Thanks to you guys I feel better about myself now. Its good to read that loads of people can feel my worries and reflect with me. In all aspects of my life this is one issue where I lack self esteem but reading all your replies I now know I never should let this issue downgrade me again. 
Am married now with another daughter and my husband treats my first right no complains about that.

I really appreciate all your replies.

coogar:

that's the kid.
what about his mother? would you let your husband visit her?


your hubby's kid coming to your house to eat is 50% of the problem and i would even say that is still convenient for you.
the question is - would you let the mother of the child come into your house or would you let your husband visit her?

cos when he doesn't visit, the other woman goes to a forum to report and members of the forum would call the husband a b[i]a[/i]stard.

some women? you are being economical with the truth here.
all women feel uncomfortable with their husbands communicating with their exes.

We complicate things when we bring the other woman into it, i have never met her and she did not leave anything in my house, I am a mini lioness, do you want me to tear her apart, plss o this is UK , i donot want wahala jare, and she is not welcome in my home, 

I didnot say Madam Feyi should go after crazy Rahman, there are too many obokus in the river abeg not a morally derailed man, father of pickin or not.

What i am saying is that the gal his is blood and that must count in his heartless life.

chaircover:

coogar I first of all said many (check hornys post) but I changed it to some because i do personaly know of a few women who treat their husbands love children very well. They accept that what is done is done and they get on with life as best they can.

Hot, no doubt rahman is a bad man & has no scruples. What do you expect from a man who misuses his trusted position as a tutor & has sex with his student. In an ideal world, he wouldnt be allowed to teach again and placed on the paedophile register.

So there fore she should get the money 15 years arears and 3 more years ahead and if her child stays in continued education thats an extra year.
The next time he sees an innocent gal he will not think na hin wise pass, and if she was under 16 at the time the incident happened she should still be able to sue for abuse after all , oyinbo them bring up cases of kids that were used by priest in the olden days to court .
If she gets one of those maltreated divorce precipitate women rights  lawyers, they will CNN and BBC his life to the paedophile register.

If she were oyinbo , this man for don take by now.
If she really wants to take him down , 

chaircover:

coogar I first of all said many (check hornys post) but I changed it to some because i do personaly know of a few women who treat their husbands love children very well. They accept that what is done is done and they get on with life as best they can.

i have no doubts about that. majority of the women these days would treat the love children very well.  there's no way the husband would want to be involved in the life of the love-child without getting involved with the ex and there lies the problem. . . . . .

Hot, no doubt rahman is a bad man & has no scruples. What do you expect from a man who misuses his trusted position as a tutor & has sex with his student. In an ideal world, he wouldnt be allowed to teach again and placed on the paedophile register.

rahman's only mistake was impregnating sprinkles years ago. . . . . .to blame him for not communicating with the ex and the love-child is rather harsh and unfair especially now that he's happily married with kids to another woman. the other woman will never be comfortable with rahman communicating/visiting his ex and the love child.

horny4u:

We complicate things when we bring the other woman into it, i have never met her and she did not leave anything in my house, I am a mini lioness, do you want me to tear her apart, plss o this is UK , i donot want wahala jare, and she is not welcome in my home, 

I didnot say Madam Feyi should go after crazy Rahman, there are too many obokus in the river abeg not a morally derailed man, father of pickin or not. What i am saying is that the gal his is blood and that must count in his heartless life.

you see?
there's no way rahman would be involved in the life of the love-child without involving feyishara. . . . . .
being involved is going for her pta meetings, checking up on her in school, going to feyi's house to pick the child for outings and stuffs.

do you think rahman's new wife will be comfortable with all that? hell no!
rahman has to call feyishara or send her a text before she can get to the child.

Sprinkles:

Thanks to you guys I feel better about myself now. Its good to read that loads of people can feel my worries and reflect with me. In all aspects of my life this is one issue where I lack self esteem but reading all your replies I now know I never should let this issue downgrade me again. 
Am married now with another daughter and my husband treats my first right no complains about that.

