There is a statistic that one out of every four black African persons is a Nigerian. Seeing that we are a nation of nomads, travelers and soldiers of fortune, we are to be found in almost every nook and cranny of God’s green earth.  There is probably a Nigerian somewhere selling tippers of sand to Eskimos in the Arctic region. However, the common countries where Nigerians seek better fortunes are the UK (Jand), USA (Yankee), Canada (Ice Box), South Africa (Southie) and recently Dubai (Sandie?).

Every now and then, you hear an adventure story of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ proportions about Nigerians who travelled to places like Gabon, Singapore and China for education and hustling. Sweden seems to be popular recently, though Nigerians that venture there do not do so because they love Abba and Volvos; the tertiary school tuition is said to be free.

However, recently on the Nairaland website, I was surprised to hear that Nigerians can be found in places like Cuba, Andorra, Croatia and far-away Australia! Na wa o. Nothing surprises me anymore, so do not be awed when you hear that someone is raking in millions, selling a delicacy called Kangaroo suya in Sydney.

Nigerians are known to look out for each other at varying degrees; depending on what country they are domiciled. You will find that those living in America and Scotland are a bit closer. In the latter, cold and congee may have a say. However some have complained that Nigerians in Canada keep to themselves, and Nigerians in Jand have an unfortunate reputation as being ‘aka gums’ (tight fisted in Ibo) who keep to themselves. Having lived in England myself, I always tell the critics that they should try driving to meet up or buying a 5-Zone Oyster card every single time someone visits from Nigeria on holidays. London is bloody expensive sha, and there is precious little time for anything else but work. Nigerians do try to keep in touch and remain friendly with their compatriots living in the same country, but only for economic and emotional benefit. I wonder what the Nigerians in Cuba say to each other when they meet?

So how do you recognize your countryman at a public place in a foreign country? How do you tell a Bolaji apart from a Taniqua, Shaniqua, Quanesha, Lashonda, Tomica and a Kenyatta? How can you find that? How do you know that girl sitting across from you in the Tube is even from your hometown, before she betrays that fact by answering a call from Nigeria, during which she starts her conversation with ‘How far now?’ Where can you locate the Nigerians in your town for carriage or marriage?

I must warn that there are no hard and fast rules. I promise to give you some guidelines, if you promise to go over and say hi, anytime my guidelines work. Deal?

■Nigerians walk into a place like they own it. That chap that struts with his chest out as he strolls into the lecture room at your postgraduate university even though he is late and everyone is seated is most definitely a Nigerian. He was most probably a banker in Nigeria, who decided to save up and travel to do his Masters. And.he.wants.everybody.to.know.


I remember travelling for summer to America from Jand some years back. My cousin decided to take me to a mall which is one of the largest malls in the U.S (think more than 5 times bigger than Shoprite) because I wanted to go to the Lacoste flagship store to cop some alligator polos. When we got there, we parked in the indoor garage, and I got down from the passenger side and started working towards the entrance to the Mall, as my cousin locked up the car.

When we both got inside I was walking in front of my cousin strolling through the aisles.  After a few minutes, cousin tapped me on the shoulder and drew me aside, with a confused look on his face and asked ‘Dude, you done come here before?’

I replied ‘No, at all. Why?’

He sighed as he shrugged his shoulders ‘Men, the way you just waka enter inside with your head up, you dey flex like say you done come here like one million times. Na wa o.’



Ah, make them write JJC for my forehead because I never come somewhere before? That attitude we have when we enter a place, stand at the entrance, and throw a sweeping gaze at every one of the million bewildered people there is called ‘I No Send.’

Good or bad? You be the judge.

■Nigerians talk on their phone like they are speaking into a microphone connected to a public address system. They put their business out there like you won’t believe. So if you spot someone from afar chatting into the phone, while gesticulating wildly with his arms, like he has beef with the handset itself, that’s probably a Naija person. Never mind, if you do not recognize the dialect he is speaking.


■In Yankee, if you see a middle aged person in a nurse’s uniform, go and hug them and introduce yourself. You probably have just seen a brother or a sister. It does not mean you will get free medical treatment.


