How can my parent especially mum feels like she can make my marriage decision for me..

I was once with a lady which she goes against at the end I left that lady,now for about 5 years have been with my lady and ready to get married to her but my mum still feel she can make decision for me..

She giving me attitude and always want to find fault in her.If I say this or that she will end up saying she had giving me something diabolic to eat to go against her say!!!

I am sure if it was dangote daughter I was going to get married to..I am sure they wouldn't have problems with that. Why are some parents like this.

I am just tired of her questioning my decision, for over 8 years..have been living on my own and sustaining my self without any body's help

Sometimes, the way she talks to dad I don't like it and she feels I would be gentle like him..

She is very stubborn, if you feel you don't want to call her to instill your decision..she won't also call..at last I will still be the one to call because I feel it's naturally ideal to check on your parent..

Have sat her down to talk to her sometimes and after sometimes she changes..I detest this kind of attitude,she doesn't know she has bad attitude if you talk she will insult your life from the beginning of your existence!

Please,mature minds..how can I go about this ...how can I say my yes is my yes..how can I make them understand the fact that it's my life and I will take full responsibility of my decision...
How can I also correct her bad attitide??why is it hard for people to understand that nobody is perfect..

I don't have anybody to talk to,that was why I created new account.
Please help contribute

Dear Hmfathom,


This one you're in a haste to tie the knot and giving us sermons on how stubborn your biological mother is, I hope you're ready to withstand the heat when you eventually get married...

Your story reminds me of Akpofure who was too eager to get married to his long time girlfriend Omesiri.... He neglected every advise thrown at him by his mom, friends and family, infact, Akpofure labelled his mom a witch who does not want his progress and barred her from coming to see him.

To cut this story short, Akpofure can not turn his neck like a normal human being will do... Omesiri stabbed him in the neck when the marriage was barely 2yrs old and as I speak to you, Omesiri is the head and neck of the family, while Akpofure is just there carrying out laundry duties....


Pikin wen wan grow big teeth, make he nor forget to grow big lip join.

OP, truth be told, you are mature enough to know what you desire in a woman. The decision is yours, the marriage life is yours, your tomorrow is yours. Nobody will endure the heat when it comes.

Just make sure you know what you are doing before insisting on marrying your heart desire..
The problem is we always feel we are adults and know left from right...hehehehe... Aswearugad, we all still need parental guidance from time to time..

From experience, I have stated the above...

You have found every woman in her, yen yen yen..Have you found your mother in her?
Look, my guy! Before I got married, I was faced with a similar issue. My own obstacle was my father..I thought I knew what I was doing just like you and stood my ground... ... Today, I am a philosopher!

The painful thing is, after standing your ground and they give you the go ahead,..when you begin to see the reason they objected(when she starts to show her true colour), You would feel ashamed to consult them ...cos you will be reminded in a painful way how you stood your ground ...So you ll be forced to move on with your rickety car...

...My advice! Pray and be sure you know what you are doing

MetroBaba1:
OP, truth be told, you are mature enough to know what you desire in a woman. The decision is yours, the marriage life is yours, your tomorrow is yours. Nobody will endure the heat when it comes.

Very true, how can I make them see it

PissfulProtester:


Just make sure you know what you are doing before insisting on marrying your heart desire..

Yes,I understand

PissfulProtester:


Just make sure you know what you are doing before insisting on marrying your heart desire..
The problem is we always feel we are adults and know left from right...hehehehe... Aswearugad, we all still need parental guidance from time to time..

How about having God to put you through things

Op, she has someone for you to marry.

Shellsploit:
Op, she has someone for you to marry.

Nope,she doesnt
Things she do say sometimes is ..you are handsome..you will see this and that..

MetroBaba1:
OP, truth be told, you are mature enough to know what you desire in a woman. The decision is yours, the marriage life is yours, your tomorrow is yours. Nobody will endure the heat when it comes.

@OP Hmfathom READ WHAT THIS GUY SAID THIS AGAIN, AGAIN AND AGAIN

This is where your problem started,

When you were younger, you were probably "mummy's boy", and alot of mummy's boy" dont seem to understand this till it's too late and the start to feel suffocated by their mom like the way you're feeling now,

I can swear that when you were younger, you were probably doing the "Good boy", doing everything she says, never checking her nasty attitude whenever she displayed it to you, you probably thought you were playing it safe, but little did you know that when you were doing those things, in your mother's mind,
"You are still that little boy in her eyes that will be lost without her, you are still that little boy in her eyes that always does what she always wants and wishes without thinking twice".

