Resolving Marriage Crisis the Gov. Ortom Way

By: Deji Yesufu

The matter of spousal abuse was brought to fore again this past few days in the annals of Nigeria’s never ending melodrama when one Ifeyinwa Angbo took to Twitter and published a 90 second video of her ordeal in the hands of her husband, Pius Angbo – a staff of Channels television. In the video, Ifeyinwa explained that she is a medical doctor and had been married for six year – a union that has produced four children. With her face only recently brutalized, she talked about how she had endured years of beating at the hands of her husband. To the extent of this man sitting on her while she was pregnant and thumbing on the wounds of her caesarean section. In matters of hours the video had gone viral and had even reached the office of the Benue State Governor. Governor Samuel Ortom stepped into the family crisis and the matter has since been resolved. A news conference was granted and the public was duly informed of the couple resolving their issues and hopefully they will live happily ever after.

This couple’s problem brings to fore an age-old trouble with marriages: spousal abuse. In more developed climes Mr. Pius Angbo will be in jail by now but in Nigeria, State Governors step into celebrated family issues and help them resolve the matter. I will return to Mr. Governor later. Suffice to state here that while husbands beating wives is a very common event in spousal abuse matters there are other cases of abuse that usually go unreported and unnoticed. There are husbands who will not raise a finger to touch their wives but the words of their mouths are killing the woman daily. There are wives who oppress their husbands with their finances: they do not lend a hand to foot family burdens, they build houses and own properties without their husbands’ knowledge, and they strut around the home with pride because they do not depend on the man. There are husbands who punish their wives by depriving them of sexual intimacy, while many more women use sex to control their husbands. Marriage, as far as I am concerned, comes with a deep chemistry around it. I had once argued that marriage is difficult; right now I think it is more than difficult – marriage is mysterious.

Many people have said that Mrs. Angbo is foolish to acquiesce to those seeking to resolve the problem in her home. One commentator on radio said she clearly had been subdued. What most of us do not know is that there is something called the complete picture. The people who resolved the Angbo family crisis most likely saw the whole picture and realized that many more marriages have endured worse situations and have come out successful with time. The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story. This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard. I find it interesting that many ladies are calling for the head of Pius. They forget that what is actually playing out in situations when men beat their wives is simply the stronger subduing the weaker. Many women also physically abuse their house-helps who they have greater strength over. Thus this matter is the issue of a depraved heart playing out in a fallen world; it is more than just a man beating a woman. To therefore resolve matters like this, the two sides will state their positions and when they both understand where they have gone wrong, reconciliation will be easier. When one party thinks he or she is the abused, and the entire fault belongs to the other party – there won’t be any reconciliation. The Angbos found reconciliation because the people arbitrating their matter helped them to see where both of them might have been wrong.

Reconciliation is also easier in marriage when the man and a woman are under proper authority, and here I would be employing biblical truths to make my point. One pastor said that the reason why couples rarely resolve issues among themselves in because of a loss of respect between them. The reason why Governor Ortom could resolve the Angbo’s family crisis is because the two spouses respected the person of the Governor. Incidentally the Bible makes the matter of respect and honor to be paramount in a marriage, and it is the wife the Bible calls to respect and honor her husband. Marriages are in crisis today because the age-old maxim “wife submit to your husband” is being disputed by a liberal age today. When a wife does not respect her husband, she will employ the weapon she has: which is usually her tongue against her husband and many men will lash out against their wives with the weapon they have – their brute strength. The Yorubas say that “sorry” comes in two genders: male and female. A woman that does not respect her husband can say the most innocuous thing with such deeply hateful innuendoes that only the man will understand. This might lead to increasing frustration that will eventually end up in his attacking the woman physically.

While the woman endeavors to honor and respect her husband, the man also has the duty to honoring and respecting his wife. The moment a man begins to have extra marital affairs he opens his home to all kinds of demonic activities. The man who sleeps with other women, should be able to bear the pain of seeing other men sleep with his wife. If he cannot handle this, he should zip us his trousers. This is where religion, particularly the Christian faith, comes with a lot of advantage. The Christian man is taught daily by God the Holy Spirit within him to keep his eyes single. The practice of godliness, which requires the exercising of God’s grace over one’s weakness, is an age-old requirement for Christian men and blessed indeed is that church that teaches its men to be holy – in their bodies and spirit. When a man has a single eye, he has overcomed more than half of the problems that will befall most homes. If the allegations against Pius Angbo are correct, he should be blamed for the crisis that came on his home.

