the whole thing still feels so unreal as if it never happened.

next time, they should know how to put on mask.

What a shame.

@Okada_man, this where we get it wrong, spanking kids is just a culture of violence which we have taken as a necessary tool in raising good kids, but it`s a fallacy. If spanking actually worked, Nigeria would not be filled with thieves and ill disciplined people. Police ole, politician ole, servant ole. pastor ole, the whole society is rotten with all the beatings and spanking most kids get from Nigerian parents. The best societies are non violence and they raise great kids. The Scandinavian countries are a good example, they don`t spank their kids but they turn out to be better behaved as adults, unlike us who get spanked, but yet are so badly behaved all over the World. Violence breeds violence, hence the reason Nigeria is one of the most violence societies in the World. A country where causing physical pain to another human being means jack shit, a place where taking a life is as normal as the day.

Parenting is about communicating with kids, teaching them right from wrong through dialogue, reward and consequence, instead of brute force. By using violence we will only be reinforcing that culture of violence that we were raised in, which depicts violence as the only way in solving a problem. This topic brings back my horrible memories of Nigeria and its culture of violence and sadly enough we are still "bound to violence" Black culture needs to move away from this, if we want to be seen as non aggressive people.

Teach reason over brute force. We need enlightenment in our society. Thank heavens we have a Gov like Fashola who is trying to eradicate this barbaric behavior from our society, I hope he goes further than just no spanking in schools. Parents don`t need to spank.

okunoba:

@Okada_man, this where we get it wrong, spanking kids is just a culture of violence which we have taken as a necessary tool in raising good kids, but it`s a fallacy. If spanking actually worked, Nigeria would not be filled with thieves and ill disciplined people. Police ole, politician ole, servant ole. pastor ole, the whole society is rotten with all the beatings and spanking most kids get from Nigerian parents. The best societies are non violence and they raise great kids.

you are way off-point!
spanking is the best tool in raising kids. this is why a child raised in nigeria has more mental balance than his counterpart here. the reason there are thieves in nigeria is because of the abject poverty. if nigeria can run an effective social security where every jobless citizen over the age of 18 can collect £100(N25,000)per week, 90% of the crime will disappear!

The Scandinavian countries are a good example, they don`t spank their kids but they turn out to be better behaved as adults, unlike us who get spanked, but yet are so badly behaved all over the World. Violence breeds violence, hence the reason Nigeria is one of the most violence societies in the World. A country where causing physical pain to another human being means jack poo, a place where taking a life is as normal as the day.

they are just better than the western european countries - their kids are not better than a kid raised in nigeria.

Parenting is about communicating with kids, teaching them right from wrong through dialogue, reward and consequence, instead of brute force. By using violence we will only be reinforcing that culture of violence that we were raised in, which depicts violence as the only way in solving a problem. This topic brings back my horrible memories of Nigeria and its culture of violence and sadly enough we are still "bound to violence" Black culture needs to move away from this, if we want to be seen as non aggressive people.

another erroneous statement.
i hope you know the developed countries once used cane and spanking to raise their wards. compare the children raised then to the yobs we have today. have you been to any school in the united kingdom? have you seen how kids beat up their teachers? spit in the faces of their teachers? is that the way kids should be trained?

Teach reason over brute force. We need enlightenment in our society. Thank heavens we have a Gov like Fashola who is trying to eradicate this barbaric behavior from our society, I hope he goes further than just no spanking in schools. Parents don`t need to spank. 

spanking is not brute force.
spare the rod, spoil the child. brute force is crucifixion or circumcision.
caning a child with a ruler 6 times is not brute force - it's discipline.

Thank you V-E-R-Y M-U-C-H Coogar
I was just about responding to Okunoba's post, when l saw yours. Well-put!

It is wrong to equate "violence" with "discipline", especially when it relates to child-upbringing!

The difference is the[b] "intent".[/b]
Discipline does not intend to inflict injury, it is not out of malice or hatred, it is not done with excessive force.

It is meant to be applied "sparingly, mildly, with love, as a "re-inforcer" of some admonition which has been verbally-repeatedly administered without success.

