Now, this is hilarious 
http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/terver-atsar/help-my-wife-wants-to-vote-for-jonathan.html
By Terver Atsar

Yesterday I escaped a minor domestic quarrel when my wife insisted I must tune the television away from my favourite NHK Channel to enable her watch the Presidential debate. I told her there was not going to be any debate since the other participants declined, but she insisted, so I let her have her way since I could always watch a repeat of my Nihongo quick lessons on NHK later.

Fortunately for me she was terribly disappointed when it turned out to be a 'monobate'(if there is a word like that), that gave me the opportunity to tell her, 'se bi I told you'.

Goodluck may have unwittingly made history, though an unenviable one, as the first person to ‘debate’ against nobody (or perhaps against himself). However in a country full of absurdities and contradictions, several contradictions and absurdities pass for normal.

Seriously I find it really embarrassing that the President of my country would delude himself that he was indeed in a 'debate' alone! Even the moderator, AIT’s Imoni Amarere, sounded rather clownish in his unsuccessful attempts to sound like someone moderating a real debate. His repeated reference to 'candidate Goodluck Jonathan' sounded more comical than Wale Adenuga's 'Papa Ajasco' show.

It was difficult imagining what was going on in the President’s mind as he stood there alone. But I thought of it as what, (I think it is) Solana Olumhense, expressed as ‘ a lonely ride on the highway by midnight’ in one of his books (No Second Chance).

I pitied the audience who had to sit through the charade in simulated silence and feign concentration on the boring prevarication and robotic gestures of an unsure leader. And to hear that GJ had the questions sent to him before the ‘debate’ really triggers a shiver in my spine. If he could put up this slapdash performance after a rehearsal, what would he do if those questions took him unawares? If Jonathan could not score even when the whole field was abandoned for him and there was no skipper in the goal post, what kind of 'football star' is he?

Jonathan could not outline specific, measurable, verifiable and Time-based strategies to tackle unemployment, improve educational standards, security or power supply. Jonathan did not seem to realise that what the audience needed to hear goes beyond usual political rhetoric. The key question one needed him to answer is the ‘how ‘of what he intended to do. What is GJ going to do differently? Unfortunately he drew blank on this.

His submissions were dry on figures and statistics. For instance despite his profuse denial of the assertion by one questioner that our universities are more like glorified secondary schools, he failed to counteract that position by stating the true state of infrastructure on ground in the Federal Universities in terms of, for example, 'student to bedspace' ratio or the lecture hall sitting capacities, or the student-teacher ratio compared to acceptable international standards. What is the research capability of our Science Faculties? What grants are in place (i mean appropriated under his tenure) or does he plan to introduce to boost postgraduate research?

When Jonathan spoke about creating one million jobs in the downstream sector of the oil and Gas industry, he exposed a shallow understanding of the potentials that exist in Nigeria outside the oil and Gas industry, for instance the solid minerals sector. Nigeria has abundant deposits of Bitumen, Gold, gypsum, coal, etc scattered abundantly across the country. It is sad that diversification of the economy is clearly not on his agenda.Jonathan did not talk about the huge potential in the railway transport sector, neither did he consider the role of small and medium-scale enterprises in overall job creation and the gross national productivity of the country. If he did, he did not paint a vivid picture of the policy regime envisaged to empower these sectors of the economy

Does Jonathan know the number of Nigerians who are currently unemployed, or underemployed? Did GJ think through the effect of concentrating a million new jobs in the oil and gas industry alone?  What will happen to food production or textiles for example, which are also needed in the economy? It is not just about creating jobs, in a lopsided fashion; there has to be a balance in the economy for a harmonious existence, because according to elementary economics, man has several needs that can be met from several resources that have alternative uses. For Nigeria to grow from a consumer economy to a producer nation, we need to look beyond crude oil and its derivatives. But Jonathan's attachment to oil and Gas industry is not isolated to him as a person, it is indicative of our Nigerian culture of always looking for the easy way out.

We need a leader who is futuristic in planning, audacious in hope and scrupulous with resources to take us to the future we all desire. Jonathan is clearly not the one. Even if I had been a supporter of GJ in the past, this ‘debate’ surely would have caused me to reconsider my stand. However it has further reinforced my conviction that Goodluck has nothing to offer Nigeria.

I had watched the other debate where Shekarau, Dele Mamodu and Ribadu featured. The leadership drive and a clear insight on topical issues could easily be spotted in Shekarau. He is the other alternative to Buhari. Ribadu was way too juvenile, unduly conceited, unreal, and shallow in his submissions. Momodu was just slightly better than a good comedian.

Interestingly with all my opposition, my wife, despite accepting that GJ is clueless and too uninspiring, insists she would still vote for him. This in itself is not altogether unacceptable because it is her democratic right to vote for her choice. What I find totally unacceptable and strange is her reason. She says she does not want to pull out meat from the man’s mouth! Imagine!

What can I do?

Very Simple, Send her packing,

Your wife is seen more than the charade of debates or all sides. Bhuari, Ribadu and shekarau are trying to use NN24 debates to ambush GEJ whist Jonathan is also using the BON debate to reach bigger grassroot village audience.

You and some city/urban dwellwers may not know this, the election is still about Region and religion.  3 muslims ganging up against a SOLE cHRISTIAN FROM THE sOUTH.

Who is better between UTOMI and even the best of the North Shekarau? you will at least acknowledge that UTOMI is by far better but will the NORTH vote for a 'Southern infidel' and will they give up on their mentality of 'BORN TO RULE'.

You and the southern political mugus can package BB, Ribadu and shekarau in whatever colours you like, the smart political people knows, it simply about THE GREAT NORTH. If you are in doubt ask Ciroma, IBB,Atiku Gusau.

For every 1 good Northern candidates, there are at least 10 southern. why is ist about the North, zoning and federal character? It is all to do with 52% federal budget from the OIL they don't produce.

GEJ with all his 'CLUELESSNESS' is far better than even shekarau. He has to come out clueless and 'humble' to get the North power broker to let their people support him and win eleection, after win, you will see a diffrent GEJ, if in doubt ask OBJ

Give her 2 weeks suspension on bed !

Jarus:


If Jonathan could not score even when the whole field was abandoned for him and there was no skipper in the goal post, what kind of 'football star' is he?

Bawss1:

If Jonathan could not score even when the whole field was abandoned for him and there was no skipper in the goal post, what kind of 'football star' is he?

Totally hilarious. GEJ is now on record to be worse than Yakubu Aiyegbeni.

Very nice write up. I'll advice the author to deploy the 'pillow talk' tactics to win his wife over.

Jarus,
  I was actually hoping this was going to be about your own wife then I wouldav been sure of a basis for some sort of discussion. But since its not and most of whats in the write up are the normal pieces of crappy negative propaganda that seem to be everywhere around this and most forum these days, i'm going to recommend it straight for the junk yard but I'm certain BB supporters would love to have a feast b4 it gets to its destination point, by all means Go Ahead and have a feast.

jarus:

If Jonathan could not score even when the whole field was abandoned for him and there was no skipper in the goal post, what kind of 'football star' is he?

Never knew skipper and goal keeper are synonyms.