This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer.

I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.

This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.


Whats your thought?

Na the reason of getting married.

Skyview01:
■ This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer. I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant. If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church. Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.
This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages. Whats your thought?

Herd-mentality at work!

This issue should be put into consideration

Not only in Nigeria

After marriage what next?

olasaad:
Not only in Nigeria

Its prevalent in Nigeria though and i see couple suffering without challenging this mentality. Child birth is treated like some form of competition. I must confess i was a victim of such mentality myself after my marriage and paid dearly for it.

Skyview01:
This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer.

I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.

This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.


Whats your thought?

so are u expecting people to go for family planning after wedding abi or u still want them to b using condom after marriage?

cenaman:
After marriage what next?

Divorce.

Godwin4444:
so are u expecting people to go for family planning after wedding abi or u still want them to b using condom after marriage?

Family planning after wedding is the rational thing to do to save up and prepare for the future and arrival of children and for the couple to give maximum attention to explore all the hidden ridges and contours of each other's bodies. lol

If they don't give birth to children, some will say the man is infertile while others will say the woman has damaged her womb due to numerous abortion.

Caramia2020:
If they don't give birth to children, some will say the man is infertile while others will say the woman has damaged her womb due to numerous abortion.

Why put so much stock into what outsiders think when it is your marriage and not theirs?

..

Ruke1989:
I wed my wife march 2021, just got her pregnant around April 2022. She was abandoned in school by her dad. I had to pay up all her fees in October 2021. She couldn't get a job with RN alone, many govt hospitals demanded a post basic nursing certificate. So I had to pay up all her fees for 200L and 300L, pay for her clearance to enable her get the certificate and proceed on a one year course in October 2021. She finished the program in November 2022. You see, her colleagues were expecting pregnancy all through but we decided to wait till end of her program. As soon as she finished job came in another location so we didn't stay together. She began to say hurtful words like you should have impregnated me while in school o, we are not barren in my family o. I told her listen, my family too has no history of barrenness. You said you didn't want pregnancy while in school so you can focus. I waited and we have not really had sex around your ovulation time so why all these regrets? She said you are a man and should have overide my words by going ahead to have sex with me at that time. Now she was stylishly trying to tell me I am barren. But as God will have it, I was on leave then and spent the entire month together unlike previously that we barely had any month together. She took in after that conversation. It however affected my next plan. I had enrolled her for IELTS because my target was for us to raise money, pass a nursing exam and emigrate to the UK within first two years of marriage before having children. After she took in she was unable to focus for the exam.
■ Women need to be cautioned and handled toughly because they tend to lack foresight and always becloud reasoning with emotions

Still the same problem of herd-mentality!

Women should be cautioned and handled while you are instead the one who fell into the trap that is herd-mentality.

Caramia2020:
If they don't give birth to children, some will say the man is infertile while others will say the woman has damaged her womb due to numerous abortion.

That is the big problem. We don't have to listen to what others might say in order to make important decisions

In Africa starting and having one's own family is 85% the reason we do get married and that is how God want it and instructed us to do

There is nothing bad at all if a newly married couples start having babies same year of their marriage. Even in Africa we re slow in having babies ..come to the Europe or go to America see couples getting married at the age of middle 20s or late 20s and start having babies asap .. Seeing parents 35 yrs old and their first child 17 or 18 yrs old . its so good to be done with giving birth to children before u get to 35yrs - 37yrs old ..

I see many men giving birth to his first child at 49-52 years even some at 55yrs ..and that is hell of a stress and not good at all how many years left for him on earth to take care of his child/children

Henrikjay:
In Africa starting and having one's own family is 85% the reason we do get married and that is how God want it and instructed us to do

There is nothing bad at all if a newly married couples start having babies same year of their marriage. Even in Africa we re slow in having babies ..come to the Europe or go to America see couples getting married at the age of middle 20s or late 20s and start having babies asap .. Seeing parents 35 yrs old and their first child 17 or 18 yrs old . its so good to be done with giving birth to children before u get to 35yrs - 37yrs old ..

I see many men giving birth to his first child at 49-52 years even some at 55yrs ..and that is hell of a stress and not good at all how many years left for him on earth to take care of his child/children

That is why so many are suffering in Nigeria and Africa today. So many couple are living hell on earth today because of this simple reason. Does God want us to suffer too! delaying childbirth does not mean not having them. God will not make decisions for us that is why he gave us big heads.

Henrikjay:
In Africa starting and having one's own family is 85% the reason we do get married and that is how God want it and instructed us to do

You mean your African God? Which one?

Kobojunkie:
You mean your African God? Which one?

Good question!

I am sick and tired of people using God as an excuse for their lack of planning and failures. We have to seriously change.

The greatest miracle in this world is our brain, it can do wonders when put to proper use.

Skyview01:


Family planning after wedding is the rational thing to do to save up and prepare for the future and arrival of children and for the couple to give maximum attention to explore all the hidden ridges and contours of each other's bodies. lol

If you are not ready yet for children, why rush into marriage??

Marriages or raising a one's family re for those that re financially okey/stable and fully independent and matured in reason and so ready responsibilities .. Not for those that borrowed money to get married and still find how to eat twice a day.. Many Nigerians/Africans rush into marriages why they re very very still fully dependant that is why many of them re suffering and will continue to suffer cause marriage if not for everyone

Skyview01:


That is why so many are suffering in Nigeria and Africa today. So many couple are living hell on earth today because of this simple reason. Does God want us to suffer too! delaying childbirth does not mean not having them. God will not make decisions for us that is why he gave us big heads.

