Delta007

She is a lady, so you might not understand. She was betrayed and was told lies after lies after lies so she needs to know the absolute truth to be able to fathom why he did it in order for her to be able to move on, otherwise if she sweeps this under the carpet, she is the type of lady that will still use this against him 5 years later because some women cannot endure these kinda things. And he should not be surprised if she suddenly decides to aim her high heel shoes for his forehead one of these days without any forewarning, and he will still be none the wiser And I am not joking.

Until she gets him to open up, she will keep ruminating these incidents in her head over and over and over again, if they don't iron out the kinks now with one baby in the mix. By the time she has the 2nd or 3rd child, it will be too late and when she attempts to speak then, she will not get any sympathetic hearing either from him or families if she involves them, and she will just be brusquely told to go and endure that that is how marriage works (99% in favor of men )

//

come on ladies, this is complete dreamland.
she wants him to say what SHE wants to hear and, there will be no peace in their house until then.
at the beginning husband was opened about his ex and when he saw that it was a HUGE problem for HER, he changed!
she already knows why he said all these lies, its because he has an insecure wife who thinks that his friendship with his ex his an attempt at her marriage.
we can already hear her next plight: choose between ex or me, not knowing that she aint got it all made herself.

the fact that she doesnt trust him is their only problem and she is using this excuses to punish the guy for not standing to her when his family mistreated her aka when the trust was gone and the ¨damage¨ was done (in her own words)

i prepared food for my husband for the first time in 5 days. after eating we talked.

he said he misled me because he did not want me to overreact. he denies any emotional or physical connection with the ex. although he left her, they remained good friends. he would be degrading himself by having an affair, let alone with a semi married woman. he did not think it was important for him to inform me of texting his ex. he clearly understands why i'm mad. he asked me to take his phone for the day and text her whatever i want and see the response for myself.

i asked if there is anything i did wrong. he said absolutely not. i asked if he's fullfilled sexually and otherwise he said yes, that i'm the best woman for him, he does not want anyone else. i asked what i could do to make him happy. he said the only way he's gonna to be happy in the marriage is if i'm happy, that he is easy to please.

This is our first misunderstanding, he's been wonderful to me, i was living a stress free life, he takes care of everything financially even though i work, he wrote me a check yesterday even though i was not cooking for him. those who live in the states understand what that means. he does everything with me in mind. he stays up at night with baby so that i can sleep. but he is not perfect


i choose to believe him, i choose to be happy because i want him to be happy. i have buried the past. i want to show him more love now than ever before.

thank you all for all the help, the last few comments woke me up. thanks,

I'm happy for you. I hope you find true happiness in your home. As you show him more love, try to be more accessible rather than over react on his goofs. With the baby, it is going to be much difficult to have your alone time, but do not underestimate the benefits of spending time together ALONE and discussing about "nothing". You folks seem financially stable; if possible, go on dates a couple times a month and keep the spark in your home.

Congrats on your baby and I wish you both all the best. Hopefully, others will be able to learn from your experience in a few years.

bogoshipo:

i prepared food for my husband for the first time in 5 days. after eating we talked.

he said he misled me because he did not want me to overreact. he denies any emotional or physical connection with the ex. although he left her, they remained good friends. he would be degrading himself by having an affair, let alone with a semi married woman. he did not think it was important for him to inform me of texting his ex. he clearly understands why i'm mad. he asked me to take his phone for the day and text her whatever i want and see the response for myself.

i asked if there is anything i did wrong. he said absolutely not. i asked if he's fullfilled sexually and otherwise he said yes, that i'm the best woman for him, he does not want anyone else. i asked what i could do to make him happy. he said the only way he's gonna to be happy in the marriage is if i'm happy, that he is easy to please.

