I'm really confused right now.
I am the first born in a family of 5,and my father has warned me not to get romantically involved with any woman outside the delta-igbo, or other igbo groups.We are delta-Igbos.
I happen to be a chemical engineer,and on a masters degree scholarship to study at Oxford,sponsored by shell,as I am a first class graduate(The best graduating engineering student in my uni actually).I have this yoruba lady whom I have been dating right through the university,and
she has actually been the pillar behind my academic success as she encouraged me to take my studies dilligently,even when I was busy partying away on campus.
She singlehandedly bought me a West-african Engineering competition form for #20,000,in which I actually did well & came out as the second best engineering student in West-africa with a price reward of €30,000.
I have actually wanted to propose to her,but I Can't due to my father's threat of dis- owning me.
I am scheduled to go to England this year,and she has been longing for me to make the relationship more concrete.
Now, i have other Igbo female friends who are equally beautiful,intelligent and sweet,which I could fall in love with easily,but I dont want to hurt her.
Should I call my father's bluff?(I am dead,if I try this),or should I break up with her?(guilt would kill me!).
I respect my father alot,but i also love my woman!

PERSONALLY THINK U SHOULD DEAL WITH SUCH ISSUES OUTSIDE THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. ALL THE BEST ANYWAY

Why did you continue with her when you knew you had been warned against that! SMH!

So are you expecting us to tell you to disobey your father abi that you should break the poor Yoruba girl's heart. I will not be a party to any of that!

YOU MADE YOUR BED. LIE IN IT!

@OP, sorry, u don't sound like an Engineer, talkless of first class, if you are really what you say you are, u should mathematically solve this little problem. Abeg, delete that 1st class engineer wey u say u bi.

op,i aint gon tell you nothing.
You gotta weigh the consequences of whichever choice you decide to make and pick the one you'd deal better with.
I don't envy you right now.goodluck!

Op I'm with vikin on this,no be beef but guy this your story sounds like something made up,first class wetin? Modify abeg.

sexkillz:

Why is it that we always want to do that very thing we are pre warned not to do?
Why do we like taking premeditated risks?
Why do we run back to the very people who warned us first, after we have disobeyed them, and met with dire consequences?. . .

I'm flabbergasted!

thank U, infact am also Maniacally bewildered and floccowalmed and the logomaty and state of anomy of d OP! I rest my case!

VEDI VICKI PICKY

@ poster, I find it rather unfair, that conditions of who you can love are put on you. You are not a child and can make these decisions for yourself. The question is Are you willing to stand up for your choices? If not, then marry one of the other ladies and dont look back. IMO

@all
Well,I am sorry for the seemingly unneccessary academic 'stories'.I felt it was neccessary,to depict how much of a help the lady has been to me.
@lola.luv
my father just told me about his decision last week.I never knew about it until last week.(probably due to the fact that i was travelling abroad)
@vikin;
you can believe whatever you want to believe.That is irrelevant.
All I want is your advice,since you have a knowledge of 'mathematical solutions to romantic problems'

sexkillz:

So who's the devil in this story?

I was wondering the same thing

Then maybe you should talk to your mum and let her meet your dad on your behalf. Make them understand how your GF has been there for you. From the way you described the Yoruba gurl, she seems a loving chick that inspired you to be better and you don't get that everywhere!

You can't tell if the Igbo sistas really love you. Don't throw away a diamond, while busy gathering stones!


But if your dad kicks against it. . .oh well!

^^^
I think his father is eating from the same honey pot and he does not wanna share so he comes up with this new rule

^^^

sexkillz:

Me thinks the devil is his father. . . Cos he just told him last week! It's only the devil that waits till the last minute to burst your bubble!. . . What do you think?

Well my first response was to tell the poster to choose The Deep Blue Sea, but then I thought " wait a minute, then that makes the devil his fathers conditions and consequence !" I didnt want it to sound that way, but I guess Im not the one who chose those words for a title.

You all should spare the guy the criticisms of his achievement abeg. Do I sense jealousy? Some are okay with saying it, some aren't.

@Solomon,  I think as someone suggested, you should talk to your mom and then your dad. But then again you are a man. I can't imagine anyone telling me who or who not to marry. That's simply a no go area for anyone.

But bros, I thought you were the one criticizing me in the politics section for being away and still having the audacity to talk about Naija. That we should come back home before we can even participate in discussions about our country. How come you want to leave? Why not stay and try to force change.

@marc anthony;
Thanks!
You know as the firstborn,your marriage is taken rather too seriously.I think i will have to seek my mum's help in this matter.
About our political discussions;
I tend to get pissed,when diasporeans try to enforce their views about Nigeria on us, without having a feel of the latest happening in Nigeria.
I know I sound like a hypocrite right now,but that was just how I felt at that time.
I apologise for my unduely harsh behaviour.