I really appreciate all your replies.

which is probably why your daughter never asks for Rahman. She already has a father-figure in her life so why are you bothered about a complete turd who violated you?

davidylan:

which is probably why your daughter never asks for Rahman. She already has a father-figure in her life so why are you bothered about a complete turd who violated you?

violated?
there was mutual consent.

coogar:

violated?
there was mutual consent.

until the child was born i guess . . . women sef. Open leg, ignore consequences, cry foul.

davidylan:

until the child was born i guess . . .  women sef. Open leg, ignore consequences, cry foul.

-naivety
-hormone rush
-rare opportunity of getting that close to a predator

in all honesty, it could have happened to anyone. the kind of [i]e[/i]rotic novels teenagers read in nigeria in the name of improving their grammar can be spine chilling. these novels set them on the edge and when the opportunity avails itself, they take it with aplomb!

Madam CC you can see why I support Fasholas new Law, children will not grow up feeling like bastards. Men like Rahaman will either man up and be responsible or be locked up somewhere, what ever he feels for Feyi is immaaterial a child is involved and d best interest of d child should be d focus

debrief08:

Madam CC you can see why I support Fasholas new Law, children will not grow up feeling like bastards. Men like Rahaman will either man up and be responsible or be locked up somewhere, what ever he feels for Feyi is immaaterial a child is involved and d best interest of d child should be d focus

oh dear, not this fluff again. She knew mr. rahman had no intention of being a part of this child's life, she knew this was an accidental pregnancy . . . the best interest of the child should have been to not have the child at all. Now that the child has been born why harass the poor dude? Shebi na you open leg born the pikin . . . nobody put a gun to your head.

Don't you think you are being unfair. Granted she was 18 years old when it happened but the man was her teacher. He took advantage of her. She could have said no of course but he was in a place of authority. He took advantage of her innocence. I am sure she probably fancied herself in love with him. Honestly it sounds from her post that she might have spent many years imagining that things will be normal. It does not sound like she is a man eater or a fast woman. She was young and made a mistake but the man really is the irresponsible one here

If the child already has an amazing father figure in her life and she's not lacking for anything. . .what then is the issue here?

Outstrip:

Don't you think you are being unfair. Granted she was 18 years old when it happened but the man was her teacher. He took advantage of her. She could have said no of course but he was in a place of authority. He took advantage of her innocence. I am sure she probably fancied herself in love with him. Honestly it sounds from her post that she might have spent many years imagining that things will be normal. It does not sound like she is a man eater or a fast woman. She was young and made a mistake but the man really is the irresponsible one here

the only unfortunate thing here is that she is bearing the burden of that mistake ALONE. I hope other "young" girls learn from this.

Outstrip:

Don't you think you are being unfair. [b]Granted she was 18 years old when it happened but the man was her teacher. He took advantage of her. She could have said no of course but he was in a place of authority. He took advantage of her innocence. [/b]I am sure she probably fancied herself in love with him. Honestly it sounds from her post that she might have spent many years imagining that things will be normal. It does not sound like she is a man eater or a fast woman. She was young and made a mistake but the man really is the irresponsible one here

18 is an adult in nigeria.
the teacher didn't take no advantage of her. they both knew the consequences of their action but still decided to press further.
they were both responsible for the pregnancy.

yes, the man abused a position of trust, knocked up his student but by the same token, the babe could have said no.
a single no would have prevented intercourse, let alone teenage pregnancy.
let's apportion blame without prejudice.

davidylan:

oh dear, not this fluff again. She knew mr. rahman had no intention of being a part of this child's life, she knew this was an accidental pregnancy . . . the best interest of the child should have been to not have the child at all. Now that the child has been born why harass the poor dude? Shebi na you open leg born the pikin . . . nobody put a gun to your head.

Noboy put a gun to his head either, she should take him for the money!

debrief08:

Madam CC you can see why I support Fasholas new Law, children will not grow up feeling like bastards. Men like Rahaman will either man up and be responsible or be locked up somewhere, what ever he feels for Feyi is immaaterial a child is involved and d best interest of d child should be d focus

I am glad there are men like you, God bless.

Sisi_Kill:

If the child already has an amazing father figure in her life and she's not lacking for anything. . .what then is the issue here?