This is our first misunderstanding, he's been wonderful to me, i was living a stress free life, he takes care of everything financially even though i work, he wrote me a check yesterday even though i was not cooking for him. those who live in the states understand what that means. he does everything with me in mind. he stays up at night with baby so that i can sleep. but he is not perfect


i choose to believe him, i choose to be happy because i want him to be happy. i have buried the past. i want to show him more love now than ever before.

thank you all for all the help, the last few comments woke me up. thanks,

Now go and show him some love making Calabar style

Glad it worked out for you! Congratulations! :-)

I am truly happy for you.
Thank God!!
Sometimes the solution to problems lies in our hands and you have done a super job here.
Your husband is a good man and you are a woman with a big heart only still having the spontaneousness of youth.
Sorry I had to be hard in my words, only wanted to jolt you before you throw away what God has blessed you with.
Remember marriage is a battle you should never win or loose against the other side.
If you loose you get crushed. You win and you are on the battle field alone.
Patience and love is needed for two partners to became one, both maintaining their dignity and individuality.

bogoshipo:

i prepared food for my husband for the first time in 5 days. after eating we talked.

he said he misled me because he did not want me to overreact. he denies any emotional or physical connection with the ex. although he left her, they remained good friends. he would be degrading himself by having an affair, let alone with a semi married woman. he did not think it was important for him to inform me of texting his ex. he clearly understands why i'm mad. he asked me to take his phone for the day and text her whatever i want and see the response for myself.

i asked if there is anything i did wrong. he said absolutely not. i asked if he's fullfilled sexually and otherwise he said yes, that i'm the best woman for him, he does not want anyone else. i asked what i could do to make him happy. he said the only way he's gonna to be happy in the marriage is if i'm happy, that he is easy to please.

This is our first misunderstanding, he's been wonderful to me, i was living a stress free life, he takes care of everything financially even though i work, he wrote me a check yesterday even though i was not cooking for him. those who live in the states understand what that means. he does everything with me in mind. he stays up at night with baby so that i can sleep. but he is not perfect


i choose to believe him, i choose to be happy because i want him to be happy. i have buried the past. i want to show him more love now than ever before.

thank you all for all the help, the last few comments woke me up. thanks,

Good, good choice. Priceless!

bogoshipo:

i prepared food for my husband for the first time in 5 days. after eating we talked.

he said he misled me because he did not want me to overreact. he denies any emotional or physical connection with the ex. although he left her, they remained good friends. he would be degrading himself by having an affair, let alone with a semi married woman. he did not think it was important for him to inform me of texting his ex. he clearly understands why i'm mad. he asked me to take his phone for the day and text her whatever i want and see the response for myself.

i asked if there is anything i did wrong. he said absolutely not. i asked if he's fullfilled sexually and otherwise he said yes, that i'm the best woman for him, he does not want anyone else. i asked what i could do to make him happy. he said the only way he's gonna to be happy in the marriage is if i'm happy, that he is easy to please.

This is our first misunderstanding, he's been wonderful to me, i was living a stress free life, he takes care of everything financially even though i work, he wrote me a check yesterday even though i was not cooking for him. those who live in the states understand what that means. he does everything with me in mind. he stays up at night with baby so that i can sleep. but he is not perfect


i choose to believe him, i choose to be happy because i want him to be happy. i have buried the past. i want to show him more love now than ever before.

thank you all for all the help, the last few comments woke me up. thanks,

I don't want to rain on your parade, but your man is being too nice and needs to toughen up and be honest. He probably said you didn't do anything wrong because he did not want another argument. But, you have a lot of introspection to do. I suggest you go read a book called "The proper feeding and care of husbands'.

Everything your husband said to you was obvious to me immediately I read your posts. You have a very special man and I will advise you to do everything in your power to avoid drama and make him happy. If you do this, he will even be way more nicer to you than he is now,

it's been a year since i posted this. its been up and down emotionally for me, we have another baby. in light of what happenned, i was never comfortable with my husband maintaining a personal friendship with his ex girlfriend, so i finally told him to cut it off in may 2011. around october, i discovered they were still talking, when he discovered google number, he notified me first, then her. it was heartbreaking for me emotionally. but i let it go. i decided dec 2011 to ask her respectfully and politely via fb, how she would feel if she discovered her husband was carrying on a friendship with an ex without her knowledge. i told my husband days later what i did. he said i was crazy for contacting someone i don't know.She never responded, so i just assumed she doesn't frequently use fb. i discovered yesterday that my husband never stop talking his ex, and they both use fb and other apps as means of communication. we had pest issues in our backyard last week, i saw a text refering to that and the store she usually goes to. apart from that i do not know the content of their frequent conversations.

when i asked him, he denied talking to her, then said he does not remember the last time, asked if the ex contacted me. i feel so ashamed of myself. he is saying the ex never brought up the mail i sent her.

does anyone out there understand why im so hurt by this?

you are being played. do you know his cell phone carrier? contact them and pay for a copy of the convo. bug your home and the computer.
girl, shine ya eyes.

