Hello all,
I need to bring this to this section for better balanced contribution, I have also updated some earlier information due to better information

The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee. The course starts in 2 months' time, madam already signed up without her husband’s knowledge, and just recently told her husband about the signing up (They have been discussing the issue of whether to go or not and the best options). Her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now. The kids are between (7-12 years). Although the husband will be able to travel later in the year, however, madam will have none of it at all, because according to her, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next academic session/next year, this, she will never ever accept. So no negotiation about it.

Although the discussion has been going on between both, about the best option, madam suddenly told the man she has resolved to go and nothing can stop her. The husband is in shock, it appears madam has been playing and acting along as if she was genuinely looking for other solutions. Moreover, the husband noted that madam is no longer willing to discuss the issue with the man, as the woman has become angry/rude/verbally abusive. ( the husband acknowledges that this behaviour is not new, as anytime issues like this come up, the woman always throws up this defence mechanism- gets angry, stops talking to the man or becomes abusive/ talks rudely to the man. )

Naturally, the husband is a cool guy though, madam is as stubborn as anything and always has her way on all issues. The man is genuinely afraid that the children might be exposed to abuse and other things, moreover, he feels the last child is too young to be left alone

According to the man, the woman is a good person, but very very stubborn. Everything has to be her way. To the extent that her family has near zero influence on her, so there is nothing he can do in that respect, hence he usually pays heavily for counseling

They are both doing their best for the family (both of them confirmed this in separate meetings with them).

What is your take on this, please?

These things are really deeper than this. But only one thin can be sure of, no woman that truly respects her family can go against the genuine voice of her man. And as for the man, I hope he has not lost his direction to the extent that the woman no longer trusts his lead

She should put her life on hold because husband can not be there for the kids for 4 to 5 days because he cannot travel? Something tells me she's been the one being with the kids majority of time but Oga cannot be with them at this point, right?

Well, no issues, they can organize someone else to watch over the kids for the duration of the course or the husband comes and do it himself. You men are mostly your worst enemies! You expect the woman to drop everything she does to be there for the family but its absolutely inconvenient for you guys to do the same. Una well done o. Una do well. Honestly, having seen a lot of abroad naija marriages, I see why it fails a higher percentage of the time. What is good for the gander is good for the goose fa. It is selfish of the man to even suggest that she adds a whole year to her education because he could not spare 4 days! Imagine if the tables were turned! Awon oniran dede!

vuxelle:
■ The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee. The course starts in 2 months' time, madam already signed up without her husband’s knowledge, and just recently told her husband about the signing up (They have been discussing the issue of whether to go or not and the best options). Her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now. The kids are between (7-12 years). Although the husband will be able to travel later in the year, however, madam will have none of it at all, because according to her, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next academic session/next year, this, she will never ever accept. So no negotiation about it.

■ Ask the woman to find someone, maybe a church member who is a stay-at-home wife to look after her kids while she is away for the course. She can negotiate fees and whatever else with the lady and her family so she gets the help she needs for the week which is 2 months from now, or until her husband travels back from wherever he may be to take care of his own kids. The husband can show up while she is already enrolled in the course to take over care of the children that way.

Marriage is supposed to be an agreement and a partnership between a man and a woman, not an enslavement of a woman by a man.

sisisioge:
She should put her life on hold because husband can not be there for the kids for 4 to 5 days because he cannot travel? Something tells me she's been the one being with the kids majority of time but Oga cannot be with them at this point, right?

