@davidylan

what criteria make a child illegitimate?


the dictionary def that someone so kindly posted here

"born to unmarried parents" etc

OgaMadam:

the dictionary def that someone so kindly posted here

"born to unmarried parents" etc

oh dear. . . . .

So David by ur analysis, Jesus Christ should ve been aborted. He was concieved out of wedluck after all. If Jesus was concieved in dis generation a lot of you would ve called Mary Ashewo and Joseph a Mugu

The fact of the matter is, how does Feyi want her child to be identified? By the failure of a Dad or by becoming a well-rounded person?

By all means let her daughter search for her Dad if she wants to, and let her contact him if she wants to but the mother should stay out of it. Personally I would not be calling him and telling him about his child as he is obviously not interested.

@ Confilass, the dangly thing between their legs usually defines them as the male of the species But it doesn't mean they'll be responsible fathers.

debrief08:

So David by your analysis, Jesus Christ should ve been aborted. He was concieved out of wedluck after all. If Jesus was concieved in dis generation a lot of you would ve called Mary Ashewo and Joseph a Mugu

matthew 1:18-19.

debrief

in his generation they wanted to kill him! like how they stone people in India and stuff

@davidylan & Coogar, when u're talking about issues do know are u address it. Once in my life, I had said I'll be d last to carry a child out of wedlock but when it happens, I couldn't help the situation. If it was moni I had it to abort, even a professional in dat field had warn me and so I had no other options. So talk less.

@OgaMadam, thanks for ur encouragement, it's only dos who wears the shoes dat knows how he/she feels.

N101 thanks I appreciate.

@davidylan & Coogar, I'll still inform u I don't contact and won't do. How for God's sake will u disturb one dat knows the baby is his blood on how d child is fairing. It's pure waste of time, do u tell him to eat when he's hungry. One thing is sure, the evil dat men do live with them, sure.

Most times, they claim God forgives but I wan't to ask a question "did God not forgives Moses"? but yet did he entered the promise land. Apart from Moses own 've seen it life with a man dat caught a lady pregnant didn't care if they were alive or not. My point is, it's not by force u ppl are married no matter the differences or what transpired btw u both, take care of ur child.

It get me piece off when u're talking about the woman he's married to, is she not aware she had a child b4 marrying him. What are we saying here? Let's do unto others, what we would 've love others to do unto us.

a woman who really loves a man,

will treat his flesh and blood with respect

cause she knows that loving his kid is loving him too

I like a woman on this forum who took her husbands love child and treated it like her own

No doubt she kept her marriage nice and fresh!

@OgaMadam we're on d same page.  The problem with us is, we like pretends too much.  How can they be telling me dat the woman decides for the man, is she now d head.  Let's face what is on ground, he had a love child, does he want to kill d child because he's married. 

've been on-line 2day for davidylan to talk, I was very busy yest.  When I said the man is not man enough, if he's, he'll know dat is 1st blood matters also in his life.  If u didn't take care of the 1st do u think others will turn out well for u.  God is not man.

My bro. has a love-child, now married but pays his school fees.  How can u bring a child to the world and because u're not with d mother u deny him/her dat fatherly love and yet tell me stories.

A wise woman will want to cater for dat baby as long as is the husband's blood. We're so concern about inheriting from the father, can't he/she get his/her own, for God's sake let's come out of this bondage. What about if the man had nothing.

so beautiful

Confilass:

@OgaMadam we're on d same page.  The problem with us is, we like pretends too much.  How can they be telling me dat the woman decides for the man, is she now d head.  Let's face what is on ground, he had a love child, does he want to kill d child because he's married. 

've been on-line 2day for davidylan to talk, I was very busy yest.  When I said the man is not man enough, if he's, he'll know dat is 1st blood matters also in his life.  If u didn't take care of the 1st do u think others will turn out well for u.  God is not man.

My bro. has a love-child, now married but pays his school fees.  How can u bring a child to the world and because u're not with d mother u deny him/her dat fatherly love and yet tell me stories.

