Let your mother enjoy herself and let your father also enjoyed his planned retirement.

bukatyne:


Change ko, APC ni.

If he has changed, let Heaven be his focus.

bukatyne:


These stories are so common around that the men have the sure hope that the wives would accept them back (whether forgiven or not).

That's why I hammer on intentional fatherhood a lot here and I am particularly happy there is no isonu reconciliation to cater to someone who roamed the streets in his prime and now old & broke.

Even happier to read she has forgiven him so she peace and no sin hanging on her head.

The stories are just too common.

An elderly woman once told me that she can't be packing shit and taking care of her (seperated from and trying to do isonu reconciliation ) husband in old age when she never enjoyed his youth.' Let those he was with back then be with him in old age'

bukatyne:
@Crossroad1:

Lovely story, I particularly liked the end that they are in different space.

I usually don't like galavanting spouse (especially the husband) and isonu makeup when he is old and wrinkled.

If I did not enjoy your youth, why should I be saddled with your broken old age?

Two three things I will say:
1. Your mother should forgive your father. She is still harboring bitterness towards him which is injurious to her health; physical, emotional, spiritual and mental. She should let go of the hurt & pain.

2. Facilitate your siblings to forgive him; he is still your father and send whatever stipend you can send to him. You all need to play your part.

3. You said she has someone new; I don't know the conditions under which they married; she might want to check she is free to be with someone else so she is not committing adultery.

I don't agree with point 1&2. No one owes his father anything. Life is not a cheap budget yoruba movie

Eyeness:
I don't agree with point 1&2. No one owes his father anything. Life is not a cheap budget yoruba movie

u dey vex I bro.. But truly, every one should own up to his actions.

Crossroad1:
u dey vex I bro.. But truly, every one should own up to his actions.

he made his bed, let him lie on it. This is the cost of being a deadbeat

Eyeness:
he made his bed, let him lie on it. This is the cost of being a deadbeat

Did you experience a similar situation?

NoToPile:

The stories are just too common.

An elderly woman once told me that she can't be packing shit and taking care of her (seperated from and trying to do isonu reconciliation ) husband in old age when she never enjoyed his youth.' Let those he was with back then be with him in old age'

Na wa oo!

mariahAngel:


Did you experience a similar experience?

There ought to be a whole novel series circulating all of Nigeria filed with these stories to help educate this and the next generation of men and women in Nigeria. It ought to be more popular than pacesetters and mills &boons combined.

Kobojunkie:
There ought to be a whole novel series circulating all of Nigeria filed with these stories to help educate this and the next generation of men and women in Nigeria. It ought to be more popular than pacesetters and mills &boons combined.

No wonder so many young people (especially young men) are so angry.

mariahAngel:

No wonder so many young people (especially young men) are so angry.

What bothers me most is that many of those raised in these homes turn around and repeat the mistakes of their parents before them rather than learn from them.

Kobojunkie:
What bothers me most is that many of those raised in these homes turn around and repeat the mistakes of their parents before them rather than learn from them.

Exactly.

mariahAngel:
Exactly.

It boggles the mind how after all that suffering and pain, the children would turn around to repeat the same mistakes of their parents...

Some men always thinking they can eat their cake and have it.

Kobojunkie:
Na wa oo!

Yes Ooo.

mariahAngel:


Did you experience a similar situation?

No, my father is still with my mom. I know what both sacrificed to put food on the table and send us to school, and make us useful members of society. As I got older, I am grateful for that.

So someone who chooses instant gratification than to provide for the children he brought into this world deserves no pity and everything bit of bad luck that comes his way

cococandy:
OP dey your lane and don’t guilt your mom into forgiving him. She doesn’t have to. Will forgiving him bring her peace? No. And that’s because she ALREADY has found peace.

No one should assume that he has a say in her state of peace. She found peace by outgrowing him and succeeding in her life.
He should remain a forgotten dead past. That’s how you deal with people like that. Not by singing kumbaya with them and opening the door for them to come and hurt you all over again.

Your siblings are right. After hitting your nine-months pregnant mom with a stool and walking away without caring for y’all’s existence, you want to be doing “he’s still my father”. What if you didn’t get in the way of that attack and your mom died that day?

