Why is the rate of divorce so high among believers? Why is this one area,as christians we don't seem to fully walk in the will of God,we have dreams of the kind of marriage we want but never experience it. The married want to get out,the single want to get in,there doesn't seem to be any difference between christians who get married and unbelievers who do.What is wrong?,simple we as believers have not fully understood or grasped God's perfect will for marriage,we have taken the world's view about marriage and made it ours and then we expect a different result,it is said that to do the same thing that the end result is clearly known and expect a different result,is madness.God originated marriage and to really understand it,we must go back to his word,back to the beginning,back to Genesis,first how did marriage come about? What was the purpose behind marriage?




In Genesis 2:15 "The Lord took the man (he had created) and put him in the garden to work it and take care of it" -Emphasis is mine),then in Genesis 2:18 "The Lord said,"It is not good for the man to be alone.I will make a helper suitable for him"



So first God gives Adam a purpose(an assignment),He gives him a talent,a gift,a skill to work on and an assignment to take care of for Him,at this time man was complete of himself(he was created in the image of God),in Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image,in the image of God he created him; male and female He created them-one sentence but happened at different times,God first created man in His own image before he created them,male and female,why?because God said it was not good for man to be alone,so he made for HIM, from out of HIM,a helper suitable for HIM,the word helper means assistant-somebody who helps with something,often in an informal or voluntary capacity,the word suitable means right for purpose-of the right type or quality for a particular purpose or occassion.



Genesis 2:20b-25 but for Adam no suitable helper was found.So the Lord God caused man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping,he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man,and he brought her to the man.



The man said,

"This is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called 'woman'

for she was taken out of man"



For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both Unclad and they felt no shame.



The man names her woman because in verse Genesis 2:19

Now the Lord GOD had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.He brought them to man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature that was it's name, verse 20b BUT for Adam no suitable helper was found.



The 'but' in this sentence reveals to us that it wasn't just an animal(domestic or wild)/Bird naming ceremony but it was a search for who will be Adam companion,because like God said in verse 18,it was not good for man to be alone. So Eve was put in Adams life for a purpose,God took out of Adam,a part he can never have on his own and also for Eve,He left a part of her in Adam she can never have on her own,they were to work together as a team to fulfill God's original assignment to man(in other words to both of them). Together they will be complete,effecient and formidable,apart they will be incomplete,inefficient and defeatable.Adam recieved the vision because in the human body he represented the head,he had the ability to see were the family should go(vision),he also had the ability to hear the step by step daily instruction on how to get there(direction),and he also had the ability to speak out(spiritual authority), but the woman is the body that takes the head,to where the head needs the entire body to go,severe the head from the body and death occurs for both head and body,paralyse the body or let the body refuse to move,the head will go nowhere,both Adam and Eve were products of God,Adam came from God,and Eve came from Adam,so in a way Eve is the refined version of Adam,they both have individual roles to play,cross this roles and you have chaos,the man leads in the marriage,the woman follows, anything outside this will result in chaos



Genesis 3:17



To Adam He said,because you listened to your wife(this is the first time God uses this word wife,meaning the woman to whom a man is married to) and ate from the tree about which i commanded you,'you must not eat of it', cursed is the ground because of you;,  but in



Genesis 21:9-12



But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptians had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham,"Get rid of that slave woman and her son,for the slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac" The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son.But God said to him,"Do not be distressed about the boy and your maidservant.Listen to whatever Sarah tells you,because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned".



In one scripture we see God punishing a man for listening to his wife and in another scripture we see God councelling a man to listen to his wife,contradiction it may sound like ,not at all,in the first instance the man listened to his wife and because he loved her and wanted to please her,he went against what God had told him but in the second instance God told the man to listen to his wife because at this time the wife was speaking the mind of God,but the man could not discern it because he was too emotionally connected to the issue at hand,it's all about being balanced by the spirit of God,building your relationship with God as a man to a point, were you know when to listen and when not to,but never leave your wife out of any major decision making process, that will affect you and the family,she has alot to offer. There was no competition between Adam and Eve,there were partners for a common Divine goal,God's assignment over there lifes and had to work together in unity,peace and love.