What did you expect? that all the messages will stop? you are living in a fools paradise. When I was following your thread in the last year, I noticed how naive you were and still are. How can you be so stoopid enough to be in Nigeria with your husband and let an ex who lives outside the country to control your marriage? don't you know how to put your foot down? can you not show that man that you are able to castrate him and walk out at the same time? what kind of disrespect is this one sef? you are a rebound in his life so get used to it as he will never get over his ex.

Worst of all was going ahead and bringing another innocent kid into your complicated life, what did you think? the more kids I have the better for me as their presence in his life might cause him to change? news flash darling, you can have as many kids as possible, your husband is still going to be cheating on you if he wants to and know this, HE IS NOT JUST CHEATING WITH AN EX, HE IS FULFILLING HIS FANTASY(OF WANTING TO BE WITH HIS EX AGAIN) ON OTHER WOMEN AROUND YOU, YOU MIGHT WANT TO START WORKING ON THAT

Bug his phone, were is your Nigerian detective cap? put it on will you and get as much proof as possible and then go from there, all you have is just proof that he is still sending his ex text messages, you do not even know what the contents are.

What a man you married.

i agree wt Jenny 100% wise up girl and start acting!

bogoshipo: my husband of 2yrs has always been good and consistent to me. to outsiders i live a fairy tale life. but everything unravelled months ago when i got verbally abused by members of his family. i felt he did not handle the situation well, still feel that way. long story short, they said i have no authority in my house because of our income disparities, mine u I'm well educated, and was financially stable as a single person before i decided to take a pay cut and move after we got married. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO WARRANT THE INSULT. That is The truth. anyway i lost trust for my husband after th incident. although he has reassured me that I'm the most important person in his life, to me the damage was done.

i started looking around. he gave me link for discount sent by his ex. i was suprise, to my knowledge they were not communicating, because each time i asked about her, he always said the same thing, i have not spoken to her in a long time. they broke up 06, we met 07. but he once asked for permission to check out her new house, i told him it was highly inappropriate since this girl still wanted him. to my knowledge he did not go, and i put her on my list of things to watch for.

so i was surprise when he spoke about her, i thought why is she in the picture when we r having problems, i asked who made the first contact, he replied her. i went to check, i noticed he made the first contact, they exchange 18 messages that day, not only that i saw that he's been in contact with her the whole time. some months they exchange up to 56 text. in all they exchange more than 300 messages. i was livid, he told i had no right to check his phone, he deleted all messages exchange with her so i could not even see the content. i packed my bags and left the house. he called and begged me to come back.

excuses: he was trying to help her get a job. she is living with a guy, and she's also pregnant, that what is he gonna do with a pregnant. he promised to keep future text messages to show his innocence. fast forward. val day, i noticed they exchanged 18 messages, when i checked his phone, all messages were deleted again. he said his Sim card crashed. the crash left other messages on his phone but magically deleted those ones.

i also discovered he's been chatting explicitly with a lot of girls on line as well as having video conversation. he said he was bored.

I am mad, i am sad, sometimes i forgive but then when i think of the excuses, i can't help but ask if I'm sane, i don't know where to go from here, i have threatened to live a couple of times, i really don't know how to get past this. some please talk to me,

Sorry I had to quote.

This is so sad.

Your hubby loves you but apparently he is finding it hard keeping up with you. Things like dis happen wen couples start doing dia own thing seperately.

Am not blaming you. Your husband is getting bored, so he should think of a way to revitalize your marriage by carrying you along. Instead he isn't. He def has 'ojukokoro'.

If you still have be energy, prolly you should quit checking on him now and concentrate on reminding him why he married. Be more loving n caring and ignore his excesses for now.

