I am 25, just finished my youth corps program. I have two ladies in my life, ronke and sola. I met ronke in the university in 2007, she is 25 too, petite, beautiful, curvy and was a virgin when i met her. I loved her to my best but in my final year (2010), i learnt from a close friend that she had been withdrawn from school all the while i knew her though she never told me. When i asked her if it was true, she confirmed it, crying and saying that she didn't want to tell me cos she was too scared to loose me. Meanwhile, i actually wanted to break up with her before that unfortunate discovery cos I didn't see her as one I could marry and i didn't want to waste her time. Personally, i like people who speak fluently,are realists,and 'modern'. Ronke is neither of that. I thought i could change her but I guess I was wrong. She is a very good girl attitude-wise, but she is a little uncivilised. She used to do some funny things like spraying air-freshner on herself as a body spray. Yes!, she once did that. She has been begging me persistently to forgive her for not telling me about †нє school problem, but tbh, i don't want to be in a relationship with her again. This i have told her severally but she never gives up, i think its cos i deflowered her and as they say a girl would find it nearly impossible to leave †нє guy who was first to have sex wit her. I know i am inconsiderate in that i take advantage of her love for me and still have sex with her even tho i don't love her from my heart anymore, but she is still †нє only girl i have been sleeping with in all these years. I still sleep with her. She is in a polytechnic now and i send her money when she asks me and i go to visit her when i need sex.
The other lady, sola, is just 21. Just finished from university and is a very smart, hardworking lady in contrast to ronke who always says 'God will do this, God will do that' without taking much action. Sola hasn't exactly agreed to go out wit me even after a year that I have been asking her out, but we keep very close correspondence and i think its only a matter of time before she eventually comes around. She keeps asking me what i wanna do with my life and tells me everything from her daily activities to what she plans for †нє future. Her diligence motivates me and she fact that she is bold and intelligent turns me on. I know i will eventually get her but I don't know what to do about the other lady (ronke). Ronke loves me so much and wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but I don't want to marry her. I have tried to break up with her totally, but we still have sex cos she is so attractive and i don't have any other sexual partner.
How do I break up entirely with ronke so that both of us can move on with our lives ?

here below (in bold) lies YOUR problem:

dip0:

i take advantage of her love for me and still Be Intimate with her even tho i don't love her from my heart anymore

but she is still †нє only girl i have been sleeping with in all these years. I still sleep with her.

She is in a polytechnic now and i send her money when she asks me and[b] i go to visit her when i need sex[/b]

.

I have tried to break up with her totally, but we still Be Intimate cos she is so attractive and i don't have any other intimate partner.

You know what they say about a bird in hand

How do you move on? Stop using her for sex and break up with her. Simple

This is a very common male attitude. It is left for a woman to be smart and not allow herself to be used as a sexmate i.e if she does not want to be one. Do tell ronke u just like sleeping with her you cannot marry her because you have someone in mind. Who knows she might still want to get it on with you but beware of unwanted pregnancy from her, the way you described her thats the next tactic she will use and i wont blame her and you will deserve what you get. Its just life.

op
dis dayz guyz(like u) should not have 1 GF u need alot of dem incase of heart break or emergency,

so keep fu-cking d both of dem.

Op,
the best is to impregnate her and present her to ur parents as ur graduation achievement.

The devil is on NL,

stop furking her!!!!!!!!

I agree that I have been wicked. Honestly i have told her severally that we should stop seeing each other. I even lied to her that I am seeing someone else but she wouldn't deter. Yesternite, she called and after conversing, she finished her talk with 'i love you'. I didn't give her the 'i love you' response she was hoping for. She cried after we hung up. I called her back to explain that I don't wanna deceive her by saying I still love her. She claims i haven't forgiven her for lying to me about bn in sch and that's why i am acting like i am. I told her the kind of love i have for her isn't the type she expects, but she claims not to understand. I tried to explain that we just can't end up together and its not a matter of forgiveness. then she says she'll never forgive me for not forgiving her.
Well, i just want her to move on without any hostility between us both, but if that can't be achieved then i guess we should move on the hard way. I know she won't call me to say she is pregnant cos her mom would literally die since she almost did when she found out her that her daughter wasn't in uni any longer.
I have done enough damage to this angel and i so want to stop cos I will NEVER bring her to my mom.
Should I stop calling/correspondence with her altogether?  And when she calls, do i ig her calls?

Just try to be her friend cos it is obvious that she still feels very strongly about you. Try to make her understand that she has to move on and STOP sleeping with her. Heck you might even give one of your friends her details so he can do the job for you

I will stop the sex, but don't you think is kinda disrespectful to give her details to some other guy to 'do the job' ?

