I have a male kid that is about 3 years old and I recently observed that a particular kid in the compound that is 2 months older than him always attempt to bully him at sight.

The few times this have happened in my presence, I restrained my son from retaliating cos the boy in question is autistic. Though my wife also informed me, there was a day my son fought back and the boy stopped his bullying attempt for a while afterwards.

This morning my son was about to leave for school. Immediately he came out of the apartment, the boy ran towards him and hit him. Once more, I stopped my son from hitting him back but this time his mum (my neighbour) experienced the scenario and only made a remark to the boy to stop looking for trouble. I felt she made the remark just to create an impression that she was concerned.

I've been feeling so uneasy about this since morning and this is obviously a bullying case and I'm subtly training my kid to tolerate it. Hence, I've concluded that the next time such will happen, I will ask my boy to fight back.

Just to have your opinion on this matter, is fighting back the best approach in this situation putting into consideration the health condition of the bully ?

Allow your son to defend himself please. I'll so teach my future kids how to defend themselves against any form of bully. Anyways they'll naturally take after me.

Very important at that age if you don't want to raise a Simple Gaybriel son like Doyin Okupe did.


Here's how it works:
Scenario A
Bully slaps boy
Boy cries
Boy looks around for parents
Boy is alone
Boy is scared 😢
Boy submits
Boy begins to do only as told by strangers
Boy is gone


Scenario B
Bully slaps boy
Boy cries
Boy looks around for parents
Boy is alone
Boy retaliates
Bully is shocked 😳
Bully hesitates
Boy understands that his response stops the beating
Bully understands that he can also be at the receiving end
Awkward pause
Awkward pause again
Boy is now a man


The End
................................................................................................

Make sure it is the boy who does this on his own. Never beat up his peers for him otherwise he will become reliant on others to solve his problems.

Better for your kid to be the bully at adolescence which can be corrected at teenage than to be the submissive.

When u are alone with your son, tell him to fight back.

When u see the scene play out, just tell your son to stop it. Then take him inside.

Problem solve.

All these other people don't get it till u tell your child to react.

Why are you restraining your son?

Foodqueen:
When u are alone with your son, tell him to fight back.

When u see the scene play out, just tell your son to stop it. Then take him inside.

Problem solve.

All these other people don't get it till u tell your child to react.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this

Tallesty1:
Why are you restraining your son?

My major concerns here is the bully's health. The guy is autistic. Can barely move perfectly but very troublesome

IyaebeTheGreat:
Allow your son to defend himself please. I'll so teach my future kids how to defend themselves against any form of bully. Anyways they'll naturally take after me.

Thanks

victorVIC1:
■ I've been feeling so uneasy about this since morning and this is obviously a bullying case and I'm subtly training my kid to tolerate it. Hence, I've concluded that the next time such will happen, I will ask my boy to fight back.

Just to have your opinion on this matter, is fighting back the best approach in this situation putting into consideration the health condition of the bully ?

Violence is never the right answer as far as bullying. Also, since the boy in question is autistic, it wouldn't be right to ask your son to beat him up. You should talk to the boy's mother about the problem so she realizes that you are not at all happy with the situation and if necessary, keep your kid away from him if that is what it takes. At the same time, you should begin teaching your kid what to do when bullied since he is already exposed to it this early in life and might be wondering why his own folks aren't fighting the "enemy" for him.

Equally, take time to teach your kid all you can about autism so he maybe better understand such kids, and why the kid next door keeps being mean to him. At least that way he grows with a strong self-esteem instead of thinking he is hated by the neighbor's kid.

Was he actually clinically diagnosed to be autistic or his parents are just using autism as a cover up?🤔

I have coached my kids how to always deal with bullies.
Always fight back,the child no get 2 heads.

If I were you , I'd give my son a pocket 🗡 or a small bottle . Forget what you have been thought , sometimes violence is the solution .

You want a 3 year old to learn how to fight? You said the kid is autistic, so you should know better that he doesn't exactly know what he's doing.

My advice is to talk to the mum about her son and tell her to learn to restrain him.

Explain to your son that the other boy is just trying to be friendly and that's his own way of expressing friendship. Hopefully, the mother will take heed and this will all go away. That 'bully' is going through a lot as it is.

Na to fight back o.infact, my son is joining a karate club in anticipation of any nonsense bully. Let him scatter ground first, when they call me I will answer.

I understand that the boy is autistic and probably trying to say hello, but it is the responsibility of his parents to teach him a better way of saying his hello. I cant shout biko.

Mindlog:
Was he actually clinically diagnosed to be autistic or his parents are just using autism as a cover up?🤔

Because the kid picks on other kids? We used to have an autistic kid back when I was a kid, who would bully kids as they walked past his compound. He was always drooling so kids automagically ran away from him as he came running at them. I eventually had to bark back at him to cause him to stop doing that but he was definitely autistic.

Mindlog:
Was he actually clinically diagnosed to be autistic or his parents are just using autism as a cover up?🤔

His situation was medically confirmed. It's also obvious from his physical movements. Plus he has speech impairment

Kobojunkie:
Because the kid picks on other kids? We used to have an autistic kid back when I was a kid, who would bully kids as they walked past his compound. He was always drooling so kids automagically ran away from him as he came running at them. I eventually had to bark back at him to cause him to stop doing that but he was definitely autistic.

The kid acts same way. I literally have to double check he's not hanging around when reversing cos he's just all over the place. Unfortunately, his mum is not supervising him closely

Kobojunkie:
Because the kid picks on other kids? We used to have an autistic kid back when I was a kid, who would bully kids as they walked past his compound. He was always drooling so kids automagically ran away from him as he came running at them. I eventually had to bark back at him to cause him to stop doing that but he was definitely autistic.

