Another banger , I don't know why most men can't control their wives, always running to social media to seek advice. Oga take charge of your home as we cont advice you here since you saw all the red flags before marriage and still decided to go ahead to marry a beast of a woman in the name of love.

They say men are logical but in reality women are the logical ones

Sending the maid away means she can handle the house chores..
If you allow her to employ another maid, then, you're the problem..
Cause definitely she'll still accuse you of infidelity again if another maid is employ .. The best is, let her take care of her home while you provide all necessary provision. Is a win win for both of you

.

SmartProf:
First and foremost, nobody here will 'share in your pain'..we can only advise you, but if the pain persist, then it means you and that pain of yours will need to sign a memorandum of Understanding.

You seem to be more interested in frivolous 'red flags' than being in charge of your home as a responsible leader who should address real issues with firmness. You married your wife and if things aren't the way it should be, if you can't mend it, then quit it. Your 13 years in marriage seems like you are marking 13 years in jail.

Lastly, I think the minimum qualification for marriage should be revised else we'll keep reading nonesense from people who can't manage teddies talkless of a family.

Spoken like a real man. Take charge of your home and if the wife doesn't fall in line, quit the marriage. Men you marry women and not the other way round.

Klass99:
Some of you married people will not make heaven o!

A wife maltreats a maid, the husband stands by, stays silent and does nothing!

All in the name of I don't want problem or for peace to reign! May the universe align to punish all of you.

Nonsense and ingredients.

Sometimes because of the slimy nature of women. He rebukes his wife, she accused him of sleeping with her. If she kills the maid, both him and the wife would go to jail.

On the other hand, women are hypocrites. They would violate, dehumanize their maids but scream "Man beater" and domestic violence if their husband slap them

EHoudini:

A second life destroyed!
The human heart is unfathomably wicked; can device many evils.
Can forgiving God forgive these, especially that I never once think of such much less execute this demonic act?
Evil is real. I live with one.
This one na curse, no be marriage

An evil you reared and curse you had a hand in. So what are you here for?

For us to convince you it was all your wife's doing?

To beat your chest about the monster you also are?

EHoudini:
Dear Nairalanders share in my pain.

I married my wife in 2008 and have three lovely kind hearted kids.

I was away in Kenya that year. I met my wife one and half years prior. Some preliminary steps were taken toward marriage. In the prelim talk, the mother took charge (red flag), even though the father was right there.

When I was away my brother completed all other rites; up to this moment, I do not know how much money he spent. He always tells me, don't worry as he himself cannot remember. Meanwhile, I told my then girlfriend, now wife, to note down everything. But she didnt (red flag)

Preparatory to the wedding she insisted the cake maker must be her sister-in-law and at a very high cost (red flag)

After the wedding, I saw only part of the cake. When I inquired the mother said she shared it into two. that she took half for her family and remaining is for my family! (red flag). I fumed. But calmed down, after all, its just a cake.
That small part that was given to my family, grew fungi and went rancid in a week! Poorly made!

We left after the wedding to my base in Kenya. After 3years we returned, empty handed. She would pressure me to buy worthless and irrelevant things; which we were forced to leave behind: excess luggage

Fast forward, she accused me of sleeping our maid ( one kind hearted well mannered village girl) when our daughter started school and need for a maid was minimal. She unleashed her mother on me. Like a rabid dog, she attacked me with vengeance. That was nine years ago. Later, she said that's was not what she meant.
We stayed without a maid for a while. Eventually one another girl was procured by her mother and brought to live with us. She was in Jss1 then. She lost a year in school because she had baby seat our daughter while the mother (my wife) went to school.
The maid, who I consider my daughter, completed secondary school, wrote waec 2x, with standard results, wrote jamb 3x without success.
I love her like my blood and there's hardly anything I cannot do for her. She's hardworking and never complained.
But my wife would beat and dehumanize her with uncanny impunity and rained all insults and curse on her in the presence of our kids! I told her to take it easy but it is like I added drum petrol to already raging fire. With time I learnt to control myself by keeping quite. And that is another problem. That I was supporting the maid.

At last, my wife did what she knows best; like the unchangeable leopard spot, she once again, sadly, accused me of sleeping with the maid!. Then sent her away. Just like that.

A second life destroyed!

The human heart is unfathomably wicked; can device many evils.

Can forgiving God forgive these, especially that I never once think of such much less execute this demonic act?

Evil is real. I live with one.

This one na curse, no be marriage

#tearsintheeyes

the only solution is to man up... If I were you,tell her straight that no maid will enter the house again since she decides to be unreasonable.

try also to put the mother in her place...are you not the one funding the maid you've been employing, stop everything and let her do the chores herself....

Op, u are a SIMP. U are a woman in man's clothing. Ur wife is the REAL MAN.