So what is marriage,Man's definition-It is a legal relationship between spouses,a legally recognized relationship,established by a civil or religious ceremony,between two people who intend to live together as intimate and domestic partners(and that is why man believes he can go to a court and end that same union,error!),God's definition-A close union,blending or integration of two people spirit,soul and body,ordained by God to be together,to fulfill His purpose over there lifes, The man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman,for she was taken out of man,for this reason(the sentence that follows this, is the reason),a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and they will become 'one flesh'(this sums up the word marriage,though God never uses the word,he expalins the concept).



Now to the crux of the matter,the first thing that went wrong when Adam and Eve disobeyed God was a fundamental aspect of marriage,there communication,which leads to understanding,which leads to unity,which leads to peace,which leads to favor and eventually leads to fulfillment of God's ordained purpose over that marriage.

In Genesis 2:25 the man and his wife were both Unclad and they felt no shame,but then in Genesis 3:7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened,and they realized they were Unclad;so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.



What can all this mean,what had happened,in God's perfect will they were both Unclad and felt no shame,in disobedience(outside of God's perfect will)they came to an erroneous conclusion,that they were Unclad and covered themselves. 'Unclad and felt no shame' ,meant they were absolutely open with each other,nothing was hidden,they had nothing to hide from each other,and they were not ashamed or afraid to be like this with each other in marriage,completely vulnerable to each other,there were no fears of being disappointed or betrayed,there was no way they could deny themselves,what one owned,was what he both owned,there was no seperation between them in any form whatsoever,emotionally,physically,financially;there communication with each other and understanding of each other was impeccable,flawless,just so perfect but when they stepped outside God's will through disobedience,they became ashamed to be completely open with each other,afraid of each other,getting prenuptial agreements to save guard there assets in the event of an already foreseen divorce,keeping secrets from each other and being open with another opposite sex (leading to infidelity,because who you are more open with is who you connect with more),before marriage they were so sweet and caring to each other, but after marriage they became mean and uncaring(which means there were being deceptive at the beginning,hiding a part of there behaviour from each other,lying to each other),so after marriage you hear,"He wasn't like this when we were married,he has changed" or "I want a divorce,we are just so different,we have grown apart" or "The passion isn't just there any more,lets just divorce and still be civil to each other,we can still be friends at least".

They began having communication problems and consequently were having constant misunderstanding and became disunited.

In Genesis 3:11-12

And he said,"Who told you that you were Unclad? Have you eaten from the tree that i commanded you not to eat from?" The man said," The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree and i ate it"

Oh! how sad,Adam moves from being a protective husband and in the midst of trouble,forgetting he was the head and must take responsibility for any failure of the family,he tries to selfishly get out of trouble by accusing his wife(in fact he says this woman you put here with me,not my wife you took out of me),putting the blame on her for his lack of proper leadership,hoping that God will punish her and let him go scot free,but little did he not understand like most couples that apart from the fact that in the home God holds the husband accountable for any failure in his home but in God's eye by an unbreakable covenant (except by death i think!), he sees them as one,so the misbehaviour of one means the misbehaviour of all and consequently He punishes both of them severely.




Outside the will of God they had a paradigm shift,from what God intended marriage to be,now to what they believe in there corrupted wisdom,marriage should be. Adam became unaware or forgot that Eve was taken from out of him,brought to him by God,which he acknowledges by saying that Eve was the bone of his bone and flesh of hs flesh,so for that reason a man leaves his parents and cleaves( meaning to cling closely,steadfastly, or faithfully to somebody or something) and they become one flesh,so really there being both Unclad and not being ashamed was understandable,there was really nothing to hide or being afraid of each other,for perfect love drives away all fears. When two married couple seperate physically,they have long seperated emotionally and spiritually.When satan wants to destroy a marriage,he first of all destroys there communication.



