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Stats: 1238868 members, 1652371 topics. Date: Friday, 25 April 2014 at 10:07 AM
|My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by fireyfiona: 3:05pm On Apr 18, 2011|
I need help! My husband and I are married for a year and a half now. He is 27 and i am 26. My husband is too close to my mother in law, emotionally and physically. They peck and hug each other all the they they spend together. so much that they even lie down on the bed hugging each other. Their relationship is pure, but their closeness makes me uncomfortable. He is the only kid. We live separate from his family but, they talk to each other everyday. He even makes comments like "Im missing mumma" and talks to her like a baby at times. When i tried telling him that their physical closeness upsets me, he got very angry and he hasn't been talking to me since then. Please help, am i sick to feel this way? do i need counselling?
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 3:15pm On Apr 18, 2011|
No. You dont need counselling. but your husband and his mother do
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by baby.me(f): 3:17pm On Apr 18, 2011|
That's the reason. Remember he was close to the mum before he maried you so don't try to tear them apart.
The only problem would have been if he ignores you but i didn't see that in your post.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by fireyfiona: 3:24pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Hi, not really, im not trying to tear them apart, its just that, you know the two of them are always hugging and pecking eachother all the time, it makes me feel like an outsider, it makes me very uncomfortable. I have no problem with the love the share, but the physical closeness is irritating! Its like im sitting on a chair by the bed, while they are lying down hugging and whispering into each others ears and giggling, i generally get up and walk out but it upsets me.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 4:00pm On Apr 18, 2011|
@poster you have your work cut out and you have to handle this maturely or you will be up against a big fight between the two of them.
First don't leave the room when they are showing their affection. Stay and try and be a part of it. Don't exclude yourself
Some of the behaviour is indeed inappropriate such as lying on the bed together hugging but fair play to the MIL she has allowed her son to get married so she cant be really that bad. Some will say NO to every girl he brings home.
I know women love their sons dearly, but one of the best things we can do is to teach them to be men in the real sense of it.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by jennykadry(f): 4:05pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Did you not notice all of these during courtship? Because there is no way these two would have hidden their undying love for eachother. Or were you hoping to change things when you ''get married'' but now frustrated because it's not working as planned?
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Missy_B(f): 4:10pm On Apr 18, 2011|
fireyfiona:I'd also be worried, if I were you. The issue of they were that way before you got married doesn't hold here. Certain things change as boy&girlfriend relationship becomes marriage.
Whoever he chooses to be 'close to', you musn't be left out or made to feel left out.
Keep telling him how you feel about it and, I agree, the mother needs counselling.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by ifyalways(f): 4:44pm On Apr 18, 2011|
I like the name Fiona . . .that's my imaginary baby girl's name.
@OP,action works better than voice/noise.
Don't let them shut u out,join them and stamp your position on your man.If I were u,i wudn't even talk.
When mama hugs your hubby,sweetly ask for your own or take her unawares,give her your own hug.
Join them in bed too,lie in between if possible.
Some babies just don't wanna leave the bottle/pacifier for eba,u just have to mold the eba and shove it down their throat.
Get out often with your man . . .hang out with married mutual friends.It wud help give him the idea of what marriage is all abt.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by dayokanu(m): 5:16pm On Apr 18, 2011|
^^ Hello ori-eja
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by ifyalways(f): 5:38pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Hi Baba kunu.
Na your type the OP dey describe so Trust Hauwa,she go use koboko correct ur head.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by dayokanu(m): 5:42pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Wetin OP dey talk, is she suspecting that son and mother dey collabo?
How was the birthday, i no see your brake light
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by ifyalways(f): 5:50pm On Apr 18, 2011|
^,lol,You are OYO for that collabo side.
N-G, threw the party for her hence you have no biz asking,attending or looking for cake.
Shebi u say ur money no dey drop for ground?sent ur tear stained letter sha . . . . . " "
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by dayokanu(m): 5:53pm On Apr 18, 2011|
No dey follow me do rough play oh.
