I had this interesting experience last time i visited my elder brother.I had some business to attend to in Abeokuta so decided to stay at my brother's place for the 1week i'll be spending there since i felt that will be cheaper than going for an hotel and also to see my little nephew whom i loved so much.

I noticed the wife wasn't that receptive towards me. It initially started with subtle things like taking the infant away from me while playing with him,grumbling all around the house like an housefly etc Then it progressed to locking the kitchen,hiding small stuffs like buckets,soaps etc. It wasn't as if she was overtly hostile towards me but i could sense that my presence wasn't totally welcome in the house. I tried to remember if i did anything wrong but but couldn't really place my finger on anything. In short I couldn't wait for the 1 week to be over before i ran like a bat out of hell from the house cos to be frank i wasn't comfortable at all there.

What really surprised me about it all was that this lady and i used to be best of friends while my bro was still courting her and in the earlier part of their marriage. She calls me,sends sms, buy little gifts, encourage me etc. Those days seems like an eternity away now as opposed to just 2yrs ago. I thought the problem lies with me or maybe she's going thru somethings at that period. I mean I'm gainfully employed and it's not like am a leaching relative. i narrated my experience to my girlfriend and a few friends only for them to tell me they are experiencing similar issues with their brother/uncle spouses .i.e issues bothering on initially friendly spouses that turned hostile.

That's why I'm kinda wondering why does Sister In Laws change so? Please, I'm not making a general assumption here. I know definitely there are exceptions to the rule. I'm just basing my theory on what i and my friends experienced.

Did you call her to tell her you were coming to her house for 1 week before you showed up?

Sincerely speaking i didnt call her nor the hubby before going there. And the reason was cos of the good rapport that used to exist btw us.
The major reason for puttin up the post is to know if anyone else is having same issues. I dont just want to judge with what's happening within me and my circle of friends.

And why did u not call them? How can u go visiting someone and staying for one whole week without informing them? Well what has happened has happened. Just take it as a "one-off" and don't hold it against your SIL. U also have part of the blame to share.

Basics007: I had this interesting experience last time i visited my elder brother.
I had some business to attend to in Abk so decided to stay at my brother's place for the 1week i'll be spending there since i felt that will be cheaper than goin for an hotel and also to see my lil nephew whom i loved so much. I noticed the wife wasn't that receptive towards me. It initially started with subtle things like taking the infant away from me while playing with him,grumbling all around the house like an housefly etc Then it progressed to locking the kitchen,hiding small stuffs like buckets,soaps etc It wasn't as if she was overtly hostile towards me but i could sense that my presence wasn't totally welcome in the house. I tried to remember if i did anything wrong but but couldn't really place my finger on anything . In short i couldn't wait for the 1wk to be over before i ran like a bat out of hell from the house cos to be frank i wasn't comfortable at all there.
What really suprised me about it all was that this lady and i used to be best of friends while my bro was still courting her and in the earlier part of their marriage. She calls me,sends sms,buy little gifts,encourage me etc Those days seems like an eternity away now as opposed to just 2yrs ago. I thought the problem lies with me or maybe she's going thru somethings at that period. I mean i'm gainfully employed and it's not like am a leaching relative. i narrated my experience to my girlfriend and a few friends only for them to tell me they are experiencing similar issues with their brother/uncle spouses .i.e issues bothering on initially friendly spouses that turned hostile.
That's why i'm kinda wondering why does Sister In Laws change so? Pls i'm not making a general assumption here,i know definitely there are exceptions to the rule. I'm just basing my theory on what i and my friends experienced.

Basics007: Sincerely speaking i didnt call her nor the hubby before going there. And the reason was cos of the good rapport that used to exist btw us.
The major reason for puttin up the post is to know if anyone else is having same issues. I dont just want to judge with what's happening within me and my circle of friends.

You see poster, people whether family or not enjoy their privacy and will not entertain intrusion with open arms. That is the problem, when we feel we can barge into people's homes especially family unannounced.

If I was your SIL, I will definitely give you the cold shoulder too, especially if my family is going through some rough time and you just happen upon us unannounced and stay for a whole week.

Next time you want to stay at your brother's place, inform them minimum of a week before your arrival and see how you will be welcomed differently by your SIL as against this time. And also make alternative plans in case she starts grumbling around the house like a housefly according to you.

