i av been married for 10 years with 3 lovely kids. the problem is my husband is an unrepentent adulterer and liar.
its been an issue in all our years of marriaige. the problem is he has always been like that before we got married but i thot it was just youthful exhuberance and marraige will change him
but i was wrong. i av begged him, quarrelled with him, prayed and done everything i can imagine. reported to his family my family but he seem to be cursed.
he runs after young girls of 21 to 23 at 43 years old.
i am tired.. cant take it any more.
when i told him i want to leave he said i am free that to get a wife is not difficult that there are many willing ladies pout there.
that he will not ask me to leave but if i say i want to go he will not force me to stay either.
so i want to leave.
i need a lawyer who will advise me on how to go about the divorce proceedings.
his lies are runnining me cracy
his unfaithfulness is making me sick
some of ds girls send curses an threats to my phone and when i tell him he is not bothered and tells me to go and sort it out myself.
in short i av made up my mind to leave
if u are a lawyer or knows anyone that is competent with divorce proceedings should drop her phone number or mail me on kofocheerful@yahoo.co.uk.
thank u

Good for you for coming to this decision. The pain and drama will be for a while but your peace of mind and sanity will eventually be restored. I am not a lawyer but I hope you find one soon.

OP,av a litle patience ur marriage is crashing n u c divorce as d soln,av u thot abt wat's happens 2 n ur kids afta d divorce

@ OP have you really thought about this fully. Do you think the grass is greener on the other side. What about your children who will raise them. By the time you leave your hubby will bring someone else into your home, have children with them and forget about you. Woman I would advise you to find a hobby or start a business that makes you happy and forget about your husbands short comings. He is a womannizer from the start you knew that and yet you married him and gave him 3 kids.Look i know how you feel, but womanizers are hard to change and this guy is a typical one. Look their are ways to deal with this type of man that i have discoverd, things that will bring back the spark and romance in your marriage. It's possible OP dont run to divorce court just yet. Try to make your hair, talk to hubby. loose weight if you have too. Go on outings with the family, when he comes home int he evening be friendly. Trust me it goes a long way,when you look @ him try to see the man you loved and married and not the womanizer and source of your misery. How you perceive this man is important because it will either make him draw closer to you or drift apart.

agiboma: @ OP have you really thought about this fully. Do you think the grass is greener on the other side. What about your children who will raise them. By the time you leave your hubby will bring someone else into your home, have children with them and forget about you. Woman I would advise you to find a hobby or start a business that makes you happy and forget about your husbands short comings. He is a womannizer from the start you knew that and yet you married him and gave him 3 kids.Look i know how you feel, but womanizers are hard to change and this guy is a typical one. Look their are ways to deal with this type of man that i have discoverd, things that will bring back the spark and romance in your marriage. It's possible OP dont run to divorce court just yet. Try to make your hair, talk to hubby. loose weight if you have too. Go on outings with the family, when he comes home int he evening be friendly. Trust me it goes a long way,when you look @ him try to see the man you loved and married and not the womanizer and source of your misery. How you perceive this man is important because it will either make him draw closer to you or drift apart.

What is this? . . .Some men are can not just have one woman as a sexu[i]a[/i]l partner. . .That is the fact and her husband happens to be one. . .If she doesn't want the marriage, then she is free to go, no amount of good dressing or weight loss will ever change anything. . .I have a friend who has 2 wives but still goes around chasing other ladies. . . .Some men just can not be with one woman. . .Life is too short wasting time over a man that will continue to bring you pain. . .

agiboma: @ OP have you really thought about this fully. Do you think the grass is greener on the other side. What about your children who will raise them. By the time you leave your hubby will bring someone else into your home, have children with them and forget about you. Woman I would advise you to find a hobby or start a business that makes you happy and forget about your husbands short comings. He is a womannizer from the start you knew that and yet you married him and gave him 3 kids.Look i know how you feel, but womanizers are hard to change and this guy is a typical one. Look their are ways to deal with this type of man that i have discoverd, things that will bring back the spark and romance in your marriage. It's possible OP dont run to divorce court just yet. Try to make your hair, talk to hubby. loose weight if you have too. Go on outings with the family, when he comes home int he evening be friendly. Trust me it goes a long way,when you look @ him try to see the man you loved and married and not the womanizer and source of your misery. How you perceive this man is important because it will either make him draw closer to you or drift apart.

How much where you paid by the chauvinists on this board?

