What tha fnck have I been reading? Do you guys understand that it takes two to make a marriage work?

But Madame OP, you no get sense sha...

"He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice."

Let me share this experience at this point

In 2019 my sister had her wedding, the problem was now "where will the white wedding hold?? " Bcus we're RCCG and our inlaw to be was a Catholic member and according to my sister while relating to the issue to us ....said that the wedding will av hold in the groom's church.... Imagine!!! ...my dad was like.... that's so impossible.... bcus not only is It normal for white wedding to hold in the bride church, my p man is also a Pastor....shey you see the clause.... Do you know what my sister did!! She bagged my dad with serious tires...... I've never seen my sis in such emotional state as I saw her that day.

So op, if you know what good for you, go on your kneels and beg Ur man, it's called understanding and humility. I wish you all the best.

007kjb:
Any man that gets angry while paying pride price is not a worthy man

Girls should run away very far from any man that sees pride price as extortion

Loud it!
Something you'll only do once, it's paining him like this. What of when the children start schooling and he'll have to pay school fees for years? He'll still blame the wife for not allowing the children go to public school.

I fear such men.

The girl's parents got it all wrong in the first place, for being too exuberant and rigid in their bribe price list. The man had expected that her wife would had show a bit love and concern by atleast pretended to agitate over it, instead exhibited an attitude of solidarity, as she used such words as," you can't pay it twice, if you say you love me do it" in support of her father's bids, which led the man went beyond his finacial capabilities to save face.


Now the area I will blame the husband is the amount of regrets and sorrows he is going through despite having consummated all the conjugal rights in respect of his wife and is now living with her. He ought to had
let a bygone be a bygone and move on with his wife

And the wife ought to be a comforter and suporter ones he brings up the issue instead of throwing some provoking words, thereby adding pepper to his healing wounds.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

What you family did is called EXTORTION.
SIMPLE
Or were they selling you to him that he MUST BRING THINGS HE COULDN'T AFFORD

Jewessgratitud3:


As them no answer the lady nkor? Make she tear herself apart. She tried doing all that but you know some greedy kinsmen. Most times it's not even the father, the kinsmen will be inside fueling it and saying they won't do anything if their demands are not met. They did it to my elder sister now. Because her husband is the peaceful type and he respects my father a lot. So he just said, ogor, relax . I'll do anything they ask and he did everything. Nothing remain. Even my dead mothers portion, he paid it in full. Me I follow collect inside my mom's share..

So, it boils down to being fully prepared. Everything done cost now, na marriage no go cost?

You are correct but as a father you have to make your stand firm , no one has upper hand in your family..

saladinnoir:


The man is obviously in debt.

He also feels betrayed cos you didn't fight for him concerning the unnecessary expenses.

I support the man on this one. He has potentially entered serious debt for an event that barely lasts a day and you didn't do anything to convince your father that the investment is not worth the pay off in regards to the wedding.

Your husband doesn't feel he has someone he can rely on

nobody forced him to enter debt or pay for a big wedding if you can't afford it leave the lady alone and find someone you can afford her wedding financially. Marriage is not for the weak financially And physically, the girls parents have told you the kind of wedding the want for their daughter do you know how much the girls parents spent on her before she got married? The man should be happy after all he spent because he can see his wife as a priceless possession. Sometimes such can be test for sacrifice on the person u love so I see no reason for her hubby to act like a kid

Hmmm... 150k per month, thinking don full the man head tire. Madam try and fix yourself with something like a business that brings passive income.

Na hunger never catches you after the wedding. Most of you ladies will be acting like wedding all it is about life. When a man can’t afford an elaborate wedding it is always very obvious. A man earning 150k is asked to do an elaborate wedding. Imagine! Your father didn’t know him you are the one who knows him well. And you should mediate for him.

Even if he does come up with such an idea you were supposed to turn it down immediately fragrantly and tell him that you should do a small wedding. Disrespecting of wives in marriage by many men doesn’t start in a day. It is a build up of events where the lady has failed woefully. It makes a man to lose respect and never trusts her decision on anything.