Wow,sorry abt that Op..some women,are just shame...my sis inlaws are my best frnds my house s thier second home...am happy wen dey are arnd,trust women wit gossip

One of my husband friends was very disappointed with his sister. They are from a polygam family background; their father had two or three wife, a lot of girlfriend and 20 kids. Now this lady, herself second wife in her late 30, early 40, tried to convince her brother wife, which was leaving in the UK with their two son, to divorce him because, he was having a long-term girl friend in Nigeria.
Reason long –term girl friend became pregnant and was on her way to become wife number three.
When the brother was in money nobody said a word to the first wife, when he was taking number two back home, number two was from the same village, when number three came, the brother did not have so much money anymore and was on his way back to the UK.
What a mess, all of the men of this family have two to three wife ANS sleep around as, if there is no tomorrow. All the wife which are marring into this family, know this!
So why now the sister in low opened her mouths to the first wife of her brother, what is behind all this?

People, Are YOU mad !!!
Not to let in your husband’s brother! He should call his brother first to register and asked for permittion to stay over for a week.
What next, if his mother would like to come, he has to ask his wife first, if this is alright?
LOL. SCHEISSE IST DASS.

OP, ALWAYS inform ANYONE of your visit next time, it's just a simple thing to do.
Your SIL's reactions may be unconnected with your visit though.
Would you have opened a thread if it was your biological sister that behaved as you wrote?,please be rational in your judgement,SILs are not devils always.
You ought to have expressed yourself to her since you said both of you used to be friends, instead of bottling it up, you may not have had reasons to open this thread.
I'm not supporting her behaviour thuogh, 'cos 1 week of stay couldn't kill anyone. But since you never pre-informed them of your visit, she most likely didn't know you were there for only 1 week.
However, let it go but learn from it.

Basics007: Sincerely speaking i didnt call her nor the hubby before going there. And the reason was cos of the good rapport that used to exist btw us.
The major reason for puttin up the post is to know if anyone else is having same issues. I dont just want to judge with what's happening within me and my circle of friends.

There you go. I am very close to my brother in laws but I always call ahead if I am going to be in town. Even if I am in town and I will not see him (the senior one) I will call and tell him I am in town but too busy to see them. I have not visited the younger ones yet but I will also call him too before I step into their home. Especially if I would be staying overnight. Even my mother calls before she goes (At least she tries so that we don't eat her raw). Every single time I ask he tells me it is my house and why am I asking. Honestly I know if I just show up he will not mind at all but I call anyway.

So far, everyone that have replied this thread are women and i think most of them are sister-inlaws. That explains why they think someone should fill form visiting his brother's house.

Ok i admit i may have overeached myself by barging into her home without prior notification. But is it just about the calls? Why cant someone who used to act (cos i'm firmly conviced now that her former friendship towards was an act) to be by my friend tolerate me for a single week even to the point of depriving me from playing with my nephew/her son?
Rose,of course i cant open a thread if my blood sister did that to me cos i'll report her to our mum which i cant do in this case cos i aint an homebreaker.
The way i see it is that i was a convinience who is no more needed in the scheme of things now that her contract with my bro is totally signed sealed and delivered.
Thanks for taking the time to contribute i appreciate

WhiteOne: One of my husband friends was very disappointed with his sister. They are from a polygam family background; their father had two or three wife, a lot of girlfriend and 20 kids. Now this lady, herself second wife in her late 30, early 40, tried to convince her brother wife, which was leaving in the UK with their two son, to divorce him because, he was having a long-term girl friend in Nigeria.
Reason long –term girl friend became pregnant and was on her way to become wife number three.
When the brother was in money nobody said a word to the first wife, when he was taking number two back home, number two was from the same village, when number three came, the brother did not have so much money anymore and was on his way back to the UK.
What a mess, all of the men of this family have two to three wife ANS sleep around as, if there is no tomorrow. All the wife which are marring into this family, know this!
So why now the sister in low opened her mouths to the first wife of her brother, what is behind all this?

What are you talking about? Are you justifying his behavior? How would you feel if you were the wife? Except you do not have a problem with polygamy?

I would be back to contribute

But I think its the nature of women generally, they always like to fight over everything.

