things about him that you don't like.

I think you watch too much TV. Marriage is for better and for worse. Seek advise from your parents or his parents (If they like your face).

You can sit him down and settle this problem.If you really love him,you wouldn't be eager to leave him just like that.

Very normal feelings. . .till you learn not to put all your eggs in one basket!

AbyDee: I don't know,

He tells me that he does, he is still with me good day/ bad day and I have no reason to think he ever cheated, He is not doing any harm to me, he is just not doing anything. I don't know, if he doesn't love me or if he has serious issues with shows of love and feelings in general,

All that I know is that my tears, begging, nagging, shouting, crying, I've tried it, nothing works. I still pray for something to happen, one word, one moment that could make him see how I feel deep down inside, who I am, something that would make him care. But if I tell him that he gets angry saying "he doesn't know what to do to show me he cares for me" or that "nothing is enough for me".

Honestly, I had other relationships before, and I never encountered such problem. Is it an african thing to live side by side without showing feelings?

Give him a blow jo--b