Marriage wey be say if you kill 10 cows den go eat am and no one will say thank you the next day.


If I am your father and I get to know this later that your husband earns that and you know his earning then still allow him to spend that much. I will regret ever sending you to school.

maticar:

the man wants many visitors but he wasnt ready to foot the bills to entertain his own visitors.
na from son-in-law pocket e wan use entertain village people, nonsense man


my father never did such to my sisters

Doing that is very bad .

Jewessgratitud3:


Loud it!
Something you'll only do once, it's paining him like this. What of when the children start schooling and he'll have to pay school fees for years? He'll still blame the wife for not allowing the children go to public school.

I fear such men.

I hate reading stuff like this Man,

Is very terrible for a man to even want to marry for free or close to nothing

winner37:



You are correct but as a father you have to make your stand firm , no one has upper hand in your family..

In my place, the kins men and the father's elder brother have the final say. My dad was the last born and at the age of 60 Dem no born am well to say no to his immediate elder brother and kinsmen when my elder sisters had their marriage. With abeg self, Dem no gree. When the in-laws saw that my dad was helpless they had to comply.

I even thought it's because he didn't grow up in the village with them and lived all his life in Lagos they treated him like that but he himself confirmed that it was omelala.

Not me with "iron ball" i could remember my own, they listed what they wanted but i told them openly that i couldn't avoid it and walk away. after a week they started calling that their daughter was having depression. i told them my capability, they agreed and we tied the knot. Today, we're happily married and living happily with kids.

Jewessgratitud3:



How is that the ladys fault?
What if her father is the unapproachable type? Besides the guy had a choice not to go ahead with the ceremony but chose to go ahead inspite of all. Then he should bear it and stop transferring aggression on the innocent wife.

Is he saying now that if someone tells him to put his fingers inside fire he will do it because the wife didn't tell the person not to tell her husband to do it? I don't get it.

The man never talk wetin dey vex am. I'm not sure its the issue he's raising. Maybe he has seen that marriage is not all that lovey dovey cruise like he imagined. Bills and other responsibilities don dey wave at him, body come dey pepper 🌶️ am. Kikikikiiiii...

Marriage na una mate.

This entitlement mentality is what's causing rift in homes. Some women feel it's their right 4 a man 2 spend all d world 4 them not knowing that marriage is partnership.

Let her seatdown n enjoy it. She wanted 2 kill d man in marrying her, let her enjoy it. Of all, she could only contribute 50k, seriously? R u kidding me?

These r gold diggers who want to reap frm where they didn't sow. What was d contribution of d woman's family? Nothing. Thet tricked him they'll contribute but when it get 2 d day, they forced it on him. This alone is draining and straining. The man is right 2 behave d way he's doing. Deal with it or u go apologize genuinely 2 him.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice

Iyawo, your husband had done all these through loan to prove he truly loves you now it's now your turn to cherish him by joining him to pay back his loan!

Next time! Always have it at back of your mind that wedding is just for a day, did you take the decorated hall home after the ceremony? How many kg did you keep out of the slaughtered cow?

Awaiting iyawos please learn👏

Anfieldboss:
Age is truly not a measure of maturity. I'm beyond shocked that a woman in her forties can reason this way.

Marriage is meant to be a partnership. A woman coming into a man's life is supposed to be a helpmate to him. That is making his life better in all ramifications.

Heck if the lady in question is not able to support her fiancé (now hubby) financially in the wedding expenses, at least she should be able to make her family see reasons on making things easy for him by doing a low key wedding ceremony. Sensible and reasonable ladies do this all the time, a father wields a very strong influence in his daughter's traditional marriage, it is what he says, that happens. So, the onus lies on the lady to make her father see reasons why she and her fiancé who are just about to start their lives should not be stressed.

For the records, a man earning 100k can get married if he marries a woman who is an helpmate. If the lady is earning at least 70k, they can plan themselves, highest they would not have a child immediately until their combine income increases.