Her biological father is not dead ! He must be held responsible. Thanks

davidylan:

the only unfortunate thing here is that she is bearing the burden of that mistake ALONE. I hope other "young" girls learn from this.

She does not have to bear it alone , the law is with her, once he starts paying CSA he will start falling in love with his kid, we love the people we sacrifice for, by the way she will then be an investment to him nd it will be a shame not be part of life, whatever sef, THE MONEY ur child's inheritance.
I agree the most important word to teach a girl child is No !!!
but its not about her now its about the kid.

coogar:

18 is an adult in nigeria.
the teacher didn't take no advantage of her. they both knew the consequences of their action but still decided to press further.
they were both responsible for the pregnancy.

yes, the man abused a position of trust, knocked up his student but by the same token, the babe could have said no.
a single no would have prevented intercourse, let alone teenage pregnancy.
let's apportion blame without prejudice.

Whether it was consent or she seduced him , who gives a bell, thats his child he should show her love and be responsible towards her or show him how a mother hen can destroy,
He will beg and no one will hear.

Sprinkles:

Thanks to you guys I feel better about myself now. Its good to read that loads of people can feel my worries and reflect with me. In all aspects of my life this is one issue where I lack self esteem but reading all your replies I now know I never should let this issue downgrade me again. 
Am married now with another daughter and my husband treats my first right no complains about that.

I really appreciate all your replies.

You were young and were taken advantage of by someone really bad. You didnot do anything so wrong, forgive yourself and restore your self esteem so he hs no dark cloud over your life, you laughed last you got a beautiful daughter who loves you and you love and a hubby who loves your daughter. I am happy for you, be grateful your life turned out right.
As for Rahman : go get your child's inheritance . The law cannot force him to love your baby becos it should come natural to a normal human being, but the law can get your daughter house or fab tuition and trust me its hers with love from bas,tard daddy.

horny4u:

Noboy put a gun to his head either, she should take him for the money!

She does not have to bear it alone , the law is with her, once he starts paying CSA he will start falling in love with his kid, we love the people we sacrifice for, by the way she will then be an investment to him nd it will be a shame not be part of life, whatever sef, THE MONEY your child's inheritance.

She wont get a dime. Many of you are too enamored by living abroad that you think the white man can now move mountains with his finger. they live in two separate nations . . . how do you think the dude is going to be served his court summons? What if he chooses not to show up for court? Who is going to arrest him? Interpol?

To answer the thread title.

Current Section: Duhaime.org » Legal Dictionary
Dictionary Search
*
*


Bastard Definition:
An illegitimate child, born in a relationship between two persons that are not married (ie. not in wedlock) or who are not married at the time of the child’s birth.

http://www.duhaime.org/LegalDictionary/B/Bastard.aspx



adjective
[attributive]

*
1[b] derogatory born of parents not married to each other; illegitimate:a bastard child
[/b]
http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/bastard



bastard noun ( CHILD )
Click to hear the UK pronunciation of this wordClick to hear the US pronunciation of this word/ˈbɑː.stəd//ˈbæs.tɚd/ n [C]
Definition
a person born to parents who are not married to each other; an illegitimate child
He was born in 1798, the bastard son of a country squire and his mistress.
(Definition of bastard noun (CHILD) from the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary & Thesaurus © Cambridge University Press)

debrief08:

Madam CC you can see why I support Fasholas new Law, children will not grow up feeling like bastards. Men like Rahaman will either man up and be responsible or be locked up somewhere, what ever he feels for Feyi is immaaterial a child is involved and d best interest of d child should be d focus

This is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Do you really believe this? In Nigeria?

coogar:

-naivety
-hormone rush
-rare opportunity of getting that close to a predator

in all honesty, it could have happened to anyone. the kind of Intimate novels teenagers read in nigeria in the name of improving their grammar can be spine chilling. these novels set them on the edge and when the opportunity avails itself, they take it with aplomb!

Parents take note!

Johndoe100:

To answer the thread title.