Skyview01:
This is a big question I try to wrap my head around and not getting any answer.

I see a lot of couple stressed out financially after marriage and within six month, the wife is pregnant.

If the wife is not pregnant after six months, the parents are worried if something is wrong with the woman or the man and the couple start getting strange stares from the pastor and members of the church.

Why not have a three year family planning immediately after the wedding, this has lots of advantage, first the couple is able to recover from the wedding, secondly, they are able to save and prepare for the arrival of babies, also they are able to enjoy each other before the babies.

This is a wrong aspect of our culture i would like to see changed in our society and its affecting marriages.


Whats your thought?

You missed the most important detail.

Why must the couple recover from the wedding?

Did they borrow money from world bank?

People should not spend above their means on wedding so they won't need to recover.

Solsix:

If you are not ready yet for children, why rush into marriage??

Wrong mindset my friend, marriages should not be 100% about children and until we change our mindsets, even God cannot save us from being the poverty capital of the world. Two people needs to plan and understand each others first before having kids.

Having kids without a means to provide for them should be criminalized in Nigeria. Been married more than 16 years with teenage children and talk from experience and seek to guide young couples into having a happy and prosperous marriage.

You can live a hell or heaven on earth and it will be your choice to plan carefully for your kids and marriage. Even the kids will be thankful to you in future.

jmoore:


You missed the most important.

Why must the couple recover from the wedding?

Did they borrow money from world bank?

I see a lot of people who deplete their savings for a wedding. Traditional, court and church weddings. The main point is both of you have to carefully plan before having kids. The delay may not be up to four years. I am seeking to change our mentalities and encourage planning and personal responsibilities.

Skyview01:


I see a lot of people who deplete their savings for a wedding. Traditional, court and church weddings. The main point is both of you have to carefully plan before having kids. The delay may not be up to four years. I am seeking to change our mentalities and encourage planning and personal responsibilities.

If they are not ready financially to take care of one baby, they should forget about marriage.

Anyone not financially ready to have kids should not even have sex. Sex is what leads to pregnancy.

Pregnancy is even for 9 months. Only a financial illiterate will spend so much on the wedding to the extent that 9 months he can't recover his wedding expenses.

Skyview01:


Wrong mindset my friend, marriages should not be 100% about children and until we change our mindsets, even God cannot save us from being the poverty capital of the world. Two people needs to plan and understand each others first before having kids.

Having kids without a means to provide for them should be criminalized in Nigeria. Been married more than 16 years with teenage children and talk from experience and seek to guide young couples into having a happy and prosperous marriage.

You can live a hell or heaven on earth and it will be your choice to plan carefully for your kids and marriage. Even the kids will be thankful to you in future.

Nah you wey get wrong mindset. You go person house carry Thier daughter did trad and probably white wedding and you come home to tell your wife, your inlaw and well wishers who graced your occasion that u are not ready for children. Why not stay and live your life the way you want? We are Africans no be everything wey Oyibo do we go copy.

Ruke1989:
I wed my wife march 2021, just got her pregnant around April 2022. She was abandoned in school by her dad. I had to pay up all her fees in October 2021. She couldn't get a job with RN alone, many govt hospitals demanded a post basic nursing certificate. So I had to pay up all her fees for 200L and 300L, pay for her clearance to enable her get the certificate and proceed on a one year course in October 2021. She finished the program in November 2022. You see, her colleagues were expecting pregnancy all through but we decided to wait till end of her program. As soon as she finished job came in another location so we didn't stay together. She began to say hurtful words like you should have impregnated me while in school o, we are not barren in my family o. I told her listen, my family too has no history of barrenness. You said you didn't want pregnancy while in school so you can focus. I waited and we have not really had sex around your ovulation time so why all these regrets? She said you are a man and should have overide my words by going ahead to have sex with me at that time. Now she was stylishly trying to tell me I am barren. But as God will have it, I was on leave then and spent the entire month together unlike previously that we barely had any month together. She took in after that conversation. It however affected my next plan. I had enrolled her for IELTS because my target was for us to raise money, pass a nursing exam and emigrate to the UK within first two years of marriage before having children. After she took in she was unable to focus for the exam. Women need to be cautioned and handled toughly because they tend to lack foresight and always becloud reasoning with emotions hence becoming a clog in the wheel of progress. I have spent much on her but wanted two years to upgrade her education, get a job and save small to recoup money spent on her school and marriage or to save just little more for traveling, then travel out within two years. But when she started reasoning otherwise I have to give her the belle before she become something else or start looking for what is not missing from another man. Women don't use their sense when they meet a sensible man, they spoil plans with emotions emotions

The same girl you broke up with ?

.

Solsix:

Nah you wey get wrong mindset. You go person house carry Thier daughter did trad and probably white wedding and you come home to tell your wife, your inlaw and well wishers who graced your occasion that u are not ready for children. Why not stay and live your life the way you want? We are Africans no be everything wey Oyibo do we go copy.

Are you married? do you have kids?

.

Solsix:
■ Nah you wey get wrong mindset. You go person house carry Thier daughter did trad and probably white wedding and you come home to tell your wife, your inlaw and well wishers who graced your occasion that u are not ready for children. Why not stay and live your life the way you want? We are Africans no be everything wey Oyibo do we go copy.

commonsense na oyinbo-only property?