So you watched your wife sending an Innocent girl back home... You wanted peace to reign by allowing your wife maltreat someone's child.

What are men turning into for crying out loud.

Servility is as bad as unjust cruelty/unfairness; say no to both of them. Any peace not obtained under mutual goodness isn't priceless and is meaningless, and no sane mind indulges it. Wannabe civil/gentle/kind/peaceful man; only your type uses servility to obtain and sustain peace, so enjoy the nonsense you've enabled.

Op expect all these vagina people to consul u

You simply lost it along the line. How can your wife maltreat someone in your presence. She's got no atom of respect for you and that seems to be the basis of your troubles.

As per red flags, there's no relationship or marriage without a "red flag". The red flags you discovered aren't enough to turn you to a SIMP. You could have easily contain those red flags.

This is your 13th year ffs! Be encouraged and take charge of your home.

Don't you love peace of mind?
Divorce option is there for anyone to take.
Don't die before your time

TheWolfen:
Don't you love peace of mind?
Divorce option is there for anyone to take.
Don't die before your time

Divorce is a way out after helping create the problem for 13 years?

What makes you think he won't be back here to complain of the same next try?

I see people calling him simps up and down. Just pray never to end up with a bad wife. No matter what you do a bad person would be a bad person whether u are a simp or a man. Men and women really need to be vigilant b4 marriage. It can either be heaven or hell on earth. FACT

prettysassygirl:
I see people calling him simps up and down. Just pray never to end up with a bad wife. No matter what you do a bad person would be a bad person whether u are a simp or a man. Men and women really need to be vigilant b4 marriage. It can either be heaven or hell on earth. FACT

Was the Op a victim in his own marriage or something?

All he explained here just happened to him because he had a "bad" wife, according to you?

Lots of immature pussies everywhere camouflaging as men,.. men has lost its relevance, how can take charge if your home when you concern yourself irrelevant things like what your wife and her maid those , or how your maid passed and finish her exams..

When you have real problems to sort out like business, finances ,houses etc. And even if you don't like the way she threats her maid, you can just put down your feet and agree in what's right . Women will respect s disciplined man who keeps to his word,a loud talker who spend time of women and child related issues get no respect

Please do not underestimate prayers. The devil is out to destroy men and marriages.
Women easily give him (the devil) listening ears and allow him to use them.
Your duty is to camp in God’s presence and watch as light disarms wickedness. Go for the secret place.

Nebes:
Please do not underestimate prayers. The devil is out to destroy men and marriages.
Women easily give him (the devil) listening ears and allow him to use them.
Your duty is to camp in God’s presence and watch as light disarms wickedness. Go for the secret place.

What devil? God tell you say the heart of men are exceeding wicked, you dey here dey find devil wey you go blame instead.

Nebes:
Please do not underestimate prayers. The devil is out to destroy men and marriages.
Women easily give him (the devil) listening ears and allow him to use them.
Your duty is to camp in God’s presence and watch as light disarms wickedness. Go for the secret place.

I just left a thread where the devil is dealing with a marriage that has not even started yet just because they both refused to have sex!

May God take control, nowadays, it's getting serious.

EHoudini:
Dear Nairalanders share in my pain.

I married my wife in 2008 and have three lovely kind hearted kids.

I was away in Kenya that year. I met my wife one and half years prior. Some preliminary steps were taken toward marriage. In the prelim talk, the mother took charge (red flag), even though the father was right there.

When I was away my brother completed all other rites; up to this moment, I do not know how much money he spent. He always tells me, don't worry as he himself cannot remember. Meanwhile, I told my then girlfriend, now wife, to note down everything. But she didnt (red flag)

Preparatory to the wedding she insisted the cake maker must be her sister-in-law and at a very high cost (red flag)

After the wedding, I saw only part of the cake. When I inquired the mother said she shared it into two. that she took half for her family and remaining is for my family! (red flag). I fumed. But calmed down, after all, its just a cake.
That small part that was given to my family, grew fungi and went rancid in a week! Poorly made!

We left after the wedding to my base in Kenya. After 3years we returned, empty handed. She would pressure me to buy worthless and irrelevant things; which we were forced to leave behind: excess luggage

Fast forward, she accused me of sleeping our maid ( one kind hearted well mannered village girl) when our daughter started school and need for a maid was minimal. She unleashed her mother on me. Like a rabid dog, she attacked me with vengeance. That was nine years ago. Later, she said that's was not what she meant.
We stayed without a maid for a while. Eventually one another girl was procured by her mother and brought to live with us. She was in Jss1 then. She lost a year in school because she had baby seat our daughter while the mother (my wife) went to school.
The maid, who I consider my daughter, completed secondary school, wrote waec 2x, with standard results, wrote jamb 3x without success.
I love her like my blood and there's hardly anything I cannot do for her. She's hardworking and never complained.
But my wife would beat and dehumanize her with uncanny impunity and rained all insults and curse on her in the presence of our kids! I told her to take it easy but it is like I added drum petrol to already raging fire. With time I learnt to control myself by keeping quite. And that is another problem. That I was supporting the maid.