A wise woman will want to cater for dat baby as long as is the husband's blood.  We're so concern about inheriting from the father, can't he/she get his/her own, for God's sake let's come out of this bondage.  What about if the man had nothing.  

Don't allow Davidlyan get to you (He is a spoilt little boy trapped in the body of a man). I thought you were going to make yourself happy and stop worrying. Your child's father is irresponsible- just accept it. No matter how hard you try, he will not change. So try to be happy and be at peace with yourself.

@ Oga Madam, thanks so much, I appreciate u.

@ Maclatunji, thx. Though I am not Sprinkles, I just joined the train by giving her my own experience. My own son's father is irresponsible but to an extent, he had taken me to Ministry of Justice (to cater for d son) several times but we didn't come to a compromise. I believe they'll both sort it out. Mind is to continue my life full stop. God will bless me to pay my son's school fees and other things etc.

maclatunji:

Don't allow Davidlyan get to you (He is a spoilt little boy trapped in the body of a man). I thought you were going to make yourself happy and stop worrying. Your child's father is irresponsible- just accept it. No matter how hard you try, he will not change. So try to be happy and be at peace with yourself.

daft. Obviously this comment has nothing to do with this thread but more to do with the exposition of your own poor scholarship of the dreadful cult of islam. Save the issues for the islamic section dude. have you read Surah 19:71-72 yet? You're going to hell maclatunji.

Confilass:

Most times, they claim God forgives but I wan't to ask a question "did God not forgives Moses"? but yet did he entered the promise land.  Apart from Moses own 've seen it life with a man dat caught a lady pregnant didn't care if they were alive or not.  My point is, it's not by force u ppl are married no matter the differences or what transpired btw u both, take care of your child.

But we both know a child thrives better in a two-parent environment right? You should have thought about that first before opening your legs . . . sorry i cant be sympathetic here. Too many women think just because they chose not to give up the child for adoption that they are doing the right thing.

Confilass:

It get me piece off when u're talking about the woman he's married to, is she not aware she had a child b4 marrying him.  What are we saying here? Let's do unto others, what we would 've love others to do unto us.

you must be joking. Put yourself in the other woman's shoes for once. Would you be ok that an illegitimate son is gets the lions share of your husband's inheritance before your own son?

^^^ Need I say more.

@ davidylan But we both know a child thrives better in a two-parent environment right? You should have thought about that first before opening your legs . . . sorry i cant be sympathetic here. Too many women think just because they chose not to give up the child for adoption that they are doing the right thing.

Yes I know a child thrives beta with both parent, am from a home like dat. Thou holier than thou, can u vow u've neva slept with a lady, get her pregnant and ask her to abort.  What if the impossible happens in dis case, u'll kill both of dem in order to get married to a woman of your choice.


@ davidylan[b]you must be joking. Put yourself in the other woman's shoes for once. Would you be ok that an illegitimate son is gets the lions share of your husband's inheritance before your own son?  [/b]

Did she not know dat the man had a son b4 going into the marriage. Anywhere, l'll be the only lady dat will tell my son to wait for d father's inheritance.  What if the man was not rich?  The Bible says "we ought to be far more beta than our parents".  From all indications, u're a lazy man dat's waiting for your dad's inheritance.  For God's sake get urs.  My son will be greater than his father 1m times.

Are u a naija man? That's what brings killing in a family.

Confilass (go gurl)


Davidylan (that you are a logical practical clear thinker is great - but life has no black and white)

And God forbid you fall into a place where non of your logical reasoning can pull you out.

Maybe David has a step brother and it has been hammered into Davids head dat his step brother will take over daddys inheritance. Thank you Fashola

@ topic

According to the dictionary definition, she's a bastard by being born out of wedlock.

That's just a descriptive term though, it doesn't mean she is a bad person or an unworthy person.

Confilass:

It get me piece off when u're talking about the woman he's married to, is she not aware she had a child b4 marrying him. What are we saying here? Let's do unto others, what we would 've love others to do unto us.

