Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

Please pray about it and God will give you victory. Tell your wife about leaving and cleaving to you.

Just to add that initially there was nothing i did not do humanly possible to please these people name it. All to no avail.

1. Move your family far away from them (the aunty and her children) so they will no longer have access to you or to visit you.

OR

2. Be a man and take control of your home and family. They see you as a mumu they can treat anyhow but you can put a stop to all that.

aog:
Please pray about it and God will give you victory. Tell your wife about leaving and cleaving to you.

Thanks God bless

If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them

H

Just move yourself and your wife far away from them, please just change location when your house rent is due. And if you own your house try to change your wife availability by making sure she is doing business that will always makes her unavailable. Peace of mind is the goal.

It's only your wife that can address the situation.. Anything you try to do will make them further see you as an enemy.

Akwaibomdude:
If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them

That is were the attack is strong becos, when i caution my wife she flares in anger and we could start a week long fight....

One of the reason why i kick people with my rain boot



Damn.. Nasty.. I'm out of here

You cannot please a soul who refuses to be pleased. Embrace the label she has already put on you and show your wife who calls the shots. The day she establishes any form of contact with them against your instruction, leave the house for her till they all kneel before you. Stupid inlaws!

InTheCloudySky:
1. Move your family far away from them (the aunty and her children) so they will no longer have access to you or to visit you.

OR

2. Be a man and take control of your home and family. They see you as a mumu they can treat anyhow but you can put a stop to all that.

True i have been my gentle about it. Maybe is truly there view.

Weak men everywhere. You can't give her an instruction as a man. Sometimes violent take it by force. Keep being a gentleman

Akwaibomdude:
If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them

Simple as APC

uyimen:


True i have been my gentle about it. Maybe is truly there view.

Do you want Nairalanders to come and make you a man in your house?

Continue being gentle about it, it seems you aren't ready yet

Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to a woman to become one

If your wife is not ready to go.
She can go back to her aunt

Sometimes we see red flag at early stages but we let stupid love to blind our eyes and refusing to ask ourselves on HOW LONG CAN I BE TOLERANT.

I pray it's ends well for u guys

jaeyking:
Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to a woman to become one

If your wife is not ready to go.
She can go back to her aunt

Sometimes we see red flag at early stages but we let stupid love to blind our eyes and refusing to ask ourselves on HOW LONG CAN I BE TOLERANT.

I pray it's ends well for u guys

Thanks my brother u nailed me.
I saw all the red flags...yes.
During the dating/marriage plans all i hear is My Aunty , My Aunty ... My Aunty... I then told her after this marriage i will be First not last!!

Worst of all ...during the pre marriage she will hastening leave my house fearing what the Aunty elder daughter will say when she get home. A classical Cinderella story.

I honestly thought it will end when we get married.

What u cant handle during courtship u cant handle in marriage.

I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

Is your wife jobless? Find a job or hussle for her to reduce the amount of free time she has on her hands.
Also ask if she is interested in building or tearing down her home. Because she seems to be under the aunt's thumb and the aunt is the one controlling your home.
Or maybe she is an agent that has come to destroy you (if you believe nollywood crap)

You saw all these before the marriage oo and you still went ahead

Oga if you want to be a man , then you should act like a man.

If you wife disobeys you again on this issue

Send her back to her aunties place ,

Never you bring her back until she comes back herself

eazzzy1:
I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Welcome to my world! My wife said she would rather leave this fucking marriage, than curtail her association with her divorced aunty that brought her to Lagos, her evil elder sister that has refused to marry and her friends.

Every day new wahala!

Bros there is not much you can do, than to put your feet down like I did!

I dont want them in my house! I dont want them, If I come back and see they came, I call them and warn them. Thank God the boys and the men are by my side, I will call the boys and the men to warn them too.

Every place will be on fire for a while!

Finally she will ruin your marriage like they ruined mine, but dont worry, if she is your wife her eyes will open.

Madam, even this evening called, was bagging me, to come and take her back, to the house, but I no gree! Make she enjoy their company very very! She don stay one year with them now, my plan is that she will stay two years with them. I learnt tension is getting high over there! If they no fight, I no go come carry am. Period!

After while we are going to relocate very far from them

eazzzy1:
I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

I dont think you are married Sir! Am in the same situation with him! Some Aunties and Big sisters do not know when to let go! They are manipulative

uyimen:


Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Understandable, but your wife is an adult capable of making her own decisions. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You are already fighting over the woman’s matter, meaning her prophecies about your marriage are gradually coming to pass.

Get closer to her real mother, invite her over, visit her often, call her, send her money etc just leave your wife to the aunty, one day her eyes will clear but that’s not really something within your control, except you want to take people’s advice here and end your marriage.

As long as your wife isn’t forcing you to have a relationship with the woman, just ignore them. Atleast that’s what I would if I were in your shoes.

bummyla:


I dont think you are married Sir! Am in the same situation with him! Some Aunties and Big sisters do not know when to let go! They are manipulative

Hmmm I’m not married sir! but what would you do about a manipulative aunt? Especially when your partner doesn’t see the manipulation? Would you force her to see things from your perspective? I like people to make their own mistakes, that’s how people learn best.

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

[s]We ell, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her be for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think will break that bond.[/s]

How is it difficult? What is difficult thr? Anyway you be woman I guess!

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

Any guy who refuses to take up a driver seat in his relationship/marriage will surfer and suffer and sufffer

God had designed females to be a weaker vessels,that's, "submissive" and same God created males with a dominant traits,(Almighty had purposes of doing that o). If you as a guy refuses to use ur dominant traits to be in charge of ur relationship/marriage. well!

Even a lady who is not manipulated by any 3rd party, as a man, u need to be in charge not to talk of lady who is being manipulated by entitled aunty. Meanwhile, be in charge not synonymous to enslavement

In many marriages today, its either mother, sister,friend even pastor that is controlling wife from outside, hence marriages are becoming toxic day by day.

Oga,the earlier you reverse the stand by cutting aunty to size,the better and Blissful your marriage ooo


"Pics below: when no 3rd party stands in btw you from ur wife, hence a blissful marriage"!

uyimen:
Just to add that initially there was nothing i did not do humanly possible to please these people name it. All to no avail.

you have said what the problem is,you are trying by all means necessary to please everyone and be a good humble man,that why the aunty is messing up,if I am in your shoes and that aunty comes again I will tell her to stop coming to my house ,that she is a problem to our marriage,I know such people they are poke nosers, busybodies and gossipers,what I tell her that day she will develop high blood pressure

People sha,,, you saw all the warning signs before marriage, you even observed all the unusual red flags like how she respects an aunt more than her mother, but you still chook head, now you are lamenting,,its obvious they view you as a threat to their 18yr investment, so you have to go

uyimen:

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

If your wife was a wise woman, she would know that it's her they hate and not you. They don't want her to be happy, it doesn't matter which man she marries, whether you or someone else, they want her miserable and they will not stop. She better realize it quickly. You and your wife must cut all contact with them. And if she brings up that 18 years nonsense, you must shut it down immediately.

She’s not the only woman that lives with a family member until they got married.