Alot of "mummy's boy" don't also seem to get this until it's too late, by being a "Mummy's boy", your mother will have very minimum Respect for you, why?, Because you haven't showed her a reason to Respect you, even if you like have all the money in the world, her Respect for you will still be minimum.

If you doubt what I just wrote above, if you have brothers, or male Relations, those ones that are not in the category of "mummy's boy", watch them very closely and their interaction with their mothers and if you're honest to yourself, you'll notice that their mothers gives them maximum respect, why?, Because those ones showed right from when the were younger that they are capable and the are also not afraid to "Implement their own personal decisions".

Respect is EARNED, if you think a mother will just start Respecting her son because she gave birth to him, then you're joking. You must earn her Respect before she gives you your maximum Respect.

Even Father's, no father ever Respects his Son just because he is his son, a Son has to behave and act in certain ways that are worthy of Earning the Father's maximum Respect And the Father never hesitates to give that his son maximum Respect once he notices the behavior and actions of his son that is worthy of Respect ... and I say this without Remorse.

I'm sorry to say, it seems your mama dey overdo.

Even at just 22 years, my parents especially my father gives me and my decisions quite a great deal of respect and I'm even still partly dependent upon them.

But this issue needs to be addressed carefully. You need to be sure that your mum's "overprotectiveness" is actually not because she's sincerely trying to guide you from wrong decisions but to you, it seems she is doing too much.

I advise that you give it one last try. Sit her down and have a discussion with her. let her tell you her views, the reasons behind her rejections. relate those views with some trustworthy elders or people of more wisdom than you. if you can now all conclude that her reasons are not reasonable or tangible, gently reject them and move on with your decisions.

you're the one to marry and not her. It's about your life and not hers.

I pray God will settle your matter.

ictjobber:



@OP Hmfathom READ WHAT THIS GUY SAID THIS AGAIN, AGAIN AND AGAIN

He is saying the real truth..how can I make them understand that fact

DaddyRochie1642:
This is where your problem started,

When you were younger, you were probably "mummy's boy", and alot of mummy's boy" dont seem to understand this till it's too late and the start to feel suffocated by their mom like the way you're feeling now,

I can swear that when you were younger, you were probably doing the "Good boy", doing everything she says, never checking her nasty attitude whenever she displayed it to you, you probably thought you were playing it safe, but little did you know that when you were doing those things, in your mother's mind,
"You are still that little boy in her eyes that will be lost without her, you are still that little boy in her eyes that always does what she always wants and wishes without thinking twice".

Alot of "mummy's boy" don't also seem to get this until it's too late, by being a "Mummy's boy", your mother will have very minimum Respect for you, why?, Because you haven't showed her a reason to Respect you, even if you like have all the money in the world, her Respect for you will still be minimum.

If you doubt what I just wrote above, if you have brothers, or male Relations, those ones that are not in the category of "mummy's boy", watch them very closely and their interaction with their mothers and if you're honest to yourself, you'll notice that their mothers gives them maximum respect, why?, Because those ones showed right from when the were younger that they are capable and the are also not afraid to "Implement their own personal decisions".

Respect is EARNED, if you think a mother will just start Respecting her son because she gave birth to him, then you're joking. You must earn her Respect before she gives you your maximum Respect.

Even Father's, no father ever Respects his Son just because he is his son, a Son has to behave and act in certain ways that are worthy of Earning the Father's maximum Respect And the Father never hesitates to give that his son maximum Respect once he notices the behavior and actions of his son that is worthy of Respect ... and I say this without Remorse.

You said right but I wasn't a mama's boy..
I started living my life alone when I was 19..

In all,please if there is anything I can do for her to respect my decision. What can this be please..tell me,I want to know..
My dad respects my decision but for mom she doesn't at all

Since you're experiencing this even before settling down, how will ur wife now handle mummy's boy bayi

PissfulProtester:


Just make sure you know what you are doing before insisting on marrying your heart desire..
The problem is we always feel we are adults and know left from right...hehehehe... Aswearugad, we all still need parental guidance from time to time..

From experience, I have stated the above...



You have found every woman in her, yen yen yen..Have you found your mother in her?
Look, my guy! Before I got married, I was faced with a similar issue. My own obstacle was my father..I thought I knew what I was doing just like you and stood my ground... ... Today, I am a philosopher!

The painful thing is, after standing your ground and they give you the go ahead,..when you begin to see the reason they objected, You would feel ashamed to consult them ...cos you will be reminded in a painful way how you stood your ground ...So you ll be forced to move on with your rickety car...

...My advice! Pray and be sure you know what you are doing

Hope your wife no Dey Nairaland sha

3pleDAssistant:
I'm sorry to say, it seems your mama dey overdo.

