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Lexusgs430:



Do you know all about his finances? Do you contribute your fair share to running the house?......

She said she renovated the house and changed stuff around the house it’s fair to imply she does?

call a family meeting.. meeting of elders

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Those are the actions of an abusive and possessive man. You don't seize or damage somebody especially a spouses things with the purpose of getting things from them. It's physical abuse and blackmail.
I will advice you to be more transparent with your finance as you would want him to too (especially if he is transparent). Still, trust is earned not forcefully demanded.
I have a partner that earns more than me, she does a lot for us, I have been transparent with what I get, but I have noticed, that whenever I have money, she demands and get me involved in things she normally would do on her own, till my LAST DIME. after she exhaust me, she takes up responsibility but I become powerless after and dependent on her whims and grace. I have decided to be more shrewd with my finance from now onward. She will not be disappointed whenever she discover I have been keeping back in the future, because of how she has misused my transparency now

I don't know what this generation of our want to turn to. Always thinking they are smart but foolishness is hung around their neck.

A man came to seek your hand in marriage, you bonded as one. Now you can't disclose to him your finance . And you expect him to be happy and sees you as his wife. No, He can't trust you. That marriage will look like contract based.
(Note: men should be independent of financial obligations from their wife. )
But wife should not take advantage of this, And acted selfish. You can support your husband too financially .
It's what bring happiness to home, you got each others back.

I think you should be in your parent's house if you don't like your husband knowing your take home.....but you know his......

h

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

You started your marriage on a wrong foundation. There shouldn't be any secret between you two. Tell your husband how much you earn. It's no big deal. If you find it so difficult to do so, you shouldn't be married to him in the first place. He doesn't have legal right to your pin nor money. But as a supportive wife, you should help out in the house.

ednut1:
Any womam hiding her finances from her husband is an infidel. I have seen where a man had to borrow to pay rent meanwhile his wife had 1.5m savings

So even if i have 3mil in my acct. You can't borrow and pay my bride price or provide for my needs

GeneralPula:
No love in this marriage at all.

And it’s just one year ooo!
Imagining 49 years of this
I know this is not a true life scenario sha, a new member is just looking for reactions to an inflammatory post.

kiki

Kekereekun123:
Men are no longer fools. Times are hard you cannot hide salary and finance details from your husband. Thunder fire ladies who say my money is my money and his money is ours

Did you read where she said she refurbished the apartment with her own money or you just jumped to comment?

Sorry op, you got married to a boy and not a man

There is no advise to give in this case. You only need to hear the truth.


You simply married the wrong person.


If you married the right person, hiding stuffs like finances shouldnt be a problem.

How can you marry someone you do not trust?

[quote author=aeion post=90357446]He doesn't have the right to take your ATM card away from you nor demand your PIN. If he needs money, I'm sure he knows how to ask but forcefully having direct access to your money at his choosing should be a no-no.]

Aunty pls don’t listen to this fellow,
It’s your marriage, build it with wisdom, patience and tolerance
comments such as this will only incite and ignite tension, we’re not in the marriage with you...don’t let an outside opinion destroy your union

chibjohn:

You started your marriage on a wrong foundation. There shouldn't be any secret between you two. Tell your husband how much you earn. It's no big deal. If you find it so difficult to do so, you shouldn't be married to him in the first place. He doesn't have legal right to your pin nor money. But as a supportive wife, you should help out in the house.

she's doing that already. It's wrong of him to bully her by seizing her ATM, twice.

Hello Sister,
I believe you are the only one that took the oath with him on your wedding day, try and remember the content. The Bible made us to understand in Eph. 5:21 & 25 that A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord. A husband is the head of a house. A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.

You too have become one, nothing is owned by one of you again, your money, body, everything is his, while his is yours. No secret of any kind. None of you must do anything behind eachotthers back. Two of you needs to understand this. I pray the Lord will help you both and settle every storm ravaging your marriage.