At last, my wife did what she knows best; like the unchangeable leopard spot, she once again, sadly, accused me of sleeping with the maid!. Then sent her away. Just like that.

A second life destroyed!

The human heart is unfathomably wicked; can device many evils.

Can forgiving God forgive these, especially that I never once think of such much less execute this demonic act?

Evil is real. I live with one.

This one na curse, no be marriage

#tearsintheeyes

Either walk away. Your kids will understand when they are older OR
just keep marking the anniversary of your prison sentence

Shokoloko:
Either walk away. Your kids will understand when they are older OR
just keep marking the anniversary of your prison sentence

Walk away after enabling the curse for 13 years?

No wonder many of our people never learn anything after all is said and done.

EHoudini:
Dear Nairalanders share in my pain.

I married my wife in 2008 and have three lovely kind hearted kids.

I was away in Kenya that year. I met my wife one and half years prior. Some preliminary steps were taken toward marriage. In the prelim talk, the mother took charge (red flag), even though the father was right there.

When I was away my brother completed all other rites; up to this moment, I do not know how much money he spent. He always tells me, don't worry as he himself cannot remember. Meanwhile, I told my then girlfriend, now wife, to note down everything. But she didnt (red flag)

Preparatory to the wedding she insisted the cake maker must be her sister-in-law and at a very high cost (red flag)

After the wedding, I saw only part of the cake. When I inquired the mother said she shared it into two. that she took half for her family and remaining is for my family! (red flag). I fumed. But calmed down, after all, its just a cake.
That small part that was given to my family, grew fungi and went rancid in a week! Poorly made!

We left after the wedding to my base in Kenya. After 3years we returned, empty handed. She would pressure me to buy worthless and irrelevant things; which we were forced to leave behind: excess luggage

Fast forward, she accused me of sleeping our maid ( one kind hearted well mannered village girl) when our daughter started school and need for a maid was minimal. She unleashed her mother on me. Like a rabid dog, she attacked me with vengeance. That was nine years ago. Later, she said that's was not what she meant.
We stayed without a maid for a while. Eventually one another girl was procured by her mother and brought to live with us. She was in Jss1 then. She lost a year in school because she had baby seat our daughter while the mother (my wife) went to school.
The maid, who I consider my daughter, completed secondary school, wrote waec 2x, with standard results, wrote jamb 3x without success.
I love her like my blood and there's hardly anything I cannot do for her. She's hardworking and never complained.
But my wife would beat and dehumanize her with uncanny impunity and rained all insults and curse on her in the presence of our kids! I told her to take it easy but it is like I added drum petrol to already raging fire. With time I learnt to control myself by keeping quite. And that is another problem. That I was supporting the maid.

At last, my wife did what she knows best; like the unchangeable leopard spot, she once again, sadly, accused me of sleeping with the maid!. Then sent her away. Just like that.

A second life destroyed!

The human heart is unfathomably wicked; can device many evils.

Can forgiving God forgive these, especially that I never once think of such much less execute this demonic act?

Evil is real. I live with one.

This one na curse, no be marriage

#tearsintheeyes

You are nonchalant about so many things in the foundation of your marriage (red flag). You blamed everybody except yourself.

Why most women dey wicked towards maids?

Moferere:
You are 13 years in marriage and you are here complaining

hmmmmm if you know what some men go thru in marriages you won't talk like this even its vice versa. Some people are just drowning in their marriage.

oladipuposadeeq:
hmmmmm if you know what some men go thru in marriages you won't talk like this even its vice versa. Some people are just drowning in their marriage.

A marriage is a partnership - an agreement between a man and a woman.

This goes to say that any member of the partnership not contributing to making the marriage work, is not a victim, but a part of the problem that is the marriage.

I’m always pained when I don’t visit nairaland a day.

Two things I see here:
You're a very stupïdd man
You're very weak
Combination of the two means you're a simpleton. You saw all these red flags and u couldn't rise to the occasion and take charge .
Secondly, under your watch, your wife is dehumanizing another person's child (your maid) and you can't do nothing about it. I blame people who give out their children as maids to others. Normally you and ur wife don't even deserve a child let alone a maid.
U think keeping quiet will absolve you of any blames if she kills someone in your home??
Evil prosper when good people are silent.

You are not a Man

Back in the days, that woman would have been returned to her parents. Men too soft and mumu these days. Show that yeye bìtch your rage, anger and fury... in front of your kids.