How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. - Family (2) - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. (8504 Views)
The Law, The Husband, The Wife Or The Man, Who Is To Blame For This? (snapshots) / Is It Polite For Husband To Seek Wife's Approval On This? / My Neighbour's Wife Peeps Through My Door, Should I Report To The Husband? (2) (3) (4)
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by queensmith: 4:27pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
debrief08: DK and Queensmith, please have you tried using any family court or social welfare and have failed? Yes In Nigeria, I am talking as someone who has used the courts personally and who has refered 100s who have had their matters resolved, Nigeria is bad yes but somethings still work abeg. If ypu have a personal experience say so else let the woman try. The girls should stay with him so we can come and read threads like "father impregnants daughters, says she tempted him" a man who beats his wife and calls relatives to beat her is a sane man to be trusted with girl kids abi? I guess so, I assume everything in Nigeria is soo terrible that one must find it easier to work around the legal system. He does have a point though, something like this shouldnt really land in court, it should be as simple as 'are these your children, how much do you earn, oya pay this much to this woman every week or go to prison' if it's not that simple then how is the OP going to care for them in the meantime? |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by queensmith: 4:33pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
dayokanu: See now we are getting bitter ad refusing to see reason tut tut. The man has a history of violence, it's sensible and safer not to leave the children with him. Thats a fact I previously overlooked and readily admit it. She cannot take care of the child alone, she cannot be blamed, coming from a 2 income household to one small income with 2 children to care for. Will you be able to handle that? No you will not! The children are safer drinking garri than being battered by their father and his violent family. He has been cruel enough to watch them suffer theres no telling how far he will go to spite the mother. I can tell you now for sure it is the motive of no woman to be beaten ad battered like a he-goat by her husband and his family, neither is it an ambition to end up caring for your children alone. She cannot be blamed for what life has throw at her (maybe she can) but that is another story for another day. Children are involved here. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by dayokanu(m): 4:36pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
EVen in the Western World, Child Support, CHild custody, etc takes time but there is a system that supports the children before the Child support cheques start coming in. So what wuld the children be living on before that is resolved, In case they get resolved |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by ronkebp(f): 4:44pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
dayokanu: D1 i understand your point since you are talking from a potential fluid donor perspective...lol, Some men are just ''fluid donors'' and you know that, let me just leave that angle. Say what  prove what point The lady decided to leave a man who has been beating her, kicking her on the floor, spitting on her,And you think he cannot beat the kids up if they misbehave If the husband can use beating as a way of correcting his wife's mistake, don't you think he will result to the same, when he is trying to correct the kids?,She should try the social welfare and drag him to court first, lets see the result of that. And the case of her spanking her kids, so you wnat to compare that with blows and kicks from a man? |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by dayokanu(m): 4:51pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
OP, They have told you the best thing you can do Take him to court , social services etc and feed them Garri till they make a ruling and force him to pay the money. Even if the court or social services fail to make him pay, Continue feeding them Gaari Good luck |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by ronkebp(f): 5:05pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
dayokanu: OP, Whatever!!!!! (rolls eye, hisses and sommersaults). ''Fluid donor'' like you. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 5:07pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
She works DK they are not starving, she just wants him to contribute his share which is the right thing to do. Even I who earns 6 figures and my husbands decides to beat me and push me out he will still pay for his kids upkeep. They are not starving, she is not a parasite, she is a teacher, and please dont feed me with the teachers are paid peanuts speech, teachers now esp Govt teachers are paid well and have the opportunity to access lots of loans, except if she works with a small private school, but big private schools and Government teachers are paid well. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by armyofone(m): 5:28pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
dayo donating fluid   OP, it is well with you. Stay strong. too much stress if she has enough to take care of them, no need for the stress/fight. let him know what you are doing and ask for his contribution peacefully. You don't want extra wahala. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 5:42pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Take him to court for Child Support . . . . . . . |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Pennywise(m): 5:57pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
