and so

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Did u marry a broke man? Cos this is broke mentality at play. Even if he needs to know it can not be by force and ambush tactics after marriage when such was never discussed b4. Doesn’t he have his own salary or money? Why exactly is he concerned about ur finances?

I hope he is not an irresponsible man looking for money he didn’t work for to spend. If he is irresponsible never u tell him anything about ur finances bt then why wud u marry such a man in the first place.

When you were courting, you probably were too busy exploring sex styles than knowing your partner.

Op u are not serious.


Are u sure u are married?

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

In marriage there are certain things thats there is no "MY" finances is one of them its "OUR"

this applies to both male and female

You have same right to know about his finances

Very funny. In just a year, you're already hiding from your husband , something as petty as how much you earn. Even if you feel he's going to 'steal' your money, why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt, after all you can always block your ATM card and request another from the bank if he makes 'unauthorized' withdrawals. its very clear that you love your money more than your husband. You have no idea what will be going on in your husband's mind if actually he just wanted to know how much you earn, but can't seem to understand why the woman who claims to be his better half can't trust him with her finance. When trust is broken in a marriage, its going to take a lot to get that back, and you're actually diving very fast deep into that state, in just a year. Someone needs to give you a factory reset slap, cos you need it to save your marriage from imploding.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

why would u marry a man u can't trust. How can you be married to eachother Nd still keep secrets smh!

StubbornGENIUS:
First off,OP indicate where you copied this story from cos you just changed your gender from M to F.

He wants to make front page by all means?

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

B4 I demand to hear the man's story, let me ask:

How much was the bride price paid on you?
If d answer to the above question is d reason he thinks he owns you

Arrange for a family meeting with his people and yours

Offer to refund his bride price ASAP, and threaten a divorce...get a lawyer friend to write one or two funny letters

If all d above doesn't improve your situation, begin to formalise your divorce

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Madam ur husband is ur next of kin as recognized by Nigeria law �even if u use ur child's name it has little or no effect.

It's a very minor issue to resolve.

Call me ASAP!

It's a minor issue to resolve.

Call me ASAP

07068126206

Blackmiserable:

Lmao! If you said this on Reddit in response to op's write-up lol, you'd be downvoted to oblivion. I may try it sef.

Please can you simply type in English, cause I neither speak nor understand Swahili. Thanks.

Flier:
Only a sick lady would hide her finances from her husband
Why would you marry someone you don’t trust,if a lady should try such with me that day would be the end of the marriage

but it shouldn't be forced on her, women are too sensitive, ones you pressure them on a particular issue, they becomes suspicious and stubborn, I am equally married, sometimes my wife will not want to tell me a particular thing when I ask her but as soon as I stop asking about it, she will tell me that on her own leisure, you have to be psychological equipped to handle a woman peaceful without using force.

Peterosky:

Please can you simply type in English, cause I neither speak nor understand Swahili. Thanks.

It's quite understood and I am not editing it. Lol. If you made a similar comment on a similar post on another public forum like Reddit; you'd be downvoted to oblivion.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Do you also know about his finances, if you do then by all means share the info with him, but if you don’t then open a new account and transfer most of the money to, the leave only the amount you want him to see in your old account.

And don’t get an atm for the new account, always delete alerts from the new account, always transfer you major money to the new account etc.
Why I’m giving you this advice is because he claims he owns you, which is stupid if you ask me, and the marriage is still too young for such.
Sha use your head

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

.
You are your own problem and will be the reason your marriage will collapse if you don't change such attitude. It is not a prophecy but your marriage will go the way of all those nollywood actresses. You don't know what marriage is all about before you married. You need serious counseling. I don't even know what to say to you.
But let me just tell you one simple thing. I'm married and my wife knows all about my income and I know about all hers. We both agree on every financial transactions before it is done. Even if I do any transfer to family and upon return I tell her and she will be fine because we trust each other. Secrecy breeds mistrust and then collapse.
When you put money before marriage and trust, then, sorry will be the outcome.

bigseank:
Your matter is not too hard, go and settle yourself. when he has done that something funny, then you can comeback we will settle it then.

But this is what we are saying, the typical Nigerian woman. Are you not married to the man?, ki ni big deal?, so that you can be chopping his money and your money together. "my money is my money and his money is our money" mentality, women and money ehn....see if you have told him earlier it wont reach him saying he owns you and your salary, am quite sure you know how much he makes, his money is public funds abi. and you are also not telling us what you yourself uttered or said during the confrontation. you refurbish the flat and so what is it your neighbor own you want to refurbish, because he is the husband he should die. madam tell him how much you earn and no disturb us jare, the elders have other matters to settle.

That's nigerian women 4 u!! Ur money our money, mi money is mi money, so dat wen d divorce tym reach she didn't lose much and still collects part of d same man's assets.... This marriage is not going t last if it has already started like dis

It is established in Islamic law that it is obligatory for a husband to provide for his wife even if she is wealthy, and thus the wife is entitled to ask him for these obligatory expenses. In the case mentioned in the question, what the husband said is correct if the money his wife saved belongs to him. However, if it belongs exclusively to her, the husband is not entitled to ask her to spend it on the things he is obliged to provide for.

