The Solution is this::


Men: Know the rights of your wife well:: FORGET about your own rights.....


Women: Know the rights of your husband well:: FORGET your own rights.....

Remember your own job is to fulfill the rights of the other the best way you can::

tbaba1234: The Solution is this::


Men: Know the rights of your wife well:: FORGET about your own rights.....


Women: Know the rights of your husband well:: FORGET your own rights.....

Remember your own job is to fulfill the rights of the other the best way you can::

Best post here period. Marriage is not about I...me... and myself but about sacrificing yourself for the needs of your spouse. If you do this, you wont worry about who cooked or irons the clothes.

sino:
Bia bi ko nu david, so marriage doesnt have lagal obligations ehn? It has no legal obligations under religion and even under the state? Why do you say all the "for better for worse, in health and sickness blah blah" @ the alter? Didnt you sign these agreements to the union? No contractual agreement abi? Abeg go and play with your cuvette jare. Even friends seek each other's permission(i did ask my friend's permission to leave his brother's nikkah).
I believe your children need no permission of yours too abi?
even though the relationship between the husband and wife cannot be likkened to that of an employer and an employee, seeking permission in Islam is a sign of mutual respect and curtesy between couples. These are the laws of Islam.

I asked you a question, is the husband required to seek permission from his wife before going out too? If this is restricted to the wife alone then why? Is she a 5yr old?

deols:

like I said earlier, many of them assume being the head gives them all liberty whereas the prophet of Allah accepted challenges from his wives. They are a perfect example of the 'nature of women' But he ddnt deal wv them in forceful manners. he was patient and persevered in many circumstances. many of these Muslim men wont see such ahadith as guides to life but will continually quote themselves as being heads of the family.

The same problem exists on the other side of the divide as well. Men spending so much time preaching on how women must be submissive to their husbands as a religious obligation while forgetting that men are commanded to be sacrificial lovers to their wives. If you love you wife with all your soul, only a wicked woman will refuse to be submissive to you.

Nice thread!

@deols well done I see you do your research well. As for men (@leastsome of them )just want to take benefits of 'i am the leader therefore you must do as i said' without the disadvantages that come along. You can't be a leader without some sort of sacrifices. I mean how can you call urself a leader and not care about the well being of ur 'subjects'? you think sitting down while your wife cooks, cleans bathrooms, takes garbage outside, washes the family cloth, and helps kids with their homework is what makes a head of the family? As a human being you should not treat a roommate like this not to talk of your wife whom you are suppose to love and care for according to the rules set by Allah. Any way I have been married for nine years because I married a good muslim man who lead me the right way not by bitting or insult but by patience I am still here. I mean I hated cooking and anything that deals with house chores I did not do them in my father's house and was not about to start in my husband's. Patience and love for a selfless man and the children changed me. I take pride in setting food on the table now, same with arraging cloth after a day in the laundry, or clean the house(except the bathroom no way I hate cleaning that thing no way ). he lead by example and I followed his good ways. You can't win a thing by force. So muslim sisters look for that man who will tolerate your short coming, and teach you how to be a good wife . He is there you just need to detect the superficial things (like his cloth, job, wealth) so you can see the real him before you say I do.

tbaba1234: The Solution is this::


Men: Know the rights of your wife well:: FORGET about your own rights.....


Women: Know the rights of your husband well:: FORGET your own rights.....

Remember your own job is to fulfill the rights of the other the best way you can::

SO so it. The happiness of the other should be sought for a perfect UNIOn.

BahPulo: Nice thread!

@deols well done I see you do your research well. As for men (@leastsome of them )just want to take benefits of 'i am the leader therefore you must do as i said' without the disadvantages that come along. You can't be a leader without some sort of sacrifices. I mean how can you call urself a leader and not care about the well being of ur 'subjects'? you think sitting down while your wife cooks, cleans bathrooms, takes garbage outside, watches the family cloth, and helps kids with their homework is what makes a head of the family? As a human being you should not treat a roommate like this not to talk of your wife whom you are suppose to love and care for according to the rules set by Allah. Any way I have been married for nine years because I married a good muslim man who lead me the right way not by bitting or insult but by patience [/b]I am still here. I mean I hated cooking and anything that deals with house chores I did not do them in my father's house and was not about to start in my husband's. Patience and love for a selfless man and the children changed me. I take pride in setting food on the table now, same with arraging cloth after a day in the laundry, or clean the house(except the bathroom no way I hate cleaning that thing no way ). [b]he lead by example and I followed his good ways. You can't win a thing by force. So muslim sisters look for that man who will tolerate your short coming, and teach you how to be a good wife . He is there you just need to detect the superficial things (like his cloth, job, wealth) so you can see the real him before you say I do.

