Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?

amrichy:
The fact you should keep in mind is that your achievements form a part (an important part actually) of your personality, and your personality will determine who will love you and how much they will love you.
So if people love you for your wealth, academic qualification or profession, it doesn't really mean that they don't love you genuinely. And when you conceal certain parts of your personality, you simply make yourself unattractive and unappealing to some people that would have otherwise been influenced to love your through such
hidden personality (your achievements).
To get my point better, answer this question: could a woman's academic qualification, communication skills, intelligence or culinary skills (which can all be considered as achievements) affect whether you will love her or not?

That's a good one there. I guess Nollywood championed this narrative and took it to a ridiculous level where a prince or son of a rich man will pretend to be poor or a gate man to find " true love."

The effect of this narrative is that it demonises it when people get attracted to you because of your wealth, achievements etc. But then like you said, these things form part of your personality as a person and will influence how a partner nay a woman views you.


The daughter of a professor could resolve to marry only a graduate or a rich man. That would make her proud among her family and friends.

Would you blame her if she rejects you because you denied or hid being a graduate or claim poor?

Is it wrong for her to insist on these things? Does it make her a gold digger?

I would have said it is wrong to put up a low profile while searching for a good wife..but in Nigeria case, I think it is the right thing to do considering that a lot of nigerian girls are after material things. A girl that accepts you when you have nothing(material and financial things) to offer most likely have genuine affection for you.

But we will also need to consider other things like age, is she getting old and desperate for marriage and child? Cause if she is desperate, she might accept any man whether poor or rich.

Anyways, marriage doesn't have any manual...choose what works for you.

Baba forget all this Coming to America ish and go get you a good woman,not every time you have to stoop to conquer.

bomasek:
Baba forget all this Coming to America ish and go get you a good woman,not every time you have to stoop to conquer.

Could you elucidate your point further?

This kind of thought sprouts from a hedonistic core.

Except she's out for my money or what I can offer ,disguising my material or educational achievement should not worry her.

And if she's out for the money and feel like I'm nothing without those considerations, then, there is no reason for us to even be talking about relationship or marriage in the first place.

blizard44:
This kind of thought sprouts from a hedonistic core.

Except she's out for my money or what I can offer ,disguising my material or educational achievement should not worry her.

And if she's out for the money and feel like I'm nothing without those considerations, then, there is no reason for us to even be talking about relationship or marriage in the first place.

Would it be okay is she said she finished or stopped schooling at primary six and pretends not be be able to write correct sentences.



Would that worry you?

LagosNissan:


Would it be okay is she said she finished or stopped schooling at primary six and pretends not be be able to write correct sentences.



Would that worry you?

Not at all.

LagosNissan:


Could you elucidate your point further?

You don't have to be dishonest to find true love,all you need is to have a clearer picture of what you want or desire. If she fits into what you desire and key into your aspirations, you marry her. The world has moved on beyond that Eddie Murphy ish abeg

blizard44:
This kind of thought sprouts from a hedonistic core.

Except she's out for my money or what I can offer ,disguising my material or educational achievement should not worry her.

And if she's out for the money and feel like I'm nothing without those considerations, then, there is no reason for us to even be talking about relationship or marriage in the first place.

How can you tell what another's intentions are?

bomasek:
You don't have to be dishonest to find true love,all you need is to have a clearer picture of what you want or desire. If she fits into what you desire and key into your aspirations, you marry her. The world has moved on beyond that Eddie Murphy ish abeg

You're so right. Humans don't pretend to be who they're not

Belafonte:


How can you tell what another's intentions are ?

By reactions to the conversation in question.

blizard44:

By reactions to the conversation in question.

Oh, that's right. People neither lie nor pretend.

No, it is not. It is called deceit for a reason. You should be able to decipher what you want and learn to guage the extent you divulge information rather than tell lies.

Concealing your achievements (educational, money/wealth) isn't a bad idea at all, to find a spouse. Many wealthy men marry women who were with them when they had little to no money for a reason.