Like dat, he go relax n forget to delete his messages. Then u can read and then pounce on him.lol

Seriously, I feel ur pain. i wish sumone can knock some commonsense into that hubby of yours.

bogoshipo: it's been a year since i posted this. its been up and down emotionally for me, we have another baby. in light of what happenned, i was never comfortable with my husband maintaining a personal friendship with his ex girlfriend, so i finally told him to cut it off in may 2011. around october, i discovered they were still talking, when he discovered google number, he notified me first, then her. it was heartbreaking for me emotionally. but i let it go. i decided dec 2011 to ask her respectfully and politely via fb, how she would feel if she discovered her husband was carrying on a friendship with an ex without her knowledge. i told my husband days later what i did. he said i was crazy for contacting someone i don't know.She never responded, so i just assumed she doesn't frequently use fb. i discovered yesterday that my husband never stop talking his ex, and they both use fb and other apps as means of communication. we had pest issues in our backyard last week, i saw a text refering to that and the store she usually goes to. apart from that i do not know the content of their frequent conversations.

when i asked him, he denied talking to her, then said he does not remember the last time, asked if the ex contacted me. i feel so ashamed of myself. he is saying the ex never brought up the mail i sent her.

does anyone out there understand why im so hurt by this?

u should be hurt n raving mad sef. U need to put ur foot down and ask him to choose between you and his ex.

Ur hubby is plain addicted to dis gal dat he hardly does anything without informing her. He is blinded by whatever hold she has on him. So, you have to do dis the hard way.

Are you sure you did your homework well b4 marrying him?

Prolly he should go and marry her.shior

peaceheartt: i agree wt Jenny 100% wise up girl and start acting!

hiya, how are u? I hope things are being sorted out

Before posting my previous message, I told him I was done with the marriage and took off my rings. Today he apologized for putting me through all that stress, he knelt down and said he was sorry. He said I should mark today,s date down, he would remind me of it. He deleted number, will delete fb and email accounts. I'm still very much hurt when I think of the whole situation, but what can I do? Other than allowing time to heal my wound. Thanks for the responses. Jenny I live in the States.

bogoshipo: Before posting my previous message, I told him I was done with the marriage and took off my rings. Today he apologized for putting me through all that stress, he knelt down and said he was sorry. He said I should mark today,s date down, he would remind me of it. He deleted number, will delete fb and email accounts. I'm still very much hurt when I think of the whole situation, but what can I do? Other than allowing time to heal my wound. Thanks for the responses. Jenny I live in the States.

Well, letz wait and observe if he will be true to his words. To err is human to forgive is divine.

Wish you all d best

bogoshipo: Before posting my previous message, I told him I was done with the marriage and took off my rings. Today he apologized for putting me through all that stress, he knelt down and said he was sorry. He said I should mark today,s date down, he would remind me of it. He deleted number, will delete fb and email accounts. I'm still very much hurt when I think of the whole situation, but what can I do? Other than allowing time to heal my wound.Thanks for the responses. Jenny I live in the States.

Not good enough, he has apologized before infact a million and one times, this to me is no different.

Let me tell you the simple truth and you can chose to agree with me or not agree with me. What he has going on with his ex(feelings or whatever) has gone so far and so deep that there is no way on earth he is going to snap out of it in a blink of an eye just because you want him to, It cannot happen.

Your marriage, your life

jennykadry:
Not good enough, he has apologized before infact a million and one times, this to me is no different.

Let me tell you the simple truth and you can chose to agree with me or not agree with me. What he has going on with his ex(feelings or whatever) has gone so far and so deep that there is no way on earth he is going to snap out of it in a blink of an eye just because you want him to, It cannot happen.

Your marriage, your life

Madam Jennykadry, wetin be your wahala sef? The lady in question has already confronted her hubby and he has decided to sever all contact towards his Ex. For goodness sake, allow him to come through with his promise. There is no point trying to break the lady's spirit. You claim to be a Christian, isn't forgiveness part of what the bible teaches you Allow the lady try and build her home. Young lady, you've been through a lot the past year and by standing firm and resolute, you have given him a chance to change his ways. I wanna applaud you for that. Stay firm and make him responsible to word. I wish you the very best.