It is important to grasp this,that Adam said bone of my bone, before flesh of my flesh,very revealing,the bone represents the internal(her spirit),and the flesh represents her external (her physical and behavioural attributes),so Adam sees her spirit before he notices her physical attribute(This is God's way for in 1 Samuel16:8- But the Lord said to Samuel,do not consider his appearance or his height , the Lord doesn't look at the things man(fallen man) looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart,God said that he looks at the inward,while fallen man looks at the outward-God doesn't judge a book by it's cover,beacause appearances can be decieving!),Adam was operating in the wisdom of God. He realised they had the same spiritual understanding,they were from the same God,and then he also realises she was another human being like him but different physically,another side of him and together they would balance each other and help each other grow. In view of this perfect understanding,they were both Unclad and not ashamed,because the spirit is revealed by what you say or what you constantly speak on.Some of the greatest problems people face in marriage is one,not understanding each other,this can be very frustrating and lead to alot of quarrels which as it grows in consistency begins to erode loving feeling for each other and two,erroneously thinking they can change the other to be like them,it will not happen. Definitely there will be changes by the spirit of God through his word and prayer but not changes to there core personality,God's intention is that as husband and wife stay together in His will,they will help each become better,dropping there weakness and picking up each others strenghts,thereby become a formidable team,but without communication,which is destroyed by disobeying God(being outside his will),understanding vanishes,unity becomes unattainable,and love becomes one sided-Agape(Love for who you are and what you can be,a knowing/decison based on deep revelation of the persons worth in your life,based on sacrifice of give and give basis) becomes replaced or overshadowed by Eros(Love for what you can give,primarily sensual in nature,based on fickle feelings,based on a give and take basis). Don't get me wrong,Eros(passionate love with sensual desire and longing based on attraction) is important in marriage,as is Philia(a dispassionate virtuous love),but the love which should be the foundation,marriage should be built on should be Agape,for God's love stands the test of time(which refers to a general affection or deeper sense of 'True Love' rather than the attraction suggested by 'eros'. These all happens when God is absent from any marriage.



On a final note,to the married,God's advice in marriage is that you must have at the back of your mind that satan hates a happy marriage entrenched in the will of God and will do anything to break it up,by using one ancient ploy,destroy your openess and sincere communication with each other,which will be replaced by accusation,quarrels and suspicions exemplified by Adam. So work on your communication,don't keep anything from each other,pray together about your relationship leaving out nothing(prayers can do wonders,i tell you!),read the bible together and agree God's word has the final say in any misunderstanding between you both,serve God together and agree from the beginning that you are not each others enemies(satan is your enemy,therefore divorce will never be an option). Husband remember your wife was taken out of you and is just suitable for you,infact you are suitable for each other,even if you can't see the suitability now,believe God you are meant for each other, so work at it(what you both needed in a wife or husband is embedded in the both of you,believe God to bring it out for you  both,to enjoy in your relationship),the marriage you work on, is the marriage you enjoy,understand your individual roles in the marriage and carve out a plan that is just tailor-made for your marriage to work,and lastly you can't do it on your own instead of spending time praying for a job,cars and the good things of life,take out some days in a month,absatain form intimate intercourse,then fast and pray together in great details about your marriage(Remember,this one(Demon) goeth out not,except by praying and fasting),you recieve not because you ask not,what you are not experiencing in your marriage is what you have not taking time to pray about.

It's never too late to make amends,i know that a marriage that has gone sour,can be so difficult to make sweet and in exasperation you may say,"Just how did we get to this ugly place,we use to be so happy together,how am i going to ever bring back the fun memories when we use to be happily married,and leave this place of constant bickerings,hate,hurts,disappointments&pains" It starts with soliciting the help of the one who originated marriage in the first place God,take that broken marriage and hand it over to the master.Practically as you pray God will give you he wisdom on what to do,but you can start by admiting you made some mistakes,ask God for forgiveness,then forgive your spouse who offended or hurt you,remember two wrongs can't make a right,one of you must be a peacemaker(i will naturally put this onus on the husband, as the head to take responsibility and do this,but i know there are no ideal situations in this matter),and allow God use you to bring back sanity to your marriage,sit down together and in all sincerity( i know this will be pretty hard because of ego,but you have the Spirit of God and your goal is to be in God' perfect will and please Him) talk with your spouse on how you both can get your marriage to where God intends it to be.

Remember it was your difference that attracted you to him or her in the first place to marry each other,so why are you trying to change that difference.Don't brood on what could have been,brood on what can be and work towards it.Please remember divorce can never be an option,let this be very clear to both of you at the beginning of your marriage,God hates divorce Malachi 2:16:"I hate divorce",says the God of Israel,"I hate a man's covering himself, so guard yourself in the spirit and do not break faith.Before you contemplate divorce, remember the effect it will have on your relationship with God and the effect it will have on your kids(if you have any) and if it isn't you contemplating the divorcing,depend and trust on God to restore things back.




