Early one morning, a mother
went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go
to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to
go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers
hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come
on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to
school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for
another, you're the Principal!"


On the first day of college, the
Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-
of-bounds for all male students, and the male
dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first
time. The second time you will be fined $60. A
third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there
any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a
season pass?"


Four high school boys afflicted
with spring fever skipped
morning classes. After lunch
they reported to the teacher that
they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well,
you missed a test today so take seats apart from
one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"


“Alfred, if I had 20 marbles in
my right pants pocket, 20
marbles in my left pants pocket,
40 marbles in my right hip
pocket and 40 marbles in may left hip pocket –
what would I have?”
“Heavy pants, sir!”

A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large
group and said, “Where would man be today if it
were not for woman?”
She paused a moment and looked around the
room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it
were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d
be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.”

A Yankee lawyer went duck
hunting in eastern North Carolina.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it
fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the
fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he
was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck
and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and
you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best
trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me
get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we do things here in North
Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this
with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick
Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three
times and then you kick me three times, and so
on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the
proposed contest and decided that he could easily
take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the
local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the
tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first
kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into
the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his
knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's
nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his
belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney
nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his
will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my
turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said,
"Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

This is the first joke i'll read that a lawyer was taken for a ride

^^ abi o

Nice jokes.

Jokes are ok.

Gud collection!