Maybe there's more to the story.

BTW where did divorce his wife come from? when did I tell him to divorce his wife for it to even enter your head? unbelievable you people are

This seems like a call for attention. OP, do you spend enough time with your family? There are people like you who are superman to everyone else but their families. My father was one of these. . Money is not always the answer, your family also need your presence. Even if it is that you take vacations together, and spend as much time as possible doing family activities. No matter how much money you give, it will never be enough. Sit down with your wife and communicate. Somehow i think a lot of issues have been swept under the rug with your busy schedule, and this bad character is a response.  . This person is obviously trying to get your attention in the most destructive manner possible. Call her family and tell them that she has moved out of her home. If she intends to stay out permanently, she should vacate your house she is living in. Hopefully this does not backfire, but you have to put your foot down.

jennykadry:

Lol I did not insult you when I used the word ''Wise'', guess it came out wrongly and I apologise

All the man needs to do is very simple: Show her who the man of the house is.

That is fine, apology accepted.

jennykadry:

BTW where did divorce his wife come from? when have I told him to divorce his wife for it to even enter your head? unbelievable you people are

Nope, you did not say anything divorce, was wondering if that would be your next advice>>>>>>
The man loves his wife, and he has to tread with caution in a matter like this, he has the kind of woman that would twist any good thing he does. Some people naturally know how to table matter that would suit them and have everyone pity them. I bet if the wife comes here on nairaland to say otherwise, everbody will open eyes.

2mch:

This seems like a call for attention. OP, do you spend enough time with your family? There are people like you who are superman to everyone else but their families. My father was one of these. . Money is not always the answer, your family also need your presence. Even if it is that you take vacations together, and spend as much time as possible doing family activities. No matter how much money you give, it will never be enough. Sit down with your wife and communicate. Somehow i think a lot of issues have been swept under the rug with your busy schedule, and this bad character is a response. . This person is obviously trying to get your attention in the most destructive manner possible. Call her family and tell them that she has moved out of her home. If she intends to stay out permanently, she should vacate the house. Hopefully this does not backfire, but you have to put your foot down.

Makes alot of sense!!!!

i hope by now the poster will know his mistakes and understand the way to family life

tpia@:

Maybe there's more to the story.

You are very right, the poster will not say what he is been doing even besides the widow's case , I show empathy for widows and respects those that respects themselves.
It is unbelievable what some men do, how i wish the wife can come up here and tell her side of story then we will see. God forgive the quick to judge/ know all people.

2mch:

This seems like a call for attention. OP, do you spend enough time with your family? There are people like you who are superman to everyone else but their families. My father was one of these. . Money is not always the answer, your family also need your presence. Even if it is that you take vacations together, and spend as much time as possible doing family activities. No matter how much money you give, it will never be enough. Sit down with your wife and communicate. Somehow i think a lot of issues have been swept under the rug with your busy schedule, and this bad character is a response.  . This person is obviously trying to get your attention in the most destructive manner possible. Call her family and tell them that she has moved out of her home. If she intends to stay out permanently, she should vacate your house she is living in. Hopefully this does not backfire, but you have to put your foot down.

You are very right and,
That could be a possibility, attention seeking, even 2 yr olds do that too and we think they have ADD, I was raised like that too and money is not everything, lost my brother(Died)for being rebellious cos Daddy wasnt there, I gave my head a shake and make good use of the money instead of being a brat. but not everybody can withstand and overcome neglect . Communicate, spend time with your wife , you'd be suprised what the outcome will be. she might be doing these wierd things to get your attention.
It is well.

