Hey how is everyone in the forum? I hope all is well.  I am asking you people for an honest opinion. I am married to my husband for seven years now.  All has been going well. I have a child from a previous marriage to an African American who doesnt wan t to know,   and a Legal divorce, So I met mu husband who is an Igbo man and he has  has been with me since my child was 2 months old. We had a few problems but nothing major and I chose not to have his child so I took the pill. He knew I was taking the pill and even asked if I missed it. In the last few months he has became very irrate. We own a house together and both names are on the deeds. We married in Nigeria in 2005. I cannot drive as I cannot afford the insuranse.  Its very hard to find a job in Ireland. I studied Law for four years. I am on call for cover over the summer for legal advice in a temporay job. Apart from that I get Jobseelers allowance of 186 per week. Out of that I pay for the food and the GAS cards.

My husband does nothing but criticise me. For no reason, I do not go past the door without his permission. I had to run away for a week end to my sisters house which is an hour on a train. I make him all his Nigerian food. I hand it to him. I do not ask him for a cent. I ran away as he is abusive, he says I am an idle fool. I am looking for a job. he has two weeks holiday from his job. I asked him about six months ago if we can go away for a 'family' weekend and he just went away to London a few months later, I asked him why coulnt I come and he said it was b'cos it was too expensive (even though I can leave my child with my mother). So he went away for about four days and I thought nothing of it.

Now he wants to go to Swiss to see his cousing fresh from jail. Dont get me wrong my husband is an engineer. But I was never asked to go anywhere with him. He is picking up his passport ( an Irish passport on Tue) I asked him why I was not invited to go to London at Xmas time 2010 and why I was not invited to Switzerland? I feel hurt,


But he never goes anywhere with me. He said that I should just go and take my child for a vacation in Disneyworld. I never go anywhere! actually we have never went anywhere together apart from one holiday four years ago. Why is he resisting me to accopany him? IM sure its nothing but I feel hurt as I give him everything I have,

Further to my post, he doesnt like me to ask any Questions, if I ask him any Q's he will go absolutely crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeeeeeeedus! Lailah, you are still with this guy?  


I see he still refuses to take you places, guess after all these years, the countless Naija clothes you wear and slaving to learn how to cook his favorite Naija food. . . you still ain't Najia enough for him.

You didn't mention his asylum seeking girlfriend. . .is it safe to assume he finally left her? Nice! And he got a job too? Hmmm, progress I must say, a small one but progress nonetheless. You definitely give hope to all the women out there going through the same thing you did that they should stick to it because although you are back complaining about the exact same things you did 3. . .4 yrs ago, At least one or two itty bitty things changed, right? See that's not so bad.  Who knows maybe in another 4 years, he will start taking you to his Nigerian church and Nigerian parties. Say, you sure you don't wanna have another wack at it?


Oh by the way, I don't think I ever thanked you. . . You were my inspiration for this blog

Perfection - The Perfect Naija Wife

Pray and work on your marriage. You are not alone my child.

Don't leave your husband and don't listen to these internet maggot heads telling you otherwise.

A word is enough for the wise

Good gracious,Leilah is still with the Igbo 'anal freak'? Patience,communication,good(albeit uncomfortable and painful) s3x and making wonderful meals does wonders to a troubled marriage.

@Leilah,im curious here,why are you on pills?why don't you want to have a baby for my brother?Is that the mutual agreement?Is it possible he is treating you this way cos of ur childless decision?

We're still on about this guy? You still haven't accepted him as he is?
You should do that woman! He isn't going to change or be a different man so the best thing you
can do is to accept the things you cannot change. Earlier you do that. . . the better.

...

@leilah
I sympathise with you. However before you listen to all the posters above me, ask yourself if you came here seeking advice or a divorce. If you came for advise then you would do well to listen to some of us who are unbiased.
You have raised a number of issues which trouble you about your husband, for which you do not have answers. The first thing you need to know about us african men is we do not respond to omen who are pushy or nag. Before you can take a sensible decision you have to know why your husband is acting the way he is, change your aproach to him. You know him and what he likes, be that woman for him, after a bit you can have a heart to heart chat with him, I am sure you both used to talk right?
Show him love and he will at least open up to you, this will be the beginning of the solution. Please do not listen to the lesbians here who want you to join them as they cry themselves to sleep. Afterall he has not brought another woman home has he? Have you caught him with other women? If not then you should be gratefull.

@jennykadry,ignore Johndoe. The Bible says "he that rebukes a scorner gets for himself shame".
@Johndoe,from ur previous posts,I've noticed u reason like a male chauvinist. Grow up,we're not in the stone ages.

^^ Imagine the guts. When a husband misbehaves and abuses his wife, you will see that certifiably insane low life telling the woman to be patient and love her husband, but if a woman does a tiny bit of what these men do, you will see him telling the husband to divorce and leave her quickly

Frustrated ill begotten azzwipe. May devil and his co workers s[i]h[/i]it on his bald head.

