If a relationship results in a pregnancy, the man cannot claim the child if he did not marry the mother. Any man that marries the woman in the future may claim the child having paid the bride price and married the mother. What is your view about the culture?

there was this very nice couples living closed to us doing my growing up years. this lady was my mom's best friend and i remember i used to call her mama mercy. they had 4kids and mercy being the first one. very beautiful kids and the lady was very pretty. i used to observed she and my mom locked in gisting. well, they were best friends. shortly i didn't see her no more. years later i asked my mom of mama mercy and now that i really understand she explained to me that her family took her away and the kids because the guy did not pay the bride price so their marriage wasn't seen as one. so the woman's family ended up claiming the children. she was in touch with my mom for a while and told mom she will come back if her hubby could pay the bride price.

baba mercy was still around many years after. we never know what happened to her.

well, i support proper relationship and doing things the right way instead of trying to beat the tradition, playing boyfriend and girlfriend and giving someone belle, ain't funny.

Na correct culture be that one, jare! Those who designed it had the best interests of the women, at heart.  It should be retained, fortified and even made a national law. _{No wonder the Igbo men are more 'careful' with girls from their ethnic group.}  

Personally, I used to see as a very bad culture until a man abandoned my sister with her pregnancy. He did not even buy a pin neither did he ask after them. She has delivered and we are yet to see him. He hasn't shown any sign of responsibility even though he is an only son. At least in future if he comes for the child, we will make him realise that he did not marry from us and as such did not have a child from us. period.

yeah, i like that too. i think it makes guys act responsible. why eat what's not yours?? it's just selfishness that will makes a guy not marry a girl in the proper way and live their lives. if one allows them, they just want to come bang thanks girl. keep your dangling yekini to yourself 

i think so too that it's the best culture. am sure it's not by the amount of water that comes out of a dangling yekini that we know a guy 

laudate:

Na correct culture be that one, jare! Those who designed it had the best interests of the women, at heart. It should be retained, fortified and even made a natrional law. _{No wonder the Igbo men are more 'careful' with girls from their ethnic group.}

Hehehehe. . .

I like that culture.
Nobody should fire the oven when they're not ready to cook.

getting or giving  belle is as easy as ABC,no heavy equipments and apparatus are required.
location can be anywhere and by the time it takes to cook 1 minute instant oatmeal,the deed could have been done.
A man ought to be responsible enough to be a man and do the right thing.
Not just give girls belle from Nsukka to Kafanchan,disappear and then expect them to help him when they become somebody or when he finds out God has dried up the rest of his oil mill

babyosisi:

giving  belle is as easy as ABC

na wetin you think? you have no idea about all the stress involved. . . . .and you will never know

babyosisi:

A man ought to be responsible enough to be a man and do the right thing.
Not just give girls belle from Nsukka to Kafanchan,disappear and then expect them to help him when they become somebody or when he finds out God has dried up the rest of his oil mill

and a woman should be responsible enough to do the right thing too.
not just carry belle from calabar to damaturu and expect a man to accept responsibility for her liability when she finds out God has tied up her marital value

NB. every bad relationship comes from both partners. not men alone.
BabyO take note

obowunmi:

i see,
no wonder.

What did you see and what are u wondering about?

It used to be prevalent in some parts of Igboland that a rich widow can marry a woman to have kids in the dead husband's name. Of course, the new wife will have to sleep with men outside to get pregnant, but the men will have no claims over the kids.

BlackMamba:

It used to be prevalent in some parts of Igboland that a rich widow can marry a woman to have kids in the dead husband's name. Of course, the new wife will have to sleep with men outside to get pregnant, but the men will have no claims over the kids.

That is correct,some Igbos did have that culture,I don't know if it's still practised now.
Some also married a wife for an impotent husband and the woman had to be impregnated by another man obviously
but the "surrogate" husband had no claim on the children,he was just a sperm donor.

babyosisi:

That is correct,some Igbos did have that culture,I don't know if it's still practised now.
Some also married a wife for an impotent husband and the woman had to be impregnated by another man obviously
but the "surrogate" husband had no claim on the children,he was just a sperm donor.

It is still the practice in Igboland. A family without a heir can keep one of their daughters at home to begat children for the family with the hope of raising male children for the lineage to continue.

Ralvy:

fcurz, hu born am

Is this latin or german?

nossycheek:

It is still the practice in Igboland. A family without a heir can keep one of their daughters at home to begat children for the family with the hope of raising male children for the lineage to continue.

