10th january this year,my marriage to E.L finally came to an end,february 17th would have made the union 5years,it was a very turbulent marriage right from the start,filled with intrigues,drama and fast paced.quoting her ex bf,who incidentally is the reason for this break up 'may be the marriage itself was a mistake'i totally agree,E.L wasnt prepared.on that faithfull day,i overheard her discussing with her sister that she was still plannin to leave me but she wasnt sure when, she went on to tell her little sis about a particular guy,how the guy loves her and has been giving her money,wat further infuriated me was wen she said she was sure the guy would accept and take care of our 3yr old son.i immediately went in and confronted her with all i heard,she initially played dumb bt later agreed she planned to dump m later in the year.i told her not to bother to wait that we should just end it now,i have accepted my faith,she has moved out and im trying to rebuild my life.my question dear nlanders was i too hasty. 2 should i have played along.i hate pretencies and hate to live a lie.3 one major issue we had was her constanty communicating with her ex bfs one of who happens to be a prominent nlander,always referring to them affectionately as 'babe','sweetheart'etc,even goin as far as using their pictures on her bb dp.im not a saint and i always acknowlege my own shortcomings as a husband and father.she treated me so badly, i feel so sad but im happy it has now come to an end.but,she has my son with her and i miss him so much.i just cant imagine him not growing up under me.so sad.sobs,

tonak:

10th january this year,my marriage to E.L finally came to an end,february 17th would have made the union 5years,it was a very turbulent marriage right from the start,filled with intrigues,drama and fast paced.quoting her ex bf,who incidentally is the reason for this break up 'may be the marriage itself was a mistake'i totally agree,E.L wasnt prepared.on that faithfull day,i overheard her discussing with her sister that she was still plannin to leave me but she wasnt sure when, she went on to tell her little sis about a particular guy,how the guy loves her and has been giving her money,wat further infuriated me was wen she said she was sure the guy would accept and take care of our 3yr old son.i immediately went in and confronted her with all i heard,she initially played dumb bt later agreed she planned to dump m later in the year.i told her not to bother to wait that we should just end it now,i have accepted my faith,she has moved out and im trying to rebuild my life.my question dear nlanders was i too hasty. 2 should i have played along.i hate pretencies and hate to live a lie.3 one major issue we had was her constanty communicating with her ex bfs one of who happens to be a prominent nlander,always referring to them affectionately as 'babe','sweetheart'etc,even goin as far as using their pictures on her bb dp.im not a saint and i always acknowlege my own shortcomings as a husband and father.she treated me so badly, i feel so sad but im happy it has now come to an end.but,she has my son with her and i miss him so much.i just cant imagine him not growing up under me.so sad.sobs,

the bolded is food for thought

there is no point in blaming yourself for not postponing the evil day,my advice is try to be happy with yourself as you jouney thru life cos depression is a killer . let your son grow under her care as men are not very good at caring for children due to hustling. you would both locate yourselfs someday and reunite.
just my 2 pips

Do you live in the west or Nigeria,go and get your son back

get Ur son back ke, how. do you think the court will allow that. many divorce cases i have seen, the woman is favoured to keep the children till a certain age

You reacted pretty fast. Maybe you shouldn't have sent her packing just like that :/ A round table discussion with her & two or three witnesses would have been okay. Sometimes, 'we' women aren't sure of our NEEDS, always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. I pray to God to lead & direct your path.

OlowoTee:

You reacted pretty fast. Maybe you shouldn't have sent her packing just like that :/ A round table discussion with her & two or three witnesses would have been okay. Sometimes, 'we' women aren't sure of our NEEDS, always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. I pray to God to lead & direct your path.

the real reason why she should be allowed to go and test the waters

aguiyi:

get your son back ke, how. do you think the court will allow that. many divorce cases i have seen, the woman is favoured to keep the children till a certain age

On Home soil,the woman will be die 12 times ,if they dont give me back the boy.

olas2u:

On Home soil,the woman will be die 12 times ,if they dont give me back the boy.

ola abeg say something serious jor ,what if they are not on home soil, dude should just move on, its possible they were not destined to be or maybe he saw all this deceit early in the relationship but allowed sentiments to becloud his sense of judgement, now he is paying for it.

can you imagine your wife or gf using her ex's pix as her BB DP,

One can't help getting touched by your sadness and feeling for your unhappiness but we only have your side of the story and can't begin to blame anybody to make you feel happy.

