Why Are Most Naija Married Ladies/Women Hostile To D Husbands' Relatives But Are Loving,kind,friendly & Accomodating To Theirs?

I'm Saying Dis 4rm Experience. Some Even End Up Suceeding Turning D Heart Of D Man Away Or Against His Love Ones Or Relatives. Share Ur Experience.

Only foolish man turns against his family because of someone he met on the highway
My children and my paternal family first before my wife. They are my real blood and I can't hate them because of someone else.

Connected1:
Only foolish man turns against his family because of someone he met on the highway
My children and my paternal family first before my wife. They are my real blood and I can't hate them because of someone else.

I hope you can practice what you preach

It depends on how she was treated before the marriage by the family.

D Funny Part Of It Is Dat, When D Men Haven't Married Dem Den, Dey Would Pretend To Be Loving, Nice & Kind To Every Member Of D Man's Family. Immidiately, Dey Get Married To D Man, Their Attitudes Change To Hostility. D Brothers Or Sisters Of D Man May Detest Visiting D Man Because Of Her Sudden Change Of Attitude Or Hostility.

What is so special in monogamous relationship? If monogamy is natural, why do we struggle at it? No one teaches fish how to swim? Why do we have books on how to avoid cheating? To answer this question,we look at what researchers revealed

Evolutionary scientist David Barish compared monogamy among various animals.

Only 9 percent of mammals practice monogamy

29 percent of primates are monogamous

Before westernisation, 86 percent of indigenous society are no monogamous

Overfamiliarisation with a partner kills a woman libido

30 percent of women have extra-marital affair despite being happy with their marriage.

The numbers are against monogamy. One advantage of monogamy over polygamy is the assurance of a mate for every male. No group of wealthy powerful men can marry off all the women leaving the non powerful men single.. AThe spread of Christianity could be be a dominant factor. Monogamy offers an exclusive sence of ownership each woman on the man rather than having to share him with other women.

Monogamy restricts each party from love and sex with another. Are these two not one of the sweetest feelings? Limited my experience of them should be seen as punnishnent and not something to jubilate to.

In casual friendship, my friend could have other friends beside me and I am cool with that. But in monogamy, It is me and me alone. Any attempt to share love and sex with another is considered cheating. A woman should only love one guy but she can share her love among her children equally. Why can’t she love six men equally? Is this not hypocrisy? It means the heart is capable of loving many but man Jealously choose to limit it to one. In some cases, we argue over what constitutes exclusive acts? Holding hands, seeing one another naked,sharing a bed, kissing etc.

Before we say monogamy is natural, think again.
https://tobechispeaks./2020/09/08/the-monster-we-feed/

thebosstrevor1:


I hope you can practice what you preach

Yes, it's difficult but it's worth it.
Your partner can leave you at anytime if he/she so wishes, but your family, I tell you bro it's really difficult.

Connected1:

Yes, it's difficult but it's worth it.
Your partner can leave you at anytime if he/she so wishes, but your family, I tell you bro it's really difficult.

Your partner can only leave you, if you get together for the wrong reasons or you weak.

Most of them are possesed with demonic spirits knowingly and unknowningly like witchcraft, marine, ogbanje, water goddess, spirit husband, serpentine spirit, feminism, ancestral/household, evil foundation, curse, so on. Na unclean spirits dey control dem, most don use their astra powers render their husbands useless, jobless, headless, powerless, senseless, shameless so that they will control them like mumu. Na confam thing!

Na why dem no dey take good eyes see husband relatives because closeness fit set their husbands free from their spiritual control. Most women know who dem be for that realm oh, feminism movement na just cover up.

MODIFIED:

Men shine your eyes very well befor you marry o. Many recruits are on their way to marry and destroy men destiny. Make sure you check her spiritual side first b4 you leap o. Most of dem in this present age no wan submit again o but to be head, so that dem go use thier husband control against him family, even him own loving mama too. Dem dey everywhere!

thebosstrevor1:


Your partner can only leave you, if you get together for the wrong reasons or you weak.

Yes, when your weakness becomes visible or when he/she is naturally stupid like so many Naija girls and boys.

Many Of Us May Av Experienced Dis One Way Or D Other. U May Av Visited Ur Brother Or Uncle's Home & His Wife Made U Feel Unwelcomed, Or Like A Stranger.

