It is said you do not choose members of your family.

My younger sibling and I were separated due to a family feud involving my maternal and paternal families. It would later take us a couple of years to behold each other again. We used to have a promising relationship as siblings at first but things are not the same way now.

Our relationship may become the next standard for Fahrenheit temperature scale if care is not taken.

I do not understand how someone can say 'I don't hate you' for people to hear, but will not acknowledge your existence throughout the day, or want anything to do with you. And if I try (goodness knows I do) to get close to her, she gets up and walks away or locks herself up somewhere till I'm gone. Almost every time you ask a question about something she keeps mute or gives flat out responses like 'mmm', 'i don't know', 'yes', 'no'. Even when she hears the questions correctly she acts deaf and this almost always puts any conversation (or monologue, because I will be talking to myself) on a bad footing.


I'm not without fault. Sometimes I don't see myself as a sibling because I don't think I'm up to the standard. I have dealt with feelings of humiliation and degradation in my former settlements, and I really hoped to see my nuclear family, so I can get away from these feelings of lowlifeness taking blame and ridicule upon myself.


All I wanted was to experience what I saw other siblings and their parents (those who even had one) share but I seem to have received the biggest shocks of my life:


1. Because I didn't live with this family from a tender age I am almost seen as an alien, or a spy, or generally treated with very soft suspicion. Whether I was thought to be an ally to their 'enemy', or I am a reminder of a chapter that should be closed, I do not know.

2. Because the manner and environment in which I was socialized differs from my current family (female dominated), there is a lot of friction and misunderstanding, like one party expects the other to follow rules or 'go through the window'. There are also similarities.

3. Since I have witnessed what family division can do, and how it has impacted marriages, behaviour and generations of both sides of my family negatively, I just wanted unity and felt sorry for my families, but they don't seem ready to patch things up. So I look odd in the family.
I can't blame them though. I just fear for the younger generation.



Now regarding my sibling: I'm not sure if I'm preoccupied or obsessed but it baffles me that we don't relate. I thought that was how siblings behaved but it brings fear and sadness that we may never be together.

TAKE NOTE: "BE TOGETHER". Those words made me afraid for I wasn't sure if I was bonding with a sibling, or a lover. This invisible line did not help matters at all, and it made me do things which put me in a difficult spot. We had a few fights and I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile. I do not wish to cause harm to her or anyone, as it is not a sign of true sibling charity. These feelings make me doubt myself. You may imagine how a convicted thief would feel if we held our purses tight everytime.

I even felt angry when nothing was done about it; it was brushed under the carpet like nothing happened. It only opened my eyes and reinforced knowledge as to why families do not report incidences of domestic or sexual abuses. Had I the final resolve I would have coolly walked into a court to face the law. But then I learned what it meant to be merciful.

If I thought about what people did to me I might become unforgiving. I may make life difficult for people who asked for forgiveness but I don't think I wanted to do that. I just wished unity and good will reigns in our hearts.

This sibling has chosen to pretend like it's okay but I can sense the disgust and loathing reeking from her masked politeness. Any attempt to discuss or communicate is met with resistance and the eagerness to make me feel sad. I tried meeting in private, but hey! 'Do you want to repeat what you did'? Is the question on the hearts of observers in the house. If I try to make a public approach then I will seem to cause tension before others in the family. So there is almost no chance of ever communicating.

Now, the catch is we see each other everyday and this means constant shunning, constant entreaty for forgiveness, constant hurt, constant reflection, even constant (avoided) temptation as some actions gestures my relatives make only make me question my ability to become better. Almost all I see is people trying to deal with their inner bias and prejudice but waiting for signs of relapse so it can be said of me: "Ehenn! I said it."

IF I WAS AN EX-CONVICT, I'D PREFER GOING BACK TO PRISON.

Openly ask for forgiveness and mean it, let her see how sorry you are.



But how exactly did you abuse her?

Forget it sir. Take your rapey self far away from her. That relationship is dead forever.
Just forget it

Na was oo this one is hard.