Well, no issues, they can organize someone else to watch over the kids for the duration of the course or the husband comes and do it himself. You men are mostly your worst enemies! You expect the woman to drop everything she does to be there for the family but its absolutely inconvenient for you guys to do the same. Una well done o. Una do well. Honestly, having seen a lot of abroad naija marriages, I see why it fails a higher percentage of the time. What is good for the gander is good for the goose fa. It is selfish of the man to even suggest that she adds a whole year to her education because he could not spare 4 days! Imagine if the tables were turned! Awon oniran dede!

easy

Kobojunkie:
■ Ask the woman to find someone, maybe a church member who is a stay-at-home wife to look after her kids while she is away for the course. She can negotiate fees and whatever else with the lady and her family so she gets the help she needs for the entire 2-month period or until her husband travels back from wherever he may be to take care of his own kids. The husband can show up while she is already enrolled in the course to take over care of the children that way.

Marriage is supposed to be an agreement and a partnership between a man and a woman, not an enslavement of a woman by a man.

hmmmm

4 - 7 days course?

Is there no baby sitter that she can pay? Live in after school service or creche or something. What about her circle of friends in church or at work, no one that can take care of the kids for a fee?

There's no toddler among the kids.

Well there might be more to the matter sha.

The duration is too short for all these arguments.

.

Get external help for free or an agreed fee, problem solved.

That man is an enemy of progress, is he a handicap that cannot take care of his own kids? She should postpone a 4-7days course till next year because of his own inconvenience?

If we should find out the stubbornness of his wife he complains about, it has to do with her not bending to his whims, expecting her academic career growth and accomplishments to take a back seat just like this one, what a clown.

kapelvej:
These things are really deeper than this. But only one thin can be sure of, no woman that truly respects her family can go against the genuine voice of her man. And as for the man, I hope he has not lost his direction to the extent that the woman no longer trusts his lead

So going for a 4-7days academic course automatically means she doesn't respect her family? Wisdom is profitable to direct, he is a selfish man that does not care about her own growth and wellbeing.

NoToPile:
Well there might be more to the matter sha. The duration is too short for all these arguments.

Imagine !

Kobojunkie:
■ Ask the woman to find someone, maybe a church member who is a stay-at-home wife to look after her kids while she is away for the course. She can negotiate fees and whatever else with the lady and her family so she gets the help she needs for the entire 2-month period or until her husband travels back from wherever he may be to take care of his own kids. The husband can show up while she is already enrolled in the course to take over care of the children that way.

Marriage is supposed to be an agreement and a partnership between a man and a woman, not an enslavement of a woman by a man.

It's a partnership, this marriage of a thing. Do you take a major decision without your partner?

kozmicity:
It's a partnership, this marriage of a thing. Do you take a major decision without your partner?

1. What major decision is she taking? She is not overhauling the marriage or bringing down the house. She is simply going for a school program and the program will last 4-7 days. Agreement in marriage is meant to help both partners realize their individual dreams. According to the story, the husband himself traveled and she has been sitting with the kids, so I see no reason why he cannot sit with the kids while the wife goes to attend her classes.

Kobojunkie:
1. What major decision is she taking? She is not overhauling the marriage or bringing down the house. She is simply going for a school program and the program will last 2 months. Agreement in marriage is meant to help both partners realize their individual dreams. According to the story, the husband himself traveled and she has been sitting with the kids, so I see no reason why he cannot sit with the kids while the wife goes to attend her classes.

Like you said agreement. Have they come to an agreement??

You take a decision without your partner and you having a discussion and agreement and no plan to tackle potential issues that may arise and just decide all by yourself and expect it to be so??

If it was the man doing this I'd say the same thing, y'all are partners, nobody should be dictating.

kozmicity:
■Like you said agreement. Have they come to an agreement??
■ You take a decision without your partner and you having a discussion and agreement and no plan to tackle potential issues that may arise and just decide all by yourself and expect it to be so??
■ If it was the man doing this I'd say the same thing, y'all are partners, nobody should be dictating.

1. They can't seem to come to an agreement because the one who is currently benefitting from the agreement he had with his wife is clearly refusing to allow her to same freedom she did him. Meaning the marriage is not a partnership but something else — not all marriages are a partnership by the way.

2. What makes you think there are no plans to tackle potential issues? What potential issues do you imagine could exist in this case?