The husband may choose whether or not to give his wife extra money if she asks for more than what she needs or for more than what is required for her obligatory expenses.

Deductions:
1. It is the husband's obligations (must do) to provide for his family (wife and children)
2. The husband has absolutely no right on his wife personal earnings/wealth unless she willingly permits
3. There is nothing wrong in the husband knowing the financial status of his wife

Relating to your case:
1. Thus your husband has done wrong in forcefully collecting your ATM card
2. On the other hand you also did wrong not letting him know your financial status though he
has no right over it.

A bit of advice; be smart and respectful in dealing with the situation in order to keep the blessings of your marriage.

Kfed4ril:


Do you also know about his finances, if you do then by all means share the info with him, but if you don’t then open a new account and transfer most of the money to, the leave only the amount you want him to see in your old account.

And don’t get an atm for the new account, always delete alerts from the new account, always transfer you major money to the new account etc.
Why I’m giving you this advice is because he claims he owns you, which is stupid if you ask me, and the marriage is still too young for such.
Sha use your head

Yh, nobody owns any independent breathing human being even marriage doesn't mean u own d person, that's how typical Nigerian men behave, cos u paid 4 sm1 bride price, doesn't mean u own d person.. They should abolish this bride Price nonsense, its outdated & hasn't salvaged d many marriage breakdowns ..

Buh this ur comment here is blatantly annoying , so she should open a new acct, cut her savings into two half's ad be deleting alert msgs how cruel re u?? Wat if d man spilts his own savings and use only a quarter to run d family, deletes alerts msg, open a new acct, even move most of his money offshore, how do u think d other person would feel, don't do sth that is completely selfish and insensitive, this commenter is a selfish human being.. It's obvious this two people don't know each other, no feelings if matter of money in a 1yr marriage is issue. Marriage calls for openness, transparency, accountability.. For better or for worse, two become one, but this woman doesn't want t become one wen it comes t money, but she expects d man t become one when it is his money shey? Typical Nigerian women behaviour, both of u get t knw each other and decide t see at a eat out, a Nigerian gal would Neva come over there with her own money, she expects d man t pay everything she eats as though is a one sided relationship..


PS if u get t see a girl u like and she does d same, when u guys go 4 take out, she has t pay at least half or quarter of all u guys eat.. This is the new era where independent women live not obiageri's and oriaku's that nonsense Nigerian men do all in d name is stupid love has t end, una mumu must do, it must do oo!

Or payment of eat outs should be shared today d man should pay 4 take outs, the next time u guys meet the girl should pay 4 take outs. If u ever jam an obiageri woman which u would most likely see everywhere in Nigeria, dem buku, & u guys go for take out and is almost tym t pay and u notice she's expecting u t pay, fake a call, and get the hell out of d eatery and let her and d eatery mgt take care of themselves, otherwise she wash plates 4 8days to compensate for all she ate..

madam this is your husband do not hide it from him infact why do you want to keep it secret. Madam sorry to say.. You are wicked. a good house wife don't hide her salary from her husband except if you don't want the marriage again. This is rubbish absolute rubbish. even If your husband doesn't have to contribute but he married you and paid your bride price. MADAM NO MAKE ME VEX ooo

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

quit o..
Ur hubby has a problem with the fact u r richer than he is..
Where dem take see this ungrateful men...
My sis na why u marry am.. Didn't u see these signs before marriage??.
Abi dem force u to marry ni

SpicyMimi:

You are legally married to him, right? And were joined together on the altar as one? I really see no problem disclosing this to him, as you are one unless he is a cheat or has another wife. I don't mind sending my husband all my salary and make him give me money when I need it... I am well pleased with it, in as much as he is mine.
There should be no secrets in a marriage, I'd detest such kind of life.

wow !! your husband is indeed lucky to have you ... such a courteous, virtuous woman you are .. not like all these ladies forming woke ... they don't understand that this is marriage and not bf and gf , if you can share bed and your body with your man , why can't you share something as little as your finance and purse shows they don't know what marriage entails

someone u claim u love and want to spend de rest of ur life with?
u share food together, share bed together yet hide account balance.

u need proper orientation on marriage institution.
Na dat small money dey swell ya head?
now if u are sick or have problems now , he will be de one to defend and fight for u..

nonsense

If he tell you about his income, you supposed to tell him your own but he doesn't have right over it.

I mean u dare not give him the pin, forget the new card, block it also and begin to used finger print or cardless withdrawal stuff

Landnaira5:



A man that says he owns you and your finances IS A CONTROLLING MAN. A man that seizes your ATM CARD IS A CONTROLLING MAN. For a man like this SHE SHOULD NOT TELL HIM HER EARNINGS.

Yes couples should be open with each other with everything including finances if they are in a TRUE PARTNERSHIP but definitely not when one party has assumed the role of lord and savior aka “I OWN YOU AND YOUR FINANCES” That is not a partnership.