Is the pain in her couple with the separation that worsen the situation. I would advise u to keep in touch bad as it may and always try to 4give ur self. becoz, if u have genuinely repented, God has forgiven you 'cause he sees ur heart. Keep praying about it never underestimate the power of prayer. It helps a lot.

I feel your pain. Kpele..!!

chii8:
Openly ask for forgiveness and mean it, let her see how sorry you are.



But how exactly did you abuse her?

.

Read the story carefully

[/b]I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile.[b]

If you have been that (bold lines) bad to sister then you have alot to do if you will stand a chance of getting her to genuinely care about you. I mean, some level of physical assault breaks and makes reconciliation very difficult even between siblings that are far more properly raised than you (by two parents in harmony).

Some things don't just go away bro, you have to do alot of hard work with dedication to achieve some (if you believe it is worth it). Now you are in a serious battle to remove both the bad image you have printed in her head and the bitter seeds the relatives she's separately staying with has successfully planted on that image.

Try these: stop trying to gum-body or play some sweet sibling with words or other cheap gestures. Apologize to her always, be very humble. Try to know what she needs (even before she realize the needs) and try to help her with them. Based on this, you will try to give her gifts (heart warming gifts at the perfect times), and pull beautiful surprises on her, and try to do all these without the knowledge of the relatives. Also put it in mind that it may also take some time for this to remarkably change her towards you.

You have to first of all forgive yourself, your post reeks of self guilt. Once you do that you will witness renaissance in your relationship with others

Wait a minute, by immoral act, you mean you had sex with your younger sister unwillingly?

As in raped her?

If it's true, I second her treatment towards you.

The only thing good for you is pack yourself out of that house if you are up to 18yrs.
Holy molly!

missjekyll:
Forget it sir. Take your rapey self far away from her. That relationship is dead forever.
Just forget it

Dead till thy kingdom come even if she later forgives but the deed.....
Gosh,
The sister is a kid hence using the word pedophile. They lived apart for long and when they finally started Iiving together bros raped her.
I shudder.

Reed between the lines. If you don't feel wanted,
Don't you think it's because of what you've done to them in the past? Do you think everyone she should act like it never happened?

I think you should leave.

descarado:

they finally started Iiving together bros raped her.
I shudder.

Wait what?? How did I miss that part

MikeAterezzi:
We had a few fights and I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile.

Bro, can you please explain this part further?

How your family is allowing you the abuser, to still be under the same roof with your victim (sister) is baffling or are they ignorant of the fact that her continued seeing you puts her in a heightened state of anxiety, triggers flashbacks and re-experiencing of the abuse.

You are associated with the trauma she is going through and represents danger. Your family have given you a soft landing and she senses you are capable of repeating it thus her persistent avoidance.

You have no right to seek any form of relationship with her, do her good by leaving that house and her life entirely.

So unfortunate.

Mindlog:
How your family is allowing you the abuser, to still be under the same roof with your victim (sister) is baffling or are they ignorant of the fact that her continued seeing you puts her in a heightened state of anxiety, triggers flashbacks and re-experiencing of the abuse.

You are associated with the trauma she is going through and represents danger. Your family have given you a soft landing and she senses you are capable of repeating it thus her persistent avoidance.

You have no right to seek any form of relationship with her, do her good by leaving that house and her life entirely.

Excatly!

The effrontery!

You raped her and still demanding to bond with her again

You want to eat your cake and have it. De ja vu


Go hang yourself, that's the best you can do to redeem yourself and your self guilt!

MufasaLion:


Excatly!

Sadly, if you get to work in a child and adolescent protection unit, such is what you get to face almost on a daily basis....older siblings sexually abusing younger ones, parents sexually abusing their children, cousins, aunts and uncles being the perpetrators and families insisting they do not want it to be treated as a crime that it is.....they re-victimize the victim for exposing the family!

I was actually feeling for you until I read that rape or almost rape part of the story...
I would advice you concentrate on becoming successful please, if nobody like you then the worst you can do to yourself is not to like yourself. Move on bro, just be focus and when you become successful then you'll successfully build your own family.
We are on the same journey but mine is that I didn't try raping anyone.