Na wa gidi gan.

You are still with this your naija bobo.

Since 2007, almost every single post i read from you is about one issue or the other regarding this guy.

He cannot afford to take you on holiday yet he went to London for xmas and now he's off to Switzerland. Sad !!!

I'm with chaircover on this one. . . . it's your decision whether to continue with him like this or not . .

Leilah again!

I thought by now it pretty obvious your husband does not care a bit. He's enjoying his life but Leilah what about you?

I'm happy you are now earning some income. I'll advise you focus on your career painstakingly in order to improve your finances. Get busy wiTh your life and enjoy life to the fullest. Accept the fact that he may never change

Johndoe100:

@leilah
I sympathise with you. However before you listen to all the posters above me, ask yourself if you came here seeking advice or a divorce. If you came for advise then you would do well to listen to some of us who are unbiased.
You have raised a number of issues which trouble you about your husband, for which you do not have answers. The first thing you need to know about us african men is we do not respond to omen who are pushy or nag. Before you can take a sensible decision you have to know why your husband is acting the way he is, change your aproach to him. You know him and what he likes, be that woman for him, after a bit you can have a heart to heart chat with him, I am sure you both used to talk right?
Show him love and he will at least open up to you, this will be the beginning of the solution. Please do not listen to the lady-loving-ladies here who want you to join them as they cry themselves to sleep. Afterall he has not brought another woman home has he? Have you caught him with other women? If not then you should be gratefull.

Dude! You should be strung by your abunna!

You don't even make any effort to hide your contempt for women.

Honestly, the girl that hurt you did the world an injustice even though I understand why she couldn't stay with you. Who would?

And what the eff is with the "Us this" and "Us that", who are you people that you can dance to a different tune?

Nonsense.

Sisi_Kill:

You don't even make any effort to hide your contempt for women.
Nonsense.

What you people want is censorship. You can't stand that I have another differernt view to you and the other dil. Do acrobats.

@jenny
I have decided not to desend to your level, I have reported your insulting posts, people that need to resort to abuse do so cos they lack the intellectual capacity to engage in a debate or conversation.

Johndoe100:

What you people  want is censorship. You can't stand that I have another differernt view to you and the other dil. Do acrobats.

Obviously you don't' know the meaning of certain words. . .like censorship, which explains why you never make sense. Dude, get it straight, no one wants you to "censor" yourself, we just want you to acknowledge that you have a very warped view and it comes from being a hypocritical misogynist.

In your book, a man can leave his marriage at the slightest infraction from his wife but the woman who must stay and work it out. She must bend herself into a pretzel trying to please a man who can walk out anytime he wants.

Being in a relationship with a man who sleeps with anything on two legs is just as dangerous as being with a woman who has a violent temper. Yet you advice one to leave the marriage ASAP and the other to stay in it and try having more sexxx with the dog. What makes your disgust even more apparent is the fact that you didn't even ask the man what happened, you just jumped in with your worthless two cents and urged him to leave his wife when if the situation were flipped and twas the lady saying her husband hits her, you would have peppered her with rubbish questions like. . .

What did you do to make him angry?
Did you cook his food well?
Where you wearing his least favorite color?
How did you walk in to the room

Questions so irrelevant to the matter at hand, their only purpose is to shift the blame on the woman. . . somehow make her responsible for getting her head bashed in.

Leilah here has been dealing with her useless husband's issues for how many years now and nothing has changed yet your stupidass is telling her to be the woman he wants. At this point, the only way she can be anymore like the woman he wants is for her to kill herself and keep her fingers crossed that in her next life she's born Nigerian. . .as if the SOB didn't know she wasn't Nigerian when he married her.

You say she should be grateful she hasn't caught him with another woman. Okay, what if I tell you she has caught him with another woman because he made no effort to hide his affair. . . what would you say then? Oh don't bother answer, we already know what you demented sick freaks would say, we've read it many times

how do you know that the cheatimg is not her fault? Cos she ia woman? You should have asked if she is to blame.

This is what happens when a woman is no longer useful in bed. Notice how she has sidesteped the central issue - hubby needs something warm, willing and USEFUL in bed.
She should remove the cobwebs between her legs, ask youger chicks how to usr her kitty and then face her hubby. Quick quick he go forget de oda chick.
Reply

And Mr. A. Hole who is suddenly against violence. . .were you sitting on your brains when you wrote this?

Your wife may have had a reason for what she did, but lessons must be taught.
My advice is that you give a small punishment, I would not like to suggest what punishment she should get,. Just make sure that it reflects your anger.

And when the OP refused to take your useless advice to punish his wife in a way that's sure to reflect his anger you call him a wimp

The OP is turning out  to be a wimp. We have told him to punish da biatch, and he is still here talking.
By now he should be telling us what punishment he chose and if she has shown remorse.

No backbone, most of these guys, sad. Angry

Now do you see why we tell you to STFU?