Current Section: Duhaime.org » Legal Dictionary
Dictionary Search
*
*


Bastard Definition:
An illegitimate child, born in a relationship between two persons that are not married (ie. not in wedlock) or who are not married at the time of the child’s birth.

http://www.duhaime.org/LegalDictionary/B/Bastard.aspx



adjective
[attributive]

*
1[b] derogatory born of parents not married to each other; illegitimate:a bastard child
[/b]
http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/bastard



bastard noun ( CHILD )
Click to hear the UK pronunciation of this wordClick to hear the US pronunciation of this word/ˈbɑː.stəd//ˈbæs.tɚd/ n [C]
Definition
a person born to parents who are not married to each other; an illegitimate child
He was born in 1798, the bastard son of a country squire and his mistress.
(Definition of bastard noun (CHILD) from the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary & Thesaurus © Cambridge University Press)




This is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Do you really believe this? In Nigeria?

Ah Johndoe100, even if your post addresses the title of the thread, as was said earlier, Nigerians do not define "bastard" by its actual meaning.

Hello dear, pls accept everything in good faith.  I also 've a love child but I don't bother contacting the father at all neither do I furnished him with how d son is doing, to me it's irrelevant.  If he cares about the son he shd be the one calling and not me.

Let's go of the past and continue your life, as long as am concern Rahman is not a man and not worth to be called a father.  I pray God will continue to bless and lift u for u to cater for your daughter the more.

By calling him u make him feel important. No this one thing that there's no evil any one commits that he/she goes scot free. When another man will do it to his daughter dat's when he'll come to his senses.

Confilass:

Hello dear, pls accept everything in good faith.  I also 've a love child but I don't bother contacting the father at all neither do I furnished him with how d son is doing, to me it's irrelevant.  If he cares about the son he shd be the one calling and not me.

Let's go of the past and continue your life, as long as am concern Rahman is not a man and not worth to be called a father.  I pray God will continue to bless and lift u for u to cater for your daughter the more.

By calling him u make him feel important.

I'm sorry but when you were opening leg he was a man abi? And when you were pushing the baby out you knew he was conceived by a father abi?
Hindsight indeed is 20/20.

your girl aint no bastard, reassure her of this.
Fill her in with what happened btw u and her dad.

@ davidylan if he's man enough he ought to take care of his daughter period. For ur info it's not all dat's on trouser with joystick dat's a man. If time was on my side I would 've told u of life story of a man, Thanks, too busy to engage in dis gist with u.

Confilass:

@ davidylan if he's man enough he ought to take care of his daughter period. For your info it's not all dat's on trouser with joystick dat's a man. If time was on my side I would 've told u of life story of a man, Thanks, too busy to engage in dis gist with u.

he's man enough - he is a father and a husband to another family.
that he is not communicating with his daughter does not rob his manhood. women are hypocrites.

i am sure if this man is your husband, you would deny him from communicating with his ex and the love-child.
on the other hand, you would say he's not man enough.

Confilass:

@ davidylan if he's man enough he ought to take care of his daughter period. For your info it's not all dat's on trouser with joystick dat's a man. If time was on my side I would 've told u of life story of a man, Thanks, too busy to engage in dis gist with u.

and when you were enjoying this joystick, without protection by the way, you didnt know not everyone who wields one is a man?
The child wont blame his/her father alone when that time comes. Take your own share of the fault.

Like coogar said, if this man were your husband would you be so quick as to tell him to go take care of his love-child? Afterall that child came way before your own. If the man were to die would you be ok with the other child being the first born with regard to his father's inheritance?
Wind don blow, we don see fowl yansh.

There is no need to beat around the bush; the child is a bastard but the mom does not have to drum it into her brain.

otokx:

There is no need to beat around the bush; the child is a bastard but the mom does not have to drum it into her brain.

with all humility, you are a Arrow!

Davidylan you are too passionate about this

Where you a love child yourself or Illegitimate

Look, its not the end of the world when people make bad mistakes

What distinguishes a winner is the ability to bounce back and straighten what they didnt make right.

By killing / or aborting a child - how are you solving the problem, all you are doing is changing its state -
Water, vapour, steam, ice - its all water - and by melting the ice, and boiling it - does not mean you get rid of it.
It just becomes a cloud, then rain and the cylce continues over and over and over again.