Your response is a breath of fresh air I must say. And btw, I read your post on 'the first year of marriage' in the family section. Yours is a very beautiful marriage and whatever position you take on this is valued because You've been there.

I love the highlighted parts. they speak my thoughts.

uplawal: Asalamu Alaykum brother maclatunji,this that you've said made sense,but its sometimes difficult when the people in question are not believers or dnt have the same islamic knowledge as the husband.

This response took about 6 days to be posted but here it is:

uplawal: Asalamu Alaykum brother maclatunji,this that you've said made sense,but its sometimes difficult when the people in question are not believers or dnt have the same islamic knowledge as the husband.

Very true. That is why a highly Islamic conscious couple within the Yoruba context have to be realistic when they 'exhibit' some behaviours that are perfectly normal and encouraged in Islam but would be misinterpreted by those who are not-so-well-grounded in our religion. For example, there is nothing that says a husband should not do dishes at home. However, it is not advisable for a husband to be doing dishes when his mother is with you (albeit temporarily) because there is no amount of hadith and sermonising about the Prophets' (SAW) sterling qualities that you will tell the mother that will convince her that her son has not been turned into a sissy. Of course, it won't take long before she transfers aggression to her daughter-in-law which is all-too-easy because she might not like or understand why the young woman feels she has to cover-up from head-to-toe any time she goes out and so on.

We young people need to distinguish between knowledge and wisdom, a good number of us have knowledge about Islam but lack the wisdom in applying such knowledge. Yes, you and your husband are Muslims but there is the day-to-day interpersonal relationship you have and that which you must maintain with extended family members. A little give-and-take is needed sometimes to maintain peace especially for the wife- I know many of you will say it is not fair but hey! that is the way the world works, if you try too hard to fight it you lose big-time. However, if you moderate such extraneous variables, you will be much better for it- (Insha Allah).

I hope you got that.

deols:

Your response is a breath of fresh air I must say. And btw, I read your post on 'the first year of marriage' in the family section. Yours is a very beautiful marriage and whatever position you take on this is valued because You've been there.

I love the highlighted parts. they speak my thoughts.

thank you. I think people should know what they want in a partner, what they can tolerate, or not before engaging in finding your better half. I mean once you know where you stand don't move from it until you find someone with the same wants as you. it'll save future headach.

maclatunji:


However, it is not advisable for a husband to be doing dishes when his mother is with you (albeit temporarily) because there is no amount of hadith and sermonising about the Prophets' (SAW) sterling qualities that you will tell the mother that will convince her that her son has not been turned into a sissy. Of course, it won't take long before she transfers aggression to her daughter-in-law which is all-too-easy because she might not like or understand why the young woman feels she has to cover-up from head-to-toe any time she goes out and so on.

I think that's where the problem lies with many african men they are so worried what other people and family members will think of them that they forfeit their duties. This remind me of my mother complaining about my brother's wife letting him help with taking off her braids, I asked how would she feels if my husband was helping me take off my braids knowing well I hated it so much that I'm willing to go without braids for years just so i won't have to sitdown and unbraid them? will you be mad or happy that I married such a man that helps when I am dealing with a task I hate? her reply was I guess you right the girl has too much hair anyway let me join them. So you see sometimes you don't even need to bring in hadith the human compassion is enough to help people see reasons my brother

maclatunji:
We young people need to distinguish between knowledge and wisdom, a good number of us have knowledge about Islam but lack the wisdom in applying such knowledge. Yes, you and your husband are Muslims but there is the day-to-day interpersonal relationship you have and that which you must maintain with extended family members. A little give-and-take is needed sometimes to maintain peace especially for the wife- I know many of you will say it is not fair but hey! that is the way the world works, if you try too hard to fight it you lose big-time. However, if you moderate such extraneous variables, you will be much better for it- (Insha Allah).