Truvel:
Many Of Us May Av Experienced Dis One Way Or D Other. U May Av Visited Ur Brother Or Uncle's Home & His Wife Made U Feel Unwelcomed, Or Like A Stranger.

wickedness is in the DNA of many nigerian women. they will even maltreat kids of their own siblings talkless of that of relatives. They prefer husband helping their own family while he abandons his. May we not marry wicked wives

NawtiKingRealer:
Most of them are possesed with demonic spirits knowingly and unknowningly like witchcraft, marine, ogbanje, water goddess, feminism, ancestral/household, evil foundation, so on. Na unclean spirits dey control dem, most don use their astra powers render their husbands useless, jobless, headless, powerless, senseless, shameless so that they will control them like mumu. Na confam thing!

Na why dem no dey take good eyes see husband relatives because closeness fit set their husbands free from their spiritual control. Most women know who dem be for that realm oh, feminism movement na just cover up.

There's no how you can love your in-laws more than you love your own family. I don't see how that shit is possible. You can tolerate them cause you marrying from their family but in most cases, their family dynamics is way different from yours and bonding with them is pointless. Think of it as being adopted by a new family at 28. You will never truly welcome them or feel welcomed by them. It's a psychological thing. Some don't even try to bond but others just can't bond.

That being said, a woman is very territorial. We don't like sharing. Period. and sometimes the in-laws don't know how to let go of their tag on the guy for us to mark our boundaries and make our tag on him. (Sorry, guys).

It's more like a "We get that Ebuka is your son and your brother, but that tag is ancient. He's now an adult and a man. Most importantly, he's our husband and we want him to be present in our marked zone 99% of the time and be identified by our tag all the time." So when the in-laws don't respect that, expect there to be friction. It's a natural order of things. Don't blame whatever you mentioned up there for that. Capichè?

thebosstrevor1:
It depends on how she was treated before the marriage by the family.

I don't think this is the right scenario, because I have seen ladies treated like queens by the guys relatives during courtship but turned the other way after marriage.... Really baffles me why they chun out those traits...

Because they are heartless, wicked and selfish

Sixfeetbelle:


There's no how you can love your in-laws more than you love your own family. I don't see how that shit is possible. You can tolerate them cause you marrying from their family but in most cases, their family dynamics is way different from yours and bonding with them is pointless. Think of it as being adopted by a new family at 28. You will never truly welcome them or feel welcomed by them. It's a psychological thing. Some don't even try to bond but others just can't bond.

That being said, a woman is very territorial. We don't like sharing. Period. and sometimes the in-laws don't know how to let go of their tag on the guy for us to mark our boundaries and make our tag on him. (Sorry, guys).

It's more like a "We get that Ebuka is your son and your brother, but that tag is ancient. He's now an adult and a man. Most importantly, he's our husband and we want him to be present in our marked zone 99% of the time and be identified by our tag all the time." So when the in-laws don't respect that, expect there to be friction. It's a natural order of things. Don't blame whatever you mentioned up there for that. Capichè?

Marking which territory? Is the wife the sole owner of the guy? Well i blame the man that wont use his head but allow a woman that can/might take a stroll should the things go south..This is one of the major reasons why I don't feel for some widows. You chase everyone away from the man and when the man suddenly dies and they are left all alone to take care of the children , you hear some of them saying the man's family have all abandoned me.. When they actually chased everyone away ..

thebosstrevor1:
It depends on how she was treated before the marriage by the family.

Not true at all.. Women pretend a lot before marriage. And their true color and motive appears after marriage

Blessedassuranc:


Marking which territory? Is the wife the sole owner of the guy? Well i blame the man that wont use his head but allow a woman that can/might take a stroll should the things go south..This is one of the major reasons why I don't feel for some widows. You chase everyone away from the man and when the man suddenly dies and they are left all alone to take care of the children , you hear some of them saying the man's family have all abandoned me.. When they actually chased everyone away ..

Please ooh. Read what I wrote before commenting. Comprehension is always key to avoid making a fool of yourself.

To answer your initial question, yes, the woman "owns" the man all his life from birth to adulthood. The man (the kids inclusive although biologically) belong to the woman through marriage so yes, she has to mark her territory. Or how would you feel if your mother didn't give two fvcks about you or your father? That's why they say women are nurturers and we can't nurture what we don't believe is our own (aka man and kids).