Even at just 22 years, my parents especially my father gives me and my decisions quite a great deal of respect and I'm even still partly dependent upon them.

But this issue needs to be addressed carefully. You need to be sure that your mum's "overprotectiveness" is actually not because she's sincerely trying to guide you from wrong decisions but to you, it seems she is doing too much.

I advise that you give it one last try. Sit her down and have a discussion with her. let her tell you her views, the reasons behind her rejections. relate those views with some trustworthy elders or people of more wisdom than you. if you can now all conclude that her reasons are not reasonable or tangible, gently reject them and move on with your decisions.

you're the one to marry and not her. It's about your life and not hers.

I pray God will settle your matter.

Thanks for this,God will bless you.what can I do for her to respect the my decision please .I will try this out too.thank for everyone's mature advice

So you mean at your age you can't take some drastic decisions and just give only feedback to your mum?

Sit your mum down and query her the main reason she is doing that and the way forward

If she is not still cooperating, then be a strong MAN and stop acting like mummy boy

Hmfathom:
How can my parent especially mum feels like she can make my marriage decision for me..

I was once with a lady which she goes against at the end I left that lady,now for about 5 years have been with my lady and ready to get married to her but my mum still feel she can make decision for me..

She giving me attitude and always want to find fault in her.If I say this or that she will end up saying she had giving me something diabolic to eat to go against her say!!!

I am sure if it was dangote daughter I was going to get married to..I am sure they wouldn't have problems with that. Why are some parents like this.

I am just tired of her questioning my decision, for over 8 years..have been living on my own and sustaining my self without any body's help

Sometimes, the way she talks to dad I don't like it and she feels I would be gentle like him..

She is very stubborn, if you feel you don't want to call her to instill your decision..she won't also call..at last I will still be the one to call because I feel it's naturally ideal to check on your parent..

Have sat her down to talk to her sometimes and after sometimes she changes..I detest this kind of attitude,she doesn't know she has bad attitude if you talk she will insult your life from the beginning of your existence!

Please,mature minds..how can I go about this ...how can I say my yes is my yes..how can I make them understand the fact that it's my life and I will take full responsibility of my decision...
How can I also correct her bad attitide??why is it hard for people to understand that nobody is perfect..

I don't have anybody to talk to,that was why I created new account.
Please help contribute

If that lady loves her life and d life of her children, she had better run away from u and your family. The worst thing to happen to a woman is bad inlaws cos all I see is an impending divorce. At op, incase u want to marry d lady and she is a strong woman, just create a gap between your mum and your wife if not I pray u have rest of mind in your home. Mother and wife fighting is not easy for both d man and d wife. Your mum can even vow not to see her children if the hatred is very strong.

Muyiwaipere:


Hope your wife no Dey Nairaland sha

She is not so much the media type but she knows about nairaland..because I am always on nairaland..

Muyiwaipere:


Hope your wife no Dey Nairaland sha

I feel for your future wife, if you know what's best for you keep maximum distance between your wife and mother .

Hmfathom:

Very true, how can I make them see it

I made my parents understand that I have the responsibility to get married to whom I desire. More importantly, they aren't sponsoring the wedding. I made them know that they don't understand what I seek in a mate. I questioned them to list out five qualities I seek out in a potential mate, they failed. But I promised that I'll give them the best. OP, from that day henceforth, them clear road for me.

Remember, as a MAN, don't give in to pressure when it comes to choosing a mate. Dance your dance, because nobody will join you when the gbedu start.

Be a Man

If you don't want to be a pawn in your mother's hand, especially with her said kind of attitude, master the act of informing her of your decisions without giving her the power to make decisions for you at any given time - the simple difference between consent and courtesy. In the absence of love, it's better to be feared than to be respected/admired.

Once you're certain that you've conquered yourself, make your choice and live on it and its consequences. One of the worst things that will ever happen to you/anyone is living on other people's opinions, whether from your parents or anybody else - this doesn't negate seeking and listening to wise counsels though.

Old age doesn't automatically confer wisdom, just as one being a parent/relative doesn't automatically mean that she has an altruistic interest in you. Embrace the idea of relating with people based on their ethical leanings rather than nomenclature/affiliation and know peace and progress.

Icesnow:
If that lady loves her life and d life of her children, she had better run away from u and your family. The worst thing to happen to a woman is bad inlaws cos all I see is an impending divorce. At op, incase u want to marry d lady and she is a strong woman, just create a gap between your mum and your wife if not I pray u have rest of mind in your home. Mother and wife fighting is not easy for both d man and d wife. Your mum can even vow not to see her children if the hatred is very strong.

