This is for a friend.

"I've been married for seven months now and I'm bearing my husband's name alongside my father's name. My husband doesn't like it and is insisting I bear his name only and remove my father's name but that's hard for me because I've used my father's name professionally for over ten years and that's the name everyone knows. Why can't a woman retain her maiden name after marriage? What do I do, he's really insisting."

Can u allow ur wife to retain her maiden name after marriage?
Women, what if ur husband insist that you shouldn't, what will you do?

Bigsteveg: This is for a friend.

"I've been married for seven months now and I'm bearing my husband's name alongside my father's name. My husband doesn't like it and is insisting I bear his name only and remove my father's name but that's hard for me because I've used my father's name professionally for over ten years and that's the name everyone knows. Why can't a woman retain her maiden name after marriage? What do I do, he's really insisting."

Can u allow ur wife to retain her maiden name after marriage?
Women, what if ur husband insist that you shouldn't, what will you do?

which maiden name? did her mother retain her maiden name? only a weak man would allow such nonsense. if she cares so much for her maiden name, she should have married her dad or her brother.

Isn't it for this purpose people undergo a legal change of name that can be used as proof when a situation arises?

I don't see how using her father's name for 10years becomes a good excuse. If her husband wants her to use his name only, then she should do that.

.

coogar:

which maiden name? did her mother retain her maiden name? only a weak man would allow such nonsense. if she cares so much for her maiden name, she should have married her dad or her brother.

Lol..u dey vex o brother

Bigsteveg:
Lol..u dey vex o brother

vex?
all those fine details should have been discussed before marriage. i don't just see how a woman would look me in the eye & tell me she's keeping her maiden name. i will drive her straight back to her father's house & demand my brideprice & the goat he collected during the traditional marriage!

Thats no excuse for retaining her maiden name, you see ladies declaring their change of name in the newspaper everyday, so she has no excuse.

Better obey the guy, nonsense.

First of all, when you become a married couple the name change that occurs is a symbol of the couple identity that the two of you are taking on. It’s a symbol of your commitment to one another and to “becoming one”. Your husband loves you so much that he is giving you his name. You love him so much that you are taking on a new name. If you can leave your father and mother to join with your husband and become one with him then what is the big deal in what he said?
Personaly I cannot tolerate a wife who debates minor things like this one. It is one family, one name. If you don’t take my name, I’d seriously question your faith in us lasting as a couple.


That her excuse is no excuse at all, she is either a feminist or she has a friend who is one.

I think the man is making a mountain out of a molehill, the woman is yours already so whats the big deal with names? however, if I was married and my husband makes such an issue, I'll remove the maiden name na, there are sweeter things to fight about biko, not surname.

coogar:

vex?
all those fine details should have been discussed before marriage. i don't just see how a woman would look me in the eye & tell me she's keeping her maiden name. i will drive her straight back to her father's house & demand my brideprice & the goat he collected during the traditional marriage!

I agree, such issues should be discussed before marriage.

Bigsteveg:

I agree, such issues should be discussed before marriage.

top career women like hilary clinton & michele obama took their husbands' name then an mgbeke naija chic would tell me otherwise? not in this life-time.

Some couples like making an issue out of nothing. This is the reason we have so many divorce cases and when asked what caused it,you hear things like irreconcilable differences.

Nawao!

coogar:

top career women like hilary clinton & michele obama took their husbands' name then an mgbeke naija chic would tell me otherwise? not in this life-time.

women gan self........why did you marry him in the first place wen you knew you won't drop your maiden name. You need to visit a rehabilitation center.

coogar:

vex?
all those fine details should have been discussed before marriage. i don't just see how a woman would look me in the eye & tell me she's keeping her maiden name. i will drive her straight back to her father's house & demand my brideprice & the goat he collected during the traditional marriage!

Well i c no problm wit husband dcision aftal he marrid her, if removn her dad name would make dia marriage peaceful so b it pls
let her comprehnd her husband, do d nidful nd save ur marriage

abegg

Why are Nigerian men so insecured? what is the big deal about keeping one's maiden name? I am so tired of this nonsense

Why didnt they discuss this issue before getting hitched? Different strokes for different folks. Some men do not mind.

Some things are best not assumed."babes when we get married I want to keep my maiden name" then they discuss it.if it is such a big issue where no one wants to compromise then you go your separate ways.

OmoAlata1: Why are Nigerian men so insecured? what is the big deal about keeping one's maiden name? I am so tired of this nonsense

But women the world over take their husbands names naa? How does this now make Nigerian men in particular insecure? I agree if your name is a brand and all but I don't think it's insecurity.its more something they should have talked about and agreed before marriage.some men don't mind but seems she picked one that does.She should have looked for one who does not mind.that's what courting is for.

Sophyrocks: Why didnt they discuss this issue before getting hitched? Different strokes for different folks. Some men do not mind.

One thing I can tell it's that most naija men mind , in fact all mind .some may not just take issue with it. The question is why is this a difficult thing to do by modern day women ? There are legal laws that handle change of names .

Most men will say "did her mother keep her maiden name ? " .I've never come across a naija man that don't care.

I'd see a problem if she didn't take his name at all.
But if she did,what's the big deal?


Op tell her,for peace' sake. She can drop her middle name, use her former surname as middle name and use hubby's surname as her surname. Matter go end.

coogar:

only a weak man would allow such nonsense.