How come we dont hear of Husband vs father-inlaw fights, how come we dont hear of Husband vs brother in-law

Its in the genetic make up of women

I am sure if you sister did that to you
You will tell her off or curse her out
If it was her sister, she can still open the thread to hear other peoples view

what did you take with you when you were going? gift for her, the kids etc? did you call to let him and the wife know you coming?
did you bring your own stuff with you? overnight bag with soap, cream, paste, brush, sponge?
you are a visitor, did you act like one?

CC gave you a good idea. Next time always call first. we are in 2012.

now call them to thank them for the last visit. talk to the wifey and thank her for her hospitality the last time you were there
and that you enjoyed your stay.

armyofone: what did you take with you when you were going? gift for her, the kids etc? did you call to let him and the wife know you coming?
did you bring your own stuff with you? overnight bag with soap, cream, paste, brush, sponge?
you are a visitor, did you act like one?

CC gave you a good idea. Next time always call first. we are in 2012.

now call them to thank them for the last visit. talk to the wifey and thank her for her hospitality the last time you were there
and that you enjoyed your stay.

thank you for this advice. I agree with you totally. OP, pls call them now, especially the wife and thank them for their hospitality. You will notice the difference in the wife's response. If she respond negatively, i urge you to call her another day and discuss her attitude to you. it maybe she needed comfort or word of advice from someone. Try it and see what happens.

chaircover: If she wasnt like that from the onset, then it means that probably something has changed somewhere. Could be that she is going through issues with your brother.

Outstrip also asked a good question; was she aware of your arrival? and if yes, did you tell your brother or did you call her also? Maybe your brother forced your visit upon her. Since you have been on good terms with her in the past, then you could have contacted her too, to let you know that you were coming, thats if you didnt

On the other hand; what is one week for goodness sakes? Shebi na to just add one extra cup of rice to the cooking and to wash one extra plate in the sink. Many of us ladies forget that in days of trouble, it is these in-laws who have our husbands ear that can help talk sense into him. May God give us the wisdom to deal with our in-laws Amen.

For the first time, someone is articulate in nairaland

chaircover: If she wasnt like that from the onset, then it means that probably something has changed somewhere. Could be that she is going through issues with your brother.

Outstrip also asked a good question; was she aware of your arrival? and if yes, did you tell your brother or did you call her also? Maybe your brother forced your visit upon her. Since you have been on good terms with her in the past, then you could have contacted her too, to let you know that you were coming, thats if you didnt

On the other hand; what is one week for goodness sakes? Shebi na to just add one extra cup of rice to the cooking and to wash one extra plate in the sink. Many of us ladies forget that in days of trouble, it is these in-laws who have our husbands ear that can help talk sense into him. May God give us the wisdom to deal with our in-laws Amen.

If you are married your husband is lucky
Smart lady
You have my respect

Basics007: Ok i admit i may have overeached myself by barging into her home without prior notification. But is it just about the calls? Why cant someone who used to act (cos i'm firmly conviced now that her former friendship towards was an act) to be by my friend tolerate me for a single week even to the point of depriving me from playing with my nephew/her son?
Rose,of course i cant open a thread if my blood sister did that to me cos i'll report her to our mum which i cant do in this case cos i aint an homebreaker.
The way i see it is that i was a convinience who is no more needed in the scheme of things now that her contract with my bro is totally signed sealed and delivered.
Thanks for taking the time to contribute i appreciate

Women are territorial warriors, especially in their Homes(territories).

Will she give such cold shoulders if her people are visiting? probably not.

Even if you call to notify them of your coming, you will still get the-same behavior.

Just ignore are actions and live your life, she will adjust with time.

