i was thinking some people have kids one after the other, i mean one this year or two years difference and they say s/he will have someone to play with

my question is, why bring another kids to be a toy to the other one

why have a child if you can not spare time to play with him/her or buy toys for him or her

your solution, to have another child wont be that double trouble the young one still needs attention and you bring out another one

besides you and the wife wont enjoy freelance time i.e they need much attention that you forget about your own needs and free time

whats your say guys

I dont think anyone will seriously want to have another child just because you want the older one to have a playmate. You have kids because you need them.

Child-bearing and the timing of child-bearing is a CHOICE ---- now lets leave it at that.  


plus, the fact you hve access to the internet and a computer doesn't mean that you have to use it uselessly.

spyder880:

I dont think anyone will seriously want to have another child just because you want the older one to have a playmate. You have kids because you need them.

not in that sense but having them to close to each other leaving no room to yourselfs as both or more needs attention eg one is 2 or 3yrs the other one is just a month and above

a two to three years gap is ideal. what would you think is right. Having kids with too long a gap in between is almost like raising two single children

child-bearing and the timing of child-bearing is a CHOICE ---- now lets leave it at that.

exactly.


the original post is confusing.

mutter:

a two to three years gap is ideal. what would you think is right. Having kids with too long a gap in between is almost like raising two single children

how is it confusing

mutter:

a two to three years gap is ideal. what would you think is right. Having kids with too long a gap in between is almost like raising two single children

i dont get that part

4 and 5 is good for me

@Poster if I get you clearly you are saying that couples should space out having kids reasonably so it does not disturb them. I agree with you. But again some couples like making it quick so they can get it over with & relax, & then concentrate on raising them. Even so I say 2 years in between is alright.

NAJALYN:

@Poster if I get you clearly you are saying that couples should space out having kids reasonably so it does not disturb them. I agree with you. But again some couples like making it quick so they can get it over with & relax, & then concentrate on raising them. Even so I say 2 years in between is alright.

YES that what am saying

but i dont get it though imagine there are 3, one 3 one 2 and the new one  all they need full care and add the years you need to nurse them out the crutual years and there are 3 imagine one still needs poo training or assistance to feed and the baby needs you all the time

my theory have one, take care of him/her till he is five or six and have another one

@ OP
I totally agree with you and would also suggest that a couple should opt for just 2 kids, max 3 if you are financially well off.
Whilst managing home, career, yearly addition to the family and zillion other things most parents lose out on the focal point of having a baby, the joy of raising a child.
Infact, I have often wondered how careless some parents are. They just keeping on having kids every year for no apparent reason. Finally when they find it difficult to provide a decent life for these kids, each of them are forced to fend for themselves.

ZIM DRILL, what I meant is that when the gap is too big, each kid grows up like an only child.

mutter:

ZIM DRILL, what I meant is that when the gap is too big, each kid grows up like an only child.

i think thats good the child will have all the attention and also it give mum time to be free i.e not alwayys busy with kids or life always around kids

when the gap is too big, each kid grows up like an only child.

quite true.

tpiah!:

quite true.

is it a disadvantage ? is there any disadvantage to grow up as the only child

There are advantages and disadvantages of growing up as an only child.
The advantage of being an only child, is that one can invest everything one has in one child. In this case this does not apply because there is more than one child. In fact it could even get more expensive because it`s like starting everything twice all over again.
The other advantage is that one has more time for one child. This does not apply because here there is more than one kid. Whoever thinks that children are more work, when they are younger, does not really know what comes along with children.
Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems.
I have smaller kid`s and I can tell you they do not occupy me as much as the big ones. Compare changing diapers , with problems like bad grades or kids getting into bad company.
When there is more than one child and the age gap is not so big, they keep each other company and learn from one another. Nothing like having a big brother or sister in the same school.
Apart from that, such children have better social competencies. The learn to share and relate better.
With one child it is difficult to be firm sometimes while when you have more than one you find it easier to say no and stick to it.

mutter:

There are advantages and disadvantages of growing up as an only child.
The advantage of being an only child, is that one can invest everything one has in one child. In this case this does not apply because there is more than one child. In fact it could even get more expensive because it`s like starting everything twice all over again.
The other advantage is that one has more time for one child. This does not apply because here there is more than one kid. Whoever thinks that children are more work, when they are younger, does not really know what comes along with children.
Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems.
I have smaller kid`s and I can tell you they do not occupy me as much as the big ones. Compare changing diapers , with problems like bad grades or kids getting into bad company.
When there is more than one child and the age gap is not so big, they keep each other company and learn from one another. Nothing like having a big brother or sister in the same school.
Apart from that, such children have better social competencies. The learn to share and relate better.
With one child it is difficult to be firm sometimes while when you have more than one you find it easier to say no and stick to it.