And when you administer the cane (on that rare occasion), you need to first explain to the child why that "extreme measure" is the only option left NOW and even more importantly, after the "mild caning", as a parent, you MUST bring the child back into your "Love and Confidence" by soothing him with sweet words and encouragement, letting him know how much you love him and how you also feel his pain.

At this point, even the child knows the caning is not violent otherwise, l guess we would all have loathed and hate our parents who spanked us when it was necessary but as you would observe, most peeps are grateful to their parents, for such discipline!

Now, we cannot escape the few parents who abuse this method (mostly due to their own ignorance of what discipline actually entails, but up there they have it, its free wisdom ), it is those sort of parents that need to be educated.

Cheers.

@coogar, U way off the mark, kids raised in England that come from good homes are better behaved than kids raised in Nigeria. The badly behaved kids usually come from bad homes where there is an absence of good parenting. The violent ones usually come from a very abusive and violent homes, the sort that u seem to be glorifying. Nigerians are not only badly behaved in Nigeria, they are known all over the World for bad behavior. I met some girls few months ago from The Czech Republic who were telling me of the bad reputation Nigerians have in that country, the same story of Nigerians behaving badly in America, England, South Africa, Italy and so many countries around the World. Do u ever hear of Scandinavians behaving badly anywhere in the World? They are usually kind, respectful, disciplined and trustworthy, these are virtues that are lacking in most Nigerians, with all the spanking and beatings we get when growing up.
I am lucky to have lived in three different continents and from my experience, it`s always we blacks that believe in this culture of violence in raising kids that are always badly behaved and violent. Lets for once try and think outside the box, our culture isn`t always right, just because that's the way we were raised and its all we know.
Violence breeds violence.

Why do we like to make much noise when it comes to naija when in fact every country in the world today is involved in one crime or the other?

okunoba:

@coogar, U way off the mark, kids raised in England that come from good homes are better behaved than kids raised in Nigeria. The badly behaved kids usually come from bad homes where there is an absence of good parenting. The violent ones usually come from a very abusive and violent homes, the sort that u seem to be glorifying.

how many nigerian kids raised in nigeria have u seen with this bad behaviour you keep harping about? majority of them took several punishments both at home and from their teachers/seniors in school. it's discipline. you know if you step out of line, you would get caned. as compared to england where a girl of 13 can bring her boyfriend home for the night and screw each other. the parents have no right to enter her room, they can only bark outside. . . .is that how you want to raise your wards? not me! 25 yr-old females dare not keep a boyfriend overnight with the parents in the house cos they know they are going to get baptism of fire - that respect has been instilled in them by several years of constant caning and military punishments.

Nigerians are not only badly behaved in Nigeria, they are known all over the World for bad behavior. I met some girls few months ago from The Czech Republic who were telling me of the bad reputation Nigerians have in that country, the same story of Nigerians behaving badly in America, England, South Africa, Italy and so many countries around the World.

most of this reputation is linked to what i said earlier: abject poverty.
you need to ask yourself why nigerians are in this country hustling in the first place. poverty drove them out of nigeria. if we have an effective social security in nigeria - nigerians in the countries you have mentioned would be on vacation as law abiding visitors.

Do u ever hear of Scandinavians behaving badly anywhere in the World? They are usually kind, respectful, disciplined and trustworthy, these are virtues that are lacking in most Nigerians, with all the spanking and beatings we get when growing up.

the norwegian gunman who slaughtered about 100 people of his countrymen is nigerian by birth?
ok scratch that, it was a one off. . . . .

why not imagine the chaotic situation in nigeria in scandinavia countries and see if they won't be cannibals eating people alive on the streets.