3. The man is already doing this. Recall, OP said that the man traveled meaning the woman already agreed to him leaving her to be alone with the kids for a period of time. So, all he needs to do here is come back and let her do the same for a period of time. Simple!

Kobojunkie:
1. What major decision is she taking? She is not overhauling the marriage or bringing down the house. She is simply going for a school program and the program will last 2 months. Agreement in marriage is meant to help both partners realize their individual dreams. According to the story, the husband himself traveled and she has been sitting with the kids, so I see no reason why he cannot sit with the kids while the wife goes to attend her classes.

Not 2 months, 5 days at most and starting in the next 2 months. Bros has ample time to plan himself but he clearly isn't having it

vuxelle:
Hello all,
I need to bring this to this section for better balanced contribution, I have also updated some earlier information due to better information

The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee. The course starts in 2 months' time, madam already signed up without her husband’s knowledge, and just recently told her husband about the signing up (They have been discussing the issue of whether to go or not and the best options). Her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now. The kids are between (7-12 years). Although the husband will be able to travel later in the year, however, madam will have none of it at all, because according to her, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next academic session/next year, this, she will never ever accept. So no negotiation about it.

What is your take on this, please?

How is it so difficult that the husband cannot understand this simple maths? So he wants her to push her graduation till next year. 1 week of staying away will not kill them, they can hire a live in maid in Netherlands for a week and that won't cost more than 2000 Euros. I don't understand how this type of simple issues become a problem in 2023.

I think the info on this story is incomplete, because it's not making sense.

sisisioge:
Not 2 months, 5 days at most and starting in the next 2 months. Bros has ample time to plan himself but he clearly isn't having it

Na only 5 days sef!

Kobojunkie:
1. They can't seem to come to an agreement because the one who is currently benefitting from the agreement he had with his wife is clearly refusing to allow her to same freedom she did him. Meaning the marriage is not a partnership but something else — not all marriages are a partnership by the way.

2. What makes you think there are no plans to tackle potential issues? What potential issues do you imagine could exist in this case?

3. The man is already doing this. Recall, OP said that the man traveled meaning the woman already agreed to him leaving her to be alone with the kids for a period of time. So, all he needs to do here is come back and let her do the same for a period of time. Simple!

I agree with your number one because marriages are not partnerships like you said.

Potential issues for example could be the kids, ideally it'll be better to get a babysitter but we don't know if they're the type of couple to not want other people around their kids.

And finally thank you for saying they had an agreement for the man to travel, agreement is the keyword here. They haven't reached an agreement for her to travel yet. For all we know, the agreement they had could be one that keeps the man busy/away from home for a year and she abruptly wants him to cut it short thus breaking the deal.

These are one the signs to watch out for in a potential spouse!

Isn't it too late now?
And na white man country una dey wey dm fit throw man away collect everything give hin stubborn but good wife!

Reading

4 - 7 days or 4 - 7 years?

Your husband no fit watch the kids for just a week? I no understand this una story oo

Stop getting married to self centered me

Hmmmm, all I see is ego from both parties. But I dislike stubborn women sha....

Career FIRST always.
You can lose your husband and children, but your career can NEVER be taken away from you.
We live in a selfish world currently.
These same people called 'husband' and 'children' will ABANDON YOU if you fail to secure your future.

Ladies and gentleman. . . don't let the illusion of marriage and family fool you.
Marriage and family are always the first and second to go. . . Then, what do you have?

Look around you?
The people who die miserably are those who failed to secure their futures and spent their whole lives sacrificing themselves for EXTREMELY SELFISH spouses and children.

Children are the WORST! If they can't get anything from you. . . you are irrelevant to them o.
Spouse nko. . . never to be trusted.

You must have a balance. . . if not, choose your career and stick with it.

Your spouse and children will always earn your respect because YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO DEPEND ON THEM.