A stand up comedian once said that some kids do not deserve child support! The scary thing about this statement is that when looked at from a different angle, it is no joke at all. Most successful pple in life will usually give credit to their mum b4 they even think of their dad. That is not bc they want to be unfair to their dad, hardly. It is bc women are usually closer to their offspring and play a greater role during the formative years of a child's development. The man's primary role is to go out and hunt for the family sustenance. These same successful individuals with a different mum but similar opportunities may have floundered in life. What is my point? Women should sit up and take more responsibility in raising their children. A child who does well gets nothing but love, care and attention from the father even the so called irresponsible ones. The law may try but it cannot enforce love and real care from anyone. @Op your situation is uniqely different from what the thread topic suggests. The care of the children is a secondary matter in what appears primarily to be an acrimonious separation. What you need is the best lawyer your money can pay for. Either that or you forget about the humiliation and beg him for a better resolution which may or may not include your return back to your matrimonial home. Couples have been known to separate and get back to have a wonder life thereafter. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 6:11pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Interesting topic - didn't know this kind of thing existed in Nigeria. I still can't get my head around men who choose to be irresponsible towards their children. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 6:23pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Pennywise: A stand up comedian once said that some kids do not deserve child support! The scary thing about this statement is that when looked at from a different angle, it is no joke at all. I so much bet to disagree with that, Sir. As a father, you will be the one to determine how close you wanna be with and to your kids, yes, it is the role of the father to go out there and look for what the kids will eat or drink and how to make sure that the roof over their head is always there, however, that still does not take aware from you being close to the kids. . . . . . . Now amount of money of material could replace the love of a father, go and see most of the boys in jail and you will realize how much the boys are affected when Daddy is not home. . . . Take some of the girls that are teengers and taking care of kids, you will realize that all they were looking for was a love of a MAN (that could have been the father) but when the father is not there, they look for it outside and that MAN out there only want one thing. We have the choice to chose to be remembered or be forgotten. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by queensmith: 7:26pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Fhemmy you have said it all, I'm tired of Nigerians believing a man has no responsibility to his child but putting food o the table. You are BOTH responsible for feeding clothing and LOVING the child. It doesn't lie on one simply because of her gender! It doesn't really matter sha, the OPs husband isn't up to par either ways. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 7:32pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
queensmith: Fhemmy you have said it all, I'm tired of Nigerians believing a man has no responsibility to his child but putting food o the table. You are BOTH responsible for feeding clothing and LOVING the child. It doesn't lie on one simply because of her gender! That is very true and what even makes me to wanna puke sometimes, is the fact that such man wants the woman to contribute into the finacial upkeep of the home. they both works. The woman will be the one to cook, look after the kids. Do the laundries and still wanna climb her at night while the man just chill on the Lazy"man"'s chair like a log of tree while the woman run around like chicken with no head. Gone are those days . . nothing stops the man doing dishes while the wife is cookiing. Nothing stops the man from bathing the kids while the wife is getting ready the breakfast. And we wonder why there is no love in marriages? |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by sasimalia(f): 8:03pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Fhemmy im sooo impressed by both your replies. Im on nl alot but i dont post that much. You write a lof of funny posts but these ones are impressive. I soooo agree with you!!! My hubby doesnt help much but he wld come around n ask me what he can do to help n i usually tell him nothing bcoz otherwise he will take forever to do that one thing im asking, or wont do it carefully. At least he asks lol. Anyways if she is in a position to take care of them financially she shld not even fighting him. Such men become bitter when they feel they have lost a battle. At least she will deserve full credit for the kids future succes if the man does not willingly contribute. But again i dont have kids yet sooo... what do i know... |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by ronkebp(f): 8:33pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Femosynthesis, nice one, i like "we all have the choice to choose to be remembered or forgotten''. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 8:35pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
How would you deal with a man that does not want to take care of his child. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 8:52pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
sasi_malia: Fhemmy im sooo impressed by both your replies. Im on nl alot but i dont post that much. You write a lof of funny posts but these ones are impressive. I soooo agree with you!!! My hubby doesnt help much but he wld come around n ask me what he can do to help n i usually tell him nothing bcoz otherwise he will take forever to do that one thing im asking, or wont do it carefully. At least he asks lol. Anyways if she is in a position to take care of them financially she shld not even fighting him. Such men become bitter when they feel they have lost a battle. At least she will deserve full credit for the kids future succes if the man does not willingly contribute. But again i dont have kids yet sooo... what do i know... A real man will not even have to worry about the woman taking credit for the sucess of the kids by the mother, cos the mother love the father and the father loves the kids so much that, the man take pride in what makes the woman happy and smiles and when the kids are excited. To me, that is what make a home happy. In your case, you are blessed, but will advice to allow him to help, it is not about how quick the food is ready, but how you are able to work together, even in the kitchen. DOnt worry, kids will come soon and they will see how Mom and Dad are having fun in the kitchen, that is all the kids will remember when they come home for xmas after they have left home and start their own family |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 8:54pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
