Emotions often clouds judgments. Since men make most of the tough decisions, we often trade in emotions for the good of mankind.

Idekeson:

Emotions often clouds judgments. Since men make most of the tough decisions, we often trade in emotions for the good of mankind.

Tough decisions? Like what?

How to play video games?
How to play with the remote?
How to yell at the tv when sports are on?

_{Just kidding Idekeson- - good to see you}

b_e_b_e:

Tough decisions? Like what?

How to play video games?
How to play with the remote?
How to yell at the TV when sports are on?

_{Just kidding Idekeson- - good to see you}

It's really really tough to give up the remote so "madame" can watch her soap when a game is on. But we just have to do it and make do with the bedroom TV to allow peace and tranquility reign. You know women can get very "emotional" over stuff like that

@ Idekeson

You just added an interesting insight. . .Why is it that when women get angry they're called emotional but when men are angry they're just angry? That's a question for the ages. I guess I needed the rationality of man to bring this injustice to light. Idekeson, I toast you!

Well,

If when you are angry at someone for breaking a dish, you start ranting and raving about how they let you down and never are there to hold you and kiss you, expect to be termed emotional.

When you get angry at someone for not having dinner, and then dinner comes and you are no longer angry, and will never ever think about that incident in the future, then you are just termed being angry.

@ allonym

I see your point. Here's another example:

A man is married to a woman for 15 years. Then one day the wife comes home and discovers he's having an affair with a young woman. She confronts him. He says "I haven't been happy for a long time."

A woman is married to a man for 15 years. He breaks a dish. She "rants" and "raves" about forgotten kisses and missed birthdays, otherwise known as "expressing" herself. She sulks about the broken dish and snaps at the man for about a week. Then one day, she's late with dinner. He's mad. She produces dinner and he is no longer mad. She then says "I haven't been happy for a long time."

*Which person/scenario is more counterintuitive? Productive? Disrespectful? Destructive to the relationship? Honest? Emotional? Passive Aggressive? Which person/scenario produces greater negative long-term effects on the "passive" spouse? What is the emotional impact on the lady in the first example versus the man in the second example?

You're example was a great one but there is a difference between being emotional and being irrational.

*My dear Sir or Madam, I know you are interested in many things but here I am interested in the predominant, most common responses as recorded by doctors and court records, etc.

Your second example is weird, but I see where you are going.

You are comparing the woman catching a man cheating and him expressing his unhappiness to the woman doing so after the man breaks a dish and she "expresses" her feelings.

Then you ask which is better for a relationship? Well. . .you have orchestrated your example such that the first one, which I termed emotional is better.

Yes, I agree, its better that the feelings come out when its just a dish breaking, rather than marriage covenants breaking. However, all things being equal, in the same situations, a woman's reaction is more "emotional" than a man. You said it yourself, she was expressing her feelings. . .and feelings is a synonym for emotion.

Wait, I'm confused. Which example to you think is better?

chinani:

chinani link=topic=8815.msg253142#msg253142 date=1143223682:

@ Idekeson
[color=#990000]Why is it that when women get angry they're called emotional but when men are angry they're just angry?

In a conflict, men can articulate and clearly express their grievance but often times women project numerous conflicting signals, most of which are not directly related to the original disagreement. This is clearly because they let their emotions dictate their reaction. This fault of the female specie hinders conflict resolution in most relationships

My example is better. I compare breaking a dish to being hungry.

You compare breaking a dish to adultery.

Now we're turning it into an argument with both sides trying to justify themselves. Can we return to the question in particular and forget about whose example is better.

There is no argument here. . . I think I'm not quite getting the examples she was making.

Sorry. I strayed from the question on this thread.

@ Idekeson

You say women "hinder conflict resolution". That is your opinion. But I think NOT expressing your feelings, no matter how seemingly unrelated or seemingly "conflicted", creates conflict!

@ allonym

Hmmm, I still perfer my example, but I see your issue w/ it.

I mean, I understand where you are coming from, its better to express your emotions, than let it take you to the point where you are actively hurting the other person (like by cheating on them).