Mindlog:


Sadly, if you get to work in a child and adolescent protection unit, such is what you get to face almost on a daily basis....older siblings sexually abusing younger ones, parents sexually abusing their children and families insisting they do not want it to be treated as a crime that it is.....they re-victimize the victim for exposing the family!

It's really a sad thing. I don't understand how people are like that. Your sibling? WTF?

MufasaLion:


It's really a sad thing. I don't understand how people are like that. Your sibling? WTF?

Some sexual deviants limit it within the persons they are related to. There was a case last year in Kenya where a 22 year old man was charged in court for impregnating his three underage sisters.

MikeAterezzi:
It is said you do not choose members of your family.

My younger sibling and I were separated due to a family feud involving my maternal and paternal families. It would later take us a couple of years to behold each other again. We used to have a promising relationship as siblings at first but things are not the same way now.

Our relationship may become the next standard for Fahrenheit temperature scale if care is not taken.

I do not understand how someone can say 'I don't hate you' for people to hear, but will not acknowledge your existence throughout the day, or want anything to do with you. And if I try (goodness knows I do) to get close to her, she gets up and walks away or locks herself up somewhere till I'm gone. Almost every time you ask a question about something she keeps mute or gives flat out responses like 'mmm', 'i don't know', 'yes', 'no'. Even when she hears the questions correctly she acts deaf and this almost always puts any conversation (or monologue, because I will be talking to myself) on a bad footing.


I'm not without fault. Sometimes I don't see myself as a sibling because I don't think I'm up to the standard. I have dealt with feelings of humiliation and degradation in my former settlements, and I really hoped to see my nuclear family, so I can get away from these feelings of lowlifeness taking blame and ridicule upon myself.


All I wanted was to experience what I saw other siblings and their parents (those who even had one) share but I seem to have received the biggest shocks of my life:


1. Because I didn't live with this family from a tender age I am almost seen as an alien, or a spy, or generally treated with very soft suspicion. Whether I was thought to be an ally to their 'enemy', or I am a reminder of a chapter that should be closed, I do not know.

2. Because the manner and environment in which I was socialized differs from my current family (female dominated), there is a lot of friction and misunderstanding, like one party expects the other to follow rules or 'go through the window'. There are also similarities.

3. Since I have witnessed what family division can do, and how it has impacted marriages, behaviour and generations of both sides of my family negatively, I just wanted unity and felt sorry for my families, but they don't seem ready to patch things up. So I look odd in the family.
I can't blame them though. I just fear for the younger generation.



Now regarding my sibling: I'm not sure if I'm preoccupied or obsessed but it baffles me that we don't relate. I thought that was how siblings behaved but it brings fear and sadness that we may never be together.

TAKE NOTE: "BE TOGETHER". Those words made me afraid for I wasn't sure if I was bonding with a sibling, or a lover. This invisible line did not help matters at all, and it made me do things which put me in a difficult spot. We had a few fights and I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile. I do not wish to cause harm to her or anyone, as it is not a sign of true sibling charity. These feelings make me doubt myself. You may imagine how a convicted thief would feel if we held our purses tight everytime.

I even felt angry when nothing was done about it; it was brushed under the carpet like nothing happened. It only opened my eyes and reinforced knowledge as to why families do not report incidences of domestic or sexual abuses. Had I the final resolve I would have coolly walked into a court to face the law. But then I learned what it meant to be merciful.

If I thought about what people did to me I might become unforgiving. I may make life difficult for people who asked for forgiveness but I don't think I wanted to do that. I just wished unity and good will reigns in our hearts.

This sibling has chosen to pretend like it's okay but I can sense the disgust and loathing reeking from her masked politeness. Any attempt to discuss or communicate is met with resistance and the eagerness to make me feel sad. I tried meeting in private, but hey! 'Do you want to repeat what you did'? Is the question on the hearts of observers in the house. If I try to make a public approach then I will seem to cause tension before others in the family. So there is almost no chance of ever communicating.