When I have no answer this is always what I say.Theres no problem that is so unique or has never been experienced b4. That means you will overcome whatever it takes.Its not the first, the last or the worst.People get their hearts broken,they get used and dumped,they get rejected,they lose their virginity to somebody that didnt love them, they get pregnant and abort etc etc,Its all called life and it sucks at times.
Since you don't love her then there's nothing much. Stop all that useless sex you are having with her first,then sit her down in an open place not in her room or yours cz her tears will end up in sex again.
Tell her frankly that your putting an end to all this and she needs to move on. It will break her heart,it will hurt like hell,she may end up saying she hates all men etc etc.But either way you need to stop and allow her to heal and move on.Both of you ie.
One line men use to break up gently wth ladies is ' I am not good enough for you,I believe theirs somebody better for you'
Well I dont know if I can recommend that but I really feel sorry for her so anything to break up gently may help.
I think your the one stringing her along by that sex and she knows its ALL she can offer you for now.Let her know theres more to life than sex and your choosing to focus on other things so she needs to also do the same.
but goodluck

one thing i've learnt frm nairaland romance section is to be very straight in terms of relationship, define ur reason for approachin a girl and dnt go abt deceivin pipo because u want sex, it will surely comebak to hurt u tomoro, if u want just sex,,let her knw straight ahead and if u want more than sex spell it all out from d first time, damn, na person future wife u dey useless so oooo, Truely devil is on nairaland accordin a previous post, lolzzz

@OP
I don't think you really know what you want. 'Nuff Said.

@deli.

I know very well what I want. I jus needed to hear people's opinion to be sure of what I already know.

@enameye
I wasn't all out for jus sex from the onset. If u had read my initial post, u would've seen that.

@upendo
U r right. The issue is after i tell her all that, she comes back in two week asking in all over. Sometimes, out of pity for her i just want to give her attention and end up giving her more than just my ear

I guess i should just try to block any means of communication or correspondence with her cos I am not as bad a person as what I have done to this lady portrays me to be

dipo believe me this cycle would never end. The more you have sex with her the more she would think that you still love her as most women do not differentiate sex from love. Here is what you should do. STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER RIGHT AWAY!!!! Yep, no more Mr Nice Guy and Mr I Want To Eat My Cake And Have IT. She would cry and probably curse you to boot. But guess what? After enough water has passed under the bridge, you and her can still be friends. But for your sake and more importantly her sake CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER NOW!!! Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

Dip0,

I have two answers, one from a male angle; the other from a human angle.

Here is the male response: your dyck was not made for one woman. At your age, you should let that dyck roam and select a home for itself.

Now, here is the human angle. This is what you said:

<Quote> Personally, i like  people who speak fluently,are realists,and 'modern'.  Ronke is neither of that. I thought i could change her but I guess I was wrong. She is a very good girl attitude-wise, but she is a little uncivilised. </quote>

The human spirit is in search of personal fulfillment. There has never been anyone in human history who found fulfillment by being self-sufficient.

Your personal preference dictates the criteria for filtering out those who are least likely to fulfill your spirit.

You talked about her attitude being desirable but you did not list attitude amongst your criterias. However, her "uncivilized" acts, as you called it, goes against the grain of your desire for "fluency", "realist" and "modern".

You are in a state of confusion. Ronke is ok, she knows what she wants and her message to you is not ambigous. You are the problem to yourself, to her and to Sola.

I say this because you are living in two worlds, that of the Male specie and that of Humans.

Decide and choose one out of the two.

Just be honest with Ronke and tell her. Stop sleeping with her. Once you tell her, part from her. Seems you've already made up your mind and have chosen Sola, so do that and leave Ronke alone.

You don't seem like one who wants to move on. You seem like one who's got jokes. Yeah, jokes plus a lot of palavar with your 'down below'.

thank you, friends. More thanks to Sevule and Negro who I think understand my predicament better and gave their penny's worth.

@sevule.
I did think of and try blocking any form of communication with Ronke. But as I said, after two weeks of silence, she calls and I feel its sheer wickedness watch the fone just ring.
But I see sense in your advice that I may have to be cruel to be kind.

@Negro
In my humble opinion, you are wrong about me being confused. Ronke doesn't possess good command of spoken english and I am one who find girls who speak fairly-well more attractive. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who I can only communicate with in lame english or yoruba. I am not claiming mastery of english grammar, but I want someone who speaks english better than ronke does. Ronke doesn't show signs of a person who appreciates the importance of improving oneself. Sola does. Sola takes challenges as someone with enviable aspirations should.

I just haven't been man enough to make that sacrifice that will help me stop seeing Ronke. Henceforth, I will try not to be in correspondence with her

@op

firstly let me say i appreciate your honesty
you have accepted your faults, but like you said its a dicey situation.

like upendo said this is life and this is reality, and sometimes it sucks at least not for you.

i once found myself in a similar situation, thought i couldn't do without the sex, untill i just got up one day and did what i had to do.

but let me tell you this, never leave a partner because you think there is another one out there that you like better
it is always good to take some time off after an affair before you get into a new relationship.

otherwise few months from now you will find another issue that will make you wanna leave the new one.

most times we make mistakes because we think there is something better and we never really take the time to make ourselves better.

when you get married you will understand the need for a woman with a great attitude, rather than a well spoken or fluent speaking lady.

what you want is what you want, and i have no say about it,  but remember just because a child wants a car doesn't mean he can have the car.

after meeting girls that didn't meet my standards, i had to take time off and ask myself what was really important,
i did a honest soul searching and told myself the truth,
and not until then did i discover what i was looking for. and it was right in front of me all along.

finally getting someone you can live with should not be about what you can get it is more about what you can give.
have a nice day.

GUY CRIOUSLY U WULD VE STOP'D E'FNG LONG B4 NOW, I FINK I KNW Y U CULDN'T JILT THE RELATNSHP, because OF D SEX PART,