Landnaira5:


She said she renovated the house and changed stuff around the house it’s fair to imply she does?

So that's all she does/did.......

I don't agree with your assumptions...... Let me flip the switch.....

In a few months of living together, that's all she does, leaving her husband to pay rent, provide feeding fund, pay bills, pay school fees, fuel the generator etc etc etc


And you're surprised he wants to have access to her bank details..........

I am married for 5yrs now. My wife knows my ATM pin and I know hers I don't hide my financial status from her. I know how much she earns and she knows mine too. So please both of you are now one maybe you earn more than him presently and that's why you are hiding it from him, tomorrow he might make it big and then decide not to share it with you. Be submissive.

paulolee:
no probs...do what ur minds tells u to do....i have also seen a successful marriage dt the wife earns more and always hand over her payslip to the husband and they both run a joint account....this life no get manuals o...jus try and understand your husband and find whichever way that works for you..my own medicine can cure ur headache..las las na every mallam with him kettle and the biggest joke is that some that are advising you are currently single and gat no idea of what it feels like to be in ur shoes.. na 4 naija jobless man go de advise who get job say the pay too small and who no sabi play ball 4 viewing centers go they advise epl coaches how to set formation...

I can't love this your comment less.

Judybash93:


Yeah. You're right. My point is the husband should use another form of strategy instead of using the old forceful strategy.

what if the husband has used all known peaceful strategy all to no avail

Like why marry someone whom you cannot trust

MissEfe:


Marriage is not easy, take your time learn from people that are already there before jumping into it...
Some people are getting into marriage to spite their ex or because of peer pressure, or for the sake of the Mr/Mrs title. That's why most of this issue's comes up because they didn't set the right foundation, as u clearly stated above.
Marriage is for the both parties coming together to build their future together, to help each other grow for the betterment of the future..

Exactly my dear

Foodqueen:
Are u sure, u are not married to a gold digger.

Hmmm when he is asking about your finances, he is a gold digger...When you are asking about his finances you are his wife...una get sense sha o...

...Nothing wrong about that

What is so difficult in sharing how much you earn with your husband? Husband you said and not boyfriend...clearly you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Your marriage is too early to be having this kind of problem.

Judybash93:


Yeah. You're right. My point is the husband should use another form of strategy instead of using the old forceful strategy.

I don't want to believe the man just woke up one day and started using force.
He must have brought it up for a normal discussion. Did u also read where the lady said she is waiting for her unborn baby to be the next of kin, such mentality on a year old marriage means selfishness n marriage for wrong reasons. She also want to score cheap sentiment by telling us she refurbished their apartment, is she supposed to refurbish her nebos own before?
She needs to be taught wat marriage is all about cos she practically has no clue. If her earnings are for her alone, how the does she plan to build with her hubby.
Some people get mind sha

Foodqueen:
Are u sure, u are not married to a gold digger.

Sense is really far from u and all those liking ur silly comment.

ednut1:
nah. If i have done everything to get money but no money. Na ur money we go spend na. See u

My money ke you're not serious

Is he your husband atol? I wouldn't know why your husband must not know all you have. In case you die who takes charge.

A submissive wife who sees the husband as her Lord would not deny her husband information about her finances. In the same vain, a husband who loves his wife would not make some of the comments the OP attributed to her husband although it's possible he has been pushed to this point by OP's intransigency.
It's obvious the marriage was not layed on a sound foundation & the OP for one has scant understanding of what it really entails.
Opinions on Nairaland will always differ as there are contributors of different age, experience & family settings.
It's left for the OP to decide what's worth more to her, the confidentiality of her finances or her marriage.
Marriage especially in the Christian setting which I guess the OP is from is a union of 1 + 1 to become 1. There's nothing like my this or my that, it's 'our' both for the man and the woman.
OP you should wise up while there's still time less you lose your young marriage. Good thing you didn't accuse the man of failing in his role as a husband in your write up. That to me means he's been a good husband until this.
Do not allow posters with little understanding and experience of the topic of discussion lead you astray.

Tell him how much you earn but don't give him the pin better still block the ATM card and always go to the counter to get your money.

ume1000:
what if the husband has used all known peaceful strategy all to no avail

Like why marry someone whom you cannot trust

I understand your point.

