Allow him to be in the village don't bring him to town

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

Firstly, do you think you're wiser than those your siblings that don't let him rip them off? Parents are normal people, they too can be toxic or egotistic, autistic etc and just need understanding on how to cope with them

Village people insulting and fighting him means he has less or nothing better to do and became busy body. It's better for you to Cough out that 1million in the village and open something like provision store, animal rearing or even that his pole business for him. After that lock up and learn to shut off his demands. Shout at him if necessary to know that nothing more to give him. You have your own family now.

You just know that it is those self haters that project their insecurities on other tribes that is now seeking to run away from their viper pit .


Useless people with no iota of community and self love but are the same cretins that will label you a tribalist.

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

I don't know how close both of you are.

But also think about all the people you don't know but you still spend for. Very easy for us to chest the problems of outsiders, but if Na our own blood, Na wahala.

Do what you can for him within your means. Everybody has a weak point. I like to make friends with weird old people, it might have influenced my advice.

My advice to you .
Since he still has a roof over his head in the village , do not rent any house anywhere for him. Always give him upkeep money . Whenever he brings up any issues about relocation or renting a place, ignore him. But ensure you give him upkeep . Also ignore what your cousins will say.
Your father that sold his house in the city and moved to the village is not a child. If it is a mistake , let him bear the pains and regrets of making such mistakes .

Only you said what I just needed to hear

Konquest:

Hi!

From the description you have of your retiree dad, I suspect he may be experiencing early to mid stages of Parkinson's or some other neurological disorder.

What I mean is that his constant fighting or quarrels with folks in the village (due to irritability), the sale of his house without information you his children, your inability to locate your late mother's properties kept in the original house that he sold, fourth your father's ABRUPT plan to relocate back to the city after a lot has been spent of the village house, fifth, the CONSTANT revealing of family secrets by your father to people which have led to the alleged disrespect for your father by folks are some of the things you and your siblings have to become aware of. Sixth, his inability to keep or spend large amounts of money judiciously.

Read up on Parkinson's symptoms (there are over 30 symptoms or side effects) to get a hang of what I'm saying here. Get him to see a professional neurologist for major checkups to determine what is wrong with him... and primary watch if he has tremors in his hands. Forgetfulness is another major symptom.

CBD oil is a potent patented medication that helps to relieve the neurological symptoms.

There are drugs or medications to stabilize a patient, but under normal conditions, the damage to the brain nerves and stem cells are irreversible. Research is still going on though to find a lasting cure for Parkinson's which can strike from about the age of 35 years and above.

I must commend you for looking out for your dad... That is very noble of you. In the process, you will also learn about yourself and how to give love and vice versa. Now that you know these, please be patient with him from here on out because it's much deeper, though it can be annoyingly and embarrassing when a loved one doesn't keep secrets, missplaces things, and is forgetfulness atimes. These are classic symptoms of Parkinson's disease.

A lot of folks have given brilliant advice here and I also do not subscribe to you renting a house for him. At his age, he should be in his own house and not have to start paying rent to a landlord. Last but not least, in the absence of stock market investments or mutual funds, the recommended investment for retirees is in the field of agronomy as that would bring in sustainable income and they can also feed themselves instead of depending exclusively on others.

They can have hybrid economic trees planted such as avocado and others which yearly produce fruits, hybrid tomatoes and red/yellow peppers, pineapples, etc. these can sustain them and the excess can be sold at a farmers market.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!

Ashawo Man.You can't change him,only poverty will Humble him. Don't allow him come stay in ur house.
Most humans are ungrateful; a man without remorse,it tells you how desperate he can become.
Ask him what kind of business he can handle,try if u can help him so he can continue from where u stopped with the rent or he relocates finally to the village. I see a mam with reckless lifestyle

Please as you are helping him make sure you are not losing. Secure your family and you can as well allow him to taste the village life so well first. Leave the emotional game he is playing on you, your other siblings aren't fools.
Why did he sell the house first??
Why did he think of relocating back to the village??
Why does he want to come over to the state

He is not being stable, you can gather all your siblings meet with him and talk some senses to him incase of he misuses the last opportunity you're giving to him.
I feel this helps.

EreluRoz:
Your dad is inconsiderate and thinks about himself alone, he doesn't put you into consideration and that's bad. Don't do more than you can carry.

God bless you for this counsel. Everybody is responsible for the management of his own destiny . It is clear that the old man did not manage his life very well and now wants to mismanage the life of his son as well.. learn to say no in certain situations no matter whose ox is gored ... Baba should do what is convenient for him not at anybody's detriment..

AtoningBlood:
. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

Ur siblings don't care because ur dad is becoming irrational, inconsiderate and exploitative in his demands......It's time u start acting like don't care as well....

And yes u can turn deaf ears on the needs of a family member that won't listen to ur good and only wants to spend your money just because its seems u and ur husband have some disposable cash...

