I heard the speaker of the House of Representatives is a hairdresser."

"She is a professional beautician."

"What is the difference? Tell me what the difference is."

"I don't know the difference either, but she does more than dressing hair. You people are just making a mountain out of a molehill; please leave this woman alone."

"But the woman won't leave us alone in peace. She claimed every Nigerian knew she attended Ayedaade Grammar School in Ikire, Osun State. I do not even know if the school exist, and if it does, is it an approved school or just one of those one two room colleges?"

"You are full of scepticism."

"I am only after the truth. For example, Honourable Patricia Etteh did not tell us the name of the college where she obtained her Diploma in Law."

"It must have escaped her mind. You people are putting too much pressure on her; she cannot even concentrate any more."

"She cannot concentrate or she's surprised all the hidden dirt could be exposed and dug up in no time? "

"She is being harassed."

"By who? All we want to know from her is the truth. Let her tell us from which school she procured her Diploma in Education."

"You see what I mean, you are biased already. No wonder the woman is seeking the protection of all Nigerians."

"You mean she wants Nigerians to join the brick-bats and fisticuffs going on at the National Assembly in the name of debate? She really want Nigerians to come out with stones, knives and cutlass to protect her!"

"She feels highly intimidated by those after her, those who want her position of Speaker."

"Is this what all this is about? This is another post-grabbing clash or scheme. The seat is definitely too hot for her, probably also too big for her hairdresser head to cope with."

"She has a degree in view, a Bachelor of Science in Political Science degree."

"Those are now two for one kobo in Nigeria, my friend. By the way where is she buying that from?"

"She is not buying it; she is earning it from the University of Abuja."

"But the degree is in view?"

"Yes, it is. She said that much."

"For how long will this degree remain in view? When will it get to her? For how long do we have to wait for her to begin to put the knowledge that is also in view to our collective advantage - two, three years?"

"You people have to show understanding and be patient."

"The house is on fire and you ask us to be patient! The nation is on a slide and the House of Representatives has done nothing in one week beside trading punches and making news in the international media."

"I am sure you know democracy is very costly and it takes time to gain ground."

"I know all about that. By the last count the speaker has been to the United States to celebrate her birthday and all that cost money. She is also renovating her official residence at a cost no one is sure of anymore. She's bought new cars recently. Who knows what other expenses she's committed the poor masses of this nation to?"

"She is the Speaker of the House of Representatives don't forget."

"But how did she become the speaker in the first place? Didn't her colleagues see her resume? I would like to see a copy of the resume she tendered to the Assembly and see the qualifications she listed."

"I am sure they saw her resume. She, "

"Maybe she gave them egunje to shut their mouths, a few Ghana-Must-Go can go a long way in the National Assembly."

"But she has made it clear that her certificates are available for all to see."

"Where and how can Nigerians see her certificates? Is she planning to display them at the National Museum?"

"Don't be cheeky."

"I am not being cheeky. I am angry that some of these people are taking us all for a ride. Remember this House has a bad reputation for Ghana-Must-Go and it appears anything can happen at the House. The house is worse than T.A Fuji's house in Checkmate. Fighting, stealing, raping, certificate racketeering a la Oluwole and other evil deeds are the hallmarks of the National Assembly."

"The Speaker is different. She's a woman of humble beginnings."

"A woman of humble beginnings who is yet to eat the humbling pie. Humble beginnings my foot! She has done nothing since she took office that will have direct impact for the good of our people, so where is the difference you are talking about?"

"She is well meaning and promised to give the job of Speaker her best shot during her inauguration."

"Is it not clear now that her best shot won't be enough? Her best shot has been one crisis after another, one scam a month and one crisis every fortnight. We want real progress and someone who knows what he is doing and what is expected of him. There are far more intelligent people at the House if only they will put their crooked, light fingers and hands in check and focus on national service."

"You don't know what you are talking about. Those well read members are worse off. They are by far more exposed, with richer taste and appetite than Mrs Etteh. Let me warn you that those intelligent members eat with both hands and legs. I am sure you remember Chuba Okadigbo and Salisu Buhari."

"Oh yes, Salisu Buhari! That was the former speaker with Toronto certificates! Are you sure Mrs. Etteh does not have much more in common with Salisu Buhari? The boys in Oluwole must be contacted to find out which of them designed the certificates. Those boys are doing brisk business these days of political opportunities and heavy certificate procurement."

"These are wicked insinuations."

"These are the truth and we must not kid ourselves. By the way, where was the Speaker's Hair Dressing and Beauty Saloon located? I might need to make my hair and have some pedicure done."

"She is no longer doing that. She is manicuring our laws now and pedicuring our lives."

"Ha! I didn't say that. You know I have long noticed that Madam Speaker take good time to fix her looks every time. Her hair, powder, lip stick, and other beauty steps are carefully taken care of."

"She takes very good care of her appearance, I must agree."

"She must be spending hours doing so rather than reading the motions and documents sent to her. Are we even sure Her Excellency can read. I wonder how many credits she made in her School Certificate and how many times she took the Almighty WAEC. I hope she's not one of those guys who can reel off the years certain questions came out in a particular subject or more."

"But you must give it to her that at 54 years age she is still in the hunt for a degree."

"Alright, I give that to her, but I do not concede to her the right to mislead all of us and abuse privileges. She is a mere opportunist crying foul where there is none, and her action will make us dig further into her past."

"Please leave this woman alone."

"Only if she leaves us alone."