To the single,this is God's advice,you are in the best place and time of your life,unlike the married who may be thinking of how to make a marriage gone bad to now be good(this is harder,for it takes humility and grace to correct a bad marriage,in this i agree prevention is better than cure),you are in the place were you can get it right from the start,thats were satan attacks,if he can get you to marry outside God's will,he can cripple your God given destiny. Bear in mind that if you marry outside God's will,there is still hope but it's going to be tough,so my question to you is, why go through all that ,when you can start right with marriage at the beginning and enjoy your marriage?



For the ladies please understand that in Christ Jesus you are no longer under the curse

To the woman he said

"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;

with pain you wil give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you."



This curse is in two folds,but my area of concern is on the 2nd part, your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you- Firstly desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something,other words for desire is yearning,craving,longing,covet after;at a glance this may look okay,"afterall,he is supposed to be my husband who else will i desire" you may reason ,but there is a difference between loving someone and desiring some,the implication is that under the curse a woman's seemingly ultimate goal is to get married,without this she isn't complete in her thinking,so she will do anything to be married and will take anything to get married or remain married,she becomes lost in her husband,as a single she is active for God,gifted and full of pontential and on fire for Jesus,she gets married and she just fades away-this is an error,her desire should be for God,because only God can satisfy her needs,a husband can't do that,infact most times when as a lady you appear clingy even to your husband or husband to be,an unrenewed minded husband or husband to be,will abuse it and in the end you will be left emotionally drained getting back nothing in return but hurt and pain,understand your husband or any man is limited,God isn't,it was God that said love him will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strenght,God didn't ask you to love your husband like that,besides it was such a action that made Adam disobey God and got punished,any feeling you have for any man that will cloud your mind and make you even to contemplate being disloyal or disbodient to God,must be checked,thats not love but a dangerous obsession,God created you and not any man,man can leave you but God will never leave you,even a mother's love for a child can fail but God's love never fails,also keep in mind God instructed the man to love(Agape) his wife,because that's his problem and told the woman to respect her husband because that her problem,so you as a lady don't have a problem giving your all to love(Thats just how God made you),the problem is, who you give such love to,will he have the understanding to value such love or will he turn around and use it against you,only God can tell or direct you to the right man to give such love to, Secondly the implication of a husband ruling over his wife,is that he controls her,he becomes the most important person in her life,his word is law and must be obeyed,even if she doesn't want to,the first curse brings about the second.Husbands are not meant to control there wives,(thats male ego at work, with another word, pride at work),they are meant to loving lead them,they are suppose to make there lifes better,ensure she becomes all that God intends her to be,not dominate her or crush her spirit or pursue his goals and leave hers to die,because you are partners together fulfilling God's purpose over your lives.



Outside the will of God,what i described above, happens in marriage,so let me give you God's advice on marriage for you single men and ladies out there:




1) You are not ready for marriage until you know clearly where you are going to or where God is taking you too. It's common sense,if as a guy you don't where you are going to,how will you recognize who is suitable for you,as a lady if you don't know where you are going to,how will you discern whose life you will suitably fit into. If you marry a man who can't even understand that God took you out of him and put you in his life as a suitable helper,how will he value you or your input in his life,if as a man you marry a lady who has no understanding of what God wants her to do in your life,you will have a rebellious woman as a wife and ultimately she will hinder you from fulfilling God's purpose over your life. A man who hasn't known the love of God can not love you God's way and a lady who has not submitted to God's leading in her life can not submit to you. On a last note,do not make a choice of a life partner in the prayerless season of your life,check your decision with the fruit of the spirit of peace or joy,not happiness or excitement because these two feelings i mentioned are in the realm of the soul and can be decieving but the initial two are in the realm of the spirit and can not be faked.



2) When you are anxious to marry or under pressure to marry,you will make the biggest mistake,only you will regret,because after the one day wedding ceremony,those that pushed you and made you anxious will go home and you will remain with your mistake. Understand that marriage should make your relationship with God better,any relationship that seeks to pull you away from God is definitely not the right relationship to be in. Being single as a lady is not a curse,it's just a season of your life to build yourself in all areas,so when that blessed God ordained man fiinds you,you will have something to offer to his life in all areas also.



3) Let God direct you in making a choice,he is the best one to know who is suitable for you. Marriage is an unbreakable covenant (at least till death ends it here on earth) and by covenant God see both of you as one,so ask yourself this question,do i really want to be seen as one with someone who doesn't fear God?,and remember as a lady your husband is suppose to lead and guide you,but what happens when you are the one always trying to prode him or pray for him to serve God and as a man don't even kid yourself that without a godly wife,you alone can fulfill your assignment,satan will use her to frustrate you.Be at peace,rest in God's love,then in a deep sleep God will reveal your wife to you and when he comes to you ladies,you will recognise him.




