OP, you are a senseless and frivolous guy. No sane wife will support her husband spending family funds to impress outsiders. These 1 or 2 family members you are trying to bring in, I hope it is you that will stay at home to take care of them. How she married an unreasonable and financially irresponsible struggling guy like you is a mystery. You have yet to find your feet but like to do Father Christmas and think you will ever be successful?

The woman has not given birth and you want to load her with responsibility of kids of irresponsible parents. It’s like something is wrong with you mentally. Please listen to your wife so you don’t bring financial shame on your family.

ElonEmpire:
GoodMorning all ,

I will make this as short as possible.
Before marrying my wife she seems to be this very generous and accommodating fellow . I felt fall in Love with her because this is just the kind of partner I want,

I have not really stand very well financially, though comfortable and contented, but I have this great dream of, because of what I pass through to help as much people as I can.
While dating her, she told me all kinds of stories of her philanthropic and generous gestures to people.

But moving forward to today, she seems to be direct opposite of everything.
She detests people coming close or we offering any kind of help or assistance to family both hers and mine not to talk of friends.

What about suggesting to assist a relative that can't afford, with their child education na war
We have not born but I have more than enough space to bring one or two children to see them through school but my wife is not buying is at all at all.

I know who I am before I marry, this is the only thing that gives me joy, and my only reason for asking God everyday to bless me so that I can bless people.

But right now am seriously confused
it hurts me alot but I don't wanna force anything against her will.

I have tried discussing it over and over with her but she is still not buying it, with the excuse of that we have not stand enough to carry anybody .

What could be her reasons and
What should I do?

You do not need your wife's consent before you embark on any charitable cause, most especially if it does not affect your family's finance. On the issue of bringing someone to live with you while you train the person in school, you can do that from a distance since your wife disprove with it. This life na sense person they take live am!

spydera:
1. She's has joined the geng of #stay wicked.
So check if she's taking any of dem wickedness pills and observe the dosage.

2. Violence is upon us on earth as it is up in heaven.
Only the strong (esp. at heart) will survive.
It takes power to do good in this trying times...and those who do good are considered weak.

3. Statistics have shown that marriage changes people (for better or for worse) take it or leave it.

4. Her friends might have be influencing her through several means and advise.

5. God knows what she might have seen on Nairaland, instablog, IG and the rest of it.

Marriage doesn't change people. It reveals who people really are because then, they've gotten what they want and they have nothing to lose

Czarina21:



There are couples who tell each other EVERYTHING, from petty gimmicks to extra-marital affairs [b]that almost [/b]happened.
There are couples who have long term pleasure.
As for boundaries, when you get into a relationship no matter how stable or superficial it may be, boundaries will be crossed.

I am not disputing there are no such couples, remember different strokes for different folks, human are diverse in nature what works for me might not work for you, however the most important thing is to identify what works for you then .. just do it.
i can tell my woman anything as well, and just like you xpressed xtra marital affairs that Almost happened, buh all the ones that happened nko ... @least we agreed on sumtin kindly note pleasure is a short term feeling while companionship brings long term bonding, its will get to a time in a marriage sex/pleasure no go shark una again, then existing love & companionship is what carries una cross the bridge. now that you agreed there is boundaries, i think crossing boundaries is inevitable.
Lastly, i see money as representation of "Forbiden apple" in our present world, restricted access sounds shallow so therefore if i am worth 10 i show my woman i am worth 6, thats my contingency plan for uncertainty/surprises its nothing personal

[quote author=ifex370 post=110967043]Listen to.your wife[/quote

What's dat

UyaiIncomparabl:
I am a child at heart. You hardly know when I am serious or not. I play too much

This one weak me o...


But believe me, a time will come, maybe 3 or 4 years from now, when you'll be more matured, no longer a child at heart, and no longer see the need to play too much on social media. Then, you'll look back at some of your old threads on Nairaland, and wish you never create them. You'll try deleting some of them, but you just can't.
It has happened to me.

HAPPY SUNDAY TO YOU!

She probably has the same to say about you, if not worse.

ElonEmpire:
GoodMorning all ,

I will make this as short as possible.
Before marrying my wife she seems to be this very generous and accommodating fellow . I felt fall in Love with her because this is just the kind of partner I want,

I have not really stand very well financially, though comfortable and contented, but I have this great dream of, because of what I pass through to help as much people as I can.
While dating her, she told me all kinds of stories of her philanthropic and generous gestures to people.