I guess what I'm saying is that, I don't think men keep their emotions so tightly to themselves, that they would be more likely to seek . . . satisfaction. , happiness. . .somewhere else, rather than discuss the problem.

allonym:

I guess what I'm saying is that, I don't think men keep their emotions so tightly to themselves, that they would be more likely to seek . . . satisfaction. , happiness. . .somewhere else, rather than discuss the problem.

Good point. There's a difference.

men are just protecting their ego, they belief when u cry, it makes u a baby, it doesnt appeal to all guys tho!

Why Aren't Men Emotional?

because of tetesterones , _{or maybe not}

Both progesterone and testosterone have been found in both sexes, mind you Free.

Its the quantity that varies.

Both progesterone and testosterone have been found in both sexes, mind you Free.

as u can see, i also said maybe NOT,

I started this thread hoping we men would confess to what makes us behave the way we do. Personally, I don't cry because I've found it hard to cry since I was little. As for fraternising with other boys, I don't think I'be hugged any boy before not because I see anything wrong in it but because the other person might find something wrong with it.

but because the other person might find something wrong with it.

ooh boy, in this life, i've learned that i cannot based my decisions on someone else feelings
because someone is alwayz gonna have a problem with what ya do
so do what you want, _{what ya feel is right,}
u cannot live life thinkin always of what others are gonna think,

Zahymaka:

I started this thread hoping we men would confess to what makes us behave the way we do.

I had no idea this is what you intended this thread to be. That sounds like a very good idea and I definitely want to read it even if I can't contribute as a woman. Can you try starting the thread again and writing MALE RESPONSE ONLY or something? Yes, it's a very good idea. Sorry for ruining it.

Zahymaka:

I started this thread hoping we men would confess to what makes us behave the way we do. Personally, I don't cry because I've found it hard to cry since I was little. As for fraternising with other boys, I don't think I'be hugged any boy before not because I see anything wrong in it but because the other person might find something wrong with it.

Men need practical solutions and advice for their problems, not hugs and kisses

That's what you think -- but that's why men feel lonely without a woman. Because they need the hugs and kisses -- and have you ever noticed how much closer men are in countries that men hug [Italians and French]?

Zahymaka:

That's what you think -- but that's why men feel lonely without a woman. Because they need the hugs and kisses -- and have you ever noticed how much closer men are in countries that men hug [Italians and French]?

What are you really driving at? Do you need a man to hug and kiss?

I'm analysing stereotypes and trying to find out why we act the way we do.

I'm of the opinion that this is learned behavior and I'm trying to find out how men would react to unlearning it -- or at least I want us to be more open and say what's really at the bottom of our minds.

Do you behave the way you do because that's the way everyone does -- or because you decided to, that's the kind of question I'm asking.

Zahymaka:

I'm of the opinion that this is learned behavior and I'm trying to find out how men would react to unlearning it -- or at least I want us to be more open and say what's really at the bottom of our minds.

Do you behave the way you do because that's the way everyone does -- or because you decided to, that's the kind of question I'm asking.

I agree w/ you about the learned behavior part. Yes, I think it can be unlearned. I'm a woman and all but I was raised to not cry too. My family doesn't hug and never kisses. A few years ago, when I went away to college, my siblings started hugging and kissing me, etc. I made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it, but I didn't resist either. Now, I love it as a form of self-expression. I didn't cry until recently either. Unlearning is difficult b/c it's like "well now I'm a baby" or a total "mush pot" or an "emotional female". You still think of all the stereotypes you've ever heard. I still don't let anyone in my family know that I've ever cried since age 5. (sigh) I know, it's different b/c I'm a girl. But point is: I do think an individual can unlearn, as for a whole group/gender. . . the jury is still out on that one.

Thanks chinani. I hope the men in the house would stop defending their "manly pride" and come out.

It's not about defending male pride. You can't advocate femininity as a means of relieving pressure for men. Most men has been able to handle pressure without having to "chicken" out. And those men that hasn't been able to handle pressure well will not have done so with tons of hugs and kisses. Behavioral pattern of both men and women has been borne out of age long cultural orientations, and it has worked for humanity.

You seem to be among those who believe in putting women in their place. Now, I'm talking about learned behavior -- who decided it was the men to make decisions etc etc. Why can't women make decisions or why can't they exhibit some of the so called manly traits? I'm not saying they should -- I guess I'm just a natural wonderer.