Nigerian men will be wanting patriarchy benefits but without patriarchy money

abegi

The man may have said that out of desperation nothing more.


He asked peacefully and she didn't comply. Only God knows how many times he must have asked her before taking another line of action.

The woman does not in any way talk about him not providing enough for the family so I wonder where you are drawing all the patriarchy bs you're talking about.

Like i said, the woman should have been opened to the man from the onset. She's very wrong in that aspect especially when the man hasn't shown any sign of wastefulness or excesses.

She had no right to hide her finances from him. It's the type of you that think it's right for a woman or a man to carry out capital project with the knowledge of their spouse.

If you can't share your life, why get married in the first place?

sustained:


Madam ur husband is ur next of kin as recognized by Nigeria law �even if u use ur child's name it has little or no effect.

Don't mind this one oo, come to pension or bank office and tell me you are her husband but not on her next of kin


Yeye

Heathrow44:



Yh, nobody owns any independent breathing human being even marriage doesn't mean u own d person, that's how typical Nigerian men behave, cos u paid 4 sm1 bride price, doesn't mean u own d person.. They should abolish this bride Price nonsense, its outdated & hasn't salvaged d many marriage breakdowns ..

Buh this ur comment here is blatantly annoying , so she should open a new acct, cut her savings into two half's ad be deleting alert msgs how cruel re u?? Wat if d man spilts his own savings and use only a quarter to run d family, deletes alerts msg, open a new acct, even move most of his money offshore, how do u think d other person would feel, don't do sth that is completely selfish and insensitive, this commenter is a selfish human being.. It's obvious this two people don't know each other, no feelings if matter of money in a 1yr marriage is issue. Marriage calls for openness, transparency, accountability.. For better or for worse, two become one, but this woman doesn't want t become one wen it comes t money, but she expects d man t become one when it is his money shey? Typical Nigerian women behaviour, both of u get t knw each other and decide t see at a eat out, a Nigerian gal would Neva come over there with her own money, she expects d man t pay everything she eats as though is a one sided relationship..


PS if u get t see a girl u like and she does d same, when u guys go 4 take out, she has t pay at least half or quarter of all u guys eat.. This is the new era where independent women live not obiageri's and oriaku's that nonsense Nigerian men do all in d name is stupid love has t end, una mumu must do, it must do oo!

Or payment of eat outs should be shared today d man should pay 4 take outs, the next time u guys meet the girl should pay 4 take outs. If u ever jam an obiageri woman which u would most likely see everywhere in Nigeria, dem buku, & u guys go for take out and is almost tym t pay and u notice she's expecting u t pay, fake a call, and get the hell out of d eatery and let her and d eatery mgt take care of themselves, otherwise she wash plates 4 8days to compensate for all she ate..

Lol bros I understand you, but before I gave her the split advice I asked if she also knows about his finances and I also asked her to share if she knows about his finances. It might be possible They said husband is also hiding his his finances to, which prompted the lady to do so.
Again the lady is not just an oriaku, going by her story you can see she personally renovated the flat and bought new furnitures, that is to tell she also contributes to the house, if she was a typical Nigerian woman she won’t have put 1naira to the house renovation.
Again I think the husband isn’t satisfied with her contributions, rather want to control her and her money.
Do you see where I’m coming from now and why I advised her so?

BananaPeel:
.
You are your own problem and will be the reason your marriage will collapse if you don't change such attitude. It is not a prophecy but your marriage will go the way of all those nollywood actresses. You don't know what marriage is all about before you married. You need serious counseling. I don't even know what to say to you.
But let me just tell you one simple thing. I'm married and my wife knows all about my income and I know about all hers. We both agree on every financial transactions before it is done. Even if I do any transfer to family and upon return I tell her and she will be fine because we trust each other. Secrecy breeds mistrust and then collapse.
When you put money before marriage and trust, then, sorry will be the outcome.

Abeg tell them

michlins:
.
How did you both make plans about the marriage in the first place.

Exactly my thought. One year and your husband doesn't know how much you earn? That's shocking. Probably the man has been asking politely in the course of the year but her little demon would not allow her disclose.
But seizing your ATM is a no no no. But again trust him with the information and see whether he betrays your trust. I just hope that you account you hiding is not the type with 25k balance.

God will help your marriage but you and your need to contribute your own quota as well.
I believe talks about finances are topics you should discuss in the home. You should trust one another and be open to talk about any issues.
Perhaps he feels like you are not contributing enough in the house. Sit him down and talk to him about this. Don't let something as trivial as this cause a distance between yourself and your husband. God bless your marriage.

ThaRealist:
wow !! your husband is indeed lucky to have you ... such a courteous, virtuous woman you are .. not like all these ladies forming woke ... they don't understand that this is marriage and not bf and gf , if you can share bed and your body with your man , why can't you share something as little as your finance and purse shows they don't know what marriage entails

This is why marriage counseling should be encouraged as most people go into marriage with absurd mindsets.

Thank you for your compliments