On a final note, I cannot help but see the hypocrisy written all over the matter of a sitting Governor, leaving important State matters, to go and settle family crisis. The hypocrisy in it all is this: who will resolve the problem in the family life of other couples in Benue State? Will Mr. Governor continue to hold press conferences on a marriage crisis? Should all women now begin to take to social media to report their husbands’ malfeasance? I would have taken Mr. Ortom seriously if after settling that matter, he states clearly that he and his team have further empowered perhaps the ministry of women or some other related ministries to help families resolve family crisis. If Mr. Governor had said he was sending a bill to the State legislative house to help strengthen family life, I would have understood. What I saw, in that press conference, was the Governor of a State doing something he ought not to be involved with. In a country where people have work to do, they will not be using state time and resources to settle celebrated domestic matters. One wonders what will happen to the thousands of other people who are being physically, verbally, and psychologically abused by their spouses.

As we lay the matter of the Angbo family crisis to rest, I will counsel the public against this quick resort to divorce that many advocate in matters of spousal abuse. We are told that many men kill their wives; incidentally we have quite a number of women today on trial over killing their husbands. My point is that the matter cuts two ways. I am sure there is no one that enters marriage with the intention of killing their partners. Crisis happen in the home and these things spill over in different ways. I will counsel couples to have authority figures over themselves. One of the greatest disservice that this American Christianity has done to Christian homes in this country is that they usually have no answer to marriage troubles. Most times they are too busy seeking to be financially successful they do not know how to counsel couples to live in harmony. A church should however be a place where couples can have their matters resolved. For those who do not go to church, you will still need an authority figure over you; someone the man or woman can report matters to when there are crisis in the home. If this happens, women would not have to take to social media and appeal to the court of public opinions and our State Governors will also find better things to use their time to do.

Marriage is a difficult and mysterious institution. It is even more so in a country like Nigeria.

Source: https://textandpublishing.com/resolving-marriage-crisis-the-gov-ortom-way/

This was a good read and it pointed out lots of very important information, questions and I dare say, useful advice on the institution of marriage especially in our climes here.

The writer is mad, she has always been

efighter:
The writer is mad, she has always been

Mryacks:
This was a good read and it pointed out lots of very important information, questions and I dare say, useful advice on the institution of marriage especially in our climes here.

Compare and contrast the two comments. Seun, Mynd44, Lalasticlala consider for front page

If the learned and highly educated can't have a blissful spousal union then you need to agree with me that marriage is a union than can only be successful when ordain by God the creator of the institution

Going by the assault video, the man no get joy at all, what if she had died eventually?.......In a sane country this man should be jailed immediately..... nonsense n pius angbo

If you see what really happens in marriages eh...

U will stay away from marriage...


E nor easy at all at all.... Aswearugad

Say No to domestic violence

I believe this writeup had the christian community in mind. I can't be wrong. But I can almost feel the presence of atheists and troublemakers commenting. Why is the reconciliation paining some of you?? As far as a Christian marriage is concerned, there is always room for reconciliation, no matter the hurt incurred. Who heads the reconciliation plan is what's in contention here, I suppose. But mind you, the governor is also a father, an elder & a Pastor, so give him a break.

Doctor & Journalist?! hmm. From experience, I can bet she earns more, so tell me... it would take grace to respect the one that God has placed as head. No pun! she won't be without a fault. But a lot of Christians are quick to judge one party, calling for divorce, etc. There should be sanctions by ChannelsTV (I want that). However, even if the man is guilty, the woman isn't ready to quit. Is she?! she probably wants him to be sorry again (Yes! she's put up with it for 6years). She has probably made a mistake with marrying such a man, like many do, but he is not beyond redemption. Too bad she made the mistake of giving some misfits the duty to advise her on social media.

Simply put: Marriage is for the Godly. The manual is the scriptures, not the media or government. No body, not even a spiritual leader, will be a good spouse, if they do not play by the rules of engagement; Agape love (as Christ love the Church), & Respect for each other. Love of God would transcend to your spouse. And respect for each other. Deji A. said made valid points. Marriage is a mystery that no none spiritual entity can be successful in it. It is a spiritual union for the spiritual. Shalom.

Governor now a Marital counsellor


Madam if you die,you just die for nothing


Check past antecedents of women wey die for nothing because they marry your kind husband

Shebi Na only slap wey he slap you,he go soon break your head.

