What does it mean to date someone of a different faith, especially in a country like Nigeria where religion is a major topic? For this article, I spoke to 9 Nigerians who shared their stories with me. And for the first time, I found myself wondering if love truly conquers all.

Ndidi.
I dated a Muslim guy for roughly 2 years, and it was actually a really nice relationship. He is Hausa and I am Igbo, so it was weird at first because we seemed like two very different people. But it was lovely for the most part.

We were very supportive when it came to each other’s religion, and during Ramadan, I stayed up with him for Sahur when he had to wake up and eat. I would and gist with him till he needed to pray and go to bed. He was also very supportive with my fasts and holidays too.When we had questions about the other’s religion, we would ask and educate each other without judgment or without any aggression. I personally loved hearing him talk about the Quran.

When I was with him though, I had to forgo alcohol for a while because he doesn’t drink and he couldn’t pay for it if he took us out. He also couldn’t buy me human hair. He said something about it being haram. But he was very respectful of my decisions and never tried to force anything on me. Eventually, the relationship ended. He wasn’t ready for commitment and I had to move on from that. Till today though, we are really good friends with each other.

Kafayat.
I am from a family of mixed religious backgrounds. My mum is a Christian and even though my father is an Alhaji, his own mother is a Christian. I grew up aware of these religions, so I never really had a problem with either of them. When I eventually converted to Christianity, I retained my Muslim name since it’s my first name. It was all cool until it was time for me to get married.

My mother-in-law said she was upset during the introduction when the Alaga said “Welcome to the house of Alhaji.”

She told me, later, that it felt like a bell was being rung in her head when she heard that. According to her, she was okay as long as the wedding was done in her church RCCG, and that she doesn’t want a nikkai.

That’s when I spoke up. My dad is liberal because he has a Christian mum. But how will I tell him, an Alhaji who has gone to Mecca 5 times, that his first daughter would be married in RCCG and not my mother’s church which is Anglican, or even a mosque?

That’s how the battle started. She told her son that if he marries me, his ‘enemy’ will die, and that ‘they want to Islamise him.

After we won that battle of the church to be married in, my mother-in-law said “Is there a way that the name Kafayat won’t be on the wedding IV?” She also said I should try and make sure that the chairman of the wedding would be a Christian, and that I should influence my dad not to bring his Muslim friends.

Even though I married into the family, I did not change my surname. My husband thinks I am doing feminism, but it is because his mother refused to let me keep mine on my wedding invitation. If she is ashamed of my name being in the wedding IV, then they might as well keep their surname.

The wedding chairman was a Muslim who has a Christian wife he’s been happily married to for 50yrs without needing to convert the wife. After the wedding, my mother-in-law kept throwing jabs like “You know my son was raised in a Christian way.”

But guess what? The said son is now an agnostic who is gradually becoming an atheist. Three years later, I’m the one going to church. My mother-in-law wants me to drag him but each time she says it, me too, I remind her that “I was raised a Muslim, so I don’t know how to win souls.”

For me and my husband, the constant thing is that he makes me cook pork. I hate pork because it is fatty, but he would say it’s because I used to be a Muslim. We intend to raise my kids Liberal.

Damilare.
I started dating my girlfriend towards the end of 2017. I was still a very committed Christian at the time. But by the second half of 2018, I left the faith. I wasn’t hurt by anyone, neither did I fall into bad times. I just gave a honest look at the things I believed in and was convinced of since childhood and realised I had no rational justification for them.

Anyway, the problem was how to tell my girlfriend. At this time, we were very serious about our plans, dreams, and future together. Some of these things were centred around our faith, which I had now left. I knew I couldn’t hide something that important from her even though I was scared of losing her. She wouldn’t want to be ‘unequally yoked’ with an unbeliever like me. I concluded that moving on with the relationship like nothing significant had changed would be unethical. It would be changing the terms of the relationship without her knowledge or consent.

So, I mentally prepared for a break-up. And told her. I started by gently explaining why I no longer believe. It was the first time I’d share it with anyone. I didn’t call myself an Atheist — I didn’t want to trigger her. I just wanted to be heard without any unnecessary bias creeping in. She was devasted. I remember the hurt in her voice when she said, “So you won’t pray with me again?” It broke my heart since this was something we shared together. She didn’t make the decision to break up then, but she told me it was a deal-breaker.

The next few weeks were tense. But after reading about Atheist-Christian couples on the internet, I decided I wasn’t going to allow religion end us. I spent more time just being myself with her — caring, honest, understanding. I focused on the things we shared in common, reminded her that I was still the person she fell in love with. I also made a few compromises. I agreed to go to church with her once a month (though that changed with the pandemic). When she forgets a verse, I help out. I remind her to attend her online meetings. We are not trying to convert/deconvert each other. When pastors goof online, I don’t rub it in her face — though we might have conversations about it. She lets me know even though she’d prefer a different outcome, she’s still in love with me and committed to us.

The relationship is over 3 years now. We’re getting ready to marry, hopefully, this year. We have talked about kids, how we raise a family. We hope to let them make their choices while focusing on raising healthy, stable kids. We still talk about religion. I don’t think that conversation will ever end. But it’s a conversation with love, respect for each other.

Franca.
I am a polytheist dating an atheist. I believe all Gods exist, my boyfriend believes none exist. I think our common ground is that we both trash talk Christianity, Islam, and major traditional worship. I draw the line at astrology though. Astrology has not caused anyone actual hurt. My ex at the time used to laugh at me and my “astrology.” She told me I was being silly. My boyfriend however realises how important this is for me. He joins me to meditate if I ask, and when I tell him I pray for him, he tells me thank you. He knows it’s something that gives me peace and purpose and he respects that. Would that stop him from dissing religions in my presence? No. Do I join in? Yes. Because as much as I acknowledge these religions give me peace, I also acknowledge that they’re shit. And failed a lot of people.

Favour.
I was a tongue-speaking Christian in my university days and I dated this Muslim babe. Or maybe a situationship is the right word for it. We ended up going our separate ways because she tried converting me and I wasn’t standing it for it. In hindsight, it’s funny because I eventually explored Islam, and now I am irreligious.

Hassan.
I’m an agnostic atheist: I have a clear disbelief in the existence of God and I don’t participate in organised religion. However, I was born a Muslim. My girlfriend is a Muslim, with big hijab and all. A mutual friend introduced her to me and we clicked. Back when I met her, I was still a Muslim although I was skeptical about it.

I had no reservations or hesitation about her religion at first; many of my family members are also Muslims. But as time went on, I became more vocal in my apathy to religion and God. I have a Twitter account where I post Atheist stuff and all, and this causes issues between the both of us.
We try to make things work out but it was a big issue at the end of the day. She might be praying while I’m eating. I try to compromise though, I pray when she’s around, participate in Ramadan fasting, etc.

Her sister is the wahala, always trying to stop things. Our parents are not aware of anything. And since I still use my Arabic Muslim name. I still put on the facade of a Muslim for them.

I can’t say where the relationship is going, but marriage is probably not going to work.

Continue: https://www.zikoko.com/life/9-nigerians-talk-about-dating-people-outside-their-faith/