Fellow nairalanders iam in a dilemma cos my girlfriends family is giving marriage deadline.they are no more giving me enough room. iam 30 while my girl is 28,we are both graduates with second degrees and working. last week i was even summoned by the mother to explain what is delaying. i told her that im taking my time and would make the move at my own time.my girl understands that im putting up some investments so as to safe guard the future.iam making plans towards next year but i dont want to open up to them cos anything happens to twart my plans. please i seriously need advice on what to do.

I dont have much to say.

I think I understand your delimma. And I understand your investment plans.

I guess your girlfriends parents are just trying to secure the best for their dauther out of uncertainty.
It's quite common.

She isnt growing any younger (at 28)

But I think u can just handle things with diplomacy and delay till u are more ready. She can also help talk to her parents to convince them that all is well.

Finally, I hope u eventually get married to her after all the time and understanding from her and her folks.

Wish u the best in life

MY BROTHER, MARRIAGE IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO PREPARE FOR VERY WELL
BUT THEN YOU DON'T NEED ETERNITY TO DO THAT.DON'T FORGET THAT THERE IS
TIME FOR EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN.PLS PRAY ABOUT IT AND ACT LIKE A MAN.

Since you have an understanding lady in the person of your fiancee, maybe you should have the introduction before christmas, inform THE MOTHER you would be having the wedding proper some time next year. Cos as pressure is mounting on you, it's mounting on the lady o. NO ALLOW THE SERPENT IN O

mailer nadico,
you fell your hands by getting too close to your fiancee's family too early, you are a man and a MAN indeed, if the mother cares so much about her daughter getting married she should find out from her daughter, and not you, as a man you are planning and you both will decide when , its nobody's to delve into, infact you have no dilemma here, when the time is due, she will communicate to her family, at this rate when your inlaws are begining to dictate for you so to say, they will tell you in no time  to start training some of your wife's siblings.

GUYS BE CAREFUL!!!!!!

henchmark:

mailer nadico,
you fell your hands by getting too close to your fiancee's family too early, you are a man and a MAN indeed, if the mother cares so much about her daughter getting married she should find out from her daughter, and not you, as a man you are planning and you both will decide when , its nobody's to delve into, infact you have no dilemma here, when the time is due, she will communicate to her family, at this rate when your inlaws are begining to dictate for you so to say, they will tell you in no time to start training some of your wife's siblings.

GUYS BE CAREFUL!!!!!!

word,word and word !be careful of any decision you make now,it can make or mar your life !use your head too.

Guy nobody gets fully prepared when he or she gets married.

But remember one thing ur girl aint getting younger.

Also look into the fact that u want to get ur kids as soon as possible.

Everything is now mathematics.

By next year ur wife will be 29. If u get married, she will be looking at her first child by 31. That is rather late.

If u love her, u can go ahead and marry. Its all abt time now.

I think the mother is justified in being worried for her daughter.however do not allow yourself to be rushed into anything but make sure she does not wait in vain.
Goodluck.

If at this stage you are sure of marrying her and you both have comfortable jobs why not go ahead in good time? I dont think marriage stops investment plans if your fiancee has same mind but make sure you are well prepared emotionally and physically, then go ahead but not because of the presure let her talk to her parents and they will understand, the problem with our mothers is even if they have 10000 grandschildren they want more. Be sure you are ready to start making kids before you marry otherwise another pressure is awaiting you.

Henchmark have said it all.
Count your teeth with ur tongue and stand like a man in your own family.

It could be frustrating to parents when their girls get to that age yet unmarried.
This should be discussed at length between you and  your girl. If she's willing to wait for you, go ahead with your investments. If both of you decide to get married instead, there's no law that says you  can't invest while you're married neighter is their a law that says you must has an expensive and elaborate wedding.
Whatever you do, let your decision be based not on what your her parents say but on what you both decide together.
Good luck.

Dear poster, I understand the way yoy feel. If there is a will, ther will be a way. Going forward, you can do go for a quiet wedding. Before the wedding proper, you should do the introduction. this will put the minds of your fiancee and her parents at ease. Happy married life in advance.