@jennykadry, Even though we have opposing views every now and then, I must admit that you are one of the few women on this forum that actually THINKS before she talks (madam cc included).
Here is a wife that has little or no respect for her husband,insults her inlaws, insults in front of her own people,rents a house that I'm sure he solely built or bought (as if her husband is deceased) and lied that she had his consent. She is so low to the extent of borrowing from her security guard. This is a woman that he pays a salary of N150,000 each monthly (minus dash dash of N20-N50k). On top of that,he provides feeding and other needs. How many graduates earn N150,000 a month in Nigeria? A lot of guys who earn that consider themselves "big boys" and they live comfortably with their families with that amount. So where is she putting all the money? Saving for a rainy day? Seems she is already paving her road out of the marriage. When it happens, its those same friends that are "advising" her that will be ones calling her a fool. A lot of women wreck each others homes with all their "collective advice". A woman in healthy marriage will begin to receive advise such as "What guarantee do you have that he doesn't have other women outside. He has the money you know" or "Don't trust men ooo! Remember what happened to Mrs Ronke? Be smart ooo! Get all you can while you can" or "I heard your husband bought a house in VGC for his mistress. I'm not sure but that is what people are saying". . .and the lady will begin to have biased mind and next thing you know,she's already giving him hell all because of careless talk. I know a few marriages that have ended based on hear say.

.

@OP,
I would advise you to sit your wife down and talk some sense into her.
What you are doing for her is more than enough and she should not pour sand into her own garri bowl.
Why you need to talk to her is because women are always their own worst enemies and it is obvious she feels threatened by this widow.
maybe you need to cool down on the widow thing a bit and try to explain why you are helping her.
At times women need re-assurance.
PEACE!!!

God bless you Madam CC, let's call dis what it is bull shi-t. She is a silly, self absorbed, inconsiderate, low self esteemed woman. We are all on d other thread telling a guy who saved a baby weldone this man decides to assist a woman in need and we re saying his wife needs attention. So you get attention by being an arse abi? Why are we in dis workd if we won't help one another? When we die will we meet God and tell him how many houses cars and lands we own? Will we rewarded by how much of our husbands money we were able to hide? The truth is dat doing good to others is not always convienent, the person who helped d baby in d other thread wasted time, money and emotions still the baby died but that one act has entered Gods record forever. His wife is plain silly simple, she is selfish and myopic, her own issue has nothing to do with the widow, she has and will have issues with everyone and everything, all d mans money should be in her control so she can hide as much as possible and outshine her friends as they compete for gold, cars and lace. Only the good in life we have sown will be remembered when we re gone

And some men like Harakiri considers himself a man', before you contribute to married couple issues, put a wife in your home and shower her with money and care as the poster does his wife first. then we will listen to you. 'Mr Advicer with brains'. no need for indirect statemnets.

@Ronkebp, I am more manly than any man you are either married to or dating. If you had a real man in your life, you would be talking with more maturity and basic common sense. Whatever so called man you are with is a wimp that is why you have no ethics. Furthermore, I might not be married but I have put a woman in my house for over four years,showered money on her, opened businesses for her,invested for her and did a lot of things some married guys wouldn't dare do for their wives. So shut the phuck up and talk about $hit you know about e.g the dumb a$$ wimp in your life you call a man.

Harakiri, you ! shut the fuc.k up, you are nothing but a big fool!!! so because you have a plastic penis in between your legs yo think you are a man,( i laugh in french). The man who is my hubby is man enough for me, and is the type your stupid self would call 'oga-sir' and not a bitter thing like you, that sees every woman as a threat. Go and sit and think about your lonely,sad and shady life, you 'i to the diot'. You are the one who lacks manners. You would use that your rubbish fingers to type nonsense, insulting women that you are not man enough to pay their bride price. Oniranu!!!!, you are lucky we are on the internet, na stupid and foolish guys like yourself that has no face in the real deal, would come here and be tying rubbish here.

harakiri:

@Ronkebp, I am more manly than any man you are either married to or dating. If you had a real man in your life, you would be talking with more maturity and basic common sense. Whatever so called man you are with is a wimp that is why you have no ethics. Furthermore, I[b] might not be married but I have put a woman in my house for over four years,showered money on her, opened businesses for her,invested for her and did a lot of things some [/b] married guys wouldn't dare do for their wives. So shut the phuck up and talk about $hit you know about e.g the dumb a$$ wimp in your life you call a man.

