I have come across a lot of post on nairaland of people wailing that they are addicted to masturbation and some fantasies of how it has ruined their lifes and at the end they conclude that masturbation is a sin..And then they start advising you to run from it..

Lol..I have on nairaland for a while now and I have been benefited alot from them so now I feel the need to give back, because a lot of people will benefit from this post and who knows who need it..I did like y'all to know that I am typing from my workplace,so there might be some typo's
Enough intro let's roll

Life is a difficult and complicated thing.

Human beings are the same, but different.

Addiction is far deeper than most people consider, even professionals trained.

As someone who has dealt with addiction all my life, I have a few opinions.

I believe the fundamental root issue with life for a human being… is… “being able to live well, and then actually living well… enough”.

That’s it. There is no more to it than that.

The trouble with addiction is the drugs aren’t good enough. I bet you weren’t expecting I’d say that, but just keep with me…

The question is… “Why is it so hard to break an addiction?” The answer is… because our bodies and mind adjust to whatever it is we are addicted to, and we adjust so well, that we come to need it, and rely on it, just to live well enough (which is our fundamental goal). And therefore, trying to “break” it can be very complicated, and hard. If it isn’t done properly, we will start to lose that feeling of “being able to, and actually living well enough”. And that is far too precious for any human being to risk losing. So we have a natural inner need to resist… that is what addiction is.

So when I said the drugs aren’t good enough, what I really mean is, the thing we are addicted to, is not healthy enough to reflect our fundamental needs.

It’s all about what we are addicted to which determines how we go about breaking it. Every single addiction is different. And every single person is different… but confusingly, also the same.

So even if it is the same substance, activity or whatever, and even if the addict has seemingly similar circumstances, the process for breaking it will be different.

It comes down to what each individual person needs to do… to find a suitable (and healthy) way (means) of “living well enough”. And then, working out a plan to accomplish it. And then, carrying it out without fucking up.

Is it getting deep enough yet? The real deep stuff happens when you are working out what you need to do to live well and healthy for you. Because everyone will be different. Some peoples “means” will be very very very deep and complicated indeed.

First of all we need to determine which things are the same and which are different. The things which are the same, are the things which the professionals know about.

Should I go on? I don’t think I will because it is just so damned complicated and will take a lot more… but I think I answered the question already even though the answer would be different for each case.

For example, why are some people successful at turning their life around and others relapse? It is because the one who failed will not have worked out their fundamental issue…. right? Well not exactly, but it’s a good place to start…

There are just so many factors to consider. Addiction is a very complex topic.

Okay, maybe I will go on a bit longer…

It is my opinion that the way addictions are dealt with at the moment is not quite good enough. The percentage of relapse is way too high, and it’s simply not working as well as it should be.

Too much emphasis is placed on the “All” rather than the individual. It is also not focused enough on the “after care’. The most important aspect to breaking an addiction or “recovery” is not the “breaking the addiction itself part’, it is “how the person should be living without the addiction part”. Sure… it is beginning to focus on this more and more, but like I said before, it needs to be a more individualized process.

At the moment there is AA, NA, everything under the sun A, rational recovery, rehabs, government funded counseling, workshops, etc… Now, don’t get me wrong, all of these things are good, and they do help. But they are all based on “us” as a “the human being”. That’s all very well and good and like I said helpful.. but it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is not being addressed sufficiently.

Again.. The most important thing when addressing an addiction issue is working out what each individual needs, to live a healthy happy life. That is the most important thing. IT NEEDS TO BE THE PRIMARY FOCUS.

It’s complicated, I need to talk about “us” the human being, so as to explain why and how it comes down to a personal “you” or “me”.

There are so many different types of addictions that we can’t really make sweeping statements that cover all. There are harmful addictions, healthy addictions, and some in between. It is the unhealthy ones we are focusing on here, and so when I say addict, I am referring to this.

It is my belief that behind every addict, is a kind of “loneliness”. Addictions develop because the person is lacking in “meaningful relationships”. Sure, they might be loved, and love others, but those relationships will either be dysfunctional, or simply not fulfilling these inner needs in meaning.

What am I talking about? Well… How would a person be so satisfied in his life, that he doesn’t even have a subconscious or conscious desire to fuel an unhealthy addiction?

The answer lies is in his relationships. His relationship with others but especially in himself.

Now this is where it gets deep and complicated. Every person will have a completely unique perspective on this, not to mention set of circumstances. This is traditionally the point where the help stops and the addict is left to his own.