cant the kids learn that from school ? and other gathering i.e visiting relatives or even playing with other kids after school etc

I guess you know that one of the major problem of the youths today is that more and more homes are relying on the schools and other structures to raise their kids.
Raising a kid and teaching social skills is one of the fundamental functions of the family.

mutter:

I guess you know that one of the major problem of the youths today is that more and more homes are relying on the schools and other structures to raise their kids.
Raising a kid and teaching social skills is one of the fundamental functions of the family.

your contraditing your self

yes it the family that teach social skills but family doesnt mean mum, dad and others kids but it starts from mum and daddy only

remember parents are the one who teach us social skills etc

Sorry siblings are involved as well.
Anyone who has more than one kid, knows that the younger ones learn so much from the older ones.
Where there are two or more kids together, they learn to share the even learn how to have disagreements and make compromises. This is something that parents cannot teach.
This has to be learnt amongst peers.
The older ones learn to take responsibility for the younger ones and the younger ones have someone to look up to who understands them sometimes better than the parents do.
Children understand certain things better than adults do.
Children also can open the parents eyes to something they overlooked in the another child.
I had a son that was being mobbed in his new school. Because he is not so outspoken, he could not express to me the gravity. Thank God I had two other kids in the school already, they were able to let me see exactly what was going on.

mutter:

Sorry siblings are involved as well.
Anyone who has more than one kid, knows that the younger ones learn so much from the older ones.
Where there are two or more kids together, they learn to share the even learn how to have disagreements and make compromises. This is something that parents cannot teach.
This has to be learnt amongst peers.
The older ones learn to take responsibility for the younger ones and the younger ones have someone to look up to who understands them sometimes better than the parents do.
Children understand certain things better than adults do.
Children also can open the parents eyes to something they overlooked in the another child.
I had a son that was being mobbed in his new school. Because he is not so outspoken, he could not express to me the gravity. Thank God I had two other kids in the school already, they were able to let me see exactly what was going on.

i disagree on most points kids learn from parents period thats the reason a child cant look after another child  a child can copy from another child who was taught there for it looks like s/he learnt from the other kid but s/he only copied for that moment what s/he was taught, if a parent is not there the child wont learn anything

NB am talking of age between 0 months to 4 years  am talking of the very early years up to 4 years i.e toddlers

What better way to learn, than from copying
You have said it all.
A child between 0-4 learns from copying.
Besides later these children grow up.
Toddlers they remain for just a twinkle of an eye.

mutter:

What better way to learn, than from copying
You have said it all.
A child between 0-4 learns from copying.
Besides later these children grow up.
Toddlers they remain for just a twinkle of an eye.

there is a difference between copying and learning

Kids LEARN by COPYING. If u av kids, u would av known that. How do u teach the kid something, is it not by encouraging him/her to do as u do?

ZIM DRILL:

there is a difference between copying and learning

Lol what an argument ZIM have you got a kid or kids? if you had, you wouldn't have made the comment above

jennykadry:

Lol what an argument ZIM have you got a kid or kids? if you had, you wouldn't have made the comment above

its not your fault you dont know the difference

eg do people go to school to learn or to copy

do they go to school at age 0-4

ZIM DRILL:

its not your fault you dont know the difference

eg do people go to school to learn or to copy

LOL, struck a nerve did I? Mr man go and have kids before you come on here and post

jennykadry:

LOL, struck a nerve did I? Mr man go and have kids before you come on here and post

i got an 8 year old daughter

learning and copying are different things

i.e if a kid is burnt by fire s/he learns that it hurts if s/he put his/her hand

but if you hurt yourself from the fire while s/he is looking s/he will only may be copy your reaction but s/he hasnt learn anything

What is this whole argument about.

ubiaa5:

What is this whole argument about.

are you serious cant you follow through what was and being said ?

ZIM DRILL:

i got an 8 year old daughter

learning and copying are different things

i.e if a kid is burnt by fire s/he learns that it hurts if s/he put his/her hand

but if you hurt yourself from the fire while s/he is looking s/he will only may be copy your reaction but s/he hasnt learn anything

I have a nephew that learnt how to clean his hands after eating just by watching mummy, whenever mummy finish eating, she washes her hands and dries with a napkin or hand towel, unknowingly to her, her son would watch her and copy same, but this time using his shirt. He was always copying mummy until it became a part of him and that was how he learnt good hand hygiene