Ode. who cares if you've reported my posts? You can't stand the heat eh kwa? So your own form of ''punishment'' is reporting abi?. Oloshi. Like it's our fault a woman dumped your unshaved behind. Goat

Report this post as well, infact if I start counting how many people that have reported me on this forum, you don't stand a chance in being among the first 100,000. Bloody hypocrite. 


If onlt you were aborted in the first trimester, life would have been a lot easier.

@sisi_kill

Nice hatchet job, however taking random posts out of context is lame. I shall continue to give my unbiased advise on this board.

jennykadry:

Report this post as well,

Done

Leilah, havent seen you in a while. i thought your man has changed to the "perfect man your heart long for''
anyway, i am kneeling down and saying a prayer for you. hang in there sistah he will change much later.
try cooking ofe onugbu and ofe oziza for him. make sure he eats all nigerian food days before you ask to go anywhere with him.
it shall be well.
odikwa risky.

Johndoe100:

@sisi_kill

Nice hatchet job, however taking random posts out of context is lame. I shall continue to give my unbiased advise on this board.

Done

Oti o.

Why do you people argue with johndoe. It is obvious he is gay. He loathes women. Johndoe you need to understand that the first step in fixing your pain is to accept who you are. No one will judge you simply because you would rather be with a man. Why fight it. Embrace it my dear. You can even legally marry now. Why live in pain with a woman when you can get all the loving you want from a man legally and otherwise. O boy embrace your real identity.

ROFL. ^

Going off topic here,@Johndoe,are you the same Johndoe that wanted to bring in a bootycall to your matrimonial home cos of your first wife's health condition that affected her Ikebe 

I think you later said twas your friend or colleague . . .not sure.

Same of same or

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-528807.0.html

@ Poster, what is annoying that your husband is your inability to get a good paying job. I would advice you to focus more on getting a good job, and taking care of yourself instead of disturbing yourself about his not taking you to london and so on, Let me tell you, you have to give yourself rest in a marraige, the truth is you cannot always have your way, take care of yourself as you should, do not pay attention to little things that would affect you, you do not need it, continue to be a good wife as you should, if you can accomodate his excesses' but ignore his ignorant behaviours, and face your future.

lol @ Johndoe and his ikebe super.

So let me get this straight. You are married to this guy, and you've refused to have a kid for him? But you expect him to continue to selflessly take care of you and your kid, when he wants his own biological kid?

Hy no this man has ever ever married and i have been down to Nigeria, he has been very nice lately and he did not go away. Well we will have to see,

^^Good. Till we read meet again in less than 2 months time.

Leilah:

Hy no this man has ever ever married and i have been down to Nigeria, he has been very nice lately and he did not go away. Well we will have to see,

You see it is possible to have a relatively nice time with him. He is human, treat him well and your home will be a pleasant place.

Thanks guys for the advise but I am being mistaken for someone else. He was never caught cheating int he seven years we are together. He knows how I feel but I don;t really care he gets all the food he likes but he won't tak me anywhere. Like there is no such a thing as a family day out.

No seriously, you guys were mixing me up there was never any asylum seeker involved it was general cultural differences I suffered from.

@genius100, no he doesnt want any children with me, he has an Irish Passport. We have discussed this. It nots me, I am just protecting myself by taking the pill.

Hello dear, I absolutely feel you. I was with an Igbo man for 6 years, married when I was 19, and the marriage lasted for 5 years. I am now divorced and have an Igbo bf. My relationship with my husband was dreadful, absolutely horrible. I was so insecure at that time and he isolated me from family and friends. The last 3 years of the marriage he kept beating me up and he even got arrested twice. I was always questioned what Im doing and where I am going, at a point I just told him upfront, cause I was tired of being asked. Then he said I should not disturb him with every detail of my miserable days, yeah ! He absolutely drove me insane. I was a good wife, not perfect, but we spent 3 years apart and 2 years of those we were not a couple, we didnt even talk. So I had other relationships, and I believe he did as well, (saw pics of him with other women, but he denies it til today). He forbid me to call his relatives although he knew every single one of mine and could talk to them whenever he wished to. He also said he will never take me to Nigeria, cause he is ashamed of me. He made me so so miserable. There were times when he didnt speak to me for 2 months continously. I could never ask any question and could never follow him anywhere really, unless my coming was for a purpose for him.

if you are still with him, free your heart ! Dont stay sad. Right now, things with my bf arent as smooth, but I am doing my best and he sees my effort, as the problem is sth he alone is going through actually, and I am helping the much I can, trying not to feel too bad, cause he is so occupied and feels down. He has done alot for me! And I appreciate and love him. But anytime I am not happy with things he says or does, I tell him. I wont stay miserable in a relationship again. You go girl !! You are worth more !!!

Leilah:
Further to my post, he doesnt like me to ask any Questions, if I ask him any Q's he will go absolutely crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

sOrry,any lady in a bad marriage should check herself.