A man that constantly cheats has no business with Christianity so drop that nonsense black mail. I am not here to tell her what she wants to hear or what some of yous want to hear, this man has apologized a lot of times but keeps going back to the ex. If he likes let him apologize on CNN and play his mind games, for someone like me, that nonsense does not work.

You all can close your eyes and not read my replies or open your eyes and deal with it, the choice is yours

jennykadry: A man that constantly cheats has no business with Christianity so drop that nonsense black mail. I am not here to tell her what she wants to hear or what some of yous want to hear, this man has apologized a lot of times but keeps going back to the ex. If he likes let him apologize on CNN and play his mind games, for someone like me, that nonsense does not work.

You all can close your eyes and not read my replies or open your eyes and deal with it, the choice is yours

So madam, what do you want her to do? Pack her bags and leave the marriage? If she wants to leave him, let that be her own DECISION and not you forcing her to see through your perspective.

Kindly quote where I told her to leave her husband, or forever be still.

Sorry to derail the thread but JKadry this is for u,have to write in igbo abeg try to decode(My apologies to all others)

Ima akuko nwanyi anwa ogo,ndi be di ya si na onwee oya ona aya bidoo mgbe amuu ya mana ndi be ya agwaro di ya.Oga abu ife mee oji wee nodu ebe anwa ana akugbu ya.echegidegom maka oya lungs.Okwa iguu med?Aguum med too.Ife mcheputaa bu Cystic Fib(amam na ighotaa ifem na ekwu)..Okwa onwee ike ibu ya?

aghotara'm ife i'ne ku(cystic fibrosis) ma'na fa si na obu lung disease ka ogo gabi'gara,cyst fib ne me not only lungs affect, o'ne me kwa pancreas, liver na intestine. Lung disease juru ebe ni'ne, onwe ike bu any other disease ne'me the lung affect. ma'na ebe fa si na, obidoro mgbe ogo bu nwata kiri, then onwe i'ke bu cyst.

ibobabe: Sorry to derail the thread but JKadry this is for u,have to write in igbo abeg try to decode(My apologies to all others)

Ima akuko nwanyi anwa ogo,ndi be di ya si na onwee oya ona aya bidoo mgbe amuu ya mana ndi be ya agwaro di ya.Oga abu ife mee oji wee nodu ebe anwa ana akugbu ya.echegidegom maka oya lungs.Okwa iguu med?Aguum med too.Ife mcheputaa bu Cystic Fib(amam na ighotaa ifem na ekwu)..Okwa onwee ike ibu ya?

Ihe osokwa ya yawa na oya, ya burugodi obiri n'aja ocha. Nwoke ahu kwesiri itunye egbe nisi. Nne kedu ka idi?

Whatever they say now is damage control. The cannot tell lies against the dead. I know the girl personally. Thunder fire their mouths.

@ topic

What is the topic again? cheating is bad

Agaba are you still alive? kedi ebe nwunye gi kpo gi je

People are soo quick, men will have been jumping up and down. The way i see it the man cheated, was a coward and lied ,yet the woman decided to show him more love than ever? Well done and congratulations. Good for you. Ive been told that the only way a woman can be respected is in her husbands home. What a load of bull crap. But well done and congratulations, you have chosen your path, you had children even though you had problems. Just learn to live with it.
Forget your feelings, talking to his ex makes him happy and you want him to be happy she? Is that not what makes you happy? Carry on there.

I cannot blame men atimes, women behave soo foolishly its hard not to mess up!

Agaba eeee
So you are still alivehmmmmm
I feel so sad about the babe,only the family knows the truth.

JK
Ehh CF na eme affect all parts but marjorly the lungs..Lotekwa na ona cause infertility maka effect on mucus,yanwa bu ifem ji kwuo ya plus obidoo mgbe obu nwata.Akam na echeputa oya ozo.

@ POSTER,sooo sorryyyy..
Have you considered Keylogger software and bugging equipment ie if you want to know for sure that they have stopped all communication?You don't have any proof so you could be accusing him for nothing as he has blatantly denied that he hasn't been contacting her..
It's either this software or trusting that he will keep his word this time.