@poster. You had an agreement with your dad first therefore I advice you stick to it. But if actually your commitment to your yoruba girl came first then I would advice you stick to her no matter what, just like first come first serve.
Do everything possible to make your dad change his mind. If he doesn't, then explain to the lady that you had an agreement with your dad in the first place which you must keep.

@OP

Please don't mind all those jealous fellas whose academic achievements are nothing to write home about.

As for the issue of your current girlfriend, its your choice to either break up with her right now, or take the relationship to a higher level.
If you honestly break up with her right now, believe me, you are guilty of nothing and have committed no crime. All relationships are not meant to reach the marriage stage.

Goodluck!!!

We both know that Goodluck is not enough. He will need a little Sambo

its really sad that u can't make a choice of your own at that age and achievement, well, i think u should pray it through and knw God's mind, then, what u or your father thinks becomes secondary,

or, don't u believe in God?

abeg make una live d guy to brag about his good grades personally i find it inspiring.
@poster, do u want to marry this girl cos u love her or as gratitude for wat she did for u? Cos to me it sounds like d later. Marrying a gal out of gratitude not love is equivalent to marrying a gal cos she is having ur baby and such marraiges dont usualy last.
As for ur fada wanting u 2 marry an ibo gal, Last tym i checked d woman lives her place to d mans place not d oda way round, weda u marry ibo or yoruba, u will stil be a delta boy.
I dont think u love ds gal, i think u are just grateful, in ur own words if u dont marry her 'guilt' and and not sadness or heartbreak will kill u.
U and not ur fada will live with d woman u marry so follow ur heart when u want to marry not his tribal sentiments.

dimbright:

abeg make una live d guy to brag about his good grades personally i find it inspiring.
@poster, do u want to marry this girl cos u love her or as gratitude for wat she did for u? Cos to me it sounds like d later. Marrying a gal out of gratitude not love is equivalent to marrying a gal cos she is having your baby and such marraiges dont usualy last.
As for your fada wanting u 2 marry an ibo gal, Last tym i checked d woman lives her place to d mans place not d oda way round, weda u marry ibo or yoruba, u will stil be a delta boy.
I dont think u love ds gal, i think u are just grateful, in your own words if u dont marry her 'guilt' and and not sadness or heartbreak will kill u.
U and not your fada will live with d woman u marry so follow your heart when u want to marry not his tribal sentiments.

interesting comment guy

@OP, since u could easily fall in love with any of the other intelligent girls you've seen from ur area, then I do not think u really love that girl.

ok cool down a bit. Take a deep breath. Remove emotions/sentiments and do this.

You need to search yourself very well and ask yourself this: if I break up with this girl today, will I feel GUILT or HURT? Be sincere with yourself.

If u would feel HURT, like a part of u is being taken away from u, then u love her, and u should pray about it and try to let ur dad know u truly love her.

But if on the other hand u would feel GUILT, then pls save yourself and the girl all this drama and break it off. If, when you think about her and having any relationship with her, what comes readily to mind is the money she paid on your behalf and the care, and you feel you have to reward her, then MR, save yourself (and the girl) future marital wahala. You do not love her. You are only feeling obligated toward her.

What you do:
1.you should honestly tell her you appreciate all she has done for you, but that sincerely, you do not feel the kind of love that bears a r/ship or marriage toward her.
2. Offer to pay her back the money in an unpatronizing but appreciative voice.
If she refuses, fine. But then u would have achieved something: making sure no one makes u feel guilty about the money.

Whatever u do, DO NOT allow her or anyone pressure u into any relationship.

A r/ship borne of pity never stands. If u know that, Minus the money and all the care she showed u, that u can easily get into another relationship or not think about her in that way at all or for long, then she's not meant for u. Clear ur eyes of cobwebs and infatuation, and go find ur wife.

Congrats on your academic achievements.Its inspiring and u deserve a pat.


Why not put a pause on both options till ur mind is made up? You got a whole life ahead of you and plenty more girls to meet.
What would happen if u marry against ur parents wishes in this day and era?

w h e r e d d a l l t h i s s p a c e c o m e f r o m

TEHEHEHEHEHEH

@wislet
Thanks !
I think I would do as you say.
@pendo
well,you can't begin to imagine what it means for me to be at loggerhead with my father.
Trust me,it's not pleasant!
@all
Thanks for your contribution.
Its been enlightening!

Haa this is really serious,
You had better listen to your dad,
but make him to see reasons with why you want her,
if he insist don't bluff him because he had his reason why he insisted
else you may regret your actions, think well bro and equally explain to
your babe the true story
Happy choice