■Our appearance. Nigerian men can have huge folds behind our heads! I don’t know what it is about our food but it goes straight to our ogos and necks. Huge neck folds may combine well with traditional clothes, but when a thick necked fella wears a skinny tie and a waist coat, We also have a culture of wearing slippers, so you are likely to recognize a Nigerian when you see a monster toed man wearing a bathroom slippers (some people pronounce it as ‘silpas’ to a public place.


■During my stint in Scotland, it was noticed that Nigerian guys usually liked hanging out in clubs, leaning against the wall facing the exit. Two or three guys would contribute and a 30 bucks bottle of champagne, while 6-10 other Naija boys would scramble around, trying to get some in their plastic cups or pint glasses.


■Take a trip to any major NEXT clothes store every December 24th/26th (when they have their annual 40% super sales), you will see people that you had not seen since nursery in Nigeria. Even that uncle that owes your folks money, and faked his own death and burial in Nigeria, would be here. Nigerians love NEXT sales, but most of all they love awoof!  The NEXT Clearance Store in Leeds used to clean out due to Naija people who would book cheap tickets week in advance to take a 3 hours train journey from London to Leeds; we have now shifted our custom to the Clearance stores in Bicester, Oxford.


If you also see a black person pushing a trolley overflowing with both men and women’s clothing in Ross, that person is Nigerian.

■Go to the Bissonet area of Houston Texas, Woolwich in England, or any major square in Toronto, Canada or Frankfurt Germany and shout out randomly ‘Emeka! Ade!’ I swear someone will answer you with a ‘Present Sir!’


Do not shout out the name ‘Efe’ or ‘Alero’ in Rome though, unless you have change for agbanas.

Nigerians boku for some areas sha.

The one that always amuses me is that the ones that live in the less glam areas or slum parts of the cities are usually snobbish and unfriendly to each other.

■We fancy big and flashy cars. Even the ones struggling to make ends meet, make sure they drive solid whips. Some brands are better preferred like Toyota Camry or Corolla. In fact if your car breaks down on a major road, do not bother calling the AAA; just stand by the road and wave any dark skinned drivers in Toyota Camry, and beg in pidgin ‘My car  battery done pafuka. Abeg make you help me come push am make im jump start.’


■That sister who does not smile, and is always typing away on her BB. Sorry but some Nigerians girls, especially when they just move abroad newly should start their own BANS movement – Babes Are Not Smiling. Why are they always screwing their faces in the public like ‘No one should dare approach me; I am not on your level.’


I know one oyibo guy who fancied this bootylicious Nigerian female at one firm I was doing part-time work, but he complained that in his team, everybody was scared of the lass. She was always short with everybody and ate lunch alone.

Nigerian girls fit bone face! Dem no dey get neutral facial expressional at all; especially if they are in a place where they do not really know anyone. That’s how you can identify them in a room full of Taniquas and Desantas.

Sister cooloo temper o. Approach a brother and tell him that you need a hug.

■They love wearing leather jackets. After watching all those hiphop artists like P.Diddy and Kanye sport leather jackets in music videos, some Naija people decide to wear all the leather they couldn’t wear in Nigeria when they get abroad. Some even start from Murtala Mohammed Airport, in damn near 70 degree weather. Some break out stone-wash jackets with studs and shoulder pads like the Felix Liberty and Alex Zitto era.


Some chaps here sport head-warmers in the summer, confusing the poor oyibo people they school and work with. One oyibo man had to ask one Naija JJC who had reported to work in the middle of English summer, wearing a jumper with a button up under, and a bubble-goose Northface jacket on top ‘Are you alright mate? You are sweating buckets, ”

Share your thoughts and experiences.

culled from www.woahnigeria.

Wow

Na wa o. People get time sha

I go read am after i eat

.

This is only playing into stereotypes

brilliant article absolutely spot on especially with the next sales

I love it. Thank

crap

Stereotyping

too long.

An average novel is longer. You feeling lazy?

Ehmm, something like that. 

Exactly one of the reasons I do not read novels. (I just want to know what the novel is about without having to go through every single page )

nanidee:

Ehmm, something like that. 
Exactly one of the reasons I do not read novels. (I just want to know what the novel is about without having to go through every single page )

You piker!

funny!