cotton101: How would you deal with a man that does not want to take care of his child. There is nothing you could do about a man that dont wanna take care of his kids, take him to court. It takes a man with dikc to make babies, but one with brain to look after them |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 8:54pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
ronkebp: Femosynthesis, nice one, i like "we all have the choice to choose to be remembered or forgotten''. Yes, Ke |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Busybody2(f): 9:48pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
Juton: My marriage lasted for five yrs nd we hve two kids together. I left him cos of unreconcileable differences. I am a gradute of mass comm. But teaching due to lack of job. My marriage hit the rock finally, cos i dont love him again due to humiliation he made me to pass thru nd we re no longer intimate. I quietly left the house nd am staying in my bros house. How do i make him to cater for his children cos he said he will only cater for them in his house not outside the house but I am not happy in his house. I would have advised you to salvage the little pride you have left, call his bluff and raise your children yourself, but seeing that you are temporarily staying with your brother who would soon ask you how long you are staying and tell you to move out. . . start saving up for your own place, ask your ex-husband if it is his live-in girlfriend who is gonna help him raise your children cos you are not returning, then based on his response follow those advises up there. Wish you all the best. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 10:38pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 11:51pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
blank: Your post was un called for and i was just calling you out on that. Its a public forun so get used to it. she chose to use another ID big deal? Did it ever occur to you that she did it for personal reasons? Nope, cos you were so wanting to win a medal for knowing who the OP was that it did not cross your mind to respect that. Not a smart thing to do, not a smart thing at all. How much is the medal you were trying to win on NLD anyways? |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by blank(f): 1:41am On Mar 17, 2012 |
jennykadry: Be that as it may, the question still was not directed at you. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Nobody: 3:00am On Mar 17, 2012 |
Good. You Stayed awake to respond to my post judging the fact that it is past midnight in Lagos. Good again for my point has gotten across perfectly well. That's all I was concerned about and thank you very very much for making it very easy for me at least I did not have to work so hard. Remember it is a public forum, if you ain't comfy wih my post, ignore me darling if not take it all in  |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by blank(f): 11:34am On Mar 17, 2012 |
jennykadry: Good. You Stayed awake to respond to my post judging the fact that it is past midnight in Lagos. Good again for my point has gotten across perfectly well. That's all I was concerned about and thank you very very much for making it very easy for me at least I did not have to work so hard. I have heard. Now, you can move on. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Pennywise(m): 5:29pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Fhemmmy: Lets just say some children are easier to love than others Fhemmmy: It is a common fad especially in today's western culture for youths who either couldnt measure up or failed in life to put the blame on their father (in Nigeria, they will usually blame the devil). Sometimes there might even be insinuations of sexual abuse when there was none. Fhemmmy:A child who grows up and refuses to acknowledge your effort at providing for his material and emotional need is not even worth the spit. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Apawa(f): 9:33pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
First take him to social service n if he refuses they will petition him to court. Know your rights. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by queensmith: 10:13pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Pennywise: Are you saying that the absence of a father around the home doesn't negatively affect the outcome of the child? In that case you are very wrong. What you call 'western cultured blame' is actually identifying one of the key causes of delinquent behavior. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 2:27am On Mar 19, 2012 |
Pennywise: What Child A would need and want is not same as what Child B would want or need, and how you love them is different, you could love one cos of his/her action or attitude while you could love another only because it is your child . . . but that some children are not worth loving? I dont agree with that, but if you say some parents are not worth loving, i will agree. Pennywise: Some fathers could even be the devil, cos it takes a demonic father to give the money for Lotto instead of paying the school fees of his kids, it takes a demonic father to go out there and get drunk and come home to beat his wife. . . so sometimes, when you wanna see the pix of a devil, look at some father Pennywise: Again it is not just about being a provider, it is about being there for that child, as a father, if you cant watch your child taking the first steps and not because of work, but cos you are out there having fun, i see such father as not up to par . . . as a father if you cant befriend your kids and let them know they have someone they can always look up to, then, there is something wrong. there is more to be a father than, here is your pocket money . . . . God bless the MOTHERS Besides, when a father provides for the kids, he is only providing for his own tomorrow. |
| Re: How Do One Get The Husband To Pay For His Children's Welfare After Seperation. by Fhemmmy: 2:29am On Mar 19, 2012 |
queensmith: I so much agree with you. A mother is a mother and cant be the father, and when i see kids that the father has left home, it makes me sick, cos the kids will always need their father, father figure is so important. I have a seen a great kids, and what separations could do to such kid . . . . . |
Two-headed Manhood!! What Would You Do? / Change Of Surname. / When Is The Best Time To Tell An Adopted Child The Truth About His Parentage?
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 87 |