Nawao

Wonderful topic. This issue actually happened to me. There's this lady introduced to me by my sister. She was supposed to be a nurse. But after interactions with her, she made me believe she was an auxiliary nurse. I was even willing to train her in nursing school (after marrying her though), before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges. There's no way I could see myself taking up both her family responsibilities and mine at the same time while training her in nursing school. After thinking about everything I decided to let go. After about a month, she wrote me on whatsapp saying she was very happy for not telling about her real status and all that, implying that I'm wicked. I was so disappointed in her. Why hide your true achievements and personality from me when I told you everything about myself?That's deceit. It seemed she had been watching too much nollywood.
Personally I actually don't believe in unconditional love especially when it comes to marriage. People love you most times because of your handsomeness / beauty, education, financial capabilities, intelligence, etc. It's part of life. It is normal. It doesn't necessarily mean they are gold diggers. The question you should ask yourself is, would you accept you if you didn't have any of those achievements? If people have some criteria that you have to meet before accepting you as part of their life, so be it, don't blame them for it, provided they meet yours, then you both should accept each other in the absence of any major red flag.
The problem is that we don't always want to tell ourselves the truth. Even that person that you feel loves you for you has a reason or reasons for loving you, you just don't know it yet. People can be intuitive.

Potatochips:
Wonderful topic. This issue actually happened to me. There's this lady introduced to me by my sister. She was supposed to be a nurse. But after interactions with her, she made me believe she was an auxiliary nurse. I was even willing to train her in nursing school (after marrying her though), before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges. There's no way I could see myself taking up both her family responsibilities and mine at the same time while training her in nursing school. After thinking about everything I decided to let go. After about a month, she wrote me on whatsapp saying she was very happy for not telling about her real status and all that, implying that I'm wicked. I was so disappointed in her. Why hide your true achievements and personality from me when I told you everything about myself?That's deceit. It seemed she had been watching too much nollywood.
Personally I actually don't believe in unconditional love especially when it comes to marriage. People love you most times because of your handsomeness / beauty, education, financial capabilities, intelligence, etc. It's part of life. It is normal. It doesn't necessarily mean they are gold diggers. The question you should ask yourself is, would you accept you if you didn't have any of those achievements? If people have some criteria that you have to meet before accepting you as part of their life, so be it, don't blame them for it, provided they meet yours, then you both should accept each other in the absence of any major red flag.
The problem is that we don't always want to tell ourselves the truth. Even that person that you feel loves you for you has a reason or reasons for loving you, you just don't know it yet. People can be intuitive.

Are you serious?

She was testing if you loved her or were a husband material?

So how are you guys now?

This is a very interesting discussion especially for the men in diaspora. A lot of men are not sure what level of discretion to apply when trying to get a lady.
The reality is that a lot of women out there are nothing but gold diggers, just a few women out there are worth it.
So considering how materialistic many people have become(both men and women) a man that wants peace of mind would not display wealth before trying to woo a serious lady.
Many intelligent people can see through a mans humility, and thats the kind of woman a man needs, not the type that can be bought.

LagosNissan:
Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?






That's a good one there. I guess Nollywood championed this narrative and took it to a ridiculous level where a prince or son of a rich man will pretend to be poor or a gate man to find " true love."

The effect of this narrative is that it demonises it when people get attracted to you because of your wealth, achievements etc. But then like you said, these things form part of your personality as a person and will influence how a partner nay a woman views you.


The daughter of a professor could resolve to marry only a graduate or a rich man. That would make her proud among her family and friends.

Would you blame her if she rejects you because you denied or hid being a graduate or claim poor?

Is it wrong for her to insist on these things? Does it make her a gold digger?