You better be careful and warn N-G, I fit turn Al qaeda overnight o
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Outstrip(f): 6:11pm On Apr 18, 2011|
They sleep on the same bed and hug in bed? Anyway I worked with a woman that suspected that her husband was having sex with his mother
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Nekai(f): 7:02pm On Apr 18, 2011|
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Nobody: 7:28pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Omg! Dirty minds.
Can't a mother and son hug and kiss without people thinking about sex
I think you are making a big deal out of this . . As far as your husband doesn't neglect you and his obligations to his marriage,
I think you should stop worrying. Sooner or later, he'll realize he' a full grown man and not a toddler. When he has his own kids who will look up to him and call him `Daddy', he'll see the need to act like a man. Let him fratenize with his mum, he might never get the chance again . . .
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Genius100: 7:54pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Quite frankly, e be like say your head really no dey house. You really need to be careful with the terrible advise you sometime give people on this forum given your respected stature. Inappropriate what? According to who? Does one huggging his mom make him less of a man? Abeg, carry go with your nonsense. If your family are not emotional to each other, that's your business. Don't judge other people's family with your extremely subjective standards,
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Genius100: 7:55pm On Apr 18, 2011|
It's actually you and the poster that need counseling,
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by 2mch(m): 7:56pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Better leave them. You are obviously too young for marriage, as this is your biggest problem. Do you have a job or something to keep you busy? Because quite frankly, this should be the least of your worries. Better find a hobby, before you end up looking insecure, childish, and a mother-son relationship wrecker.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Genius100: 7:57pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Yes, you are sick to feel that way and you need counseling. Establish your own physical and emotional relationship with your husband and stop being jealous of his mom,
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 8:17pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Genius, Seriously do you really have to insult people simply because you don't agree with them? Is that how you communicate with people in the real world?
What on earth has my family got to do with the topic?
Please do me a favour and try and ignore my posts in future if you find it difficult to make your points without throwing insults.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by palma(f): 8:28pm On Apr 18, 2011|
OMG! Why are some people abusing the OP? She has the right to feel insecure though there might be no cause for alarm. @ OP sincerely speaking you must av noticed these affections and thought nothing of it when you were dating, so please think nothing of it now though i dont like d idea of both of them hugging each other in bed, that's quite extreme! There's nothing wrong even if they kiss or peck one another but don't force the issue or else you will find yourself starting a fight you can never finish. Abeg sis let them be afterall she is not living with you or is she?
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by omega25red(m): 8:41pm On Apr 18, 2011|
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 8:46pm On Apr 18, 2011|
@Palma thank you. I don't understand how a grown married man of 27 will revert to baby language with his mum and lying with & hugging his mum in bed is seen as average behavior. Will he still be speaking baby talk when he starts having his own kids?
I don't think that mum and son are having sex, however he is not a kid anymore and their relationship should evolve as they grow older and they reach different milestones in their lives, example his marriage.
As I said earlier, the poster must get involved & rather that sitting down and complaing she can start by giving the husband twice as much affection that he is getting from his mum; obviously they are a very close family so she needs to step forward and make herself belong rather than sitting on the outside or leaving the room etc
In an ideal world The wife should be the daughter that the mum never had so the love and affection should be towards them both.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by ifyalways(f): 9:17pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Genuis,u made a good point. . .minus the insults.
OP,how is ur relationship with ur husband?Do u offer him the TLC he needs,listen to his problems,massage his ego once-in-a-while by letting him go on and on with those long boring stories?Play with him?Is he ur best friend?
Men are grown babies,If u are too busy or uptight to baby sit him,his mum wud!!Could it be that u don't show him that u care,not affectionate enough hence he wants to use his mum to wake u up?
The next option lies in Ujus post ie Ignore buttom but . . .beware,this might backfire and create more problems in future especially If ur husband is only Yearning for attention and TLC.
He might take ur I don't care stance serious and step up his game in the hands of another woman . . .definitely NOT his mum this time around.
Hope u wud read btwn the lines to get what I mean,Im mobile,cant explain/type much
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 9:37pm On Apr 18, 2011|
I am a mum and If my son kept on coming back to me for hugs and kisses, goo goo gaa gaa baby talk, because his wife is not paying him enough attention/affection, I will have a quiet tactful word with his wife; I wont turn back the duvet and get into bed with him even if he incites it . . . . That is only solving half the problem and I am not going to be around forever am I?