I am lucky to have lived in three different continents and from my experience, it`s always we blacks that believe in this culture of violence in raising kids that are always badly behaved and violent. Lets for once try and think outside the box, our culture isn`t always right, just because that's the way we were raised and its all we know.
Violence breeds violence.

america and united kingdom have more serial killers and sexual deviants than the whole of africa.
half of them weren't raised in this culture of violence in raising kids and they still turned mass murderers. you won't get far with this theory of yours.
your holy book said: spare the rod, spoil the child!!!

if the boy gets deported to nigeria, he should just finish his studies there.

he'll lose a year or more maybe.

hope he'll learn his lesson and stop going with the crowd.

okunoba:

@coogar, U way off the mark, kids raised in England that come from good homes are better behaved than kids raised in Nigeria. The badly behaved kids usually come from bad homes where there is an absence of good parenting. The violent ones usually come from a very abusive and violent homes, the sort that u seem to be glorifying. Nigerians are not only badly behaved in Nigeria, they are known all over the World for bad behavior. I met some girls few months ago from The Czech Republic who were telling me of the bad reputation Nigerians have in that country, the same story of Nigerians behaving badly in America, England, South Africa, Italy and so many countries around the World. Do u ever hear of Scandinavians behaving badly anywhere in the World? They are usually kind, respectful, disciplined and trustworthy, these are virtues that are lacking in most Nigerians, with all the spanking and beatings we get when growing up.
I am lucky to have lived in three different continents and from my experience, it`s always we blacks that believe in this culture of violence in raising kids that are always badly behaved and violent. Lets for once try and think outside the box, our culture isn`t always right, just because that's the way we were raised and its all we know.
Violence breeds violence.

Unfortunately Okunoba, I am going to have to agree with Coogar on this one(Coogar and I have had our fair share of differences ).

The First stand point I will quote again is from the bible"spare the rod and spoil the child". There is absolutely northing wrong with smacking your kids, it is called discipline and I for one spank my boys. I explain the reason why I do not want them to do something, we have a good dialogue about it and if they do it, I still remind them of our conversation and give them a warning. If they persist, then smack. Tears follow then silence for a while and we still have a cuddle later where I again explain why I smacked them.

Now, this is disciple and it is instilling in them that there are consequences for every action. My parents smacked me and in particular my dad used koboko regularly but not for once did I hate my parents and as I grew up, I learned to think before doing something and consider the likely consequences of my actions. Although I still believe my dad's method was too extreme and will definitely not go down that route with my boys but I am still alive and love my dad to bits.

There is a very thin line between discipline and abuse and parents have to be careful not to cross it. In the UK, there are various reports of cigarettes stubs being burned on children's skin, sleeping in the bath tub etc-THIS IS ABUSE not discipline.Pure Evil.

African children have far more respect and fear of reprisals in Africa than in the UK or America where they know that the consequences are likely to be naughty corner, grounded and for the more serious offences, youth custody where you have an array of Nintendo games, pool tables and SKY TV at your disposal.

In Africa, the government, school, neighbour and parents all work together so the child knows NOBODY ANYWHERE will put up with errant nonsense, over here there are too many red tapes stopping parents from being in full control. A child will know that if his parents smack him, he can go to school/police/social worker and the parent will be told off.

I accept that there are some children that may not require smacking and have turned out well but you will find that these are the ones that listen to their parents firsthand and have a low pain tolerance(Got that first hand from a few friends) to avoid a smacking.

These riots are clearly evidence of what the UK has bred with its softly softly approach to parenting a child.I appreciate that there are some bad parents with appalling parental skills but being in the UK certainly doesn't help.Parents need to have that option if all else fails.

I once witnessed an event involving the police and a young Nigerian black boy. The police was talking to the boy about an incident he was involved in and the boy kept talking back, telling the police to Shut the eff up, ra ra ra. Nigerian mum arrives and starts yelling at the boy in Yoruba and proceeds to rain slaps on him in front of the police man and the boy's countenance changed-gone was the cockiness, sharp mouth and bad boy swagger. I was quietly pleased. The (white) policeman turns to me and whispers "now that's what I 'm talking about". Question is would that boy try it with the Nigerian police

You cannot even speak to a youth misbehaving on a bus without abuses and even beats being showered on you. That would definitely not happen in Nigeria.