It is not in all of Igboland.
It's not a culture of my people.
And I doubt if it's even common anywhere,i don't know anyone who did it and I know many families with just females,married to men and in their marital homes.

i think it's still the practice in some parts of igboland. i guess it is not by force, the lady can choose to go and marry and have her children for her husband. she can also choose to remain in her faher's household. but education and exposure has interfered with that culture. educated ladies will rather go and marry and have a life. so perhaps the women who still choose to remain in their fathers home are probably those who are not so educated, poor, and unexposed so they willingly agree to stay.
i may be wrong but i think i'm right.

@toshmann

That is exactly the true position. Education and exposure have exposed the ills of such practices and people are learning everyday to live their lives for themselves and not for others. It is still being practiced and I believe with time, it will be a thing of the past as more females will opt out of the practice.

It's also common in Ibibio land, that a man, according to the tradition of the land, can't claim ownership of his child if he/she was a product of an illicit relationship. It may have been watered down with modernism, but there are still consequences for the man to pay in that regard.

@post
i think its a very good culture/tradition,it ll discourage the practise of absentee dads and encourage marriage,family cohesion

ye this is true culture tratice ineven in my vilage i remeber that my elder sister was one time inpregnated by a guy in early 80s the man responsible culdent make any claim over the child bcs they were doing boy freind and girl friend, but some thing baffuls my imagination in some part of the country i have a guy, not married but he allways tell me the about his child and some time it sounds iretating to my eay, i.e a child he did not for one day take care of the mother when she was pregrant and he is evey proud of that, to me , it shows sign of iresponsibility and negligent to the ule of marraige i think Igbo with this tradition should hold it fern so that guy should stop being OJI OMU EJIGHI EGO[size=8pt][/size]

ye this is true culture tratice ineven in my vilage i remeber that my elder sister was one time inpregnated by a guy in early 80s  the man responsible culdent make any claim over the child bcs they were doing boy freind and girl friend, but some thing baffuls my imagination in some part of the country i have a guy, not married but he allways tell me the about his child and some time it sounds iretating to my eay, i.e a child he did not for one day take care of the mother when she was pregrant and he is evey proud of that, to me , it shows sign of iresponsibility and negligent to the ule of marraige i think Igbo with this tradition should hold it fern so that guy should stop being OJI OMU EJIGHI EGO[size=8pt][/size]

i think it's still the practice in some parts of igboland. i guess it is not by force, the lady can choose to go and marry and have her children for her husband. she can also choose to remain in her faher's household. but education and exposure has interfered with that culture. educated ladies will rather go and marry and have a life. so perhaps the women who still choose to remain in their fathers home are probably those who are not so educated, poor, and unexposed so they willingly agree to stay.
i may be wrong but i think i'm right.

Not necessary education the only person i knew that did that is a Cambridge graduate. It all depends on choice. Weather educated or not if you want to keep your fathers name going u can decide to do so.

@topic.
The child makes a choice when he/she grows up. I have seen it happen.

A bad culture and a stiffling one. Too controlling and intimidating. Why shouldn't a man claim his own biological child just because the poverty stricken family demands a goat and a cow plus a couple of Naira that a childs future, welbeing and general development should be compromised for, is it?

I have always say it IGBO culture need serious reviewing, honest.

So, if a man has no money to marry the woman he should not be allowed to create a decent and happy family that would support the future general development of his family, is it?

Well, here is your answer. That's why many Nigerian girls not only resort into back street abortion and sudden deaths or run off to live with the man thus depriving greedy family of the pittance dowry. Why should any respectable woman be married with dowry? Until this dowry tradition ends, women and in particular Igbo girls' will continue to be slaves to their to their Slave Master husbands. Thank God my own family are well above that tradition. My father is not rich but he will never, has never accepted any penny from his inlaws for his daughters and I'm very proud of him therefore, the men in our lives do not percieve us as their investment or property they can treat any how e.g. punch your eyes out without hesitation when he's upset. I dare them to. So, my dear friend if you or anyone you know has been affected by this urgly Igbo tradition, don't worry - the baby go fin im papa when i gro up. Problem bi say da woman you go go marry after im mama, whether igo let the baby be as him/her be your fes bikin instead of make am second citizen in im papa house - check it out. Nigerian women especially those in Nigeria, I fear una, o But my advice be say make you kip making yourself present to your baby, o Give money for feeding, school etc na so you go take win them, I promise you.

On a personal note, I don't support this culture_{yet to verify where it's practised} but my question is this: Why impregnate a woman when you can't marry her Don't start what you cannot finish 

Theblessed:

A bad culture and a stiffling one. Too controlling and intimidating. Why shouldn't a man claim his own biological child just because the poverty stricken family demands a goat and a cow plus a couple of Naira that a childs future, welbeing and general development should be compromised for, is it?