Of course you'd see it as the man allowing a woman pull the strings but ultimately forgetting one fact. If your grandparents hated your mother and made life/marriage unbearable for her, chances that she'd stayed are almost non-existent. So invariably how a family treats a wife largely determines if she stays.

Now, moving on. No wife chases any in-law away. Not consciously anyway. Trust me if they could, they'll love their in-laws the way they love their own family. Just like I said earlier, marriage is likened to an adoption that is done when the person is already an adult and already have inbuilt method of living life. If it clashes or collides, expect segregation and separation. The chances that they'll accept everybody is almost negligible. If they can't bond, everyone finds their way.

Don't blame it on the wife alone. Some families are too traight-laced for just any random somebody. Tuehh.

Sixfeetbelle:


Please ooh. Read what I wrote before commenting. Comprehension is always key to avoid making a fool of yourself.

To answer your initial question, yes, the woman "owns" the man all his life from birth to adulthood. The man (the kids inclusive although biologically) belong to the woman through marriage so yes, she has to mark her territory. Or how would you feel if your mother didn't give two fvcks about you or your father? That's why they say women are nurturers and we can't nurture what we don't believe is our own (aka man and kids).

Of course you'd see it as the man allowing a woman pull the strings but ultimately forgetting one fact. If your grandparents hated your mother and made life/marriage unbearable for her, chances that she'd stayed are almost non-existent. So invariably how a family treats a wife largely determines if she stays.

Now, moving on. No wife chases any in-law away. Not consciously anyway. Trust me if they could, they'll love their in-laws the way they love their own family. Just like I said earlier, marriage is likened to an adoption that is done when the person is already an adult and already have inbuilt method of living life. If it clashes or collides, expect segregation and separation. The chances that they'll accept everybody is almost negligible. If they can't bond, everyone finds their way.

Don't blame it on the wife alone. Some families are too traight-laced for just any random somebody. Tuehh.

And what does nurturing got to do with marking territory? In all these 'silly"acts by a wife, I will always blame the man ..

I'll give you this story to help you understand why ladies don't bond with their in-laws as much we'd hope they would. Truth is, bonding takes time and must be given the right conditions to thrive. Some mothers today didn't have it easy with the in-laws when they first got married.

Anyway, let's get on with the story. If you're familiar with the series, Criminal minds, then you might have watched this episode. Now the back story for this particular episode is about an old tribe that has a weird way of selecting brides for their sons. Don't remember the name now but that's by the way.

Now boys aged 10 to 15 are taken round the town by their parents to select their bride of ages 6 and 10. They are to pick young girls they like at first sight, most likely someone they're not familiar with to avoid suspicion. Now once he chooses the girl without making contact with her, the parents go at night to murder the girl's parents, kidnap the girl and integrate her into their family, grooming her as his wife until they're old enough to marry. That way, she grows up learning to be his wife and everybody lives happily ever after.

Luck ran out on them when a kidnapped girl suffered epileptic shock on the way and passed out. Thinking she was dead, they abandoned her by the roadside and left. However, a stranger found her. She was saved and was able to tell the BAU what had happened.

Now when the BAU uncovered the case, they realised it went back to over 50 years. In fact the parents of the boy who had recently committed murder had been "introduced" to each other this same way. It was like they have a community and a tradition that does this and they were thriving.

After the arrest, no matter how much the BAU tried to convince the mother that she herself was kidnapped as a young girl and forced into marriage with her husband, she turned complete deaf ears to it. In fact she was angry with them for intercepting what was considered a rite of passage for her own son. Like it was better for her to die in jail than for her son to not get his little bride. That's how ingrained and bonded she was with her in-laws.


Now from this, you can see the difference between her and what might be obtainable today. If a lady is ingrained into a new family at an early age, especially into a family where she has no choice but to put total dependence on them, chances are she'll love them like they're her blood period. Which is in direct contrast to a 25 year old lady with loving doting parents and familyship being ingrained into a new family where their ways are a little different from hers. You can't expect her to dote on them like they are her blood. If she so much as feels judged by them, I expect that she'll "tolerate" the in-laws as much as is required of her. Hence the "pretend" you talk about. I know men feel attacked when their wives don't "love" their parents, but they have to understand
1) loving you isn't same as loving your family. We didn't date them so expect reservations.
2) setting boundaries helps people tolerate each other more even if they bond so well. If we respect each other's privacy, then we're one stop closer to bonding with your family. It takes time so chillax.