Ok because I have worked with some kids with conduct disorder and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) whose parents insisted they were autistic to rationalize their behaviour but when the assessments came back, they weren't.

victorVIC1:
■ The kid acts same way. I literally have to double check he's not hanging around when reversing cos he's just all over the place. Unfortunately, his mum is not supervising closely

1. Such kids are hard to keep in check or even educate but not impossible to do. That is why it is essential that parents who have them put in the right schools as early as possible in order to get them started early. The parents probably have a hard time keeping up with them which is why I think kids around need education in order not to take their behavior personally and also to try to avoid violent confrontations with them as much as possible.

Mindlog:
■ Ok because I have worked with some kids with conduct disorder and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) whose parents insisted they were autistic to rationalize their behaviour but when the assessments came back, they weren't.

Parents actually wish such wickedness on their kids? Na insanity be that abeg! I grew up knowing at least 2 autistic kids with whom I had a direct conflict off and on. They were very loud, and to some extent violent. No adult had to inform me those two were autistic at all. I pitied their condition since they each couldn't speak, but there was not much I could do since I didn't understand them.

zed7:
You want a 3 year old to learn how to fight? You said the kid is autistic, so you should know better that he doesn't exactly know what he's doing.

My advice is to talk to the mum about her son and tell her to learn to restrain him.

Explain to your son that the other boy is just trying to be friendly and that's his own way of expressing friendship. Hopefully, the mother will take heed and this will all go away. That 'bully' is going through a lot as it is.

I will engage his mum on this and also try as much as possible to keep my son away from him. if the situation persists, I would leave my son to defend himself cos this kind of situation pushes kids to lose their defence mechanism if not properly managed

victorVIC1:


His situation was medically confirmed. It's also obvious from his physical movements. Plus he has speech impairment

His parents needs to get him professional intervention as soon as possible such as a Certified Autism Specialist, who would help them better manage him.

Mindlog:


His parents needs to get him professional intervention as soon as possible such as a Certified Autism Specialist, who would help them better manage him.

I concur. I guess the financial cost implications of incurring such services scare some parents away.

ahnie:
I have coached my kids how to always deal with bullies.
Always fight back,the child no get 2 heads.

They have to know how to fight first though.

GloriousGbola:


They have to know how to fight first though.

Omo I was over bullied when I was a kid,down to my teenage years.

My kids knows how to fight now,if you cross their patience limits.

victorVIC1:


I concur. I guess the financial cost implications of incurring such services scare some parents away.

Yes, it is not easily affordable. Maybe they can look into health insurance covers that could help with the costs.

Mindlog:


Yes, it is not easily affordable. Maybe they can look into health insurance covers that could help with the costs.

Good suggestion. Will share this information with my wife. Perhaps she can fuse it into one of their discussions as she is closer to the boy's mom

victorVIC1:


Good suggestion. Will share this information with my wife. Perhaps she can fuse it into one of their discussions as she is closer to the boy's mom

That would be nice.

Managing a child who is autistic is not at all easy on their parents as they are usually overwhelmed, only just studying and doing assignments on autism in school can spin your head, not to talk of living with an autistic child!

.

Mindlog:


That would be nice.

Managing a child who is autistic is not at all easy on their parents as they are usually overwhelmed, only just studying and doing assignments on autism in school can spin your head, not to talk of living with an autistic child!

Autistic children are very smart and intelligent.
We simply don't know their general or individual triggers.

All autistics hate noise. It drives them wild. Maybe, that boy is noisy around him. They hardly look for trouble unless triggered.

descarado:

You know, I was of the don't fight back group until I travelled out of the country. Kids are in new school with all white kids. These kids were bullying my first more. Coconut head, black this and that. I reported to teacher, no action. Witnessed one and went bizarre on the kid and mother. After that incident, told my boy anybody that dare look at you anyhow whether your bestie or playmate, attack then say sorry after if you cant defend why you attacked but make sure you always defend your action.
Don't ever come home and complain to me again. That ends it.
One day, I received a mail from the teacher he was put on detention. Never told me. Asked, he said it was him and his friend.
Learn to deal with bullies early to avoid low self esteem.

Adults are bullied also. Never give room for that nonsense in your life.

My sister, na so we see am o. Me too was team nicey until I saw how them oyinbos like to pick on us. My friend taught her children to advocate for themselves so much that they are the feared bullies now. Me that cant fight, my child is starting karate class as soon as he can walk. The good thing about it is that he would learn both attack and restrain. Let us all become touts to be sane.

If OP's son goes ballistic on the bully twice, his mother will take their interaction more seriously. Most times people hear more when their peace is shaken. I cant shout biko.

DON'T TELL HIM AT THE SCENE OF THE BULLYING TO FIGHT BACK

RIGHT IN YOUR HOUSE TELL HIM THAT IF ANYBODY BEATS HIM HE
SHOULD RESPOND IMMEDIATELY WITH MORE STRIKES IF NOT HE WILL GROW UP TO BE TIMID.

WHEN MY SON WAS IN JS1 AT FEDERAL GOVERNMENT COLLEGE, HIS GUARDIAN PERSONAL TOLD ME THAT EVEN SS3 STUDENTS CANNOT INTIMIDATE HIM, I LAUGHED AND WAS HAPPY THAT HE CAN SURVIVE ALONE.

DONT PLAY WITH SUCH A THING, ANY CHILD THREE YEARS OLDER THAT TRIES TO BULLY HIM HE SHOULD FIGHT BACK IMMEDIATELY, BUT WARN HIM NOT TO START THE BULLYING.