4) Marry someone who has the same spiritual understanding as you,someone who loves God like you and has the same passion for God as you or better still who has more passion for God than you.Ladies don't marry a boy but marry a man,who can leave his father and mother emotionally (take his own decisions without any influence) and physical (can fend for himself and a family or at least has the pontential to do so),then also marry someone you are attracted to(this is important),someone you enjoy there company and can spend hours talking to them and someone you like physically,someone who you are perpetually excited about,but remember Adam saw the bone before the flesh(as a child of God,we must discern the spirit before having a look at the physical to make a decision),so ladies stay away from guys who emphasizes more on your body without even bothering about your spirit(your dreams,goals,passion,what you want to accomplish for God),it goes both ways for men to women,stay away from ladies who emphasize more your worth and don't bother with your spirit.As young believers we sometimes have this notion at the back of our mind that God really doesn't understand this boy and girl thing,we often say,"We are being too spiritual,lets be real",then we say for the ladies,"i want to marry a guy who excites me,someone who is not too spiritual" and for guys we say,"I want to to marry a lady who is beautiful",let me assure you, that what you think now,as you're single, is important for marriage,will change when you get married.Before you got married you may have wanted tall,dark and handsome,then you get married and you will do anything to have your TDH husband to just be faithful to you,hold your hand and pray for an issue,his money can't solve (and there are many issues his money can't solve). The bottomline trust God,he knows exactly what you need,once you get the spirit right,the physical will usually blend in(as long as God is the one directing you),God is a master arranger and he is very aware of your needs,so trust him,He sure knows how to give you a balanced wife or husband.

Most times we think we know whats best for us,take for instance you marry a trully beautiful and slim lady(just like you wanted,exactly your spec!) and you love God and want to serve him,but then your beautiful slim wife starts acting up,not having the spiritual understanding as to why you are always in church,then she starts making your life miserable by constant bickerings about your going to church,you then realise that there is no magic formular that will just change her now and make her understand,because these things are spiritually discerned,you have a problem on your hand,because by her satan-driven misbehaviour(Including withholding sex from you!),obeying the command of God to love her, is becoming most difficult,now you are low in spirit (because satan starts breaking down your defences with satanic suggestions,"after all it wouldn't be your fault, if you cheat on her,she is to blame",he may suggest)and satan sets you up with a fine adorable and 'very willing to Be Intimate with you' colleague at work,and then you do the unthinkable to God and your wife,you become unfaithful and all kinds of problems prop up from this one act, i can go on and on and even give you more examples(you can fill in the blank spaces yourself,using true life similar events you may have heard about),but the truth is this,this problems began because someone didn't trust God and His word,to check the spirit first ,before being carried away with her pulchritude! So trust God and go about choosing a life partner his way.





5)Finally in getting into any relationship with the opposite sex,and as your relationship tends towards marriage,spend more time talking to each other,share your dreams,your passions,your visions,your love for God,your likes and dislikes.Stay away from sex or anything that will lead to it,this will ruin everything especially the connection(you need for a great marriage) that comes through deep,sincere communication.Once premarital sex comes in,your communication ceases (at least the communication,that really helps to foster understanding between both of you).Basically sex before marriage amounts to disobedience,that got Adam and Eve's marriage into trouble in the first place,so avoid it and any pontential husband or wife,who is bent on Being Intimate before marriage,whatever the reason.Remember there is someone out there just perfect for you,hold on to God's perfect picture of what you want as a wife or husband and in due season you will have it.




Remember God's way is the best way,it's better to wait and remain single, than rush in and marry outside God's will,it can be quite frustrating.Marriage is so complex that you really need God to navigate your way to suceeding in it,and to add to all this, as a believer you have a persistent and constant enemy the devil who will attack your marriage vehemently because he wants it to fail,his thinking is simple,evey believer's marriage that fails,is more evidence to show the world that the marriage between Christ and His bride the church can also fail,but the devil is a liar,for the word of God says tells me, that God's love for me is unbreakable,and will not fail.



Remain blessed and ready for the new level God will surely take you to before this year runs out.