Yes you're right little give and take is needed in any human interaction to maintain peace. But you wrong that it should come from one side only it has to come from both parties for peace to win. I don't think that's how the world is but that's how people who benefit from it wants it to be. I mean up until 30 years ago some people in my ethnic group did not think girls were worth educating for once it's never been the role of the girl to go sick knowledge outside of the family, the girl should just learn how to be a wife and mother. But with time those with such beliefs have to give in not because they are less of what they were but because change is the only thing constant in human life

BahPulo:
I think that's where the problem lies with many african men they are so worried what other people and family members will think of them that they forfeit their duties. This remind me of my mother complaining about my brother's wife letting him help with taking off her braids, I asked how would she feels if my husband was helping me take off my braids knowing well I hated it so much that I'm willing to go without braids for years just so i won't have to sitdown and unbraid them? will you be mad or happy that I married such a man that helps when I am dealing with a task I hate? her reply was I guess you right the girl has too much hair anyway let me join them. So you see sometimes you don't even need to bring in hadith the human compassion is enough to help people see reasons my brother

It is not a case of being afraid of what people will think about you as a man, it is about wisely protecting your wife from unnecessary aggression. Let us expand on my example. The mother who sees her son doing dishes will in all likelihood NOT complain to her son about it. However, she is likely to invent other issues to attack your wife. Trust me, your wife doesn’t need the stress because she will not even know where it emanates from neither will you.

Secondly, it is not wise to confront your mother because of your wife, there is an hadith in which the mother did not forgive her son for not ordering his wife to do what she had asked the wife to do. Instead the son did the task himself and felt that was enough- He never knew his mother resented him for that until the Prophet(SAW) brought-it out from her on his death bed! (Talk about some serious woman issue).

Once you know things that will induce trouble, why would you want to go and bring them-up and cry foul later? Believe me, tact is all that is needed here, confrontation will just lead to stress that will rock your marriage. The issue of family interference varies from place-to-place. You cannot compare Nigeria or the UK to the United States. Just by the sheer size of the U.S., a couple may keep their relatives at arm’s length but in Nigeria and Second-Nigeria (The UK), that might not be feasible. So you have to be pragmatic and not be unnecessarily idealistic.

BahPulo: Yes you're right little give and take is needed in any human interaction to maintain peace. But you wrong that it should come from one side only it has to come from both parties for peace to win. I don't think that's how the world is but that's how people who benefit from it wants it to be. I mean up until 30 years ago some people in my ethnic group did not think girls were worth educating for once it's never been the role of the girl to go sick knowledge outside of the family, the girl should just learn how to be a wife and mother. But with time those with such beliefs have to give in not because they are less of what they were but because change is the only thing constant in human life

I am all-for-change. In fact, I hardly follow convention and I am always seeking new ways of doing things BUT I am also pragmatic. There is a very high rate of divorce across humanity now and it stems from over-idealism. It is like most people live in fairy tale land and cannot sit down to do the hardwork that is required to make a marriage work. A woman wants concessions from her husband, from his family whilst at the same time she wants to give minimum input and she expects marital bliss? Think again! When a woman marries she carries the baggage of his family and vice versa. However, it is the woman who moves out of her “father’s house” to her “husband’s house.” She needs to apply great wisdom if she is to have a successful stay because she has the most to lose if the whole thing fails. If I were a woman I would stoop to conquer than let pride and prejudice get in my way.

@all,wow,have missed.

@Deols,what we married women face in the wider world is so different from islam,you really have to be strong with your partner cos this inlaw issues is so bad in those places i pointed to,you should plan well,you will lose it in them if you show this nairaland attitude,always wanna clarify things islamically,av been there,its no use dealing with them as you feel personally,but diplomacy always work with them,and a yes ma and ok reply,anything other than these,you are tagged as a rude wife and the next thing is to paint you bad before the rest.Me being a very straight forward individual,i hate pretense,if am angry,it shows,as a matter of fact,i dnt pretend to like someone that i dnt wanna like,i had problem with that,all these obedience our brothers are saying here,scholars have diffrence opinions on it,and the last time i listen to Yusuf Estes,he said,the obedience Allah is talking about is the woman not disobeying Allah's commandments in her husbands house,e.g salat,fasting,forbiding evil and doing good and not washing husband clothes,or cooking.

I also wanna tell my brothers and sisters in Islam that Allah has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl,whose name is Sekina,mum and daughter are doing fine all glory to Allah,as a matter of fact,her Aqiqah was this sunday,while the walimat would insha Allah hold next sunday,she sucks like a baby boy ,what can i say but Alhamdulilah Allah is supllying the milk in due measure.

uplawal: I also wanna tell my brothers and sisters in Islam that Allah has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl,whose name is Sekina,mum and daughter are doing fine all glory to Allah,as a matter of fact,her Aqiqah was this sunday,while the walimat would insha Allah hold next sunday,she sucks like a baby boy ,what can i say but Alhamdulilah Allah is supllying the milk in due measure.