Seen similar shit happen all over. It's not your fault. Nor is it their's. Just the normal societal/family "get your daughters married young" culture. You definitely don't want to fault that. It's proven even medically that ladies do better when they start off their families (child-bearing) young. Not to say you should start pouncing on teenagers (their bodies ain't ready for that yet, asides the social, emotional and economically drawbacks).

At 28, she's moving on upwards but she's got plenty of time. So do you. Ever heard of andropause? Anyway, don't do it simply because you feel obliged to, because everybody's doing it, everybody's saying it's the proper thing or simply because you're boxed in.

Your time (more importantly, God's time - if you can figure that one out) is the best.

Cheers!! {I like this one. As the thread grows, I may contribute more; varied responses will be the determinant}.

Nadico, I think, If you have close family members around, eg your parents, you could solicit their advice. Then discuss your inlaws concerns with your wife to be. See where she really stands and then both of you make a decision, taking into secondary consideration what her parents want. Communicate your decision diplomatically and tacfully to them. Parents can be appeased even without doing what they necessarily want by making them feel their input is respected. But remember YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR FAMILY TO BE, and you must start acting like one.

I am curious though, how come you are 30 now when your profile says you were 28 in January?

swordsman na wa 4 u o!why are u picking out irregularities in age when dis guy is having more serious issues on his mind??

You need not to panic, just make sure your spouse to be understands you very well, she wil be at the position to
soften the mind of her parents on your behalf. Take your time, because marriage is more than just the ephemeral ceremony, it takes wisdom and a lot of financial brainworks to make it work.

Have a solid plan for your future so that you can enjoy your life after marriage, remember the the unborn children
your in - laws, junior ones if there's any at all, your own personal needs and so on, a lot of needs to combat with.
but then you look up to God for His divine assistance. Dont allow anybody to push you into doing what will make you regret for the rest of your life. Marriage is such that once you enter no going back, if you are well prepared it will affect you throughout your life time.

Please take your time and plan very well for it , not minding what anybody may say. If you do it hastily they will talk, if you decide to delay too they will still talk, so dont be bothered just go ahead and do the right thing.

@pappyjesby,WORD! @poster,a word is enough for the wise!

This is truly a difficult one! You come across as someone that has got his priorities right. But you need to see this from the angle of your girl-friend a little bit. I`m not into medicine, but the little information available suggests that from the age of 25 women`s fertility begins to drop. When they get to their 30s that decrease is sharp and enormous. Problem is, the same cannot be said of men. It`s for this and other reasons that I will advise you to be a little bit flexible with things. The parents that are worried aren`t worried for nothing; 28 for women is a lot, bro! I do appreciate that you are on the right track, but reciprocate your girl-friend`s understanding by taking cognizance of the limitations impose on her by biology. I`m sure you wouldn`t like to choose between wealth accumulation and childless marriage. Whatever choice you make, may it be to the benefit of both of you. Good luck!

my friend, u need to get your priorities right in life. If you think you are at the right frame of mind to marry, then go ahead. As far as i'm concerned the most difficult part is getting a suitable partner. Once you have that please go ahead. Who says you must empty your account to get married or you must have a certain amount of money to waste b4 you can be qualified for marriage. I'l always learn from my MD, He married his wife when he couldn't even afford to take care of himself. What he needed then was self belief and an understanding woman. In you own case, you guys are both working! Please my friend dont waste time believing that you must have an elaborate wedding, do what is neccessary now i.e introduction, engagement, go to court. You can much much later do the elaborate stuff when you feel it is convenient for u.

just take it easy dude,if ur girl understands then its okay afterall shes the one u are going to marry not her family. But hey! she aint getting any younger.

WHICH KIND OF INVESTMENT PLANS PREVENT YOU FROM MARRYING?
U BOTH HAVE JOBS YET?
U SHOULD BE HAPPY THE PARENTS EVEN TOLD YOU TO BUCKLE UP.WHAT IF THEY KEPT QUIET AND STARTED INTRODUCING HER TO MORE SERIOUS PEOPLE?

MY GUY,TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN(ESP.WOMEN).