But moving forward to today, she seems to be direct opposite of everything.
She detests people coming close or we offering any kind of help or assistance to family both hers and mine not to talk of friends.

What about suggesting to assist a relative that can't afford, with their child education na war
We have not born but I have more than enough space to bring one or two children to see them through school but my wife is not buying is at all at all.

I know who I am before I marry, this is the only thing that gives me joy, and my only reason for asking God everyday to bless me so that I can bless people.

But right now am seriously confused
it hurts me alot but I don't wanna force anything against her will.

I have tried discussing it over and over with her but she is still not buying it, with the excuse of that we have not stand enough to carry anybody .

What could be her reasons and
What should I do?

Since she is also against giving to her own family then she is doing that to save your resources.

You are a dreamer and she is obviously more realistic.

Why do you want to help other people when you are not financially stable yourself.

Save your money and invest in yourself and your wife.

Start a business for yourself and her. Save money and buy land and own your own property. Invest and save towards your children's upkeep.

Focus on yourself.

I'm with your wife on this one. Sit her down and listen to her reasons.

Be open minded

kayperry:




I am not disputing there are no such couples, remember different strokes for different folks, human are diverse in nature what works for me might not work for you, however the most important thing is to identify what works for you then .. just do it.
i can tell my woman anything as well, and just like you xpressed xtra marital affairs that Almost happened, buh all the ones that happened nko ... @least we agreed on sumtin kindly note pleasure is a short term feeling while companionship brings long term bonding, its will get to a time in a marriage sex/pleasure no go shark una again, then existing love & companionship is what carries una cross the bridge. now that you agreed there is boundaries, i think crossing boundaries is inevitable.
Lastly, i see money as representation of "Forbiden apple" in our present world, restricted access sounds shallow so therefore if i am worth 10 i show my woman i am worth 6, thats my contingency plan for uncertainty/surprises its nothing personal

Like you said, 'different strokes for different folks'.
As for the 6 out of 10, she knows you're worth more. He-he, you won't know it but it'll get to 9 out of 10 (based on things we do for love )
But your money is your money, though, I agree.
As for the pleasuring, I'd prefer staying shacked even well into the 80s, can't imagine living with someone I can't flirt around the house with... It would be so boring.

My Dad had 18 people in our house before we were born. They were properly brought up and had good education courtesy of my dad.

When it was our time for school, there no longer money.

All these 18 guys have their families and majority are comfortable but guess what?

They won't even pick ur call let alone offer to help with a fraction of our fees.

I had to do menial jobs and write exams for people to pay my way and siblings through school.

Dad is aged now and has stroke. Na only me still dey pay him bills.

Listen to ur wife and begin to build your family.

Sometimes, what people call philanthropy is stupidity.

Give but remember to save for your kids, if u don't they will curse u when reality sets in and heaven won't blame them.

Do something for me pretend that you are poor I'd anyone will raise a finger to help you, and those that help you remember to pay them back if they will accept the money when you are on your feet, and do something for me ask your wife why the sudden change and that is what he told you that you don't have enough so listen to your wife, yeah because when you fall tomorrow no one will help you trust me they will always laugh at you that, you are not strong enough and you are helping others, that is when the problem starts.. so learn to do a little good and develop yourself very important I like that kind of wife, nice one..

ElonEmpire:
GoodMorning all ,

I will make this as short as possible.
Before marrying my wife she seems to be this very generous and accommodating fellow . I felt fall in Love with her because this is just the kind of partner I want,

I have not really stand very well financially, though comfortable and contented, but I have this great dream of, because of what I pass through to help as much people as I can.
While dating her, she told me all kinds of stories of her philanthropic and generous gestures to people.

But moving forward to today, she seems to be direct opposite of everything.
She detests people coming close or we offering any kind of help or assistance to family both hers and mine not to talk of friends.

What about suggesting to assist a relative that can't afford, with their child education na war
We have not born but I have more than enough space to bring one or two children to see them through school but my wife is not buying is at all at all.

I know who I am before I marry, this is the only thing that gives me joy, and my only reason for asking God everyday to bless me so that I can bless people.

But right now am seriously confused
it hurts me alot but I don't wanna force anything against her will.