LWKMD, @OP u got it all spot on. Am guilty of d NEXT store thing. Bt wetin man go do nah,

Nice one!!

Hilarious thru and thru!, lwkmd@NEXT and Bicester village.

hmm

stereotypes

Too funny and too true, You missed out the pretentiousness that both men and women have. but I think we are the most confident black people is Diaspora because of these traits. I have lived in the UK my whole life and since the 90’s the Nigerian population has grown and guess what? Black people are doing better in schools and professionally. Our unmerited pride means that no one can tell us we are less and we believe it. Tell a Nigerian you are better than them then they will let you know that there is no way you are even on their level… love it

Y-V:

Our unmerited pride means that no one can tell us we are less and we believe it.

Too true.
However, beyond individual achievement, we haven't been able to do anything with that pride. We have never been able to build credible institutions, or even successfully collaborate on anything.

Nice one

God bless Nigeria

Funny and spot on! Guilty as charged of quite some of the allegations.

Also noticed at work, when you see the other darkie in the jungle, especially the newly recruited Tester, BA or Project person, 99.9% its a fellow Nigerian. We too like money, naa soo soo contractor and not perm staff. Walks and talks like a subject expert whereas  it probably his/her first real role, LOL

But i give it Nigerian, we take particular care in our appearance. Even those on meagre wages, still dress neat and well put together. I have a thing for picking out Nigerian from a crowd of even blacks, I'm normally right 75% -80%. I look at the combination of hairstyle, jewel, clothes and overall attitude, especially with the girls. The guys like to wear well ironed shirt and shoes for occasions, whether on jeans , chinos or even linen.

But AJ's point does strike a cord, we too like OYO (on Your Own), compared to the Asian Communities, they look out for themselves more and as such achieving great things both individually and collectively. A lot of ppl have this idea that other naijas are OSE (soap), as in dey go just wash(fall) your hand. Me thinks its high time we started giving each other the benefit of doubt and build relationships, not because of the perceived immediate benefits, but rather for camaraderie

LOL very true.You are very correct.

Nothing do us.


God Bless Nigeria

■They love wearing leather jackets. After watching all those hiphop artists like P.Diddy and Kanye sport leather jackets in music videos, some Naija people decide to wear all the leather they couldn’t wear in Nigeria when they get abroad. Some even start from Murtala Mohammed Airport, in damn near 70 degree weather. Some break out stone-wash jackets with studs and shoulder pads like the Felix Liberty and Alex Zitto era.

I think you hvae been hugging the wrong tree!!!!!

No jacket in winter,  thats a one way ticket to the resurrection

The one that always amuses me is that the ones that live in the less glam areas or slum parts of the cities are usually snobbish and unfriendly to each other.

Thats were your wrong because in such areas is were most of the ethnic group live and have their businesses,  your talking kaka again

Nigerians walk into a place like they own it. That chap that struts with his chest out as he strolls into the lecture room at your postgraduate university even though he is late and everyone is seated is most definitely a Nigerian. He was most probably a banker in Nigeria, who decided to save up and travel to do his Masters. And.he.wants.everybody.to.know.

Trust you wouldn’t want to be late for lectures!!!!

really funny n true

my guy na so o , e no easy, nigga gat to show off meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

jchublue:

■That sister who does not smile, and is always typing away on her BB. Sorry but some Nigerians girls, especially when they just move abroad newly should start their own BANS movement – Babes Are Not Smiling. Why are they always screwing their faces in the public like ‘No one should dare approach me; I am not on your level.’
I know one oyibo guy who fancied this bootylicious Nigerian female at one firm I was doing part-time work, but he complained that in his team, everybody was scared of the lass. She was always short with everybody and ate lunch alone.

Nigerian girls fit bone face! Dem no dey get neutral facial expressional at all; especially if they are in a place where they do not really know anyone. That’s how you can identify them in a room full of Taniquas and Desantas.

Sister cooloo temper o. Approach a brother and tell him that you need a hug.

Dude musta seen me at work