This shouldn't be done to every woman
Imagine an ideal woman who is self progressive and just the proper woman,there is no brain in she accepting that low picture of you
So all in all,pay heed to the kind of woman before thinking of lying or else you might just be missing a good choice cause of your scepticisms

Lucrativress:

This shouldn't be done to every woman
Imagine an ideal woman who is self progressive and just the proper woman,there is no brain in she accepting that low picture of you
So all in all,pay heed to the kind of woman before thinking of lying or else you might just be missing a good choice cause of your scepticisms

So a progressive woman would not consider a good man who is probably less financially bouyant.
Thats exactly the reason a man needs to downplay his achievements when approaching a man so as to avoid the risk of attracting leaches.
Many women with good head on their shoulders will look at a mans character and prospect not the size of his pocket.
A woman who can reject a man based on the size of his pocket does not deserve that man.

oldienavie:

So a progressive woman would not consider a good man who is probably less financially bouyant.
Thats exactly the reason a man needs to downplay his achievements when approaching a man so as to avoid the risk of attracting leaches.
Many women with good head on their shoulders will look at a mans character and prospect not the size of his pocket.
A woman who can reject a man based on the size of his pocket does not deserve that man.

A good man you say who is poor in discerning when things aren't necessary and will rather go deceitful in playing what?
A game of love like those in the movie's?
Nahhh
Someone who is pretty interested in bringing out the most wretched picture in his Story Book,if he won't be practical with his prospects,love isn't a game especially when it comes to taking it serious,love is practical and should be planned,give only a wretched picture, you'll go for a wretched woman...

Lucrativress:

A good man you say who is poor in discerning when things aren't necessary and will rather go deceitful in playing what?
A game of love like those in the movie's?
Nahhh
Someone who is pretty interested in bringing out the most wretched picture in his Story Book,if he won't be practical with his prospects,love isn't a game especially when it comes to taking it serious,love is practical and should be planned,give only a wretched picture, you'll go for a wretched woman...

You are not listening, you are just concocting things.
If I have 10 million naira in my account and I dont tell you as my prospective spouse, it is not deciet, it is discretion.
A man can live a humble life without show off that is not deceit.
I live abroad and I can afford to buy the best car, I dont even drive I just use the public transit, thats not deciet it is discretion and I have a right to that.
The bolded is a wrong assumption on your part, I just gave you a realistic example not the extreme one you are trying to project.

oldienavie:

So a progressive woman would not consider a good man who is probably less financially bouyant.
Thats exactly the reason a man needs to downplay his achievements when approaching a man so as to avoid the risk of attracting leaches.
Many women with good head on their shoulders will look at a mans character and prospect not the size of his pocket.
A woman who can reject a man based on the size of his pocket does not deserve that man.

Is the size of his pockets, his educational background, not part of the man?

oldienavie:

So a progressive woman would not consider a good man who is probably less financially bouyant.
Thats exactly the reason a man needs to downplay his achievements when approaching a man so as to avoid the risk of attracting leaches.
Many women with good head on their shoulders will look at a mans character and prospect not the size of his pocket.
A woman who can reject a man based on the size of his pocket does not deserve that man.

A good man without money and prospects isn't a man,he is just a living being,his goodness is worthless
Good won't buy 1,2,3 Baby's food and Cerelac you know
Everyone are after their future security, don't blame women soo much,blame the men going for leeches,but don't expect a good and ideal woman to settle for your Korean movie drama's,women are hypergamous in nature, it's naturally imbibed in them,so wake up Fairyman

oldienavie:

You are not listening, you are just concocting things.
If I have 10 million naira in my account and I dont tell you as my prospective spouse, it is not deciet, it is discretion.
A man can live a humble life without show off that is not deceit.
I live abroad and I can afford to buy the best car, I dont even drive I just use the public transit, thats not deciet it is discretion and I have a right to that.
The bolded is a wrong assumption on your part, I just gave you a realistic example not the extreme one you are trying to project.

Your perceived discretion is thinking only about yourself
We should be discreet yes but not totally,wisdom is applicable in all things, you're an ordinary man with the picture you painted,no education,no single achievement or whatsoever,I never told you to report your total asset you know, discretion will tell you to light a little flame, don't douse the whole thing before it's even started.
Life is not always in black and white,keep being this pessimistic and doing this,it still doesn't guarantee what you seek for 100%

oldienavie:

You are not listening, you are just concocting things.
If I have 10 million naira in my account and I dont tell you as my prospective spouse, it is not deciet, it is discretion.
A man can live a humble life without show off that is not deceit.
I live abroad and I can afford to buy the best car, I dont even drive I just use the public transit, thats not deciet it is discretion and I have a right to that.
The bolded is a wrong assumption on your part, I just gave you a realistic example not the extreme one you are trying to project.