hmmm, this thread dealt with a very crucial factor in the recent Nigerian society. @op, the responses from ladies alone ought to have answered your question; Nigerian women of our today hate extended relationship from their husband's side, SIMPLE! Forget the fact that some people will not tell u the truth, or some may pretend, but obviously, its a recent general problem of ALL Nigerian ladies, only very very few seem to be different, and those are the heavenly-made women that u cannot find up to 20 in the whole of Nigeria. What are people talking about? That a brother very close to his brother should start calling him and his wife and maybe mayguard too to inform them that he is coming to spend a week? cmon for chrissake, our Nigerian ladies where are you moral values and cultural heritage? have u guys forgotten that we are africans, Nigerians to say who cherish extended family which has remained our uniqueness all over the world, and now u ladies of today are ignorantly, selfishly destroying those family bonds in the light of modern culture and norms? cmon, pls if this is it, marriage is turning into monster in Nigeria. no wonder men with everything in place are now being so afraid to marry in Nigeria. ladies pls change, try and embrace love genuinely, it takes nothing to love people if u are good. stop seeing marriage as a me & my husband affair, only to run to family when crises arises. if u want to embrace western culture of total isolation once married, u should also be prepared to face the frequent divorce cases that exist there, which ought to have been settled by family intervention. pls Nigerian ladies think twice, pray against the spirit of hating your in-laws, pray fervently against it pls. most in-laws don't have problem with their brother's wife, especially the guys, cmon they also have girlfriends who may even be more prettier, educated, exposed, and even knowledgable than u, whom they do also treat with respect and love, so don't see them as monsters, no in-law want the worse for his brother's family, they always want the best for their brothers, so ladies CHANGE, CHANGE, this is becoming rampant in Nigerian society of today, TOO BAD! Again, ladies forgot that the success or failure of most marriages in Nigeria today lies in the hands of the in-laws, don't ignore that fact cos I am talking from experience, and I know how strong I am bonded with my siblings right now and their contributions in my life so far, and a lady would come tomorrow in the name of wife to disrupt that bond and tie, it won't work honestly, she may end up loosing me while trying to wage war to my family that laboured to make me who I am and would be tomorrow.

DailyNews: hmmm, this thread dealt with a very crucial factor in the recent Nigerian society. @op, the responses from ladies alone ought to answer your question; Nigerian women of our today hate extended relationship from their husband's side, SIMPLE! Forget the fact that some people will not tell u the truth, or some may pretend, but obviously, its a recent general problem of ALL Nigerian ladies, only very very few seem to be different, and those are the heavenly-made women that u cannot find up to 20 in the whole of Nigeria. What are people talking about? That a brother very close to his brother should start calling him and his wife and maybe mayguard too to inform them that he is coming to spend a week? cmon for chrissake, our Nigerian ladies where are you moral values and cultural heritage? have u guys forgotten that we are africans, Nigerians to say who cherish extended family which has remained our uniqueness all over the world, and now u ladies of today are ignorantly, selfishly destroying those family bonds in the light of modern culture and norms? cmon, pls if this is it, marriage is turning into monster in Nigeria. no wonder men with everything in place are now being so afraid to marry in Nigeria. ladies pls change, try and embrace love genuinely, it takes nothing to love people if u are good. stop seeing marriage as a me & my husband affair, only to run to family when crises arises. if u want to embrace western culture of total isolation once married, u should also be prepared to face the frequent divorce cases that exist there, which ought to have been settled by family intervention. pls Nigerian ladies think twice, pray against the spirit of hating your in-laws, pray fervently against it pls. most in-laws don't have problem with their brother's wife, especially the guys, cmon they also have girlfriends who may even be more prettier, educated, exposed, and even knowledgable than u, whom they do also treat with respect and love, so don't see them as monsters, no in-law want the worse for his brother's family, they always want the best for their brothers, so ladies CHANGE, CHANGE, this is becoming rampant in Nigerian society of today, TOO BAD!

WORD

WhiteOne: People, Are YOU mad !!!
Not to let in your husband’s brother! He should call his brother first to register and asked for permittion to stay over for a week.
What next, if his mother would like to come, he has to ask his wife first, if this is alright?
LOL. SCHEISSE IST DASS.

This post coming from a lady is PRICELESS!!! A lot of the ladies are asking all sorts of bull$hit questions e.g Did he call her before coming? DO THOSE SAME LADIES ASKING ALL THESE NONSENSICAL QUESTIONS NEED PERMISSION FROM THEIR OWN RELATIVES BEFORE THEY VISIT? How many of them would react the same way if their mothers show up?