Anyway you're a medical doctor so you know the drug you will prescribe for yourself

Medical doctor wey no get sense.keep exposing your children to a violent and turbulent marriage

When you die the governor,his entourage and your family Will come and cry crocodile tears and pay your husband courtesy visit, that's if he is not already fuckin another woman
After that day life goes on


Abi who remembers titi arowolo again?

See the fools standing behind smiling like imbeciles

I am disappointed by this idiot nonsense time wasting mumu writer


Can't u just give ur readers exactly what they hoped to know


The topic says (solving marriage problem the ortom way) but u just wanted people's time only talking about you senseless self and ur animal life



Instead of simply reporting what and the strategy people came to read



Ewu
Kparawo

Nice write up

Abeg I dey sleep

What I see here is some audio settlement just to please the person of the governor. That mad dog called Anbo would definitely get high and beat the living day light out of his wife again in no distance time because chronic wife beaters like him hardly change.


That woman should pack her bags and leave that marriage or else we maybe having another murder case in court soon

The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story.
This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard.

But for that sort of injury we saw on her face,
And he sitting on her tummy after a CS,
The Channels TV man must be a semi-animal in human skin!

We Rise!

capitalzero:

But the man refuses to share his story. I learnt he is a cheater and womaniser. I think the man should speak up if he has nothing to hide.

You have a very good point here bro.
He could be as guilty as charged.

One of us @[/b] who is a Barrister just
told us that, Sometimes in law, [b]SILENCE MEANS CONSENT!

teamsynergy:

I am sure if the guy kills her too, you will ask to hear his side of the story ,so you can find a way to excuse his henious crime

If that is the way your hate-filled brain interprete our post,
We owe you no explanation!
We don't have the time to school you like a 5 year old....Okay?
Get Busy with life, the year is almost over.
No Cap!

texazzpete:
Anyone supporting this ‘reconciliation’ is an accursed clown.

How can you see someone come out to report a long running crime of assault and you’re cheering on a ‘reconciliation’ so he will continue to beat her ? You think the man will suddenly change?

You’re holding press conference with the woman still having bruises on her face. Nonsense.

This is basically condoning domestic violence.

That was what the writer we quoted was exactly doing....Supporting violence!

The governor has no business settling that case, the husband ouat to be in jail in a sane clime for such an assault on that lady.

post=96879609:
The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story. This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard

Hmmm

Marital issues if this nature goes beyond media trials and paparazzi. SMH

VBCampaign:
Resolving Marriage Crisis the Gov. Ortom Way

By: Deji Yesufu



Source: https://textandpublishing.com/resolving-marriage-crisis-the-gov-ortom-way/

Wives beaters no dey repent o but I just hope I am wrong.

post=96879609:
The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story. This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard

Is there a justifiable reason to serially beat ones wife? Just asking...

Beautiful nonsense

The Nigga looks like he will do it again.....

EdmundChidera:
I still wonder why some people hates the fact that he resolved their martial issues, marriage issues always occurs that's why we have consultant that addresses the issue or a third party. Ortom as a Governor can help because he's a married man and an elder as well

She will end up dead. Penny wise, pound foolish.

Marriage is a difficult and mysterious institution. It is even more so in a country like Nigeria.

I couldn't agree any less.. Very beautiful piece, nicely put.

post=96879609:
The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story. This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard

I am sure if the guy kills her too, you will ask to hear his side of the story ,so you can find a way to excuse his henious crime

post=96879609:
The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story.
This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard.

But for that sort of injury we saw on her face,
The man must be a semi-animal in human skin.

We Rise!

there is no excuse for sitting on a cs incision. That woman will end up dead. Saddest she can incur internal hemorrhages and increased intracranial pressure with all the blows to her head. She needs to move on from that man. He will murder her.

EdmundChidera:
I still wonder why some people hates the fact that he resolved their martial issues, marriage issues always occurs that's why we have consultant that addresses the issue or a third party. Ortom as a Governor can help because he's a married man and an elder as well

A man that chokes his wife, sits or her incision, beats a nursing mother mercilessly infront of their kids ...

I pray you never experience this....

post=96879609:
The video we saw Ifeyinwa make was still her own side of the story; the man in question has not said his own side of the story.
This is not to condone beating in marriage but to explain that in matters of crisis management, the two sides of the story should be heard.

But for that sort of injury we saw on her face,
The man must be a semi-animal in human skin.

We Rise!

But the man refuses to share his story. I learnt he is a cheater and womaniser. I think the man should speak up if he has nothing to hide.

And the man is also lucky that he has an idle governor.
If Ortom was busy working as a governor should, he wouldn't have had time for marriage counseling