Olawrites:
I spent up-to 2m in 2021 when I had my wedding. To be legally marry no be small thing , that's why I hate divorce marriage

Tell them. They think wedding ceremony is their mate.

Its the IPOB People that see marriage as a revenue-generating activity. In the land of Omoluabi, this can never happen as we are v ery civilized.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

I can't still get the reason why parents will love to impress the outsiders while their house are dripping blood.. having many visitors means nothing if your son in-law can't afford to rent a hall ..Anuty you could have talked with your parents to take things easy ,is marriage not that they are salling you to the man and with all the up and downs you only supported him with 50k ? Marriage is not something a mam should be in a hurry to get in , telling him if he loves you he should pay everything once doesn't makes sense to me he loves you before even asking for your hand in marriage.....is a painful something but don't worry all will be fine he will come around when his dick gets up ...

Ynix:

Getting married is not expensive na werey dey worry many of us in Nigeria. If I were the guy I will just stop the wedding process even if I had all the whole cash. The father of the lady is just interested in selling his daughter

It's the family that determines that most of the time. You and your babe may want a low-key something but one parent will just rise up from no where and kick against it. It's either you go through with it or call it off. Simple

Guys is not compulsory you collect list and start your wedding plan immediately if you don't have the fund. Relax and plan with your fiance and work according to the budget. Madam you need to always have your husband back and protect him from your parents same as him. All this talk if you love you will do as my parents want is not going to help you in future. So apologize to your husband and make him understand that you are willing to learn and that you will always have his back. Dont go telling your parents any of this also cos if you do, you jus dey plan more trouble in the future

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

so because a man wants to marry, they should behead him with prices and stuff?

You the wife made him to change. Women are dangerous this day

Jewessgratitud3:


It's the family that determines that most of the time. You and your babe may want a low-key something but one parent will just rise up from no where and kick against it. It's either you go through with it or call it off. Simple

Exactly, the day we free ourselves from our unnecessary traditions then many will keep getting married late

Immature woman married immature man....GBAM immature marriage! The guy is absolutely right, you knew his salary was a measly 150k yet you and your family are not willing to compromise.

A guy can cherish you and at the same time choose not to be stupid! Where I fault the guy is not opening up, he should have maintained his stance, no means no! If you no like am, make your papa marry you!

Listen fellas, don't try to impress any woman by ruining yourself financially, not only would the woman end up mocking you but she would leave you with the gbese and be on to the next Abrahamovic......Ji ma sun!

Etosha:
I will love to marry quietly... Just pay the dowry and that's all. But my fiancee may not agree. I don't like public stuff.

Just the way I wanted to, but you see extended family members? They'll come in at that point... You wouldn't even know when it goes public. Them strong for marriage matters no be small.

And you won't be the first to have that complaint. Time they say heals all wounds. You just have to be patient

winner37:




I can't still get the reason why parents will love to impress the outsiders while their house are dripping blood.. having many visitors means nothing if your son in-law can't afford to rent a hall ..Anuty you could have talked with your parents to take things easy ,is marriage not that they are salling you to the man .....is a painful something experienced by a man but don't worry all will be fine he will come around when is dick gets up ...

the man wants many visitors but he wasnt ready to foot the bills to entertain his own visitors.
na from son-in-law pocket e wan use entertain village people, nonsense man


my father never did such to my sisters

winner37:




I can't still get the reason why parents will love to impress the outsiders while their house are dripping blood.. having many visitors means nothing if your son in-law can't afford to rent a hall ..Anuty you could have talked with your parents to take things easy ,is marriage not that they are salling you to the man .....is a painful something experienced by a man but don't worry all will be fine he will come around when is dick gets up ...