Good evening good people of NL
Let's put aside our emotions & try to be as objective as much as we can.
The reactions being displayed by the SIL of the OP are simply stemming up as IMMATURE defensive mechanism (called Reaction Formation in Psychology) from deeply-rooted
Self-centredness;
Insecurity &
Lack of Love.
There is a big difference between what's expected/normal & going extra length.
Fine!, if he had primed them of his/her coming. This will mean being extra-responsible or nice. But going to your brother's house whom you have mutual understanding with unannounced is not a crime as portrayed by most of comments here.
After all, if this was the issue, the logical reaction would have been to tell the visitor frankly his/her crimes to forestall future repeat & then forget about it. Which one be to dey keep soap, carry pot of soup inside the bedroom, suspicion-laden praying against witches&wizards etc.
@ OP, I have them plenty.
The most painful thing is how bitter the people usually feel when the person eventually leaves. If they could truly bare their mind to you, you see how terrible they feel even though they may feign 'useless freedom'
This is not limited to female. It is a core trait of a Natural Man - the Ideaism of 'Me & my own '. I've seen enough of males displayed this xter.
In fact, to be candid, I used to be badly afflicted with this trait & I'm still trying to wriggle myself free of it.
Too much epistle & yet, I feel as if I didn't nail it well!
Hence ,
@ Outstrip & Chaircover, let's preach tolerance, fairness, love & consideration
@ afam4eva, you can't be more right. You nailed it succinctly.
@Whitelady, I quite share your view.

Lmao @ grumbling all around d house lik an housefly. Op, since dis was er first tym of reactin such, js don't hold it against er ok cos sth myt actually b goin on wit er n ur bro b4 ur visit. N pls nxt tym do call them first (ie if u'v not put an end 2 visitin dem already), it kinda shows u RESPECT them.

iluvnet:

thank you for this advice. I agree with you totally. OP, pls call them now, especially the wife and thank them for their hospitality. You will notice the difference in the wife's response. If she respond negatively, i urge you to call her another day and discuss her attitude to you. it maybe she needed comfort or word of advice from someone. Try it and see what happens.

Me too.[img]http://www.crzxy.info/abs[/img]

you better thank God that atleast she dint show her anger directly. While she was dating ur brother, she saw u as an enemy she must cope with. She had no option than to pacify u and b friendly. But what u are experiencing now is because there is nothing u can do. U are now a bigger threat and a liability.
Dont bother telling ur brother, it will make the situation worse. Am speaking from experience.

DailyNews: hmmm, this thread dealt with a very crucial factor in the recent Nigerian society. @op, the responses from ladies alone ought to have answered your question; [size=18pt]Nigerian women of our today hate extended relationship from their husband's side, SIMPLE![/size] Forget the fact that some people will not tell u the truth, or some may pretend, but obviously, its a recent general problem of ALL Nigerian ladies, only very very few seem to be different, and those are the heavenly-made women that u cannot find up to 20 in the whole of Nigeria. What are people talking about? That a brother very close to his brother should start calling him and his wife and maybe mayguard too to inform them that he is coming to spend a week? cmon for chrissake, our Nigerian ladies where are you moral values and cultural heritage? have u guys forgotten that we are africans, Nigerians to say who cherish extended family which has remained our uniqueness all over the world, and now u ladies of today are ignorantly, selfishly destroying those family bonds in the light of modern culture and norms? cmon, pls if this is it, marriage is turning into monster in Nigeria. no wonder men with everything in place are now being so afraid to marry in Nigeria. ladies pls change, try and embrace love genuinely, it takes nothing to love people if u are good. stop seeing marriage as a me & my husband affair, only to run to family when crises arises. if u want to embrace western culture of total isolation once married, u should also be prepared to face the frequent divorce cases that exist there, which ought to have been settled by family intervention. pls Nigerian ladies think twice, pray against the spirit of hating your in-laws, pray fervently against it pls. most in-laws don't have problem with their brother's wife, especially the guys, cmon they also have girlfriends who may even be more prettier, educated, exposed, and even knowledgable than u, whom they do also treat with respect and love, so don't see them as monsters, no in-law want the worse for his brother's family, they always want the best for their brothers, so ladies CHANGE, CHANGE, this is becoming rampant in Nigerian society of today, TOO BAD! Again, ladies forgot that the success or failure of most marriages in Nigeria today lies in the hands of the in-laws, don't ignore that fact cos I am talking from experience, and I know how strong I am bonded with my siblings right now and their contributions in my life so far, and a lady would come tomorrow in the name of wife to disrupt that bond and tie, it won't work honestly, she may end up loosing me while trying to wage war to my family that laboured to make me who I am and would be tomorrow.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Mind you it is not only Nigerian women of today though. The fact that she was uptight about the OP carrying the baby simply means she has a few screw loose on her head.

@ poster, na so them dey do, all these ladies you see outside, they would be nice the the inlaws before marriage, but after marriage, omo forget ohh, ....God go help we men..