In life (unfortunatley) you have to leave room for failure - failing well is a skill that not many have achieved
hence suicide, depression whatever.
You can not decide to end the life of a kid just because it was your mistake. You must feel the pain
(and TRUST me you will) (People who have had abortions - many of them never get rest) of your mistake.

In closing, you can not choose to end or keep a life. God in his bigness always straightens things out, and even
if it llooks bad now - how do you know that that child, may be the only one with a matching kidney should her father need it.

The purposes of God are sometimes not clear off the batt - but He has his hand in EVERY area of your life. [b][/b]Forgive yourself, move on - and thank Him in advance for a miracle!

-

@ Poster



Sometimes God sends angels ahead, and you never know who's angel this kid will be.

In many cases, "illegitimate" kids have ended down the road saving the lives of the very people that rejected them!

Read the book of Genesis where at the end, Joseph said

"Dont be angry at the bad you did to me - now i see that God intended or sent me ahead to save our lives"

KNOW YOUR GOD - DO YOU REALLY KNOW HIM!If you do, this ones' childs play

OgaMadam:

Davidylan you are too passionate about this

Where you a love child yourself or Illegitimate

Look, its not the end of the world when people make bad mistakes

What distinguishes a winner is the ability to bounce back and straighten what they didnt make right.

By killing / or aborting a child - how are you solving the problem, all you are doing is changing its state -
Water, vapour, steam, ice - its all water - and by melting the ice, and boiling it - does not mean you get rid of it.
It just becomes a cloud, then rain and the cylce continues over and over and over again.

In life (unfortunatley) you have to leave room for failure - failing well is a skill that not many have achieved
hence suicide, depression whatever.
You can not decide to end the life of a kid just because it was your mistake. You must feel the pain
(and TRUST me you will) (People who have had abortions - many of them never get rest) of your mistake.

In closing, you can not choose to end or keep a life. God in his bigness always straightens things out, and even
if it llooks bad now - how do you know that that child, may be the only one with a matching kidney should her father need it.

The purposes of God are sometimes not clear off the batt - but He has his hand in EVERY area of your life. [b][/b]Forgive yourself, move on - and thank Him in advance for a miracle!

-

Neither. Thank God for parents who knew what it meant to be responsible.
Lets be frank here . . . breaking a plate = mistake; illegitimate child = irresponsible behaviour. Both are not the same.

I myself was also an "illegitimate kid" or "bastard"  whatever you wanna call it.

But i never grew up with that lable - to me, i just never let it land on my head. My father last saw me when i was 3.  

At 23 (Yes Davidylan - instinctively you will look for your bio dad - by the way i had a step dad but there was a hole there)

i looked for him myself at 23 and still to this day i was always the chaser.  

I am greatful for who i am today, my losses have somehow contributed to who i am today.  And i embrace the good and the bad.  I couldnt be more greatful.

Today i hold a masters in Accounting and Finance, i am a CA practicing in one of the biggest hotel chains ever!  how God is so good - if we just believe.  He has a purpose for you!!!!  

Peace out am out.

OgaMadam:

I myself was also an "illegitimate kid" or "bastard"  whatever you wanna call it.

But i never grew up with that lable - to me, i just never let it land on my head. My father last saw me when i was 3.  

At 23 (Yes Davidylan - instinctively you will look for your bio dad - by the way i had a step dad but there was a hole there)

i looked for him myself at 23 and still to this day i was always the chaser.  

I am greatful for who i am today, my losses have somehow contributed to who i am today.  And i embrace the good and the bad.  I couldnt be more greatful.

Today i hold a masters in Accounting and Finance, i am a CA practicing in one of the biggest hotel chains ever!  how God is so good - if we just believe.  He has a purpose for you!!!!  

Peace out am out.

what criteria make a child illegitimate?

Ok,

Thank God for the family that you came from.

But the reality we live in today bears this unfortunate reality.

You are obviously better and higher than most of us lower species.

But that privelige should never give you the platform / pride to sentence (in your holier than thou court) unfortunate ones to a dark future

(and by so doing making yourself higher and mightier than them)

my two cents