Now, the catch is we see each other everyday and this means constant shunning, constant entreaty for forgiveness, constant hurt, constant reflection, even constant (avoided) temptation as some actions gestures my relatives make only make me question my ability to become better. Almost all I see is people trying to deal with their inner bias and prejudice but waiting for signs of relapse so it can be said of me: "Ehenn! I said it."

IF I WAS AN EX-CONVICT, I'D PREFER GOING BACK TO PRISON.

Walk far away and never come back.
You've bleeped up already, you abused your sister?
Like molestation kind of?
Just go far away, maybe you guys might later meet in the future or heaven.

Mindlog:


Some sexual deviants limit it within the persons they are related to. There was a case last year in Kenya where a 22 year old man was charged in court for impregnating his three underage sisters.

Damn! Such act is just disgusting, really. How could someone even have such attraction towards their relative?. I don't even get attracted to outsiders easily not to talk of a relative, you know.

It's irritating, very irritating.

SportsHD:

Wait what?? How did I miss that part


Bro, can you please explain this part further?

What explanations do you want again?
Mbok

Alhajiemeritus:

Walk far away and never come back.
You've bleeped up already, you abused your sister?
Like molestation kind of?
Just go far away, maybe you guys might later meet in the future or heaven.

You have to read that part twice before it wil dawn on you what he meant.


He came from a messed up background. Seems like everybody have sex with everybody hence he was confused at first what he feel for the sister. And when family did nothing about it, he thought its OK so the sister should move on.

@op, what happened to you in the past?

The OP should say what he did in clear terms joor, say exactly what you did though most of us here might already have an idea , don't beat about the bush.

Had I the final resolve I would have coolly walked into a court to face the law But then I learned what it meant to be merciful.

For you to have brought the issue of court of law its not like you slapped someone or something.

Whatever you did seems to be terrible enough for them not to even think about giving you a second chance.

If your sister will ever forgive you, it will surely take a very long time. You seem to have tried every possible way to show your remorse. They are deeply hurt, you just have to keep hoping, could as well pray that God touches their hearts. It will take a long time, you can't blame them.

Oga you should have mentioned your age . Why did you really need to go back to that house? You can as well get your own home if you are of age and capable. It's of no use living there to keep causing pain. Hope you have her number, paraventure you rent a house, you'd be sending her goodwill messages/keep reaching out. You committed an abomination.

To anyone reading this. The guy didn't rape his sister, he only beated her.

This guy should learn how to choose words wisely.

MikeAterezzi:
It is said you do not choose members of your family.

My younger sibling and I were separated due to a family feud involving my maternal and paternal families. It would later take us a couple of years to behold each other again. We used to have a promising relationship as siblings at first but things are not the same way now.

Our relationship may become the next standard for Fahrenheit temperature scale if care is not taken.

I do not understand how someone can say 'I don't hate you' for people to hear, but will not acknowledge your existence throughout the day, or want anything to do with you. And if I try (goodness knows I do) to get close to her, she gets up and walks away or locks herself up somewhere till I'm gone. Almost every time you ask a question about something she keeps mute or gives flat out responses like 'mmm', 'i don't know', 'yes', 'no'. Even when she hears the questions correctly she acts deaf and this almost always puts any conversation (or monologue, because I will be talking to myself) on a bad footing.


I'm not without fault. Sometimes I don't see myself as a sibling because I don't think I'm up to the standard. I have dealt with feelings of humiliation and degradation in my former settlements, and I really hoped to see my nuclear family, so I can get away from these feelings of lowlifeness taking blame and ridicule upon myself.


All I wanted was to experience what I saw other siblings and their parents (those who even had one) share but I seem to have received the biggest shocks of my life:


1. Because I didn't live with this family from a tender age I am almost seen as an alien, or a spy, or generally treated with very soft suspicion. Whether I was thought to be an ally to their 'enemy', or I am a reminder of a chapter that should be closed, I do not know.

2. Because the manner and environment in which I was socialized differs from my current family (female dominated), there is a lot of friction and misunderstanding, like one party expects the other to follow rules or 'go through the window'. There are also similarities.