As them no answer the lady nkor? Make she tear herself apart. She tried doing all that but you know some greedy kinsmen. Most times it's not even the father, the kinsmen will be inside fueling it and saying they won't do anything if their demands are not met. They did it to my elder sister now. Because her husband is the peaceful type and he respects my father a lot. So he just said, ogor, relax . I'll do anything they ask and he did everything. Nothing remain. Even my dead mothers portion, he paid it in full. Me I follow collect inside my mom's share..

So, it boils down to being fully prepared. Everything done cost now, na marriage no go cost?

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Contribute To Helping Him Pay Back His Loans.


Talk To Him about it.


Men wants Supportive Wives.



None of you is at fault.


You guys just had to pass through a stubborn father who is not considerate because he feels opportuned to sell off his daughter.


Such Fathers are The Unnecessary Men that We Breed in This Country.


They Take Every Opportunity To Extort Other Men because They Have Daughters.


When My Husband wanted to marry me; With All The List That My Father Wrote; I had to remove some of them because they were not catered for when my other sisters got married to their own husbands.


So, Truly - you should have tried to counter your father and let him know that you aren't being sold. Even if your father doesn't agree to your pleas, your husband would understand and he wouldn't be moody now.




Note: Bride Price is Different From The Hall or Venue That Should Be Used. Your Husband and Yourself Should Have Had Your PERMANENT SAY ON THAT.



This is the reason he is vexed. You didn't let him have his own say.




So, please - Apologize and Talk to him that you are ready to support him in paying back the loans.



It will work out.


Your Marriage will Work Well, Amen.

Apologize to him for your 'error'
Discuss the debt burden with him and let him know what you will do to help him out.

Check very well again, you may have been taking side with your family on other issues.
Now decide to STAY with your husband henceforth.

I hope this helps!

The man needs to grow up and quit sulking like a kid who was denied candies.
Last time i checked,nobody forced him into the marriage.

If i were him, i would have simply postponed the wedding indefinitely and tell the hyena in-inlaws to go marry their daughter.

Its all about decision making and if you are not able to make basic financials decision, he probably is not matured enough to marry.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

You are totally at fault

You would have insisted that they caught things down

There is a way elders do it

I know some guys to that didn't pay complete list
They deposited some and negotiated

And the bride family agreed

Your Dad insisting that he must pay up was very bad

Now your husband may continue carrying this grudge years
Yes I know Men that carry grudge with there in Law's some will never forgive

And it's very bad

When our first daughter wanted to get married
My then brother in law to be met me and pleaded with me that I should take him to go and see my Dad in the East

I agreed
We took a night bus
And my parents accepted the guy

My Dad wasn't hungry
He told the guy that he should come not bringing much
My place in Anambra we don't extort in laws
So the guy came with his people and traditional marriage and wedding was done
My brother in law was from a poor home and background
Even my village people were saying how my Dad will allow the son of a nobody marry his first daughter

My Dad didn't send them

Because of how my Dad and family treated Him
My brother in law today carrys our family matter for Head

Today my brother in law that was an ordinary banker is a big Oga in Financial company



That's the level of Oga he had become

Someone that was a nobody 2005 when he married my sister

Some of there kids were born in the US etc
That's how successful they have become

You didn't protect your husband
And he may carry that beef with your family for long

You have to know what to do

Ladies should know

1. Protect your husband to be From your people

There was one Igbo babe her Yoruba boyfriend came for her hand in marriage

Her people wanted to do anyhow as per na Yoruba boy
She warned them seriously
Everybody behaved

Today her people are enjoying from there Yoruba in law

2. Don't look down on a Man
A man you see today driving low car or starting life
Don't look down on him

That Man may turn out something great tomorrow

My sister never looked at the background of my brother in law then
Levels wise we were three steps above them

But today na very big Oga him don become

Many of modern day women don't understand this
They judge people based on present condition
Not knowing tommorow things will be different

Jewessgratitud3:


It's the family that determines that most of the time. You and your babe may want a low-key something but one parent will just rise up from no where and kick against it. It's either you go through with it or call it off. Simple

Those mother and father in laws won't agree for you to do low key marriage. Una go explain tire no evidence.