Pele.!!!! baba olowo igbo.!!! eku ase daanu.

@Ronkebp, People more successful than your husband eat from my fingers and on my payroll. Deep in your mind, you know your husband is a spineless wimp! Hell! You husband could be on my payroll. Watch your words before I fire him.

harakiri:

@Ronkebp, People more successful than your husband eat from my fingers and on my payroll. Deep in your mind, you know your husband is a spineless wimp! Hell! You husband could be on my payroll. Watch your words before I fire him.

Go and sit the fuc.k down, i really do not talk to people like you ( with your mentality). You!!! pay my hubby? you are dreaming!!!! you no get that 'liver' infact, dem never born 20 of you. Let him be spineless, i am enjoying him that way. you that you are so full of spine, how come you do not have any woman to vouch for the spine you claim to have. you diaper wearing adult.

@Ronkebp, You are not worthy to polish the toe nails of any woman I'm involved. You are trash. Your husband is garbage.

awwww!!!!! like i care!!!! thought you were not going to reply me (gave you an opportunity to be a man for once), but nope, you failed!!!! (as usual). Well, we (i) that have a hubby have been told by my hubby not to keep exchanging words with an agbaya!!!! like you. that such, reduces my PR. But before i close out. You are not ashamed of yourself, as big/old as you are, we have to be directing your paths and telling you what to say and how to say it. You that you are supposed to be preparing for your daughters wedding and your son's graduation, you are here making unnecessary mouth. hmmmmmmm!!!! i will just let your sorry/pathetic 'azz' be. You no worth am, Atoo-le!!!!

@Ronkebp, So you husband hides behind you while you spew bull$hit all over nairaland. What a "real man" he really is. Kai! See pipo. See nonsense.

^^^
@ronke and Hara,
How is this arguement going to help the OP?
Please we need to stick to the topic.

a question for the poster with all honesty  how would you feel if your wife is receive calls from a widower all the time ? or she is always sharing the time that she is suppose to spend with the family with a widower ? would you be happy with your wife  ? how can you expect her to accept what you the husband can not accept . we are all human beings we have to be sincere here . nobody is telling the man not to help the widow but help her in a way that she wont come back or pay her off  to avoid problem. is the man ready to lose his family because of the widow let be realistic here . no man will take this from his wife , if the widow finds herself in the position of the wife how would she feel ?

Thanks to all contributors.

@cooker, I visit her once during my vacation just to give her something. and whenever am leaving for her place, she is always aware.

I spend my vacation with the family always in good quality, having left them for one month.

The issue of calling, she does not call me regularly as you think. She knew am not always around. I only call her whenever am around.

@tpia No more.

@ronkebp & harakiri please stop the insults. Believe you me, I have picked somethings from your ideas.

I cannot divorce her!

Thans alot @Chaircover.

Widow has to go, you can't be running 2 families. Pay her a lump sum and cut off totally. Hire a detective to investigate your wife as she may be dashing cash to a young man who is helping himself. Think of re-adjusting your job if not quiting it totally. Also go for medical check up in india with the entire family and join a church.

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ftmom:

Put her in charge of remittances to the widow and iron out the money/house issues separately

putting her in charge of remittances to the widow will only allow her to feel like a Demi god.

Seems to me like she has a companion or may be hanging out with the wrong crowd.

For her to ask the security guard for money, rent out a house (more income) . To me it appears that she is living above her means to "feel among or please friends or she has a young man out there she is keeping.

How old are the children? Do you help her family out financially?

It would be a good thing if she could get involved one way or the other, in helping the widow (on account of you both).

Get her busy with showing some love around, even show her how to do so, so that she can thank God for what she has and stop acting like a spoilt child.