At this point he may have been receiving help for a few weeks, months, or even years already. The addiction help modality people have helped him break the addiction, and given him the basic skills and knowledge to understand a lot of how addiction works in the brain and body. It’s effects on himself and on others. He may now, be well equipped to deal with his grief and even his guilt. He may have learned the skills to recognize his triggers, and what to do when they are initiated. He will know the importance of diet, sleeping habits, exercise, and even healthy relationships.

Hang on! Did I just contradict myself when I mentioned relationships? No… I am referring to a different meaning of the word.

Sure he might now understand how his addiction has skewed his relationships, and he may even have apologized, and even tried to patch them up. And sure these types of relationship issues are very important to address, and deal with. But when I referred to relationships being the fundamental issue behind addiction, I was referring to a different meaning of the word. A different level all together.

What I am talking about here, is a fundamental feeling that we need to have established deep inside of us. It is the thing which gives meaning to our lives and it is reflected in our relationships. It’s what makes us feel good about ourselves. It inspires us, and propels us to strive forwards to meet its demands. It gives us the inner confidence to take the blows, get up, and carry on. And it is profoundly rewarding.

But… what this actually is in physical terms is very difficult to pinpoint. It is different for us all, and is very likely to be the most important challenge we face in our entire life. When we can crack this nut we can quell any addiction no matter how extreme.

So, when I say relationship… I am fore-mostly referring to our relationship with ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves, and not just good, but really good. I mean good in a way which gives us meaning and fulfillment. This means living each day in a way that makes us feel proud of ourselves. When we start living like this, and really do pull it off for real, others will start respecting us too. Our relationships will deepen, and become more meaningful. People will start looking at as for support instead of the other way around. This is what is most important… and not just for beating our addictions, but also for living our life in general. We need to stand up and be the man or the woman others and ourselves can count on. And we need to stop being the victim.

I’m sure you can now see just how difficult this can be (especially in some circumstances). But… breaking an addiction when we haven’t cracked that nut is near impossible, yet that’s exactly what we’ve been trying to do. And that’s why, that in the long term, addiction recovery has such a low success rate.

I am sure at this point some of you might be thinking… how can a person do this if they already feel shit about themselves because of their addiction? Surely you would need to beat the addiction first, and then tackle this “feeling good about yourself stuff”, right? Well… No actually… I’m afraid there is no easy answer to this, and that is one of the reasons why it’s so hard. It needs to fit in alongside hand in hand, with tackling the addiction itself… And, it needs to be the primary focus.

Man… addiction is a tricky hard cunning son of a bitch isn’t it? But when you think about it, everything I’ve said is pretty much common sense, right? I mean… most addicts become addicts in the first place because they haven’t been able to find this very thing that I have been going on about, and they feel shit about that… and addiction is just an escape so they can put it off, or not think about it… right? So it sure makes sense that it be the primary focus!

So.. here we are. That’s about as much as I know. And I guess the real reason why this hasn’t been able to be resolved, is because it is just too damned difficult… however maybe if it were promoted to the forefront, and made the number one priority focus… addiction support methodologies might start helping people more effectively.

And that is my opinion.

Final thought… I have probably been a bit hard on the support services out there these days. If I’m perfectly honest, I’d say a lot of the newer more modern services out there today probably agree with me, and they are indeed slowly but surely bringing this very thing to the forefront of their agendas.

First thing first you have have to UNDERSTAND YOUR ADDICTION
Most people especially nigeria tend to judge things based on a religious bases..So lets start religiously(lol)
Lets observe so addictions closely(I'll talk most extensively on masturbation and gambling because thats the most frequently complained on NL)

To conquer an enemy you must first understand it...yes I said enemey because a addiction is your enemy because it makes you broke,socially akward, it could make your life miserable

Here are some question ask yourself..
What triggers your addiction
Why did you Masturbate/gambe
Why did you even start it in the first place?
And a bonus question..
What could have been different if you never got addicted?

While you think I'll rest my finger's
Will be back to complete this Post..

Righteousness98:
Have You Recovered From An Addiction Yourself?

Yes I won't form mr perfect on a faceless forum
I have been there and I know how it feels..
And I know you can overcome it...

Join this thread
https://www.nairaland.com/6125736/no-masturbation-nairaland

"Hate the act and free your yourself"

Evans Bruce.

Check my signature to get a copy of Evans Bruce's book

I am sorry guys I have been facing series of challenges lately well the good thing is that I am back to finish what I started

Remeber Your Past..
Why?
The past is a part who we are..it reminds of who we were..who we've become and how long it took us to get here..
A philosopher once said the a live that is not worth examining is a live not worth living..
Ask your self how did I get here..
You know I have seen some addicts and non of them is happy with themselves or their lives....
I'll share my story with you all..