Millenniumlady:
So even if i have 3mil in my acct. You can't borrow and pay my bride price or provide for my needs

nah. If i have done everything to get money but no money. Na ur money we go spend na. See u

[quote author=Dthespian post=90374953][/quote] The era of women being miserable in toxic marriages and staying with low value, man children who don't know how to be decent human beings is coming to an end.

Why should women tolerate bullshit from men in the name of marriage

bigseank:
Your matter is not too hard, go and settle yourself. when he has done something funny, then you can comeback we will settle it then.

But this is what we are saying. are you not married to the man?, ki ni big deal?, so that you can be chopping his money and your money together. "my money is my money and his money is our money" mentality, women and money ehn....if you have told him earlier it wont reach him saying he owns you and your salary, am sure you know how much he makes, and you are not telling us what you yourself uttered or said during the confrontation. madam tell him how much you earn and no disturb us jare.

very selfish woman..no mimd her jawe...i tire for naija women and their rubbish mentality

Truth001:
Hello Sister,
I believe you are the only one that took the oath with him on your wedding day, try and remember the content. The Bible made us to understand in Eph. 5:21 & 25 that A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord. A husband is the head of a house. A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.

You too have become one, nothing is owned by one of you again, your money, body, everything is his, while his is yours. No secret of any kind. None of you must do anything behind eachotthers back. Two of you needs to understand this. I pray the Lord will help you both and settle every storm ravaging your marriage.

God forbid.

Husband love your wives as christ loves the church. Christ wouldn't do what her husband did.

If he does by fire by force approach, open a new bank account. Wire all your money there... Chikina...Save for rainy days ooo...A child is on the way...Such man fit no even buy yam nor
pepper soup when you've delivered....
That shows he married your ATM...Inukwa..

I hate men that reasons like fowl..

aeion:
He doesn't have the right to take your ATM card away from you nor demand your PIN. If he needs money, I'm sure he knows how to ask but forcefully having direct access to your money at his choosing should be a no-no. If he's threatening you over this, tell your family and get yourself and the baby in your belly to a safe place, but do not give him that PIN. A man who behaves like this is up to no good and can't be trusted.



These are the words of a controlling, abusive man. He does not own you, neither does he own your salary.

am sorry to say,all these you wrote will only cause more harm in the young family.

Be open to your husband
What belongs to you belongs to your husband
so also what belongs to your husband belongs to you.Share in love.1+1= 1 in marriage.Above all let Christ be the foundation of your marriage . If you are not financially transparent to him ,you are also discouraging him from being transparent to you.
He is the head , you are the neck.You need each other to make the marriage work.

May God bless your marriage

wunaESQ:
call a family meeting.. meeting of elders

That never favors women

Be open to your husband
What belongs to you belongs to your husband
so also what belongs to your husband belongs to you.Share in love.1+1= 1 in marriage.Above all let Christ be the foundation of your marriage . If you are not financially transparent to him ,you are also discouraging him from being transparent to you.
He is the head , you are the neck.You need each other to make the marriage work.

May God bless your marriage !

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

Humans are naturally selfish, if you can't trust your husband even in this early time of your marriage, then why did you marry?

P

Judybash93:


Inasmuch as i agree with you, i don't think the husband should force his wife to reveal the details of her account to him if she doesn't want to

I think the problem here is trust for instance your if wife doesn't want you to know how much she earns
1.she doesn't see a future with you

2. May be adulterous

3. Has an entitlement mentality

For God sake why hide your earnings from one whom you would spend the rest of your life with

Cos it will always breed curiosity and curiosity breeds all manners of imaginations

Guys let it be your prayer that in your lifetime you will make so much money that you wont have to bother about how much your wife makes . You guys obviously are not even in love to start with !

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

ume1000:
I think the problem here is trust for instance your if wife doesn't want you to know how much she earns
1.she doesn't see a future with you

2. May be adulterous

3. Has an entitlement mentality

For God sake why hide your earnings from one whom you would spend the rest of your life with

Cos it will always breed curiosity and curiosity breeds all manners of imaginations

Yeah. You're right. My point is the husband should use another form of strategy instead of using the old forceful strategy.