I have tried discussing it over and over with her but she is still not buying it, with the excuse of that we have not stand enough to carry anybody .

What could be her reasons and
What should I do?

Bro.. I know you're good at heart. But your wife and your own family should be your priority. And I'm sure that's what she's trying to tell you but you are taking it the other way. I'm a Man and I Believe so much in giving, infact I've giving so much in my life and even out of nothing. But people are not that worth it.. Your Family should be your priority... Do everything that makes her happy.. Let her know you can listen to her when it's needed... Instead of thinking she changed.

As a man you must know your priority. This is Africa and Nigeria.. don't use your own hand to bring problem into your life and Family.

My Two Kobo

chronique:
Lol. I've always said this and would always say it. When I want to marry a woman, I would obviously let her know that whatever wealth I acquire in the future isn't just meant for us a family but also for strangers. So long as I am taking care of you and the family and everyone else and you do not lack anything, whatever I do with the rest of the money after saving a lot for us, should not be your headache or problem.

”Strangers”

Bobmarie:
”Strangers”

Doesn't matter.

Czarina21:





Like you said, 'different strokes for different folks'.
As for the 6 out of 10, she knows you're worth more. He-he, you won't know it but it'll get to 9 out of 10 (based on things we do for love )
But your money is your money, though, I agree.
As for the pleasuring, I'd prefer staying shacked even well into the 80s, can't imagine living with someone I can't flirt around the house with... It would be so boring.

A wise chinese man once said, all women are witches, so i'll give in to that probability
You are only admitting cos i am not your BF, if i say your man's money is his money now,in all honesty would you have agreed
Have you ever walk into your old folks kissing or romancing, that is most horrific and gross experience to share in life, sex @ 80yrs i feel like puking already, pls give ur life to christ

UyaiIncomparabl:


No one said it's not. Everyone should strive to be a GIVER. Giving gives me joy. If there's anything that gives me fulfilment in life, it's GIVING.

However, forcing people to believe in that cause is not advisable. Not everyone can give as much as others. Not everyone has a large heart, as much as we would want everyone to.

This girl would have been thought to be an angel until I read her profile. You are to be dreaded.

zexy2030:

This girl would have been thought to be an angel until I read her profile. You are to be dreaded.

Yes o. Avoid me!

kayperry:



A wise chinese man once said, all women are witches, so i'll give in to that probability
You are only admitting cos i am not your BF, if i say your man's money is his money now,in all honesty would you have agreed
Have you ever walk into your old folks kissing or romancing, that is most horrific and gross experience to share in life, sex @ 80yrs i feel like puking already, pls give ur life to christ

Lol... He's puking. There's a reason why conjugation exists so even @ 90, I'll get it going.
As for the money, if I had a boyfriend, he can keep his money but somehow people in love have this transparency in them. My becomes our before you can say jack.
Also both sides want to please reach other with gifts and affection. Unless you're in a contract relationship like many couples today.

kayperry:



A wise chinese man once said, all women are witches, so i'll give in to that probability
You are only admitting cos i am not your BF, if i say your man's money is his money now,in all honesty would you have agreed
Have you ever walk into your old folks kissing or romancing, that is most horrific and gross experience to share in life, sex @ 80yrs i feel like puking already, pls give ur life to christ

Lol... He's puking. There's a reason why conjugation exists so even @ 90, I'll get it going.
As for the money, if I had a boyfriend, he can keep his money but somehow people in love have this transparency in them. My becomes our before you can say jack.
Also both sides want to please reach other with gifts and affection. Unless you're in a contract relationship like many couples today.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Yes o. Avoid me!

Demonic

zexy2030:

Demonic

Thank you.

madridguy:
Men of today lack balls like our papa then.

Please elaborate

airsaylongcome:


What is wrong with him bringing them to his house for better monitoring and supervision and probably also better living conditions?

Be careful with the people you intend to bring in your house. They may be wolves. Should be wise to help them from a distance

Bros, na Oyinbo land you dey live?

TheCongo2:


Please elaborate

madridguy:
Bros, na Oyinbo land you dey live?

Please translate

JONNYSPUTE:
...Nawa ooh. The way Una dey advocate for divorce here eeh,na only God go save the next generation.

.

Only God can save this generation of couples killing each other because of marriage palava . Before it gets that point.. divorce is the best.