You should have worked at your marriage with your wife and resolved whatever unhappiness that had her looking outside your marriage instead of pushing her out of the marriage. What were you doing to her that were making her unhappy? If things can still be remedied you can discuss with her and give yourselves another chance to save your marriage. If the only reason she wanted to leave you is because some other person is giving her money then I won't advise that you go after her again. It is true that most of us women want the good things of life but not to the extent of looking down on our marriage because money came along.

It must hurt bad to be missing your child, I hope love brings the three of you home to one another again.

If she did exactly what you say she did - using another guy's pix on her dp, telling her sis what you say etc, then you did the sanest thing to do. Living with a woman even a man who has no regards for the sanctity of marriage is akin to living in hell.

^^verdict

I want to thank you all for your response,i really did try to make the marriage work,in the process taking in alot of shit.example october last yr,there was this guy she was very fond of,they call themselves honey,sweetheart,darling etc,i also discovered they usually hung out together after work,the guy drives to the island and they both hit the bars having a good time,and then by 11pm she calls me to pick her at the bus stop complaining of heavy traffic on 3rd mainland.when the matter broke,i called up the fella,he apologized that she told him she was separated from me.she pleaded and i allowed the issue to die.she also used his pics on her bb dp on his birthday.two weeks ago,she used that of another guy,but you will never see my pics on her dp or facebook,she tells pple she isnt married.im not a poor man.i have my own company,im a thorogh I.T pro,so its not as if we cant feed at home.its just her way.i really feel sad,av not slept in 5days.why she would ttreat me like this,i do not know,again im not old,im 37.shuold i reveal the name of the nlander who is her ex based in the uk,may be he has something to say about this,cos i contacted and accused himof also being behind the collapse of my marriage?

Hmmm, how disheartening!! why did she marry U̶̲̥̅̊ at first when she knows she didn't love u . Poster shld ℓ̊ treat her Bleep up for U̶̲̥̅̊?

Wђat? Pls reveal d name ℓ̊ d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ wait o

Lets know the Nlander who was shinning her kongo

OP,long story short,you've just joined the seperated but bitter clubs;uh?

I wanted to take you serious till i read you asking if you should spill the name of your ex-wife's boyfriend who according to you is a london based nlder.OK,what was that suppossed to add to your 'breaking news' ?how wud that help restore(if ever possible) your marriage?

Ngwanu go ahead and spill.Here's been kinda boring.You wanna spice up NLd yet u couldnt spice up ya marriage?Gimme tori.

Seriously,if all u typed here is true then you guys have no biz staying together.and just to know,since the seperation,have ur (ex) wife made any moves for reconcilation or she's somewhere breathing "Phew! Fresh air at long last" ?

@Op

Be strong, such is life . . . hmmmm, but I'm really interested to know the name of this nairalander you are talking about

//

Tanks again y'all,I'm not trying to be sensational here,the nlander I talked about is her friend,he sends her messages all the time,some of which I'm not comfortable with,and always told her so.he is not involved in this case that resulted in our separation,just that sometime ago that we had an issue, she told me it was the guy that was encouraging her to leave me,thT he would accept her and her son,since in the first place he was the one that should have married her before I gate crashed.the separation just occurred on Tuesday,I hope she's happy now and wish her well.she wanted to live a fast lane life,I'm a little bit conservative. But not boring.the whole problem actually started wen she started working on the island(Victoria Island),and started meeting these so called island big boys who started toasting her.I think she is just confused, I hope she realises her mistakes but for me,av moved on.

//

@chaircover,tanks for ur advise,I have always appreciated your inputs in situations like this,I dontknow if it's possible to speak with you on phone,will really love to.again,the last thing I want todo is force someone to love me or remain married to me wen there was no more love,hence I would say it was a bit easy for me to get over this,I think I have,cos the handwriting had always been on the wall and it would have been foolish to have ignored it.tanks again,pls let me know how I can reach u by phone.

tonak:

@chaircover,tanks for your advise,I have always appreciated your inputs in situations like this,I dontknow if it's possible to speak with you on phone,will really love to.again,[b]the last thing I want todo is force someone to love me or remain married to me wen there was no more love,hence I would say it was a bit easy for me to get over this,I think I hav[/b]e,cos the handwriting had always been on the wall and it would have been foolish to have ignored it.tanks again,pls let me know how I can reach u by phone.