God has been there for us..I didn't ask you to abuse me my sister..if I am not concerned about my relationship I wouldn't ask for people view and how to overcome this

dyangprof:
So you mean at your age you can't take some drastic decisions and just give only feedback to your mum?

Sit your mum down and query her the main reason she is doing that and the way forward

If she is not still cooperating, then be a strong MAN and stop acting like mummy boy

Thanks for this insights..

NoToPile:
I feel for your future wife, if you know what's best for you keep maximum distance between your wife and mother .

That's certain..

RightToReject:
If you don't want to be a pawn in your mother's hand, especially with her said kind of attitude, master the act of informing her of your decisions without giving her the power to make decisions for you at any given time - the simple difference between consent and courtesy. In the absence of love, it's better to be feared than to be respected/admired.

Once you're certain that you've conquered yourself, make your choice and live on it and its consequences. One of the worst things that will ever happen to you/anyone is living on other people's opinions, whether from your parents and anybody else - this doesn't mean not seeking and listening to wise counsels though.

Old age doesn't automatically confer wisdom, just as one being a parent/relative doesn't automatically mean that she has an altruistic interest in you.

God bless you for this,I really appreciate this.

MetroBaba1:


I made my parents understand that I have the responsibility to get married to whom I desire. More importantly, they aren't sponsoring the wedding. I made them know that they don't understand what I seek in a mate. I questioned them to list out five qualities I seek out in a potential mate, they failed. But I promised that I'll give them the best. OP, from that day henceforth, them clear road for me.

Remember, as a MAN, don't give in to pressure when it comes to choosing a mate. Dance your dance, because nobody will join you when the gbedu start.

Be a Man

This is beautiful and solves it all..God bless you

Mummy's boy problem.

So you are still scared of mummy at this age.

If mummy dies today, won't you continue your life.

It is not a crime if you are your own man that makes mistakes and can learn from it.

Hmfathom:


You said right but I wasn't a mama's boy..
I started living my life alone when I was 19..

In all,please if there is anything I can do for her to respect my decision. What can this be please..tell me,I want to know..
My dad respects my decision but for mom she doesn't at all

I will be Point Blank Honest with you, at this point, there's very little you can do.

You said your father Respects your decision, you'll have to relate more with your father, I don't know about you and your father's Relationship, if the Relationship between the two of you is good, channel all your attention to your father....you said that you're certain of your decision to go ahead with that woman you intend to settle down with and you also said that you're ready to also bear the consequences too, so if your father Truely supports your decision, Go ahead with it.... You also said in your write-up that your mom is stubborn and when you don't call her, she won't call you too, you can decide to be calling only your father anytime you want to check up on your mother (I know this is a very hard decision and action to take).

From where I am, I can smell that you have no set boundaries between you and your mother, having boundaries that should not be crossed earns Respect especially when whosoever Crosses your set boundaries and you don't hesitate or waste time in making that person know that he/she just crossed a boundary with a clear and "stern" warning never to try such again next time.the person will get the message and Respect himself/herself next time because he/she knows that you will not tolerate it at all.

You have to set boundaries between you and your mother, an example of such boundaries could be
"she should not talk bad/ill about your woman", anytime your mother should talk bad about your woman, you correct her with a serious face and a serious tone in your voice that you will not tolerate such behavior from her and walk away if you want to..... If you do this repeatedly, slowly your mother will begin to get the message and she'll be very careful when talking about your woman because she knows that if she should talk about your woman in an unpleasant manner, you will not tolerate such behavior from her.

Like I said earlier, Respect is EARNED.
If you want Respect, you have to Behave in a manner worthy of getting Respect.

PlayMaker14:
Dear Hmfathom,


This one you're in a haste to tie the knot and giving us sermons on how stubborn your biological mother is, I hope you're ready to withstand the heat when you eventually get married...

Your story reminds me of Akpofure who was too eager to get married to his long time girlfriend Omesiri.... He neglected every advise thrown at him by his mom, friends and family, infact, Akpofure labelled his mom a witch who does not want his progress and barred her from coming to see him.

To cut this story short, Akpofure can not turn his neck like a normal human being will do... Omesiri stabbed him in the neck when the marriage was barely 2yrs old and as I speak to you, Omesiri is the head and neck of the family, while Akpofure is just there carrying out laundry duties....


Pikin wen wan grow big teeth, make he nor forget to grow big lip join.

You don't understand my point of view.Your parent also make decision for you and still suffer it..but it will be more painful and you will continue to regret it but if you make the decision for your self. You have to take full responsibilities of any decision..

I said I am ready to take the responsibilities for any decision I make for my self..and how can I make them understand that it's my decision and not theirs..