It seems to me that the woman likely does NOT know he had a child before marrying the man. Even if she knew, the child's FATHER is not interested in being part of his daughter's life, so that renders the whole thing irrelevant.

Illegitimate children have caused untold damage to many marriages, so I don't blame any woman who doesn't want her own children to suffer or to be neglected because of other kids outside.

It is the man's prerogative to do the right thing - if he doesn't, don't blame the wife.

Confilass:

@davidylan & Coogar, when u're talking about issues do know are u address it.  Once in my life, I had said I'll be d last to carry a child out of wedlock but when it happens, I couldn't help the situation.  If it was moni I had it to abort, even a professional in dat field had warn me and so I had no other options.  So talk less.

where did i ever say you should abort your baby or whatever?

@davidylan & Coogar, I'll still inform u I don't contact and won't do.  How for God's sake will u disturb one dat knows the baby is his blood on how d child is fairing.  It's pure waste of time, do u tell him to eat when he's hungry.  One thing is sure, the evil dat men do live with them, sure.

contact who? i really don't understand you.
you just put my name in your post and i cannot remember having this discussion with you at any time in this thread.

It get me piece off when u're talking about the woman he's married to, is she not aware she had a child b4 marrying him. What are we saying here? Let's do unto others, what we would 've love others to do unto us.

how many married women are that reasonable?

no woman would allow her husband visit her ex in the name of seeing his love-child. especially nigerian women.
you people are so insecure and you don't even trust your husbands anyways. every effort would be blocked off cos you are 100% certain the husband and his ex might rekindle their love once communication becomes regular.

the men who even force themselves to see their love-children get taken advantage of. i know a colleague in this mess as we speak. he had a child in his university days and he does everything for her. weekend outings, picnics, etc. sometime last year, he got married to another woman and the moment he got married, his babymama went into craze mode. she calls him in the middle of the night to tell him his daughter is running temperature and the father should leave his house and see his daughter. the new wife is starting to feel uncomfortable with the constant calls, etc.

a man cannot serve 2 wives. he either sticks with the ex/lovechild camp or he sticks with his new wife. otherwise, there will be problems.
nigerian women don't understand balancing. they want it all. it's all or nothing for them.
in that wise, i cannot blame rahman for completely ignoring his ex and the love-child. he must protect his marriage. it might sound sad or unfair, but one man's laughter is another man's tears.

the world has never been fair - let's deal with it.

@ Coogar, it's OK.

@ davidylan, I want to let u know dat when ppl post things it's not for u to condemned the person, fine, d deed has been done but rather good caution and advised. I know of several things I've posted here and ppl's advised help me to sail through it. U're not God neither the person's judge. Thank you.

@ Oga Madam, God has a way of designing ppl's destiny. The Bible says "it's not of he dat runneth but God showeth mercy".

debrief08:

Maybe David has a step brother and it has been hammered into Davids head dat his step brother will take over daddys inheritance. Thank you Fashola

i have 2 perfectly legitimate brothers, next?
Too bad we've devolved to a point where we now rationalise punishing innocent children for the failures of those who mistakenly call themselves parents.
Only women under the condition of r[i]a[/i]pe have an excuse here.

Confilass:

@ Coogar, it's OK.

@ davidylan, I want to let u know dat when ppl post things it's not for u to condemned the person, fine, d deed has been done but rather good caution and advised. I know of several things I've posted here and ppl's advised help me to sail through it. U're not God neither the person's judge. Thank you.

@ Oga Madam, God has a way of designing ppl's destiny. The Bible says "it's not of he dat runneth but God showeth mercy".

What you need is sound advice on how to raise your child, not coming here to berate her father. You were just as much at fault!

^^

While the woman is equally at fault for the conception of the child (except in r[i]a[/i]pe), the father equally has a responsibility for raising that child. If the father does not carry responsibility, he deserves to be berated, regardless of marital status with the child's mother.

Even if the father did not agree with the woman's decision to keep the child, he cannot relinquish his parental responsibilities for the child. The fact remains that if he didn't sleep with her in the first place the child wouldn't have been conceived.

debosky:

^^

While the woman is equally at fault for the conception of the child (except in r[i]a[/i]pe), the father equally has a responsibility for raising that child. If the father does not carry responsibility, he deserves to be berated, regardless of marital status with the child's mother.