Yeap, she never loved you from the beginning and hence has been feeling herself with other men, Take heart, you did the right thing by throwing her out of your house, she has no regards for you and your son, and she thinks another man would love her son the way the father would? i pity her, hope it will not be too late, when she finally realises her mistake.

I think you did the right thing in throwing her away.

Love tends to cloud judgement and to blind us to red flags. It's really sad that you married a woman that doesn't love you. I was going to marry a woman that didn't love me and she behaved the way your wife is behaving too! She would always talk about how sexy she finds other guys but I was too much in love with her to notice at first.

If all the things you describe are true, then this woman has a wandering eye and has allowed herself to be seduced by lies and fake gold. Those men won't marry her! They are just lying to her to get her to open her legs. I honestly don't know what to tell you about forgiving her in the future (there is a 80% chance that she'll be back on her knees begging because the world out there is harsh and cold). At that time, you can decide with the help of your family and pastor if you should take her back or move on permanently with your life.

As you begin to live-out the first few months of being a separated man, don't use this opportunity to start philandering and drinking excessively – that isn't going to help. Instead, spend the time praying, soul searching and refocusing on your personal and professional goals. Whether you chose to admit this now or not, your failed marriage has left you with battle scars that only TIME and spiritual food will heal. Please, take the time to become whole again, emotionally and spiritually, before jumping into new relationships. No woman deserves a man with unhealed scars caused by another woman.

Overall, please keep a special place in your heart for your first son, your first fruit. No man can replace you in his life and you need to remain in his life and cultivate a PERSONAL relationship with him. He'll remember this when he's old and thank you for it.

We all make terrible mistakes but all things work together for good for those who love and trust God. God is with you even in this difficult moments of confusion, hurt and anger. He'll see you through and no matter what happens, he will remain God. Good luck oh, bros!

My spirit is lifted,tanks for responses,I just spoke with my son now,he's the most intelligent 3 year old you'll ever find,he said' daddy I'm coming home tomorrow'.tank you so much,I really appreciate this family.

looks like your marriage was one of convenience. I doubt she ever loved you in the first place.

You just come across like the kind of husband that hides in the bushes and puts tracking devices in his wife's car. Anyway maybe you guys need to be at the very least separated for now. The fact that she just walked out quietly shows that she has already checked out of the marriage. She was even shopping for replacement daddy for the child. That is really bad. Your marriage has been damaged for a long time and it is not what happened even a year ago that caused it. Everything about you shows that you are over bearing and sneaky. Even this last fight was a conversation you were eaves dropping on. Bottom line is she does not respect you and you do not respect her. I feel bad for the child.

Outstrip:

You just come across like the kind of husband that hides in the bushes and puts tracking devices in his wife's car. Anyway maybe you guys need to be at the very least separated for now. The fact that she just walked out quietly shows that she has already checked out of the marriage. She was even shopping for replacement daddy for the child. That is really bad. Your marriage has been damaged for a long time and it is not what happened even a year ago that caused it. Everything about you shows that you are over bearing and sneaky. Even this last fight was a conversation you were eaves dropping on. Bottom line is she does not respect you and you do not respect her. I feel bad for the child.

you figured all that out in 6 posts or less? Amazing!

Outstrip:

You just come across like the kind of husband that hides in the bushes and puts tracking devices in his wife's car. Anyway maybe you guys need to be at the very least separated for now. The fact that she just walked out quietly shows that she has already checked out of the marriage. She was even shopping for replacement daddy for the child. That is really bad. Your marriage has been damaged for a long time and it is not what happened even a year ago that caused it. Everything about you shows that you are over bearing and sneaky. Even this last fight was a conversation you were eaves dropping on. Bottom line is she does not respect you and you do not respect her. I feel bad for the child.

How did you conclude that he is sneaky and overbearing from this thread? Or are you only responding to the ghosts in your head? Haba, sister!

OP, my own advice to you is not to go and jump into the arms of another woman immediately- because I am sure they will be circling around you like vultures around carrion. Don't jump from frying pan into fire!

Secondly, you and your wife need to talk about your son. You need to figure-out a way for both of you to be positively involved in his life. If what you have said about your wife is true- then I suspect that her mothering skills may not be the best. Try to make her see that she has to take good care of her son and you his father must have reasonable access to him.

Whatever you do, don't make revenge your motivation. You are in a bad place at the moment but your life can be beautiful once again if you limit mistakes in decision-making to the barest minimum.

Be strong and allow those who truly love you- like relatives? to help you through this trying period.