^^^













vulture!!!

I'm feeling dis boi

THE DOG

A farmer went to his farm to weed around his maize, and as usual went with "hope", his dog.
As he usually does, he sat down to first sharpen his cutlass on the sharpening stone.he sat on the ground opening his legs and began sharpening.Now he didnt know there was a hole between his legs, exposing his big "POLICE".
now "HOPE" as smart and wild as it is, spotted the "POLICE" moving left to right repeatedly with sooooooooooo much hair around it, AND began barking undertone '' hmmmnnnnnnnnn, wouf!, wouf. . ."
The farmer knew it must be a grasscutter and trusted "HOPE" to easily catch it.Anytime he said "catch", HOPE would pounce on anything, so he quickly ordered "catch". and HOPE didnt hesitate, jumped and grabbed the farmer's POLICE and tore it into pieces, . . .one thing i never forget about this story was the farmer's cry. . .













" HOPE i wan this grasscutter alive oooooo, HOPE oooooo, abeg oooooo, hope o ooooooooo"

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-830671.0.html

IBO MAN!

An Urhobo man invited his friends for his father's burial, after lowering the coffin, they put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave. An Hausa man asked why? The Urhobo man smiled & said, ''According to our tradition, the dead man is going on a long journey & need all the food items. The Hausa man dropped £500 inside, and said ''When the food finish, buymore''. The Yoruba man also dropped £500. The Igbo man brought out his cheque book &
wrote a cheque of £1500 & took the £1000 notes as change. U wan try IGBO MAN?

SPOONS

An illiterate guy got married to an educated young beau. One day they went for launch at a restaurant, the man yelled to waiter saying "bring a plate of rice and 2 spoon", d wife signalled him and said "honey add S"(to 2 spoon), he immediately yelled back to d waiter, bring 'S' too, i like am.

LOO

A teacher entered the public ttoilet without a paper n whilst still dropping, was joined by uwa, his pupil.The teacher had finished shittzing but because he had no paper, waited till uwa leave before he would wear his trousers and go. . .
30 minutes came and uwa was still there. . .Teacher look at Uwa face, and Uwa look at teacher face. . .then the teacher broke the silence. . .
"uwa, wont you go to the classroom?"

uwa replied,"today me and you go die for hia!!!, no paper-nopaper!"

FUEL SUBSIDY DIALOGUE

I met this beggar at Oshodi market wey i give am 10 naira.
The beggar come bone after he take my money, so i ask am, why you frown na?
He come look me up and down and say" oga!, u know say Goodluck don remove fuel subsidy now?"
"so?" i ask the beggar
"so we beggars too don remove our own subsidy jhoor!,make u add 20 naira! mcheee!"


i almost died!

STRAW

I took this yoruba girl to the drinking bar.
i requested for coke with straw. . .
i ask this girl what she will take, she dey com dey flex him muscle, she say oh, "just straw"

soon my coke was in, and her straw was in. . .she start dey look me, no talk, look me, then she burst out"where my own drink now!!!? nor be straw i request? why you bring me this stick!!!. , "












the waitress fell into coma!

^^^^ idiota, na mumu like u dey see mumu girl carry na

continue with ur jokes i'm impressed

dinadebby:

continue with ur jokes i'm impressed

thanks babe, are u single?

ABOKI

This Aboki was washing peoples clothes for money.
Anytime he got to your house, he would group all like-clothes and count them, then charge you.
one day, he got to Papa Nebu's house.Papa Nebu brought out all his dirty clothes, and Aboki had to group them and charge him, so he started. . .
" one short, three trousers, two suits and. . ."
he had the last cloth, a smock in his hands, but because he didnt know the name, he went over and over his lines and always left out the smock.
he was running out of time, so finally said " one short, three trousers, two suits. . .one parachute!!"












Papa Nebu died!!

i tot u were suppd to die @ the end of that meaningless joke of yours.
next pls.

El Guapo:

More Grease and Fuel to YA Elbow Gbagbo

thanks boy for the respect!

ode remo:

i tot u were suppd to die @ the end of that meaningless joke of yours.
next pls.

animal!!!

u are a runt.
ediot.

^^^

















goat!!!

FISH

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

''May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"

^^ LmaO -- Nice JOke Bro

Superb jokes!

THREAD BOOKMARKED FOR FUTURE REFERENCES!

Bin gbagbo is one of d best jokers here, naturally funny.

Some of dese dude dat hate on him r attention hungry nigroes who jst want cheap fame,they jst follow d multitude to f.ckin hateeeee.

Let all these baseless follow-follow nigkas find their bearings and stop copying odas here.

Lemme see d nxt person dat will hate on dis dude's talent.

Its still the prince, and I'm signing out!

thanks all for the love!

donkollione my right hand's man, el guapo(my former hater) and eldav(my good friend)






bin shall never zissappoint!!

bunch of foolish cabals, we go soon comot subsidy for jokes so make una still cum dey post una useles dry jokes

mustspin:

bunch of foolish cabals, we go soon comot subsidy for jokes so make una still precipitate dey post una useles dry jokes

I LEAVE YOU TO ELDAV!













BUSH PIG!!

BEN 10

Woman to Doc :My Husband is not interested in s*x"

Doc: Give these pills to him every day, put 1 pill in his tea. She did & they had sEx which they enjoyed.

Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea & they enjoyed much more. On the 3rd day, she emptied the whole bottle in d tea.

Two days later Doc called to know the progress,

son picked the phone and replied: "Mom is in coma, Aunty is in hospital, Maid is suing for violation, My Bottom is paining & Dad is looking for bingo everywhere

TRUE SHTORY

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-858807.0.html

THEY LIVE

A thief went to steal plantains in the farm of a very wealthy man,
because it was very late in the night, he hid the plantains in an orange tree and went home, hoping to come back for it the next day.
Next morning, he went to check, and the plantain was not there.He wept bitterly and went back home.Now in the afternoon, he was at the market where he saw Issiah, another thief in the town selling plantains.He looked at them and they were his plantains, but couldnt shout because he also stole them. . .
He looke d at issiah closely and said" foolish vulture!!, you, you nor dey do, if somebody do then you dey come do, "






issiah was on the ground laffing his forking arse out

BABY GALORE!!!!

A young Jamaican father-to-be living dung inna country awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Docta! Docta! Come fas! A mi wife sah! Ar water bruk an shi bout fi av di pikni!"

The doctor came over and told the father "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise di Laad! A wan boy! Me a de proud faada a wan baby boy!"

The doctor again told the father, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure,another cry was heard.The father excitedly proclaimed: "A wan twin!! Mi get twin baby! Me doubly bless! Glory to Gad!"

The doctor instructed, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Tank Jesus."

The doctor repeated, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard. The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold up di lamp higher man. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe a di light a attrac dem?"












the doctor miscarried!!

^^^ funny but dry

^^^

yes, like your girlfriend nyaansh!!!