chaircover:

Uju a large part of our relationships are based on trust and truth. For example even though women are always round my husband because of his very friendly & easy going nature, I know deep in my heart that I can trust him not to be swayed by any of them. If he does anything to betray that trust, then I wont be so comfortable.

So imagine how things will change if I suddenly find out that he was a cultist in school or an ex convict and even though I had asked him directly before we got married he had lied and said no. Fast forward years by, the cultism or his being an ex convict in itself  doesnt affect the marriage per sey but the lie he told has done a lot of damage and anything he says after that has to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Basically its like waking up one morning beside a stranger.

I agree; many women have abortions for many reasons and not necessarily because they are loose. It was just her bad luck that he asked her the question in the first instance.

My husband never asked me any questions such as how many ex boyfriends did I have etc because he wasn't interested, however In this case it is different. She was asked the question and she blatantly  lied.
He probably had his reasons for asking her in the first instance . . .not once but severally. Now that is odd.

chaircover:

Some things are important to some people and not so important to others. Fair play to him, he felt that it was important enough for him to ask severally.
Who knows, Maybe he has a brother whose wife is having difficulty conceiving as a result of a botched up abortion. Like I said he probably has his own personal reasons for wanting to know.

A lie of that intensity cannot be justified especially as she was not to know if this will or will not affect her infertility later on and therefore affect him too. Not all botched up abortions show up straight away.

Yes he has probably lied about things to her and she too has a right to get hot under the collar if she finds out too.

Ujujoan:

Has he NEVER lied to her?  

All I'm saying is that sometimes a lie can be justified . . . As far as it doesn't endanger the other person's life or freedom, somethings are just not necessary to be asked or said. I mean seriously if it were that big a deal, like Dayo is claiming, every man will want to find out before he marries a woman. But not all men can be bothered with these things!

When you make some things that are not your business an issue, then you deserve to be lied to. He asked her 'several times. . .  Jeez . .   I'd have lied too!

Maybe if he had just just backed off or asked her in a less judgmental way, she would have felt more at ease to tell him the truth! 

emmatok:

My friend, lies about abortion can not be justified.

Remember she confessed when they started having child bearing issues. THAT IS GUILTY CONSCIENCE.

My friend married a lady with damaged womb due to abortion, but he never complained, because she told him every thing before they got married.

Today the are miraculously blessed with children.

Some pasts should never be concealed before marriage.

Ujujoan:

Well that is still and assumption . . . the poster said they were having 'issues' . . .  he didn't say it was childbirth related.

Well,but she confessed when they were having issues . IF there were no issues she won't have confessed.

Just because she had an abortion doesn't mean the womb was 'damaged'! 

[b]I my friend's case the lady told him "point blank" that she has damaged womb due to abortio[/b]n.

MRbrownJAY:

@Uju
No, pls don't get me wrong. Having A abortion doesn't make her a skank BUT having 5/6 does, yes!

5 or 6?! Can you imagine? There are no 100 ways to look at it, its either:
- she had unprotected sex with 6 different guy, got pregnant, try to use that as "marriage proposal" they back oit and she terminated the pregnancy.
- she was/is a careless HO.E who can't turn a good dikc down.
-or she is a HIGHLY stoopid woman who got pregnant 6 times buy the same guy(very unlikely)

This woman is truly insane. I understand how someone can get pregnant "by mistake" once (maybe twice) but SIX TIMES!!!!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result!
The definition fits her like a glove.

dayokanu:

The man asked her several times and she lied repeatedly.

No forgiving in that scenario. Its game over

MRbrownJAY:

@Uju
No, pls don't get me wrong. Having A abortion doesn't make her a skank BUT having 5/6 does, yes!

5 or 6?! Can you imagine? There are no 100 ways to look at it, its either:
- she had unprotected sex with 6 different guy, got pregnant, try to use that as "marriage proposal" they back oit and she terminated the pregnancy.
- she was/is a careless HO.E who can't turn a good dikc down.
-or she is a HIGHLY stoopid woman who got pregnant 6 times buy the same guy(very unlikely)

This woman is truly insane. I understand how someone can get pregnant "by mistake" once (maybe twice) but SIX TIMES!!!!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result!
The definition fits her like a glove.

Ujujoan:

Okay okay . . . guy! 5 or 6 is definitely too much . .

One is silly, 2 is careless 3 and above is just plain irresponsible!

But she could have said she did it just once and he won't be any wiser. But she told the truth . . . and that's what's important here~

You'll divorce your wife cos she lied about abortions

dayokanu:

Sharp Sharp,

Ujujoan:

That's where you are wrong honey . . .

Do you think that any sane woman will want to lie to a man she loves?

But considering the fact that she could lose him because of her past mistakes . . . knowing in her heart that she's not that bad person he'll automatically think she is and assuming that the only way to prove it to him will be by hiding the truth!

It's somehow endearing knowing she cared enough to lie. If she didn't want him, she could have told him the truth and damned the consequences. I doubt if he was her only options as at the time he was wooing her. But she choose him, and lied to protect her choice.

If you see things this way, you'll understand why you won't break up with your GF for lying about the fact that she's had 10 abortions before she met you!    

dayokanu:

She basically conned the guy into marriage thinking since we are married it would be difficult for her to come out of it

Sorry you wld be dissapointed

MRbrownJAY:

But Uju, let's reverse the roles for a minute, since you are such a forgiving individual:
as you were dating, you ask your "effeminate" future husband if he ever had sex with other men and he said no. then one day, you walk in front of a gay cinema and see a poster with a guy that looks like your husband, as the lead actor. Only then, your hubby of now 3yrs confesses to being a gay po.rn actor in the past.

Well, since he finally told the truth, would that make it ok?

dayokanu:

You are funny you know.

I love you too much that I have to lie to you on how much I am worth,

I love you so much that i have to lie to you that I dont have a STD cos if you know the truth you would leave me,

I love you so much that I lied to you that i wasnt a serial killer when I am,

I loved you so much that I killed you so that another man cant have you.

Good to see the extent which love can go

MRbrownJAY:

@Uju
Anything I have done in the past (which may affect my marriage) MUST/WILL be put on the table so my one and only knows who she is gonna marry and what kind of issues that we may encounter along our blissful union.

Its a two way street, if I hide whatever skeleton I have in my closet then I can only imagine what she may hide from me. What kind of foundation for love and happiness is that?

Be proud of who you are and what you did in the past, regardless of how terrible your past is.

If you can't truly look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of your real self THEN no one else will and you are just living a sham!

dayokanu:

The bottom line is that I cared enough to lie to you on issues of that gravity.

Not lying that I ate yam instead of Porridge but lying about over 6 abortions?

MRbrownJAY:

I understand that some people may have some issues about their person that they are not too proud of BUT lying about is definitely not the way to go about solving anything and she may as well work on her self FIRST, and then look to find a hubby (but the 6 abortions won't disappear)

Funny how such women want to be viewed/treated/evaluated like the girls who had the decency/strength to close their legs (or at least protect themselves) AKA make the right choices.

Whether we like it or not, our past/failures/mistakes etc is US too. A person who only want to show/talk about their "good" side is dangerous and should be avoided!