On TLC, there's a show "Smothered" where mothers are present in their daughters life like crazy and you find their boyfriends and husbands complaining about it. Like they want to have a simple romantic date for two yet mama will carry bag and invite herself. Boyfriend want to go on a vacation with girlfriend but mama must give her approval before the guy can even dream of buying plane tickets. Now imagine wifey having to deal with you as the man having to take permission from your mother just to go on a date or do any household expenses?

Cc: Blessedassuranc

Ponder on this.
Please, no mentions on this topic any longer.

Sixfeetbelle:
I'll give you this story to help you understand why ladies don't bond with their in-laws as much we'd hope they would. Truth is, bonding takes time and must be given the right conditions to thrive. Some mothers today didn't have it easy with the in-laws when they first got married.

Anyway, let's get on with the story. If you're familiar with the series, Criminal minds, then you might have watched this episode. Now the back story for this particular episode is about an old tribe that has a weird way of selecting brides for their sons. Don't remember the name now but that's by the way.

Now boys aged 10 to 15 are taken round the town by their parents to select their bride of ages 6 and 10. They are to pick young girls they like at first sight, most likely someone they're not familiar with to avoid suspicion. Now once he chooses the girl without making contact with her, the parents go at night to murder the girl's parents, kidnap the girl and integrate her into their family, grooming her as his wife until they're old enough to marry. That way, she grows up learning to be his wife and everybody lives happily ever after.

Luck ran out on them when a kidnapped girl suffered epileptic shock on the way and passed out. Thinking she was dead, they abandoned her by the roadside and left. However, a stranger found her. She was saved and was able to tell the BAU what had happened.

Now when the BAU uncovered the case, they realised it went back to over 50 years. In fact the parents of the boy who had recently committed murder had been "introduced" to each other this same way. It was like they have a community and a tradition that does this and they were thriving.

After the arrest, no matter how much the BAU tried to convince the mother that she herself was kidnapped as a young girl and forced into marriage with her husband, she turned complete deaf ears to it. In fact she was angry with them for intercepting what was considered a rite of passage for her own son. Like it was better for her to die in jail than for her son to not get his little bride. That's how ingrained and bonded she was with her in-laws.


Now from this, you can see the difference between her and what might be obtainable today. If a lady is ingrained into a new family at an early age, especially into a family where she has no choice but to put total dependence on them, chances are she'll love them like they're her blood period. Which is in direct contrast to a 25 year old lady with loving doting parents and familyship being ingrained into a new family where their ways are a little different from hers. You can't expect her to dote on them like they are her blood. If she so much as feels judged by them, I expect that she'll "tolerate" the in-laws as much as is required of her. Hence the "pretend" you talk about. I know men feel attacked when their wives don't "love" their parents, but they have to understand
1) loving you isn't same as loving your family. We didn't date them so expect reservations.
2) setting boundaries helps people tolerate each other more even if they bond so well. If we respect each other's privacy, then we're one stop closer to bonding with your family. It takes time so chillax.

On TLC, there's a show "Smothered" where mothers are present in their daughters life like crazy and you find their boyfriends and husbands complaining about it. Like they want to have a simple romantic date for two yet mama will carry bag and invite herself. Boyfriend want to go on a vacation with girlfriend but mama must give her approval before the guy can even dream of buying plane tickets. Now imagine wifey having to deal with you as the man having to take permission from your mother just to go on a date or do any household expenses?

Cc: Blessedassuranc

Ponder on this.
Please, no mentions on this topic any longer.

Ur Story Is A Little Different Cuz It Has To Do With Crime. D Girl's Mother Was Killed, She Was Hurt & Forced Into Marriage But Dis Has To Do With Married Ladies Who Tend To Be Hostile To D Man's Family Except Hers. When U Love A Man As A Lady, U Av To Love His Family Or Love Ones Too.

Blessedassuranc:



Not true at all.. Women pretend a lot before marriage. And their true color and motive appears after marriage

[center][/center] u sabi them

because their husbands are weak men.