... He should stay in the village and make do with monthly upkeep money u send to him....

If u like U can bring him to the city again...u will open another thread on how he wants to go back to the village again or how has sold ur other property.....

Your old man is manipulating you, if this your story is true he is a wicked father who does not care and does not give a Bleep. but i advice you to do what you can and leave what you cannot, because this one na family issues.

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

Abandon him for a year. Ignore his calls, act like your siblings. Let him regret his stupid lifestyle

At times in life we do certain mistakes and fall. And we'll rely on people's help.
So just try to help him but first gather all he's children's only and talk with him before you help him. So he knows this is a real family talk.

Igbo dad right?

Fear village people

OvertheTop:


HE WILL SELL IT AGAIN!!!

The title will be on the name of the Son-in-Law, and is not his property, he can live there as long as he wants.

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

First; Don't Let Him into Your Apartment which is close to you so that he doesn't interfere with your personal family.

Secondly, stand on your ground that 2 Bedroom Flat is Okay and Enough For A Retired Man. He can have one room to himself and visitors can have the other room. How many visitors does he want to have around at a time ? Nigeria of Today doesn't regard you to give rooms to frivolities.


By now; Your father should be thinking of Agricultural Investments on Cassava, Plantains And Easy Crops That He Can Easily Grow, Nuture And Harvest Before Leaving His Village Using Skilled Farm Labourers.



If he decides to go into electric pole business, advise him to go into solar generator business with SunKing. The World ia Going Solar Now!

I'm sure he would excel in the solar niche. This will keep him company.

It seems you are from a proud and expensive family

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

Your dad has an entitlement mentality, and this is a significant problem to deal with. You can only try your best, but you cannot exhaust yourself. Please inform him that you can only afford two two-bedroom flats. If he does not like it, he can stay in the village.

Above all, ensure that the house you will rent for him is not close to where you are staying, so he will not come and disrupt your home.

You and your papa na big fool.

TheBillyonaire:
From the points you raised, you have a good heart and also have the resources to expand your wealth. Whenever ever you experience constriction, do the opposite - Expand!

I know you mentioned that he wants 3-Bedroom Flat and wants to move in as early as February. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. ASk him to be patient because you have a better plan for him.

Do some research on your State Capital or your Husband's Capital and and convince your husband to help out too because this is an opportunity to own a little more real real estate. Buy cheap land at the sub-urban that could be useful for you or your kids in the future and build a 3-Bedroom bungalow which he will move him and when he translates, the house is yours.

Ignore the idea of rent if you can afford to build a simple 3-Bedroom and tell him you are building a house for him, the news will restore his pride and yours and shut the lips of the naysayers and also buy him sometime to enjoy the village.

As for his Electric Pole business, it is a good idea, but he can start with Block Making business after the house is complete, there is a chance he can get back on his feet with it.

It's like you no see say the man no get pitty on any one ....that house he go still sell am.

AtoningBlood:



I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

You spoilt him.

Sometimes you need to be firm.

i know your type. you don't have mind to ignore him, no matter his behaviour and character. who's coming to visit him when the village people doesn't like him. maybe as he requested for 3 bedroom you will ask him weather he want to marry another wife

AtoningBlood:
I need your input people.

3 years ago, my dad sold our house without informing anyone of us. Meanwhile, we all had things left at home, including my mum's items. He never told us where some of those things are till date.

He sold that house and went to the village, he immediately started having issues with the village people. Fight today, fight tomorrow. Everyone in the village I heard now disrespect him due to how he reveal his secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

My dad wants to leave the village to go rent an apartment in another state. His financial responsibility has been on me alone. My siblings abandoned him.

He's being nursing the idea of leaving the village and never informed me. Last november I spent almost 2 million naira fixing solar power and inverter for him in his house at the village and immediately after that he started saying he wants to leave the village..

I told my dad never to relocate to the village yet, that he should wait till his is older as he is still agile and all his friends are in the state where we lived or around. He also gets contracts once in a while so I don't bear much financial burden. But no, he failed to listen and sold our house and left.

My dad wants me to cough out another 1M to rent a house, he wants it big, 3 bedroom. I told him to look for a 2 bedroom but he said where would visitors stay.

I am not even comfortable seeing him in a rented apartment, what would my cousins say, they would mock us. I have some of them who are very naughty. He is bringing shame in us.

We have two properties and my husband wants him to come and stay in one, I vehemently disagreed because he will be controlling us, some of my extended family members will come visiting him and carry the news to the village, as well as discussing my own family and I don't want that. They contributed to what is happening to him now. Through him, some of them will come to stay and I can not start what I can't continue with. So I told my husband to dead that idea fast.

He wants to leave the village latest by February. How do I convince him to get a 2 bedroom flat? 3 bedroom would mean 3 mattresses, and everything triple. My dad doesn't like anything less. All the expenses will be on me alone. My siblings don't care.

