How Do I Forgive Him? - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Forgive Him? by Registeredguest: 9:09am On Oct 20, 2022 |
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance. I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily) Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy. After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see... Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says "I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out. 3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf. My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again. How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine. No insult please, I have cried enough. 48 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Righteousness2(m): 9:13am On Oct 20, 2022 |
My Sister, you have a right to be angry. Yes your husband has offended you. But because of the Blood JESUS Christ shed on the cross of Calvary for your sins and my sins, Despite all our evil and wicked lives, Forgive him. Forget about the past. You both should together go before GOD in Prayers. Forgive yourself and Build your Home on GOD and GOD'S Principles for the Home. I Pray for you, the Peace of GOD that passed all human Understanding take over your life and your Home in JESUS Name. 507 Likes 46 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Cutehector(m): 9:13am On Oct 20, 2022 |
If you cannot forgive him and you also want a father figure, what do you want nairalanders to tell you now? Pls seek professional advice from Pst K. 462 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Nobody: 9:15am On Oct 20, 2022 |
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit. 1046 Likes 107 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Tinubuagbado: 9:22am On Oct 20, 2022 |
Cry no more and be strong. You may not need to go back now till after your delivery. Make yourself happy so you don't have bp which is very common in pregnant women. Take time to heal first and tell yourself that most men can can do such but its not a bug deal. Remember he didn't cheat with other women so eating your money is a lesser sin. Finally, find a place in your heart to forgive him and let it go. 78 Likes 6 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 9:33am On Oct 20, 2022 |
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway 568 Likes 37 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by voidUpdate(m): 9:36am On Oct 20, 2022 |
advanceDNA:This happens when the woman is the provider. Very strange to me. 253 Likes 13 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by faithfull18(f): 9:41am On Oct 20, 2022 |
advanceDNA:Turned to where @Op, forgive him and collect *2 *3 of the money back. 12 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by MufasaLion: 9:42am On Oct 20, 2022 |
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived. Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped! You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness! 52 Likes 17 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Romanoff(f): 9:43am On Oct 20, 2022 |
Rozross: She is not toxic. Her concerns are valid and no two human is the same. Just cause it will be easy for you to forgive such dishonesty doesn't mean it will be easy for her. With a husband that can scam you like that, who needs an enemy? A wife that has always supported you and is equally hardworking. What is in common 200k that he still had to scam her for? They sha both need counselling to get past this, it won't be easy but it's doable. That trust has been broken already so after this, going forward, please, have your own savings as you contribute to the home and family projects and keep receipts. Next land or property you'll buy, inform him about it, carry him along but source for your own agent yourself to avoid situations like this. The trust can't be the same again sha, but na to dey manage the situation and to avoid such in the future. 121 Likes 8 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 9:44am On Oct 20, 2022 |
voidUpdate: Its her money at the end of the day....so she has a right to be angry....but ending her marriage over this is a bit of an overkill Many of us did it to our parents .... My babe does it to me irregularly... 211 Likes 7 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by MufasaLion: 9:51am On Oct 20, 2022 |
Tinubuagbado: Imagine the trash you wrote. Stop justifying a breach of trust! 27 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 10:11am On Oct 20, 2022 |
faithfull18: Turned to not favouring your gender 32 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by GoldCircle: 11:11am On Oct 20, 2022 |
The institution of marriage requires a lot of patience and perseverance. From your write up, it is obvious you haven't fully healed. Healing (from broken trust) is usually an organic process and not one to be rushed. I will advise that you take time to heal while bearing in mind that to err is human. Learn to forgive especially if he is remorseful. Make a conscious effort to pray to God to give you the spirit of forgiveness. It helps. Your kids indeed need their father around them. he hasn't offended them. BTW, every person has his/her own palava. What is the guarantee that the next man that you will meet wouldn't be worse than your husband. Calm down and return to your husband. I believe he should have learnt his lessons. Goodluck! 41 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Fahvvy: 12:16pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
How do you forgive him? By forgiving him na  ...Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish  ...Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..On a more serious note... It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...Let's look at your write up ...I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily) Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy. So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...And that too will affect your kids ...526 Likes 70 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Calvary247(f): 12:21pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
You just have to forgive him 7 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by GoldenJAT(m): 12:40pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Djdhfb |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Gloriagee(f): 12:48pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
I kind of like you. The way some women are so unempathic to their fellow women is mind boggling.... Romanoff: 22 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Romanoff(f): 12:58pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Gloriagee: It's Stockholm syndrome sis. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Nobody: 1:04pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Fahvvy: Most sensible comment! Your husband’s sin is stealing from his wife. It’s shameful cos it’s like stealing from your own self! That aside; You never saw yourself as part of his team. You wanted to conceal your selfishness, but the self in you still could not be totally masked. You could glorify the occasional 100k, 50k, 20k you put in the house project. Mama, you are not the first! And fyi, in terms of ratio, your contribution will most definitely amount to less than 5% of entire project cost. A modest 3 bedroom house will gulf at least 15m. So many missing dots; is the family house solely in his name or your both names, because I now wonder the rationale you wanted something solely on your name alone? Has this husband been a provider or a deadbeat? Who bought your car? Have you ever misappropriated funds he gave to you? Got married at 22, did you move into his house with money or he set you up? 316 Likes 21 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by frozen70(f): 1:31pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Registeredguest: Trust is like a sticker once you remove it from the surface where it is pasted, it can't stick properly again If you don't want to go back to him, let him pack to your new apartment Stop attacking him unnecessary or finding faults with him Try and accommodate him since you want a father figure for your children In this life, you will meet nonsense people whom you don't know how to place them Finally, forget about trying to trust him it may not workout You have to put a stop to having babies so that you can plan well for the entire family Make sure you write your names in everything that has to do with assets because of the future 10 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by SilentBang(m): 2:17pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