Is he repented or is he just down in his luck and needs help?If he wasn’t in debt and deported, would he care about any of you? Don’t mistake the fake humility of a broke and wanted man for the affections of a loving father. He never loved any of you. He still doesn’t. Sorry.

Let’s stop glorying martyrdom in women.

well spoken

Crossroad1:

Beautifully written.

If your dad really wants what's best for your mom, he should let her be. She deserves all the happiness she can get.

If he wasn't where he is right now, I doubt that he would be apologising and begging for forgiveness

Men need to remember that their wrong actions will catch up with them. Your dad was so lucky to have a wonderful woman like your mom as a wife but he didn't see her value

There's only so much a woman can and should tolerate. This is why it's important for a woman to be financially stable. That way, she won't tolerate any form of mistreatment from a man.

Unfortunately, many women are stuck in abusive relationships because they can't fend for themselves financially

Ishilove:

What is ODESAN gangan?

Marriage remains one of the best mediums of bonding in traditional African societies. The ancient odesan (inter-cousin) marriage in Okaland and the arokun so omiye (conjugal union between relatives) in Akungba-Akoko played a key role in the strong bond between the different communities that make up the two prominent Akokoland towns. This marriage system has proved helpful in the survival of the traditional political institution and the overall progress of the two towns in the period of the study. Although this marriage system had been practiced as far as the history of the two towns are known, the period of its commencement is not the concern of this paper but the bond of kinship and fraternal ties it has engendered up till the late 1990s in the two towns. Through this marriage system, family members related to the throne of the two towns married close relatives which have produced strong extended bond among the different interest groups. In most cases, daughters of powerful chiefs with potential of creating serious problems for the throne were the ones married to either the king or relatives.

This is what I found on Google from a research work on this Odesan practice in akoko. So, Odesan is an inter-cousin marriage which I think should be abolished by now.

NoToPile:


The stories are just too common.

An elderly woman once told me that she can't be packing shit and taking care of her (seperated from and trying to do isonu reconciliation ) husband in old age when she never enjoyed his youth.' Let those he was with back then be with him in old age'

The world no balance.

Men that truly worked to take care of their children don't live to reap their fruits in old age. Deadbeat fathers live to suffer the consequences of their actions.

There's possibility that OPs father would have been dead if he had been the good, caring husband and father that we all expect all men to be.

Life is not linear

PuZZyNegro:


The world no balance.

Men that truly worked to take care of their children don't live to reap their fruits in old age. Deadbeat fathers live to suffer the consequences of their actions.

There's possibility that OPs father would have been dead if he had been the good, caring husband and father that we all expect all men to be.

Life is not linear

Two questions for you...

1. would you rather be a dead beat dad and live long than be a responsible father and die early?
2. what kills a responsible father early that cannot kill a dead beat father in the same way?

And the bolded is such a lie. A lie you tell yourself.

PuZZyNegro:





This is what I found on Google from a research work on this Odesan practice in akoko. So, Odesan is an inter-cousin marriage which I think should be abolished by now.

Thank you

Citygal:


Two questions for you...

1. would you rather be a dead beat dad and live long than be a responsible father and die early?
2. what kills a responsible father early that cannot kill a dead beat father in the same way?

And the bolded is such a lie. A lie you tell yourself.

When you die early as a responsible father, your responsibility still falls on your wife which is not different from a deadbeat father.

The only difference is knowing that you don't exist rather than you exist without providing.

And yes, most men die struggling everyday to provide for their family.

I am not endorsing deadbeat parents, just that there's no guarantee that the man will live to enjoy the fruit of his labor if he had been responsible.

PuZZyNegro:


When you die early as a responsible father, your responsibility still falls on your wife which is not different from a deadbeat father.

The only difference is knowing that you don't exist rather than you exist without providing.

And yes, most men die struggling everyday to provide for their family.

I am not endorsing deadbeat parents, just that there's no guarantee that the man will live to enjoy the fruit of his labor if he had been responsible.

Are you trying to say that Op's dad being a deadbeat is actually better because he is alive?

There are also good men who lived to enjoy the fruit of their labour and deadbeat dads who died early, so what is your point exactly? Deadbeat dads should be appreciated because they are alive?