Discipline is different to Violence. Teach your child so he can give you rest.

coogar:

how many Nigerian kids raised in Nigeria have u seen with this bad behaviour you keep harping about? majority of them took several punishments both at home and from their teachers/seniors in school. it's discipline. you know if you step out of line, you would get caned. as compared to England where a girl of 13 can bring her boyfriend home for the night and screw each other. the parents have no right to enter her room, they can only bark outside. . . .is that how you want to raise your wards? not me! 25 yr-old females dare not keep a boyfriend overnight with the parents in the house cos they know they are going to get baptism of fire - that respect has been instilled in them by several years of constant caning and military punishments.


most of this reputation is linked to what i said earlier: abject poverty.
you need to ask yourself why Nigerians are in this country hustling in the first place. poverty drove them out of Nigeria. if we have an effective social security in Nigeria - Nigerians in the countries you have mentioned would be on vacation as law abiding visitors.


the Norwegian gunman who slaughtered about 100 people of his countrymen is Nigerian by birth?
ok scratch that, it was a one off. . . . .

why not imagine the chaotic situation in nigeria in scandinavia countries and see if they won't be cannibals eating people alive on the streets.

america and united kingdom have more serial killers and intimate deviants than the whole of africa.
half of them weren't raised in this culture of violence in raising kids and they still turned mass murderers. you won't get far with this theory of yours.
your holy book said: spare the rod, spoil the child!!!

Well said Coogar!


Discipline doesn't beget disrespect or violence, lack of discipline certainly does.

naija for all the bad bad things what a shame.

I think the media reports on the London rioters has been fair. I watched ITV news one day and most of the rioters referred to and indeed featured were whites. No particular, race or nationality appears to have been singled out to warrant a racist row.

Obviously different country forums will highlight the rioters from their neck of the woods.

I have no doubt that Nigerians will have been represented among the rioters.It's just one of those things. Lets not make it into an "attack against Nigerians" issue.

I have to disagree with some here, Nigeria can be a very violent society and the worst thing is that it is seen as normal. Many people in Nigeria are desensitised to brutality.

Whether rich or poor.

It was a Nigerian governor who ordered a security guard beaten for doing his job. How many Nigerian men, belonging to the "so called" elite (and rich) classes have been in the newspapers this year alone for beating their wives in public? Whether political or cultural leaders?

Is it the senate in numerous states that have shamefully erupted into physical fighting to the embarrassment of the rest of us?

Was it poverty or depravity?

The Nigerian society is far too comfortable with violence. Much more than the UK. I don't know why people are saying US youths and UK youths are more prone to violence and violation than Nigerians.

How would you know? Is it the violation that women and young girls are afraid to report? So which reliable police reportage are you using to ground that statement?

Is it the armed robbers, that don't stop at stealing, but also violation and kill for the fun of it?

I would say the average Nigerian, depending on his/her location becomes violent with very little provocation when compared to the UK or US. Even how they relate to their house help is an indication of just how aggressive and  violent they can be, no matter their social standing, age, level of education or sex.

Western countries can be very violent too, but you know what? If someone attacks me, Desecrates me or kills me, there is a chance of justice even 20 years later. No such thing is expected in Nigeria. A place where a police officer will see a dead body on Saturday and leave it there until Monday, total lack of value for human life and the dignity of the dead.

There are violent youngsters and adults everywhere in the world, but in places such as Nigeria where some people (not all) lose their sensitivity to react, its dangerous.


It is quite obvious that even though we have not "spared the rod", the child has been spoiled somewhere along the line.

This boy has done nutting wrong!!! He takes advantage of the situation, I will only blame him for not watching his back!!!

coogar:

if you smell a stinkingly dead rat, then the rat is probably in your nostrils.
samson adeshina has been remanded for a week, he has not been sentenced yet. . . . .he was remanded because the judge wants his case to be transferred to the crown court. he has been sent to the crown court because he will likely get more than 6 months imprisonment. any offence that attracts more than 6 months imprisonment cannot be tried in a magistrate court. if he gets more than 6 months imprisonment, he would miss his exams next january/february(assuming he's still an undergraduate).

It is currently the re-sit period at most universities in the UK. It is most likely that he was scheduled to re-sit an examination but because he is reprimanded he will be unable to attend his examinations.