macgozy:

TUFIAKWA, MBA, ARU, CHUKWU AJU, HOW CAN MY WIFE WHICH I SPENT CLOSE TO N1 MILL TO BUY WILL COME TO MY HOUSE AND BEAR HER LINEAGE NAME. NOT POSSIBLE

A SLAVE IS ALWAYS A SLAVE (SPEAKING ABOUT THE IGBO CULTURE WHICH REQUIRES You TO PAY HUGELY IF SHE'S A UNIVERSITY GRAD, LESS IF SHE JUST FINISHED SECONDARY)

I take exception to the word "bought" women are not goods. Pls apologize

its kind of nice having my husband give me his name. it makes you that much closer

macgozy:

TUFIAKWA, MBA, ARU, CHUKWU AJU, HOW CAN MY WIFE WHICH I SPENT CLOSE TO N1 MILL TO BUY WILL COME TO MY HOUSE AND BEAR HER LINEAGE NAME. NOT POSSIBLE

A SLAVE IS ALWAYS A SLAVE

excuse me but if a man buys a woman then he must be desperate.
and those of you men who scream the most about brideprice are always the one who "sell" their daughters for more.

i don't see the big deal. its not like her taking my name means she loves me more.

I don't really understand why a woman wouldn't drop her maiden name I believe she said I do which means she is ready to commit to her husband no matter what. In the bible it says that men should leave their parents and cleave to their wife and this should be the same for women. Your identity (not ur personality) changes and so should your name. Bearing a name of mrs. Okereke and married to mr. Udechuku doesn't send a message of oneness that ought to be reflected in marriage.

soreola:

I don't really understand why a woman wouldn't drop her maiden name I believe she said I do which means she is ready to commit to her husband no matter what. In the bible it says that men should leave their parents and cleave to their wife and this should be the same for women. Your identity (not your personality) changes and so should your name. Bearing a name of mrs. Okereke and married to mr. Udechuku doesn't send a message of oneness that ought to be reflected in marriage.

Please explain to me how "oneness" is reflected in a name. What about those who have never married but share the same surname?

A woman who retains her maiden name after her marriage is sorely lacking respect to her husband.

very weird- in some parts of Africa, the woman not only retains her maiden name throughout marriage, but every child receives a different surname even if they're from the same father and mother.

tpia.:

very weird- in some parts of Africa, the woman not only retains her maiden name throughout marriage, but every child receives a different surname even if they're from the same father and mother.

And what part of Africa is that?

Ndipe:

A woman who retains her maiden name after her marriage is sorely lacking respect to her husband.

women in many parts of East Africa (Somalia etc) retain their maiden name. likewise women from some cultures in Ghana.
not every society in the world is patrilineal.

Ndipe:

A woman who retains her maiden name after her marriage is sorely lacking respect to her husband.

i'm gonna go off on a limb here and say that I agree with you. It's not part of our tradition as far as I'm aware of.

I dont get involved in things which dont concern me.

If I see a man bearing his wife's family name, I dont bother myself about that either since its none of my business.

Hypertension is real.

People have gotten themselves in serious*** overseas for being overly involved in other people's affairs.

oyinda.:

women in many parts of East Africa (Somalia etc) retain their maiden name. likewise women from some cultures in Ghana.
not every society in the world is patrilineal.

I know or have read that the Ashanti's of Ghana are strictly matrilineal. And wetin consin me if a woman decides to retain her maiden name after marriage?

The real reason I figure out is that of fear. Most women are afraid of divorce 2morrow, and it will be easier to continue life without the change of names. This could stem from the experiences they had during the premarital relationship. Some could have messed up and are afraid the man might bank on this later in the marriage to say 'go.' If we have a good background of marriage, why will a woman want to carry along her maiden name to her matrimonial home, when marriage (at least in our part of the world) means change your status and make a new family.
Secondly, some women do this as a result of pride. If their parents are well to do, they will want people to know that they are fronm that background when you hear their names. This I don't blame them, but the country style here as people tend to have respect so much for material things. They believe it will make ways for them in contract seeking etc. This spans even to death. When a woman is late, you see the obituary announcement saying, nee so so and so if she comes from a royal or rich home.
My candid opinion though is to let go of the maiden names once married.

Ndipe:

I know or have read that the Ashanti's of Ghana are strictly matrilineal. And wetin consin me if a woman decides to retain her maiden name after marriage?

in your previous post, u say that she is "sorely lacking respect to her husband"
and here u say it's no big deal"wetin consin me"

where exactly do u stand on the issue? 
i personally think it depends on the culture and the individuals involved in the partnership.

oyinda.:

in your previous post, u say that she is "sorely lacking respect to her husband"
and here u say it's no big deal"wetin consin me"

[b]where exactly do u stand on the issue?  [/b]i personally think it depends on the culture and the individuals involved in the partnership.

My statements that any lady who still keeps her maiden name as her last name after marriage is 'sorely lacking respect to her husband' and that I wouldnt be bothered by it is mutually inclusive. It means that while I am not in the position to tell the woman to revert to her new name (wetin concern me), it's still sorely disrespectful to her husband.

Ndipe:

My statements that any lady who still keeps her maiden name as her last name after marriage is 'sorely lacking respect to her husband' and that I wouldnt be bothered by it is mutually inclusive. It means that while I am not in the position to tell the woman to revert to her new name (wetin concern me), it's still sorely disrespectful to her husband.

lol. it maybe be disrespectful to the yoruba man. but to the somali man or the ghanaian man, it's normal and the way it should be. different cultures, different ways of life and different definitions of respect

oyinda.:


lol. it maybe be disrespectful to the yoruba man. but to the somali man or the ghanaian man, it's normal and the way it should be. different cultures, different ways of life and different definitions of respect 

I'd like to think that we were referring to women in the Nigerian context, not those from places where it is readily accepted for a woman to still bear her maiden name.

oh ok. then that makes sense. i thought u meant women in general.

Ndipe:

My statements that any lady who still keeps her maiden name as her last name after marriage is 'sorely lacking respect to her husband' and that I wouldnt be bothered by it is mutually inclusive. It means that while I am not in the position to tell the woman to revert to her new name (wetin concern me), it's still sorely disrespectful to her husband.

I'm not exactly sure how it's "mutually inclusive" or disrespectful to the husband unless the husband has major control issues. 

If the relationship between husband and wife is solid, names mean nothing.  No secure man will let his wife retaining her maiden name come between them.  I'd hate to think she married him simply because his name sounded better than hers 

suprted:

i don't see the big deal.  its not like her taking my name means she loves me more.

Some 'independent' women who insist on retaining their maiden name during the course of their marriage are the same who would insist on claiming back their former husband's name in the event of an unfortunate divorce, so that their last name would correspond with that of their children born during the union.

^^ lol. i would change my kids name to correspond with mine rather than change my name to my ex-husbands. that just is silly. never heard of that b4. lol changing ur last name to ur ex's. lol

Apparently changing your maidens name to your husbands is a sign of oness. I whose eyes I ask? There we go again worried about what others may say in relation to the choices we make especially in marriage. I believe oness matters most when nobody else is watching, behind closed curtains/doors and its just the two of you. Again I believe it has a lot to do with what lies within the two of you about each other that which nobody else can see and only you and your partner may know and maybe even that which your partner will never know. Whether I change my maiden name or not is inconsequential to the sanity and wellbeing of the union. I may change my maiden name, question is, will it change the person in me inside and out?

Personaly its not what I prefer but just one of those things I guess I'll end up doing for sake of conformity. It wont kill me,