I can't turn deaf ears to his needs. I don't want him in the village and I hate to see him in a rented apartment but that is what it is now.

I need contructive advice especially those of us with retired parents, how do you relate with their needs? I told him to think of a small trade so he won't be idle like he's been since retirement and he is talking about setting up electrical pole business, I laughed. Sebi he wan rek me. Same way he did not manage hid wealth.

One of ur problem is that you think those ur siblings that don't care about his reckless life styles are wicked but you are actually wrong they not....you dad has his life to live do you think if you die today he won't cont his life?now he is using his reckless life styles to affect you
You better cub all this excess ND unnecessary emotions towards him sometimes you need to be hard if not he will finish you with emotional blackmail.you better wise up before ur husband would get fed up with you ND ur father attitude

Your dad has seen your kindness as your weakness, so he is cashing on that. You told him not to go to the village, he went. Please tell him you don't have any money to give him to go rent another apartment outside his village. If he is proving stubborn, neglect him, don't let him kill you, before he himself dies. Ask him, does he want you to go ahead of him, tell him he is giving you too much stress and if he doesn't want to be considerate you also will abandon him completely, he will adjust.

Amaoforka:
Only you said what I just needed to hear

I appreciate your feedback here. I also corrected a few typographic errors in my original post (due to the autocorrect feature of my mobile device). Thanks again for the mention.

Konquest:

Hi!

From the description you have of your retiree dad, I suspect he may be experiencing early to mid stages of Parkinson's or some other neurological disorder.

What I mean is that his constant fighting or quarrels with folks in the village (due to irritability), second, the sale of his house without informing you his children, third, your inability to locate your late mother's properties kept in the original house that he sold, fourth your father's ABRUPT plan to relocate back to the city after a lot has been spent on the village house, fifth, the CONSTANT revealing of family secrets by your father to people which have led to the alleged disrespect for your father by folks are some of the things you and your siblings have to become aware of. Sixth, his inability to keep or spend large amounts of money judiciously.

Read up on Parkinson's symptoms (there are over 30 symptoms or side effects) to get a hang of what I'm saying here. Get him to see a professional neurologist for major checkups to determine what is wrong with him... and primary watch if he has tremors in his hands or a shuffling gait while walking. Forgetfulness is another major symptom.

CBD oil is a potent patented medication that helps to relieve the neurological symptoms.

There are drugs or medications to stabilize a patient, but under normal conditions, the damage to the brain nerves (due to stem cells deterioration) are irreversible. Research is still going on worldwide though to find a lasting cure for Parkinson's which can strike from about the age of 35 years and above.

I must commend you for looking out for your dad... That is very noble of you. In the process, you will also learn about yourself and how to give love and vice versa. Now that you know these, please be PATIENT with him from here on out because it's much deeper, though it can be annoying and embarrassing when a loved one doesn't keep secrets, missplaces things, and is forgetful atimes. These are classic symptoms of Parkinson's disease.

A lot of folks have given brilliant advice here and I also do NOT subscribe to you renting a house for him. At his age, he should be in his own house and not have to start paying rent to a landlord. Last but not least, in the absence of stock market investments and/or mutual funds, the recommended investment for retirees is in the field of agronomy as that would bring in sustainable income and they can also feed themselves instead of depending exclusively on others.

They can have hybrid economic trees planted such as avocado and others which yearly produce fruits, hybrid tomatoes and red/yellow peppers, pineapples, etc. these can sustain them and the excess can be sold at a farmers market.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!

I love your own perspective to this topic.
Well said sir.

AtoningBlood:
My story is long, please read and advise if you experience something similar with your retired parent, or how do you create a balance.

I can't just believe this will happen to him so quickly when it was just 2020 I told him never to go to the village. Ohhh,

How did he discharge his responsibility as a father while you were growing up? A dad who gave his all deserve the best of understanding
& care. A lot of retired people go through this due to too much attachment to salary life and lack of entrepreneurial skills .

From why you wrote your main issue is what people will say rather than not letting your father drag you into the mess he created.

First, people will always talk no matter what you do. Dancing to your father's tune is just you encouraging him to be reckless.

Imagine if you go ahead and dance to his tune and down the line your finances are not as good as it is today you and your husband will be under enormous streess. And if your husband decide not to get involve with the mess your dad created which you allow yourself to be willfully dragged into, you will start having problems with your husband and that will mark the beginning of the end of a good union.

Your dad has lived his life, apply wisdom while dealing with him and look at the long term implications of any decision you are going to make towards this. Good luck.

ppogba:


I love your own perspective to this topic.
Well said sir.

@ppogba,
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you found my post insightful.

Have a great New Year (2024) ahead.

All the best... Cheers!

AtoningBlood:
Thanks, I have decided on what to do. Thanks to everyone who gave meaningful thoughts.

What do you intend to do?