Even if the father did not agree with the woman's decision to keep the child, he cannot relinquish his parental responsibilities for the child. The fact remains that if he didn't sleep with her in the first place the child wouldn't have been conceived.

Of course and i am interested in making sure the father gets his share of the blame. But to constantly cast him here as one villain when he obviously didnt force his way on these women is totally unfair. These women knew the consequences of unwanted pregnancies and they were fully aware they were dealing with men who had no intention of parenting their child.

debosky:

^^

While the woman is equally at fault for the conception of the child (except in r[i]a[/i]pe), the father equally has a responsibility for raising that child. If the father does not carry responsibility, he deserves to be berated, regardless of marital status with the child's mother.

Even if the father did not agree with the woman's decision to keep the child, he cannot relinquish his parental responsibilities for the child. The fact remains that if he didn't sleep with her in the first place the child wouldn't have been conceived.

the fact remains he got an approval before penetration.
a single no could have prevented conception. do you know the number of times conception have been prevented by women with strong will? that a man wants to sleep with a woman precedes the woman's approval. her approval is the ultimate action so women should be held more responsible!

davidylan:

Of course and i am interested in making sure the father gets his share of the blame. But to constantly cast him here as one villain when he obviously didnt force his way on these women is totally unfair. These women knew the consequences of unwanted pregnancies and they were fully aware they were dealing with men who had no intention of parenting their child.

Anyone who fathers a child has the responsibility of parenting a child. You can never exculpate a man from that in any circumstance., even if he 'had no intention of parenting their child.' It's not the 'intention' that bestows responsibility, it's the fact that your little soldiers fertilised the egg and led to the pregnancy.

Besides any man who sleeps with a woman with such an intent deserves to be villified - especially if he doesn't take precautions to avoid pregnancy.

coogar:

the fact remains he got an approval before penetration.
a single no could have prevented conception. do you know the number of times conception have been prevented by women with strong will? that a man wants to sleep with a woman precedes the woman's approval. her approval is the ultimate action so women should be held more responsible!

They are both equally responsible - sure she bears the brunt of it through pregnancy and childcare, but it is still a joint decision to copulate.

debosky:

They are both equally responsible - sure she bears the brunt of it through pregnancy and childcare, but it is still a joint decision to Reproduce.

you are so thick!
the sleeping together then was meant to be fun and pleasure. she didn't mean to get herself impregnated!
it's the woman's duties to see to the effects of the foreign bodies deposited in her and it was also her approval that led to the action in the first place.

ummm . . .

coogar:

you are so thick!
the sleeping together then was meant to be fun and pleasure. she didn't mean to get herself impregnated!
it's the woman's duties to see to the effects of the foreign bodies deposited in her   and it was also her approval that led to the action in the first place. really?

aha  .

debosky:

Anyone who fathers a child has the responsibility of parenting a child.

any mother has the responsibility of ensuring only the best and most responsible mate should father her child. If you dont open your legs no one can artificially inseminate you.

davidylan:

any mother has the responsibility of ensuring only the best and most responsible mate should father her child. If you dont open your legs no one can artificially inseminate you.

a fact that eludes debosky!

davidylan:

any mother has the responsibility of ensuring only the best and most responsible mate should father her child. If you dont open your legs no one can artificially inseminate you.

This applies equally to the man as well - any father has the responsibility of ensuring only the best and most responsible mate should bear his children. If you don't insert your p[i]e[/i]nis, your spermatozoa will not jump out of your pants and inseminate anyone.

coogar:

you are so thick!
the sleeping together then was meant to be fun and pleasure. she didn't mean to get herself impregnated!
it's the woman's duties to see to the effects of the foreign bodies deposited in her and it was also her approval that led to the action in the first place.

Unless you are talking about Cougar reproduction, human females cannot impregnate themselves. Stick to discussing cougar reproduction will ya?