Judybash93:


I understand your point.

put this way
1 . Your wife is insubmisive
2. U don't know her salary but she knows yours
3.ask her multiple times but she no answer

What do you expect a responsible man to. Do
1. Allow her have her way so she turns your child against you

2 . Demand to know the details or put a stop to such a relationship

You married a bastard.

And you call this thing marriage Hiding secrets for each other.

funmisticqueen2:
That never favors women

I was thinking her own family can support her while his own family can talk sense to him..

ume1000:
put this way
1 . Your wife is insubmisive
2. U don't know her salary but she knows yours
3.ask her multiple times but she no answer

What do you expect a responsible man to. Do
1. Allow her have her way so she turns your child against you

2 . Demand to know the details or put a stop to such a relationship

i don't think this matter has reached the point where one has to choose between allowing the child to turn against him or ending the relationship. I just think both of them aren't ready for what they call marriage.

Op divorce is cheap...

This is a loveless marriage. Something is wrong somewhere. This marriage has no future. If the wife even expose her finance to her husband, the next wahala will surface. This marriage shouldn't have been in the first place.

Issues of finances among them should have been done with during courtship. In a genuine love relationship, a woman disclosing finances is never an issue. The man's behaviour is a pointer to his irresponsibility. If a woman sees genuine love in a man, she looses all her guards. The wife should be preparing for a broken marriage.

Judybash93:


i don't think this matter has reached the point where one has to choose between allowing the child to turn against him or ending the relationship. I just think both of them aren't ready for what they call marriage.

the tell tale signs are there
1. Wants to use an unborn baby as next of kin

2. Was even complaining about been pregnant for the man (probably a gold digger ).
What's all the secrecy about if she is trustworthy

If you have willingly gve him your atm and your pin without him asking for it, you'd had earned his respect and you'll be surprise he won't even ask you for money.

I don't get it, you said you're married yet you have the gut to hid your atm and pin, thats very bad of you, what happens to openness in marriage? Husband and wife should be one. You have no right under that marriage to hid anything from your husband, be it atm pin or phone pin etc.

Divorce him and get married to someone who can tolerate your bullshit.

Very selfish woman

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Madam go and tell your husband your monthly salary .Is he not your husband ? Do you think he is still your boyfriend ? Tell him everything ,so that you all can plan together and build mansions.

Hello Madam, what is wrong with sharing your finances with him? Unless you guys have trust issues or maybe he doesn't share his with you.

Judybash93:


Inasmuch as i agree with you, i don't think the husband should force his wife to reveal the details of her account to him if she doesn't want to

Just let him know your pin and see what he wants to do with how much you have in your personal account. I don't really know the reason some men are bent on what their wife earns after all the man is the head of the family, why is he insisting to know the financial Capacity of the wife. There is more to this than he saying he own the woman and her account. Day light thieves.

olancho:
I am married for 5yrs now. My wife knows my ATM pin and I know hers I don't hide my financial status from her. I know how much she earns and she knows mine too. So please both of you are now one maybe you earn more than him presently and that's why you are hiding it from him, tomorrow he might make it big and then decide not to share it with you. Be submissive.

Don't mind her, disturbing us here with a minor issue that you can settle in the bathroom. How much is she earning that she is even hiding ? More than 600 people in DPR are even earning more than Buhari and we all know that, not to talk of her coins.OP don't you know that it takes two hands to effectively wash a material ?
My guy na this kind your marriage I won dey hear.

ume1000:
the tell tale signs are there
1. Wants to use an unborn baby as next of kin

2. Was even complaining about been pregnant for the man (probably a gold digger ).
What's all the secrecy about if she is trustworthy

Just out of curiosity o, are you the husband?

Peterosky:
Op,I will continue to advise people to keep family issues away from the public domain such as social media especially on a platform like nairaland which is filled with members with no good contributions to such issues, but instead offer advice that can further worsen the situation.
That being said, you are totally wrong to hide your salary from your husband. I am married, my wife knows my salary, and my wife being a business woman inform me of her finances without me asking. I am indeed blessed with a woman that understand what marriage is all about. Finally, she knows my pin the same way I know hers.

Op, if I must tell you the truth, you are not qualified to be a wife.

Lmao! If you said this on Reddit in response to op's write-up lol, you'd be downvoted to oblivion. I may try it sef.

Una no date before marriage ?

Strawberryg:


Sense is really far from u and all those liking ur silly comment.

You are very very stupid