MashAllah, congrats... May her help her grow in the deen and become an asset to the ummah...Amin

^^
congrats, may she be a dutiful daughter and a pride for the ummah

uplawal: I also wanna tell my brothers and sisters in Islam that Allah has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl,whose name is Sekina,mum and daughter are doing fine all glory to Allah,as a matter of fact,her Aqiqah was this sunday,while the walimat would insha Allah hold next sunday,she sucks like a baby boy ,what can i say but Alhamdulilah Allah is supllying the milk in due measure.

Awwwwww, congratulations. May Allah bless mother and child- And the father too. Nice of you to share such good news, you just made my morning brighter.

uplawal: I also wanna tell my brothers and sisters in Islam that Allah has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl,whose name is Sekina,mum and daughter are doing fine all glory to Allah,as a matter of fact,her Aqiqah was this sunday,while the walimat would insha Allah hold next sunday,she sucks like a baby boy ,what can i say but Alhamdulilah Allah is supllying the milk in due measure.

Subhanallah!

I am so happy to hear the news for you.may Allah (swt) keep you strong and bless your baby girl!!!

uplawal: toba,you should know am not asking for your opinion as you are not one of us.

Chai!

see heavy slap wey sister uplawal give busy-bodi "toba".

i actually posted the below in quotes in the other thread about the duties and responsibilities of the husband.so i find it good to share here:

https://www.nairaland.com/931147/what-duties-roles-husband-as#10809660

LagosShia: from Risatul Huquq (Treaties of Rights In Islam) by the fourth holy Imam,Imam Ali Ibn Al-Hussain,Zainul-Abideen,as-Sajjad (as)-the son of Imam Hussain (as),the third holy imam and grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (sa):

the rights of your wife:

[20] The right of your wife (zawja) is that you know that God has made her a repose and a comfort for you; you should know that she is God's favour toward you, so you should honour her and treat her gently. Though her right toward you is more incumbent, you must treat her with compassion, since she is under your custody (asir) whom you feed and clothe. If she is ignorant, you should pardon her.

for all the other items stated in Risatul Huquq,please check:

http://www.al-islam.org/sahifa/treatise.html

LagosShia: The Right of Husband on His Wife

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir,the fifth holy Imam (عليه السلام) said: That a women came to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم), and said: "O Messenger of Allaah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم), What is the right of the husband on the wife?" So he (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said to her: "She must yield to and obey him and must not oppose and disobey him. She must not give charity from his house without his permission and must not do an optional fast without his permission. If she goes out of his house without his permission, the angels of the skies and the angels of the earth and the angels of the anger (wrath) and the angels of mercy will do la`nah (curse) on her until she returns to her house.

She asked: "O Messenger of Allaah, Who has the greatest right on man?" He (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: "his father has the greatest right."

So she asked: "O Messenger of Allaah, who has the greatest right on a woman?" He (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: Her husband has the greatest right on her".

So she asked: "Are my rights upon him like what his (rights) are upon me (i.e. equal rights)?" He (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: "No, not even one out of hundred."

So she said: I swear by the one who has sent you the prophet in all truth, I will never allow any man to have a hold of my neck"
Source:
1. Al-Kulayni, Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, pg. 506 – 507, hadeeth # 1
Grading:
1. Al-Majlisi said this hadeeth has a SaHeeH (Authentic)
à Mir’aat Al-`Uqool, vol. 20, pg. 318


Other Scholars who say this hadeeth is SaHeeH:
1. al-Shaheed al-Thaani, Masaalik al-Afhaam, vol. 8, pg. 307
2. Yoosuf al-BaHraani, al-Hadaa'iq al-NaaDirah, vol. 23, pg. 119
3. al-Hussayn bin Aal `aSfoor al-BaHraani (d. 1216 AH), al-Anwaar al-Aluwaama`, vol. 10, pg. 5
4. al-Madani al-Kaashaani, Buraaheen al-Hajj, vol. 1, pg. 249
5. al-Haadee al-Najafee, Mawsoo`ah aHaadeeth Ahl al-Bayt, vol. 10, pg. 200


Imam Hussain (عليه السلام) said: A group came to the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, we say a people who some of them would prostrate to some. So the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: Were I to command anyone to prostrate to someone I would have command the wife to prostrate to her husband.
Source:
1. Al-Kulayni, Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, pg. 507 – 508, hadeeth # 6
Grading:
1. Al-Majlisi said this hadeeth has a SaHeeH (Authentic)
à Mir’aat Al-`Uqool, vol. 20, pg. 320

http://www.revivingalislam.com/2010/09/right-of-husband-on-his-wife.html

LagosShia: Right of Wife on Her Husband

Here is a Muwaththaq (Reliable) hadeeth on the rights that a wife has on her husband.