I have always say it IGBO culture need serious reviewing, honest.

So, if a man has no money to marry the woman he should not be allowed to create a decent and happy family that would support the future general development of his family, is it?

Well, here is your answer. That's why many Nigerian girls not only resort into back street abortion and sudden deaths or run off to live with the man thus depriving greedy family of the pittance dowry. Why should any respectable woman be married with dowry? Until this dowry tradition ends, women and in particular Igbo girls' will continue to be slaves to their to their Slave Master husbands. Thank God my own family are well above that tradition. My father is not rich but he will never, has never accepted any penny from his inlaws for his daughters and I'm very proud of him therefore, the men in our lives do not percieve us as their investment or property they can treat any how e.g. punch your eyes out without hesitation when he's upset. I dare them to. So, my dear friend if you or anyone you know has been affected by this urgly Igbo tradition, don't worry - the baby go fin im papa when i gro up. Problem bi say da woman you go go marry after im mama, whether igo let the baby be as him/her be your fes bikin instead of make am second citizen in im papa house - check it out. Nigerian women especially those in Nigeria, I fear una, o But my advice be say make you kip making yourself present to your baby, o Give money for feeding, school etc na so you go take win them, I promise you.

This entire post is funny.

echelon:

On a personal note, I don't support this culture_{yet to verify where it's practised} but my question is this: Why impregnate a woman when you can't marry her Don't start what you cannot finish

I guess that question is/was the foundation for instituting the practice.

Ndigbo are very proud of the section of Igbo tradition that dictates that if a person is man enough to pregnant a woman, he should be man enough to drop the dowry. What is the essence of bed prowess when such a person can not sustain the outcome?

It's the Igbo way. The married women can go out and cheat, get pregnant, and born the pikin. It is the husband at home who own the child.

why should a man claim a child when he didn't publicly declare the mother his bride.
I was shocked to know that other Nigerian tribes didn't do same.
He was just a sperm donor.
The child bears the mothers last name
He has no claim to the pikin unless he marries the mother.
That's Igbo custom and I love it
If he wants to be a man.let him do what men do
otherwise na mama's pikin be that
most men deny these pregnancies anyway
so tradition is just helping them

Theblessed:

A bad culture and a stiffling one. Too controlling and intimidating. Why shouldn't a man claim his own biological child just because the poverty stricken family demands a goat and a cow plus a couple of Naira that a childs future, welbeing and general development should be compromised for, is it?

I have always say it IGBO culture need serious reviewing, honest.

So, if a man has no money to marry the woman he should not be allowed to create a decent and happy family that would support the future general development of his family, is it?

Well, here is your answer. That's why many Nigerian girls not only resort into back street abortion and sudden deaths or run off to live with the man thus depriving greedy family of the pittance dowry. Why should any respectable woman be married with dowry? Until this dowry tradition ends, women and in particular Igbo girls' will continue to be slaves to their to their Slave Master husbands. Thank God my own family are well above that tradition. My father is not rich but he will never, has never accepted any penny from his inlaws for his daughters and I'm very proud of him therefore, the men in our lives do not percieve us as their investment or property they can treat any how e.g. punch your eyes out without hesitation when he's upset. I dare them to. So, my dear friend if you or anyone you know has been affected by this urgly Igbo tradition, don't worry - the baby go fin im papa when i gro up. Problem bi say da woman you go go marry after im mama, whether igo let the baby be as him/her be your fes bikin instead of make am second citizen in im papa house - check it out. Nigerian women especially those in Nigeria, I fear una, o But my advice be say make you kip making yourself present to your baby, o Give money for feeding, school etc na so you go take win them, I promise you.

so a man should impregnate a woman without properly asking for her  hand in marriage?
shouldn't you be addressing customs where men are fleeced to marry as is common in Igboland
Is impregnating a girl without marriage the alternative?
abeg let's hear something

There's this Igbo lady who was impregnated by this man from Western Nigeria who left her for another woman and his family had the nerve to tell her they were planning a naming ceremony for the baby.
Imagine the nonsense.
She quickly gave the girl Igbo names and moved on with her life.
It is her child not theirs.

I presume that the custom seeks to discourage irresponsiblity among the young men. That notwithstanding, the child will eventually know it's true father.

A naghi ekpuchi afo ime aka
You cannot hide pregnancy by covering the tommy with hands 

I think that custom has helped in many ways to put the girls on check,cos they don't want to be a single mother,or they don't want to become a laughing stock in the community.well if a man is not ready for marriage i don't think he is ready for a child.