I'm just being practical here
Paint a 0 picture of yourself, whatever the outcome may be, don't think it's the best

Lucrativress:

Your perceived discretion is thinking only about yourself
We should be discreet yes but not totally,wisdom is applicable in all things, you're an ordinary man with the picture you painted,no education,no single achievement or whatsoever,I never told you to report your total asset you know, discretion will tell you to light a little flame, don't douse the whole thing before it's even started.
Life is not always in black and white,keep being this pessimistic and doing this,it still doesn't guarantee what you seek for 100%

I get your point, but you are the one that is being subjective.
The reality out there now with how materialistic this generation has become necessitates a man to play down his financial worth to screen out potential gold diggers.
Note that I did not say he should screen down his educational level, or skill set.
I purposely said financial worth cos these kind of women only pay attention to money and material things, they do not understand how to value a mans skillset or educational achivements.

oldienavie:

I get your point, but you are the one that is being subjective.
The reality out there now with how materialistic this generation has become necessitates a man to play down his financial worth to screen out potential gold diggers.
Note that I did not say he should screen down his educational level, or skill set.
I purposely said financial worth cos these kind of women only pay attention to money and material things, they do not understand how to value a mans skillset or educational achivements.

We're in sync
Most men need good women but they want Gold Digger's

Lucrativress:

We're in sync
Most men need good women but they want Gold Digger's

I dont understand you, how does living a humble life and being discreet about your wealth mean a man wants a Gold digger ?

Lucrativress:

A good man without money and prospects isn't a man,he is just a living being,his goodness is worthless
Good won't buy 1,2,3 Baby's food and Cerelac you know
Everyone are after their future security, don't blame women soo much,blame the men going for leeches,but don't expect a good and ideal woman to settle for your Korean movie drama's,women are hypergamous in nature, it's naturally imbibed in them,so wake up Fairyman

This is the kind of women we always tell a man to run away from, a woman who would say this has a very shallow mindset, very common amidst women from the Southern part of Nigeria.
They do not understand the concept of loyalty and sacrifice in marriage, they are very greedy and materialistic and only understand the language of money, such women are only loyal to a mans money and sell their body to the highest bidder if the man has financial challenges and that is why a man needs to be discreet and humble when looking for a spouse so as not to attract such women.

By the way I am a southerner but the truth has to be told.

oldienavie:

I dont understand you, how does living a humble life and being discreet about your wealth mean a man wants a Gold digger ?

Yup
I got you
I was going to elucidate
So a man goes all "I want a good woman,bla bla" and most times go for the gold diggers cause most men are moved by sight and till thy Kingdom comes, this will continue happening and they'll keep sobbing they married leeches,most don't use their brains but instead their hearts and eyes.
Before putting out "I love you,I want you" a man is meant to study the woman's countenance,study her communications,do your homework well.
If she says yes I still want you like that,does that guarantee her being a best choice?
Why not be more practical with what you want in a woman and study it in her,seems like you just want someone who won't waste your money that's all.

oldienavie:

This is the kind of women we always tell a man to run away from, a woman who would say this has a very shallow mindset, very common amidst women from the Southern part of Nigeria.
They do not understand the concept of loyalty and sacrifice in marriage, they are very greedy and materialistic and only understand the language of money, such women are only loyal to a mans money and sell their body to the highest bidder if the man has financial challenges and that is why a man needs to be discreet and humble when looking for a spouse so as not to attract such women.

By the way I am a southerner but the truth has to be told.

I am a Southerner also and your jumping into assumptions doesn't really amuse me, it's normal.
I'm being practical,things you wrote up here iif you're being practical enough then you'll note that you won't smile wide teeth if your daughter or Sister beings her prospective spouse Home who has absolutely nothing.
I won't say you're thinking selfishly but think about the scenario I said
The Bible backs up my claim up there, it's been since time immemorial,if you have nothing continuously, you're living for nothing.
I'm not trying to make you like my point,if you'd rather live in denial of facts, that's up to you.