From IsHaaq bin `Ammaar said, I said to Imam Ja'far Ibn Muhammad,as-Sadeq عليه السلام (the sixth holy Imam) what rights does a woman have upon her husband, which he his actions are good? He (عليه السلام) said: “(He must) Feed her, cloth her, and if she (acts) ignorant, he forgives her”. And Aboo `Abd Allaah (عليه السلام) said: “My father had a woman who would harm (annoy) him, and he would forgive her”

Source:
1. Al-Kulayni, Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, pg. 510-511, hadeeth # 1
Grading:
1. Al-Majlisi said this hadeeth is Muwaththaq (Reliable)
à Mir’aat Al-`Uqool, vol. 20, pg. 323

http://www.revivingalislam.com/2011/06/right-of-wife-on-her-husband.html

@uplawal Barakallahu fihi! May Allah bless your baby girl and protect her from the evils in this world amin.
How i wish say i fit come chop the haqiqah....

uplawal: I also wanna tell my brothers and sisters in Islam that Allah has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl,whose name is Sekina,mum and daughter are doing fine all glory to Allah,as a matter of fact,her Aqiqah was this sunday,while the walimat would insha Allah hold next sunday,she sucks like a baby boy ,what can i say but Alhamdulilah Allah is supllying the milk in due measure.

Congrat waooh a baby girl good for you how I wanted one but only have boys they are still fine though

@Maclatunji I'll respond your post later.

Jazakallah khair.ameen.

maclatunji:

Awwwwww, congratulations. May Allah bless mother and child- And the father too. Nice of you to share such good news, you just made my morning brighter.

Jazakallahu khair.

BahPulo:

Congrat waooh a baby girl good for you how I wanted one but only have boys they are still fine though

@Maclatunji I'll respond your post later.

Jazakallahu khair.ameen.

sino: @uplawal Barakallahu fihi! May Allah bless your baby girl and protect her from the evils in this world amin.
How i wish say i fit come chop the haqiqah....

Funny thread.

LagosShia:

Chai!

see heavy slap wey sister uplawal give busy-bodi "toba".

Ameen.

tbaba1234:

MashAllah, congrats... May her help her grow in the deen and become an asset to the ummah...Amin

Ameen,jazakallah khair.

sino: @uplawal Barakallahu fihi! May Allah bless your baby girl and protect her from the evils in this world amin.
How i wish say i fit come chop the haqiqah....

O

maclatunji:
^At the risk of looking like a serial trouble maker (I only ask these questions because that is not my intention). What do you really mean by the statement that it is not clearly specified in Islam that a woman must cook for her husband?
Are you saying she is in charge of providing meals to her husband although she might not be the one that actually cooks the food? Or are you saying a wife is at liberty to decide whether to provide food to her husband or not?

I want to think you are talking of the former but please clarify.

@Uplawal, it breaks my heart that I typed a reply to your last post to me on this thread and could not post because my laptop internet connection ran out as I was pressing reply. Insha Allah, I will post it when I get the laptop connection back.

O

maclatunji:
^At the risk of looking like a serial trouble maker (I only ask these questions because that is not my intention). What do you really mean by the statement that it is not clearly specified in Islam that a woman must cook for her husband?
Are you saying she is in charge of providing meals to her husband although she might not be the one that actually cooks the food? Or are you saying a wife is at liberty to decide whether to provide food to her husband or not?

I want to think you are talking of the former but please clarify.

@Uplawal, it breaks my heart that I typed a reply to your last post to me on this thread and could not post because my laptop internet connection ran out as I was pressing reply. Insha Allah, I will post it when I get the laptop connection back.

Oh no,am just seeing this,pls lets leave matter for mathias, i do cleaning,cook,kids,husband,inlaws,except you have a maid, a wife not working will do all,or else its trouble o.