You must spend, it's our culture.

I spent during my time cos all extended family came, pick asoebi and eat belleful, dj music loud. Thank God I did it before this fuel subsidy economy.

Wedding na ur mate

Op that your reply to your man is totally wrong.

I want to marry no suppose be kill and divide parole na. There's a way you approach matter, that will cool any aggrieve person,. But you ....you just pour fuel inside the fire in the heart of your man.

But what do I even know.

maticar:

so because a man wants to marry, they should behead him with prices and stuff?

That's not what I'm saying. He had a choice to walk away but didn't. Now's he's acting childish to the wife

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

If your dad is to be in the mans shoe with the same salary how would he have felt with the man's meagre salary in this present economy.

Your dad was only concern about the wedding day and not the aftermath of your wedding, and the man was actually right that you didn't support him in pleading with your parent.

Though I don't advice divorce though, but you deserve the cold attitude he showed towards you.

Not withstanding, keep apologizing to him that it was your ignorance, he will still get over it. He just felt betray and pained

Your father sef. Brideprice that he should just skip, so you guys can build your new marriage not on scarcity and suffering, but with much funds. How some family wants to kill a man with brideprice is just so sick. Igbo people are mostly guilty of this.

How about a lowkey wedding, and invite just really close family members? no need for big weddings, it is unnecessary. Parties are where superficial people feel exalted, because nothing of essence is in their life, that they derive esteem from.

And your argument that if he loves you, he should meet all the requirements is nonsense. If your father asks for a million dollars (a billion in naira), then he should go steal because he is trying to prove a point.

Men are not Superman. We are humans with vulnerabilities, lack, and bear the burden of performance. A lot of us are just carrying the responsibilities of what men should do with grace, it is a difficult life.

What you can do is tell him you understand, there is no point in winning an argument or proving you are right. Your support should come from your action, not your mouth. So stop speaking grammar and help him clear the debt.

This first challenge of your marital life will further cement your importance in his life and show that you are a ride-or-die chick. So don't chicken-out, or use redundant statements like ¨if you truly love me¨, get to work and clear the debt.

This thread is being repeated.

But it's yet another opportunity for men who have experienced hardship and lack to vent their anger at a situation involving money that isn't even theirs. Some just want to insult Jewessgratitud3 because they hate what she's saying. But she's right


They only know you need a "helpmate" once it comes to money, as the golddiggers that they are, but they cannot be a help mate to the women they married outside of that. When a man's only value is money, he will be used for money.

Nobody forced this one to marry her. If as a man he couldn't bargain with his male in-laws who are the ones collecting the bride price, why are he and nairaland boys looking for how to castigate the woman in the tale? Is he not a man like the men who demanded the bride price from him? Is he only a man to oppress his wife with his financial issues? If you don't have the money to marry a woman according to your custom, nobody is forcing you to.

Sissies bearing grudges with their wives. But they will expect their wives to withstand anything they throw at them during the marriage. If you're not ready to pay bride prices, then you are not ready to be a husband. Go and continue your red pill rhetoric or your effeminate theories about the many things a woman is to do for you while you do next to nothing except fuming at her and fanning your egos. Modern men don't want to fend for their families financially... And it always begins with complaints about the bride price. Disgusting. Whether it is indoctrination or playing the victim card, it's getting old.

We are men, we are men. Nothing to show for it but complaints and weakness.

Jewessgratitud3:


I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

Why would she say this

The man has a very solid point.

Hier:


Why would she say this

She don vex na. Na to kuku scatter everything .