3. Since I have witnessed what family division can do, and how it has impacted marriages, behaviour and generations of both sides of my family negatively, I just wanted unity and felt sorry for my families, but they don't seem ready to patch things up. So I look odd in the family.
I can't blame them though. I just fear for the younger generation.



Now regarding my sibling: I'm not sure if I'm preoccupied or obsessed but it baffles me that we don't relate. I thought that was how siblings behaved but it brings fear and sadness that we may never be together.

TAKE NOTE: "BE TOGETHER". Those words made me afraid for I wasn't sure if I was bonding with a sibling, or a lover. This invisible line did not help matters at all, and it made me do things which put me in a difficult spot. We had a few fights and I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile. I do not wish to cause harm to her or anyone, as it is not a sign of true sibling charity. These feelings make me doubt myself. You may imagine how a convicted thief would feel if we held our purses tight everytime.

I even felt angry when nothing was done about it; it was brushed under the carpet like nothing happened. It only opened my eyes and reinforced knowledge as to why families do not report incidences of domestic or sexual abuses. Had I the final resolve I would have coolly walked into a court to face the law. But then I learned what it meant to be merciful.

If I thought about what people did to me I might become unforgiving. I may make life difficult for people who asked for forgiveness but I don't think I wanted to do that. I just wished unity and good will reigns in our hearts.

This sibling has chosen to pretend like it's okay but I can sense the disgust and loathing reeking from her masked politeness. Any attempt to discuss or communicate is met with resistance and the eagerness to make me feel sad. I tried meeting in private, but hey! 'Do you want to repeat what you did'? Is the question on the hearts of observers in the house. If I try to make a public approach then I will seem to cause tension before others in the family. So there is almost no chance of ever communicating.

Now, the catch is we see each other everyday and this means constant shunning, constant entreaty for forgiveness, constant hurt, constant reflection, even constant (avoided) temptation as some actions gestures my relatives make only make me question my ability to become better. Almost all I see is people trying to deal with their inner bias and prejudice but waiting for signs of relapse so it can be said of me: "Ehenn! I said it."

IF I WAS AN EX-CONVICT, I'D PREFER GOING BACK TO PRISON.

OP, did you rape your sister?

chii8:
Openly ask for forgiveness and mean it, let her see how sorry you are.



But how exactly did you abuse her?

No violence. Intrusion of privacy, and contact.

missjekyll:
Forget it sir. Take your rapey self far away from her. That relationship is dead forever.
Just forget it

I will dread that part as it will (hopefully not) sadden me for years to come.

McLizbae:
[/b]I had done an immoral act to her, or should I say, physical assault, and this has put me even under more scrutiny in the eyes of ma maternal famille
These things make me feel like a predator, say a rapist or a paedophile.[b]

If you have been that (bold lines) bad to sister then you have alot to do if you will stand a chance of getting her to genuinely care about you. I mean, some level of physical assault breaks and makes reconciliation very difficult even between siblings that are far more properly raised than you (by two parents in harmony).

Some things don't just go away bro, you have to do alot of had work with dedication to achieve some (if you believe it is worth it). Now you are in a serious battle to remove both the bad image you have printed in her head and the bitter seeds the relatives she's separately staying with has successfully planted on that image.

Try these: stop trying to gum-body or play some sweet sibling with words or other cheap gestures. Apologize to her always, be very humble. Try to know what she needs (even before she realize the needs) and try to help her with them. Based on this, you will try to give her gifts (heart warming gifts at the perfect times), and pull beautiful surprises on her, and try to do all these without the knowledge of the relatives. Also put it in mind that it may also take some time for this remarkably change her towards you.

You are very helpful. Thank you for this. I will give this a try.
Do you know she gave me hope when we were apart? I really looked forward to feeling like a sibling, you know.

descarado:
Wait a minute, by immoral act, you mean you had sex with your younger sister unwillingly?

As in raped her?

If it's true, I second her treatment towards you.
By
The only thing good for you is pack yourself out of that house if you are up to 18yrs.
Holy molly!

No, no. Not rape.
More like something to do with a swipe (of hand), and not in a way to show violence or consent. Yes, I am up to 18. I was.