If you're looking to settle down and make money, i don't blame the mother for worrying. At 28, her daughter is not married and no kids yet. It's not as if you don't have time to get settled financially but for now just try and start thinking of getting married soon. She no more getting younger and you don't want to deal with risky pregnancies by the time you guys start reproducing. A child is more susceptible to a lot of diseases once its mother is too old.

one day one day - someone go come on Nairaland to seek advice on how to sleep with his wife, i.e. wether missionary, doggy or other styles.

It all depends on ur lady, and since she understands ur plans, don't freak out, parents will always be parents, dat's my most marriages end up down d drain because of d parents, they should be happy that their daughter is 28 and she's not searching, she already got one, abeg take ur time, as long as ur girl understands, dat's all dat matters, keep giving those parents some excuses, let ur girl help u out with that part too, it is well!

you are probably perfecting a ten year rolling plan of investment.
By the time this lengthy plan bears fruit, one random grasshopper will materialize from no where to reap where she didnt sow while the 'old cargo' is disposed off. That said ,dont make any commitment to them if you dont have the financial muscle.

@poster, if you are really serious of getting married to her next year, then you can just do an introduction ceremony just to ease everyone's mind. if you are not ok with that, then talk to your fiancee to talk to her mother. but you just have to keep convincing the family and your girl that you are for real and that your decisions is for the best.
PEACE

Pls brother, marriage is one of the essential thing in life, though it has be done with all careful and prayer but then
considering the fact that your fiancee is not getting any younger and not until you people continue committing abortion to avoid shame or something.
Pls round-off your investment when you get married your wife shall be a blessing; boasting your investment and every good thing in your life IN SHAR ALLAH.

TIME WAIT FOR NOBODY.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ poster tell them dat decision taken under pressure can never be enjoyed as pleasure

MY GOOD FRIEND ;patient is a potent weapon that forces deception to reveal itselt.DON`T MARRY HER.EXCEPT U WANT 2 TRADE UR PEACE FOR CONTINOUS PRESSURE.IF THE LADY`S FAMILY CAN DICTATE TO U NOW THAT U VE NOT MARRIED HER WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN U PEOPLE ARE NOW HUSBAND AND WIFE;I TELL U HER FAMILY WILL KEEP TELLING U TO DO WHAT THEY WANT.(IT KEEPS OCCURRING IN OUR SOCIETY) AND ANY TIME U REFUSE THEIR SUGGESTION U BECOME A BAD SON-INLAW.
SECONDLY THERE MAY BE SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE LADY`S AGE THAT HER FAMILY IS CONSIDERING,I CAN BET U THAT.U WILL SEE IT LATER WEATHER U MARRY HER OR NOT.I WAS ALMOST FORCE INTO ONE LAST YEAR I REFUSED,EARLIER THIS YEAR SHE GOT HOOK UP WITH A GUY AND THEY HURRIEDLY DID THE INTRODUCTION NOW HE IS HAVING PROBLEM WITH HER because SHE HAS FIBROID.AM NOT SAYING UR LADY HAS ANY AILMENT BUT THAT SOMETHING IS FISHY.IF THEY ARE GENUINE THEY WUD HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGING THE RELATIONSHIP TO GROW INTO MARRIAGE NOT TELLING U TO MARRY HER WITHIN A SPECIFY TIME OF THEIRS.
IF U CONCEED TO THEIR PRESSURE NOW,THERE ARE MUCH MORE TO COME.THEIR DESIRE WILL BE UR HEADACHE HENCEFORTH.'no'is a common word with winner

Na by force to marry!!!

Do what ur mind tells u to avoid could i, would, shoud i

I'm happy you have an understanding lady who is on the same page with you. Since you're looking at next year for your wedding and at the same time it seems you're close to your potential inlaws, I'd advise that you employ some diplomacy. Do less talking with them on this issue; push their daughter to them to answer the odd questions. Being close to your inlaws is not a crime, try to always apply wisdom in dealing with them.

I am a lady and I know how Nigerian parents feel about long courtship. There might not be any strings attached to their concerns. Guess they're just being careful so that nothing goes wrong with you and their daughter along the time.

Filter all the suggestions you've got so far and be sure to take a decision that is yours.
It's really nothing to worry about. Be calm!