Don't pick on an angry woman's words. we are like that wen you want make we scatter am finish since you no wan hear abeg

but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once. [TOO BAD]

I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out [VERY GOOD]

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things? [I AGREE WITH HIM]

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice. [TERRIBLE MINDSET]

====================================================================

My Opinion:

1. Both of you need to grow up. Your wedding is done and over. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. You cannot continue sulking and giving each other the cold shoulder.
2. Find a way to talk. If you are in Lagos, go to the beach. Let the salt breeze calm you down. Then you can talk things out.
3. You are his wife. His helper. Help him. The fact that he chose to commit to you for the rest of his life is not a decision to be trifled with. You, women, love to dwell on fantasies. The fact that he cherishes you does not mean he must choke to prove it to you. How would you have felt if he turned your bride price down and walked away? You say if he cherishes you, he should do all. But the same can be said of you too. If you valued him, you would have done what you could to make things lighter for him. After all, your bride price is coming from the same purse that would finance your future home.
4. If you can in a coded way, try to find out how much his exposure is. I don't know when you got married, but the 50k you contributed, will probably not cover much in the grand scheme of things. Even if you can't do much, give it your best shot. Even if it is 5k. At least let him see that you're trying to do something to ease the loan burden. Let him see you as an ally. Not a leech. Right now that's what he sees you as. And trust me, he is seriously questioning his life choices. Show him a side of you that he might be forgetting - the side that says, I got you babe. we're in this together"

Consider a few other exigencies:
1. Someone from his family might be feeding him tales about your family.
2. You might be spending too much time with your own family too

I wish you a fruitful marriage

sammirano:
Its the IPOB People that see marriage as a revenue-generating activity. In the land of Omoluabi, this can never happen as we are v ery civilized.

Lamurudu, Obatala and Sango Blesses You.


OMOLUABI gidi ni e.



We ain't YORUBA (Slaves).

This is a lesson to all brides or wives to be. Never allow your parents to ask more from your husband to be so as not to suffer for it in future. Your husband needs your prayers and full supports in whatever you think because it's most likely, he is seeing his colleagues doing fine probably he was told their in-laws did not collect more during their wedding. Pray like never before and surely you will see positive changes by God's grace. Meanwhile check your own attitudes, personal life styles and the way you relate with your husband too. If you're frustrating him through asking for more may be because your friends are using expensive things and you want to belong.

GeneralShepherd:
He could have walked away like adult, not getting brow beat into spending an arm and a leg about his means to get married and then sulk like a teenager.

The guy needs to grow up. Go to your father-in-law and demand for some reimbursement

oga have you gone through the rigors of marriage rite then you will see reason with the guy that's why lot of guys even though working avoid marriage till they make it 'big time '... you said he should walk away like an adult? ;Ddo you know if demand arosed in the middle of everything.like she said he was told to buy cow and the rest after paying quite a huge bride price? haba if na me I go vex small, you have never seen when quarrels suddenly erupted between intending inlaws in heat of negotiating and finalizing D my point is there is need for understanding..the economy is not smiling at all some inlaws no dey send if country hard the guy will come around over time depending on how fast he picks up he is at a recovery stage

Jewessgratitud3:



How is that the ladys fault?
What if her father is the unapproachable type? Besides the guy had a choice not to go ahead with the ceremony but chose to go ahead inspite of all. Then he should bear it and stop transferring aggression on the innocent wife.

Is he saying now that if someone tells him to put his fingers inside fire he will do it because the wife didn't tell the person not to tell her husband to do it? I don't get it.

The man never talk wetin dey vex am. I'm not sure its the issue he's raising. Maybe he has seen that marriage is not all that lovey dovey cruise like he imagined. Bills and other responsibilities don dey wave at him, body come dey pepper 🌶️ am. Kikikikiiiii...

Marriage na una mate.

And if the man stop the wedding at that point in time you will still say men are this men are that. you will fall to realise that life after wedding is more important here on Earth and even in heaven. Now the gentleman went into debt in a bid to please you and your family yet all you could say to him is you didn't force him and now you think you can force him to love you humn I think you need to go and tell your Dad to do what he knows doing best . Well, that's how an average Eastern lady think