Wrong. There's nothing weak about that.
And forcing your wife to bend to your will isn't a sign of strength.

So all those men that their wives bear their maiden names are weak? Talk something else joor.

@op, there's no rule on that.
Marriage is a contract, an agreement, an accord. So before u enter into it... u must discuss widely and agree on important things such as this... number of kids, where to build house/live, finance, etc

cococandy:
Wrong. There's nothing weak about that.
And forcing your wife to bend to your will isn't a sign of strength.

So all those men that their wives bear their maiden names are weak? Talk somethuing else joor.

their wives must have paid their bride-prices themselves. i reiterate, only weak men allow such nonsense especially when he's forced by the woman to take the option.

no one is forcing anyone to bend to my will. it's a take it or leave it offer. if her maiden name is more important then she's probably not good enough for me to marry.

there are way too many pebbles on the beach!

priest2u:
One thing I can tell it's that most naija men mind , in fact all mind .some may not just take issue with it. The question is why is this a difficult thing to do by modern day women ? There are legal laws that handle change of names .

Nope. You are wrong. You said 'most' and later said 'All'. Be consistent. The truth is Not all. A lot of women join their maiden names to that of their husbands. Those men who agree with it aint ghosts na. We've got celebrities and people from affluent backgrounds who do it. So?

I think as long as she joined her maiden name to her husband's, its not supposed to be a big deal. A lot of women retain these names because of the opportunities/social status/impact they have created.

Anyways, this is why they should have discussed this issue before marriage. I wonder how long they have been married.

coogar:

which maiden name? did her mother retain her maiden name? only a weak man would allow such nonsense. if she cares so much for her maiden name, she should have married her dad or her brother.

shhhhhaaaaaarrrraaaaapppp there




why you dey blow hot air . everything na gra gra. *yimu*



only a weak man my foot. What is in a name that you are taking so personal like say if she no remove her fathers name it will make you less of a man or reduce the length of your power house


na so them go dey form gra gra where them no need am

kulyie: shhhhhaaaaaarrrraaaaapppp there
why you dey blow hot air . everything na gra gra. *yimu*

that's why gra-gra men like me get the cream of the top while passive women like you get mumu men.

only a weak man my foot. What is in a name that you are taking so personal like say if she no remove her fathers name it will make you less of a man or reduce the length of your power house

part of why she's marrying me is giving up her father's name. if she cannot do that, let her marry her father.

na so them go dey form gra gra where them no need am

it's not your fault you are hyper tonight, it must be your time of the month. i expect you to return to normal after 3-5 days. crack on with your hyper self.

oniranu!

That's your POV and it is wrong.

There must be too many weak men around if we agree with you.

Some men don't mind and some know that there's more to marriage than flexing muscles and trying to use a name to mark ownership.

I don't even see how one can be forced on a name that he's not the one bearing,so the issue of force doesn't apply to him.

Too many pebbles on the beach are you in love with all of them? Or any of them will do for marriage?

I agree anyway that it is something that should be discussed before the wedding.

coogar:

their wives must have paid their bride-prices themselves. i reiterate, only weak men allow such nonsense especially when he's forced by the woman to take the option.

no one is forcing anyone to bend to my will. it's a take it or leave it offer. if her maiden name is more important then she's probably not good enough for me to marry.

there are way too many pebbles on the beach!

coogar:

which maiden name? did her mother retain her maiden name? only a weak man would allow such nonsense. if she cares so much for her maiden name, she should have married her dad or her brother.

why the thing come dey hot your body like this?
abi your wife don join her maiden name to your name?









op, if my hubby's last name ain't sexy enough for my liking , you know names like 'Ajala, oriyomi, etc etc', well, I'll have to go with my ever-sexy father name

Wetin consain you with my time of the month or my time of the year.na the matter be that?



dey there dey deceive yourself say you get cream of the top.abi you wan say you get bimbo girls aka at your service .fine for face, good down there but them don replace their brain with sand.didirin

coogar:

that's why gra-gra men like me get the cream of the top while passive women like you get mumu men.




part of why she's marrying me is giving up her father's name. if she cannot do that, let her marry her father.



it's not your fault you are hyper tonight, it must be your time of the month. i expect you to return to normal after 3-5 days. crack on with your hyper self.

oniranu!

cococandy: That's your POV and it is wrong.

There must be too many weak men around if we agree with you.

whoever said there aren't weak men around? of course there are. weak people are everywhere.

Some men don't mind and some know that there's more to marriage than flexing muscles and trying to use a name to mark ownership.

name isn't to mark ownership - it's about following the guidelines of the marriage tradition. she should have married herself.

I don't even see how one can be forced on a name that he's not the one bearing,so the issue of force doesn't apply to him.

force is out of it!
it's an optional thing.....take it or leave it. there must be plenty of women out there that will take the offer.

Too many pebbles on the beach are you in love with all of them? Or any of them will do for marriage?

falling in love is the easiest part & yes, nearly all of them are excellent wife materials.

I agree anyway that it is something that should be discussed before the wedding.

even now, it's not too late.....
he should just drive her back to her father's house and ask his MIL whether she kept her own maiden name. if the answer is no, he should dump the wife there for more home training. she must have skipped some while growing up. 13 weeks of staying with her parents will reset her brain.