Women should know that a man is not looking for burden, but a partner to help and improve his life.

Why bother trying to explain things to that biatch?

Leave her in her follies.

With time, e go clear for her eyes well well.

The young man is in debt and you want him to be opening teeth with you

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

Left for people like you, 90% of Nigerians would be single.

THE BRIDES FAMILY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WHITE WEDDING.....THAT IS THE NORMAL TRADITION

YOUR DAD IS A PARASITE AND VERY WICKED DEMADING HIM TO RENT AND DECORATE A BIG HALL AND BUY A COW

YOUR HUSBAND AND IS FAMILY WILL NEVER RESPECT YOUR DAD AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY BECAUSE YOUR STUPID DAD HAS PROVEN TO THEM THAT NA POVERTY LEVEL ALL OF UNA DEY

layzie:
What broke the camel's back for me is this statement from our madam

'you are the one that wanted my hand in marriage, and if u cherished me, u would do all they wanted since u re not paying twice'

Chai. Men they see things sha.

The man should have walked away right there...My junior bro got a bride price list of about 3 million naira about 7 years ago, I think his salary then was just about 300k...
He told his fiancee that it's too much and that she should talk to her parent, but that one was not taking him serious..na so my bro just went mute...
One month, two month, 6 month, 9 month etc
Na the mother in law call am say just BRING WHATEVER YOU HAVE!
While would anyone used their one year salary to pay bride price, wedding proper is still there o...Family and friends wanted to even support but he rejected it, he said I can raise the money but it doesn't make sense to me so I won't do it...The guy and his father in-law are best of friends today..the whole idea is designed to extort you.Don't let anyone drive you mad..Be a MAN, ACT LIKE ONE!

People often say that if the man doesn't pay a huge bride price, he might decide to leave the marriage in the future but that's not true.


When my Dad saw that my husband was not from our community and he had money, my Dad wanted double billing him, that was when my Dad saw the lioness in me.
I told my Dad that he has to make the list to be just like my sisters' list.
Even if they want to add something extra, they can but shouldn't overbill him if not I will personally cancel the marriage "EMPTY TREAT O" 😂
I even asked my Dad if he wanted me to remain single, I reminded him that I'm 29yrs already.
My Dad's excuse was, "I'm a graduate but my sisters aren't". Hmmm...


The truth is, I and my husband love ourselves so much that we wouldn't have walked away from the marriage even if my parents had objected to my terms but as a lady, you had the right to make your Dad cut down the list.



So if you and your husband had proposed a closed door marriage to your Dad, your Dad would have objected?
Does your Dad even have a right to object?
He is not the one that should decide the venue for the marriage in the first place.


You didn't support your husband on his decisions, you made it looked like a war between your husband and your father.
You're a couple, it's you guys that should decide what you want and not your father.


If you had complained to your father that the list was too much or ask your father if he wants you to remain single. Nobody will tell your Dad to adjust the list.



Your husband is not happy because you didn't even try to respectfully oppose your father's suggestions.
You didn't even see anything wrong in your father overbilling your husband.
You even told your husband to go and meet his family to assist him in paying the price list.


Did you forget that after marriage, it's just the two of you, no family member will be there with you two?
So you would have tried to support your husband's every move and save yourself from future issues.



I don't agree to getting a loan for marriage
It's already too late to turn back the hands to time to fix all the little errors.
Your husband is bittered that your family compelled him to take a loan.


So all you have to do is assist him in paying the loan. Decide on how much you'll assist him with monthly, you can decide to take care of the feeding bills at home while he pays the loan.
He needs your financial assistance. This will really go a long way in fixing your marriage.

Believe it or not some men feel betrayed knowing you're more on the side of your family and to them you just failed your first loyalty test. The least you could've done is to just encourage him rather than been seen as reckless with words. To him the N50,000 you dropped is not out of support but more of you trying to save face. Some ladies should know that there's life after wedding and as such should be more sensitive not to be seen as being one sided.
From your narrative, he was told to provide cow, and decorated hall alone but his family were still the one that provided food. What then was your family's contribution? To me it's insensitive for brides parent to "extort ' by turning what could've been a moderate wedding to a jamboree.
I've seen where some ladies mediate and influenced cutting down of some items.
Women should know that their role as a wife starts from pre wedding preparation.
My advice to you is swallow your pride and apologize.