And their hus relatives are jonzing.

Truvel:
Ur Story Is A Little Different Cuz It Has To Do With Crime. D Girl's Mother Was Killed, She Was Hurt & Forced Into Marriage But Dis Has To Do With Married Ladies Who Tend To Be Hostile To D Man's Family Except Hers. When U Love A Man As A Lady, U Av To Love His Family Or Love Ones Too.

You still missed the point behind the story. It's easier to bond with a new family if you don't have your own loving family by the side.

Please note: A married woman doesn't have to love her in-laws. She can tolerate them but expecting her to love them outrightly is stretching it too far.

The same way she took time to learn to love her husband is the same way it will take her time to learn to love his family. That process is made faster if she feels welcomed in their family and at the same time is allowed to incorporate her own family values in her marriage.

Sixfeetbelle:


You still missed the point behind the story. It's easier to bond with a new family if you don't have your own loving family by the side.

Please note: A married woman doesn't have to love her in-laws. She can tolerate them but expecting her to love them outrightly is stretching it too far.

The same way she took time to learn to love her husband is the same way it will take her time to learn to love his family. That process is made faster if she feels welcomed in their family and at the same time is allowed to incorporate her own family values in her marriage.

I Get Ur Points. If U Read My Previous Posts, I Said A Sudden Change Of Attitude Or Hostility Towards D Family Members, Which Was Not So B4. However, When I Say Love D Family Members, I Do Not Mean Dat Her Love 4 Her Husband's Family Members Should Exceed D Love She Has 4 Her Husband.

Truvel:
I Get Ur Points. If U Read My Previous Posts, I Said A Sudden Change Of Attitude Or Hostility Towards D Family Members, Which Was Not So B4. However, When I Say Love D Family Members, I Do Not Mean Dat Her Love 4 Her Husband's Family Members Should Exceed D Love She Has 4 Her Husband.

That one dey but if the in-laws are too in her space, some can get resentful. You know, familiarity breeds contempt scenario. But some others still turn hostile on their in-laws even for no reason at all.

This love her in-laws is where my grouse lies. She doesn't have to love them. As far as she tolerates them and respects them, that's enough. Men should accept that everybody cannot love your family.

Sixfeetbelle:


That one dey but if the in-laws are too in her space, some can get resentful. You know, familiarity breeds contempt scenario. But some others still turn hostile on their in-laws even for no reason at all.

This love her in-laws is where my grouse lies. She doesn't have to love them. As far as she tolerates them and respects them, that's enough. Men should accept that everybody cannot love your family.

Lol, She Doesn't Av To Love Dem But D Man Suppose To Love Her Family Members.

Sixfeetbelle:
I'll give you this story to help you understand why ladies don't bond with uth is, bonding takes time and must be given the right conditions to thrive. Some mothers today didn't have it easy with the in-laws when they first got married.

Anyway, let's get on with the story. If you're familiar with the series, Criminal minds, then you might have watched this episode. Now the back story for this particular episode is about an old tribe that has a weird way of selecting brides for their sons. Don't remember the name now but that's by the way.

Now boys aged 10 to 15 are taken round the town by their parents to select their bride of ages 6 and 10. They are to pick young gist likely someone they're not e chooses the girl without

i watched that episode of criminal minds a while back. And yes you have a point. But how many wives had the privilege of living with their inlaws b4 marriage. Most women dont get along with their inlaws becos of personal differences

Truvel:
Lol, She Doesn't Av To Love Dem But D Man Suppose To Love Her Family Members.

Same applicable to him. He doesn't have to. Once he tolerates them and respects them, that's enough.

Let us stop forcing people to love us just because they are married into our family. Let them get to see us for who we are and love us in their own way and time.

Liposure:
i watched that episode of criminal minds a while back. And yes you have a point. But how many wives had the privilege of living with their inlaws b4 marriage. Most women dont get along with their inlaws becos of personal differences

The privilege of living with the in-laws that early means she has already inculcated their family dynamics into her lifestyle and won't have clashes with her in-laws based on family dynamics.

I asked this same question during one of our Village meetings some years back. Elders in the meeting answered my question that the fault is from the Man. The Golden rule never disrespect your family or discuss negative things about them to your Wife in the name of love.