Its like a man who keeps on going back home to eat his mums food because his wife cant cook as well as his mum. A good mum will call her DIL and teach her how to do it rather than keep on cooking for the son.
I hope that when my son gets married, I will be a mother to both him and his wife and generally speaking have both their interest at heart & not just my sons.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by ifyalways(f): 9:59pm On Apr 18, 2011|
^^You are right CC but don't expect every mum/woman to reason along same lines with you.
You wud be surprised to know that some of such MILs wud actually think they are doing the wife a favour. . .helping them to keep their men cos truth be told,If they try to pull out/push away their sons,they might end up pushing him to another woman so to them,accepting them is the lesser evil.
Notice I also asked abt the relationship btwm OP and her MIL?Sour or mother-daughter?
Like Jenny asked,did it start today?During the courtship days,have they always been going home for dinners,sunday buffet,special soup etc at Mama's kitchen/table as oppossed to "she" preparing the food at the guys apartment,eating out and sharing quiet candle lit dinners?
The OP has alot of questions to answer sincerely to herself and so many options to work with.
Lastly,OP's husband is an ONLY CHILD,we all know how deep such bonds are.The OP has no biz blaming or confronting the mum,she shd subtly but seriously work from her OWN ends.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 10:12pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Yes I agree Ify a lot of this depends on how things were during courtship.
Many women tend to turn a blind eye to things during courtship, thinking that they are martyrs and that they can change the world only to find out that they cant change anything and then start to cry foul when the man doesn't budge.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Yahaya: 10:25pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Hello, Lady, and all other ladies reading this.
DID YOU MARRY YOUR HUSBAND INTENDING TO SEPARATE A MOTHER AND HER SON ?.
They have been maternally married at least over twenty years, before you came into their lives.
There can always be an EX-WIFE, but never an EX-MOTHER.
SHAME ON YOU !!!
The only time you should be uncomfortable is when your husband is too close to YOUR mother, that intimate closeness is never condemned nor even mentioned in any holy book, and that is why so many mothers-in-law between ages 37 to 45 are now carrying babies that ACTUALLY and BIOLOGICALLY belong to their sons-in-law.
Forgive me, Oh Lord, I have swam in that river before, but You are my witness, my Lord, I did not ask for it, even if I didn't swim then, I would still have been drown anyway.
That is what always happen when an actively functional mother-in-law visits her daughter and her husband in a country where the distance is too far for her to go and fetch for her own outside the confinement of the daughter's home which is often like an imprisonment. Let us ask any of them that spent some times visiting in the USA.
But, to confess, It was sooooo sweet indeed then, I will do it again, if she ever has enough money for flight ticket again. The sweetest affair is the ugliest ones that both parties can NEVER publicly announce.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by 2mch(m): 10:40pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Is it the mother's problem that the DIL refused to learn what her husband likes to eat? Is it not her duty to find out these things from her MIL? MIL has no obligation to DIL. DIL should be the one trying to see that she runs a successful home not MIL. Just leave the guy and his mum, in your next life you will look before you leap. And OP's name is (FIERY) FIREY? says a lot about your attitude, and your mind set.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by chaircover: 11:08pm On Apr 18, 2011|
Of course, its the the wife's prerogative to ensure that she is doing the best to meet her husbands needs but as a parent is it also my duty to guide my kids.
Not all DIL's start off with a flying start and many need guidance in the beginning & this is where the mum tactfully comes in.
My SIL's take me as their kid sister; it goes without saying that if their brother is happy; they are happy and so they wont sit back and watch me make blunders & that is the way it should be.
. . . .but we are going off topic now.
|Re: My Husband And Mother In Law Are Very Close that it makes me uncomfortable by Outstrip(f): 11:21pm On Apr 18, 2011|
This is serious. Are you people serious. I don't even care so much about the baby talk. It is the lying in bed and hugging his mother that is shocking to me. The fact that she was a snigle mother makes it even more disturbing. I will use my leg and kick her out of the bed and then shove her son out with her. They can go and do that nonsense in her bed. What sort of shamelessness is that. Goo goo gaa gaa my a.s.s
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