frozen70:. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by SilentBang(m): 2:20pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Registeredguest: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us"... Its hurts deeply I know. Just dwell on Gods word. Might be tiring but just open a passage and read. God will speak to you. and you ll find it easier to let go and forgive him. You need Him, He needs You. But The Enemy is out for you two too. Soon enough you will realize that this Life we live is nothing after all... I pray it wont be too late by then. Blessings. 24 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by culf: 2:49pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Imagine the type of issue that is causing separation, its unfortunate. You're a lady so it might mean a lot to you but do you know that most times money given to wives for one thing or another, some wives divert part of it, Oga know but won't even bother including feeding money meant for the family. This same money causing issues, if it were to be another person, will you have known? some people don't mix business with anything and probably maybe your hubby is one that thinks everybody should pay for his service including his wife. Truth is, what he did is wrong, he should have asked for payment rather than taking it through the back door. To me, this is not suppose to lead to any serious fight or separation. #Some people who are not suppose to be in marriage are already married. 201 Likes 13 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:10pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Registeredguest: the issue here is all about him understanding the damage he did to you and knowing that he need to heal at your own time with help of him rebuilding the trust by doing things that comfort you The problem with our culture sometimes we call family meetings, were people use reason to solve problems when the issue emotional and the person who is meant to understand and solve it is the person who lives with you and share the bed with The rest mostly dont understand the emotional impact, your personal feeling are not much considered, elders tend to put emotions aside and when emotions are disregarded it hurts and it make it hard for someone to heal and forgive. 13 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by sholay2011(m): 3:17pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
Rozross:God bless you. I wonder if some of those commenting here are actually married in real life. If OP can pack out because of such, she needs to really work on herself, and that is not to excuse what her husband did. I wonder what would happen when her husband does something 'worse' in the future? In marriage, we forgive and forbear. We would offend each other. We would see the best and worst sides of each other, and that's okay. We discuss issues as two adults, and not act like kids. The husband no try at all for not contacting her for 2 months (except there is something OP is not telling us). Nonetheless, anyone that struggles with forgiveness (no matter how right they are) is setting him or herself up for failure in marriage. OP appears to not be emotionally-balanced and needs to go for marital counselling ASAP, first, alone, then, with her husband. 121 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Dayaa: 3:25pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
What are you asking us: should you forgive him or how do you forgive him? Either way, it's left to you to decide if you want to reconcile or not. About forgiveness, it will take time and it won't happen at once. If you make up your mind and decide to forgive him, the strength to do so will follow the will. It will take effort on his part as well. He has to make up for his misactions. With that, the both of you should be fine. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Helpout12345: 3:36pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
I pity you. You think there's something outside with 2 children. Yes. He wronged you by inflating the price of the land. So what? Women do this everywhere to their husbands and heaven don't fall. Everybody has begged you and you refused to reason well. Continue oooo. Body go tell you. 190 Likes 13 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Starz825(m): 3:50pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
That's why nairaland is the best place for real life issues unlike other social platforms where you don't want to expose yourself maybe because your friends and relatives are also there..... See meaningful advice up there...both single and married people giving out helpful advice to a tearful wife of a man who ought to have been more responsible in his dealings..... Dear tearful wife, You will need to forgive him...he messed up....he allowed greediness to get the best of him. It happens, he's human! He did it out of jealousy....forgive him. And please let love lead between you two.... But what is love if you guys can't get back to being together after all this years of your love confessions to each other..... Omooo....if you and your husband no get back to each other...he go pain me oo...and he go pain you pass... Get back to being lovers again..yeah..get back to being a team.... .This is just one of the hundreds of hurdles you will face in marriage.... However, only love and mutual understanding can make you both survive those challenges.. Pls don't listen to people who will advice you to leave your marriage ...pls don't... I know you will like to get back your money...so as to feel fulfilled...if he pays back fine..if he doesn't..fine, you will most likely get it back from him in the nearest future.... Pls do everything to keep your marriage...this is not enough reason to break it. Registeredguest 29 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Weirdcamila: 4:08pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
You have kids , and from your explanation you are doing well. Move forward and don’t look back . The man is an idiot . Why cheat your own wife ? Nawa o Where una dey find animals marry? 9 Likes 12 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by eyinjuege: 4:18pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
If he returns your money, will that bring a little peace? It's painful when someone you trust with your life can cheat you without remorse, so your anger is justified. He's messed up once, you just now know you can't trust him with money issues ever again. He's shown you that layer of himself. You will probably still discover more unpleasant sides of the man you married with time. I will advice you ask him to return your money, and try and see if you can mend things. If you discover other unpleasant things about him like womanising, violence and all other forms of wickedness, then you can say you gave it your best shot You mentioned you dad doesn't want you to go back to him, is there any other reason aside the theft/fraud that your dad doesn't want you to go back? 10 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by bdchange(m): 4:34pm On Oct 20, 2022 |
This is the most funniest reason I have read why someone packed out of her matrimonial home. What he did is totally wrong but forgivable. Just not to trust him with money again or for a long time, but moving out? Haba...he is not your bf oo. If you can move out just for this, I can't imagine what you will do if he cheats on you or commit grievous offense than this, because believe me..there are so many of it. He married you at 22, which means he played a big role in your success today, except you want to tell me your own family did that. There are things you should have learnt before going into marriage but did not get the chance due to your early marriage. Marriage is not a do or die, either you are in it or you are out of it. Choose one peacefully. 105 Likes 6 Shares |
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