Jewessgratitud3:


She don vex na. Na to kuku scatter everything .

Don't pick on an angry woman's words. we are like that wen you want make we scatter am finish since you no wan hear abeg

Haaaaa, she vex, she is insensitive ooooo

A man that is grieving already, she is adding more salt to his injury, first of all, depression and thoughts, the guys just couldn't go back, omo, to be a wife means to be one with the husband, as in, partner, you go through everything together, anything that happens to A, you treat it as if it's happening to B likewise.

Everything was going well, but for her to have uttered that statement, lot of ladies are out there looking for who to look their direction and show interest in them and here is she saying this and that.

I believe marriage is about mutual understanding, probably the guy could not resist the feelings he had for the lady but likewise, the lady has her marriage to protect and dropping insensitive comments could not be it, she needs to apologize to the guy and help him work things out.

100k - expenses, then loan servings, I won't even advise an enemy to take loan just to make a point, but he did his thing, but the lady should understand the guy loves her so much to stick his neck out

Firstly the list, then the hall, then a cow, 😂😆🤣 its like an onion, you open one layer another layer opens lol, but because you have opened the first layer, you think, another try

Like as I will always tell men. If you think 2m will cover your marriage than get additional 4m.

Because once you enter you will realise that budget wouldn't be enough. Hence you start borrowing just to finish it and people will be consoling you that it's just for once. You won't do it again forget that most marriage doesn't even last nowadays.

You both need to seek counsel and start afresh.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Well... your husband is going tru a lot. The loan, Dept and everything. I know someone who is going through same thing, he was pressured to marrying his wife, then bills came in and it was over his capacity. The truth again is marriage is not as easy as it seems. You cannot say you want to prepare until you get into it.
It’s really not easy for him; I sense you didn’t really support him nor stand by him. Think about where you messed up, encourage him and make your marriage work

Jewessgratitud3:


Is it easy to find a good girl to marry that he'll just switch overnight like that?

Fact still remains, if he was capable, all that wouldn't be an issue to make a big deal. He's overflooding the matter.

Anfield boss has been trying to respond to you in a mature and sensible way but obviously you're not mature enough to comprehend the depth of his replies to you. His words ring true and sentiments such as yours is why 90% of marriages fail in the first 5 years.

She could have just apologized to the husband than giving him that kind reply. My wife fought for me shaa! Respect wifey.

bekpo:


This entitlement mentality is what's causing rift in homes. Some women feel it's their right 4 a man 2 spend all d world 4 them not knowing that marriage is partnership.

Let her seatdown n enjoy it. She wanted 2 kill d man in marrying her, let her enjoy it. Of all, she could only contribute 50k, seriously? R u kidding me?

These r gold diggers who want to reap frm where they didn't sow. What was d contribution of d woman's family? Nothing. Thet tricked him they'll contribute but when it get 2 d day, they forced it on him. This alone is draining and straining. The man is right 2 behave d way he's doing. Deal with it or u go apologize genuinely 2 him.

Apologize for what exactly? For paying for something you wanted?

Maybe the Men should start marrying themselves if they feel spending on marriage is not worth it.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

It shows that your husband is growing....Obi will one day be a man

Jewessgratitud3:
Says a senseless goat. Now I've noticed you. Buzz off!

The senseless goat is more sensible & preferable to you.

Personally, I would not marry a woman like you because of your father/family. At least, I am a married man and I know how my father in-law was really understanding when I wanted to get married. In fact, it was my own family that were trying to elaborate things beyond my strength. Life is how you take it, I understand people might have standards but standards can sometimes be lowered to have a common ground. Even God lowers His standards to forgive us for how terrible we behave.