There are certainly grounds for a divorce and nobody can say that you have not tried to make it work given that you have stayed in the marriage for 10years. However, I must caution you that divorce is not something you go into lightly. It is no joke to raise 3 children on your own. Think about the school fees for all three children. Consider the rent! It's not easy oh! My mum's youngest sister tried it on her own for a few years and she had to run back because the burden was killing her. Just think through the implications of leaving and make adequate plans before making the move. Good luck!

agiboma: @ OP have you really thought about this fully. Do you think the grass is greener on the other side. What about your children who will raise them. By the time you leave your hubby will bring someone else into your home, have children with them and forget about you. Woman I would advise you to find a hobby or start a business that makes you happy and forget about your husbands short comings. He is a womannizer from the start you knew that and yet you married him and gave him 3 kids.Look i know how you feel, but womanizers are hard to change and this guy is a typical one. Look their are ways to deal with this type of man that i have discoverd, things that will bring back the spark and romance in your marriage. It's possible OP dont run to divorce court just yet. Try to make your hair, talk to hubby. loose weight if you have too. Go on outings with the family, when he comes home int he evening be friendly. Trust me it goes a long way,when you look @ him try to see the man you loved and married and not the womanizer and source of your misery. How you perceive this man is important because it will either make him draw closer to you or drift apart.

i agree with u totaly agi..
@op, pls av a little more patience, like agi as adviced,pls get somthing doing dat will take ur mind of d tots of ur hubby unfaithfulness. U already have 3 lovely kids,pls concentrate on ur kids and their future,pay less atention to ur husband but more on ur kids and pls dont paint ur hubby bad to d kids. Stay in ur home,if not for anything but for ur kids and dont ever stop praying for ur hubby. God is a mracle God and will surely give u rest of mind n bring back peace into ur home.

@OP

You want to get divorced and it is nairaland that you came to find a lawyer? Seems to me that you are not serious. You should think this through especially the part that concerns your kids.

thanks all for ur comments. those that say i should hold on really dont know what i av been thru. i av tried everything, from weight loss, ....... just name it.
in all the 11 years of marraige there has never been a single time he asked for sex that i said NO. i give him freely.
i made the biggest mistake by going into the marraige and cos we make mistakes does not mean we should die in them. i want to have my sanity back.
there is no way i will be in d house and not have the bad feelings.
what if he brings an std home or even the dreade aids
what if these girls issuing threats actually carry them out on me either physically or diabolically
what then happens to the children i am trying to stay back to keep
they need me.
and by the grace of God i av a very good and thriving business that can sustain myself and the kids without him
even now there are some bills i choose to pick myself at home.
there is nothing is providing for us that i cant afford.
and he's not even at home most times. i am the one that has done most of the bringing up of the children. he doesnt attend any of their school functions or check their school work. like i tell him he lives in the house like its a hostel.
so i am ready to live and leave.
i need and i am entitled to a happy life.
he needs a wifge like himself who is also an adultress.

^^^I must commend you, you are a strong woman.

Are these women threatening you for real? this is why I always say that men that cheat get the 5 minutes pleasure but in return expose their family members to danger.

Where in Nigeria do you live? I can recommend " Debrief". She is a good lawyer.

Oya debrief, no forget to give me my own share of the money oo

kcheerful: thanks all for ur comments. those that say i should hold on really dont know what i av been thru. i av tried everything, from weight loss, ....... just name it.
in all the 11 years of marraige there has never been a single time he asked for sex that i said NO. i give him freely.
i made the biggest mistake by going into the marraige and cos we make mistakes does not mean we should die in them. i want to have my sanity back.
there is no way i will be in d house and not have the bad feelings.
what if he brings an std home or even the dreade aids
what if these girls issuing threats actually carry them out on me either physically or diabolically't wish it
what then happens to the children i am trying to stay back to keep
they need me.
and by the grace of God i av a very good and thriving business that can sustain myself and the kids without him
even now there are some bills i choose to pick myself at home.
there is nothing is providing for us that i cant afford.
and he's not even at home most times. i am the one that has done most of the bringing up of the children. he doesnt attend any of their school functions or check their school work. like i tell him he lives in the house like its a hostel.
so i am ready to live and leave.
i need and i am entitled to a happy life.
he needs a wifge like himself who is also an adultress.

I'm so sorry for what ur going thru - i've been thru that pain and don't wish it on my worst enemy - how u have lasted 10 years i have no idea cos cheating is the one thing i cannot tolerate and the insult i received from some of those girls was too much.

however, you have 3 kids - yes cheating on ur spouse is grounds for divorce (even in the bible) but u have 3 kids, their father may not be playing his role well , but children need that father figure in their life - u have lasted 10 years - i'm not advocating u remain and go mad but you really need to do something to get ur mind off his cheating, karma has a way of dealing with people. just keep praying and know that God is not sleeping.

will post later as duty calls right now.

I don't know any lawyer in Nigeria.
However, all this talk about who will raise your children.
My dad died when I was just 1+ year old
My mother raised 4 children ( 2 boys and 2 girls) all by herself on a Nigeria nurse salary and this small shop we had back then in Ife, absolutely no help from anyone, father's side o, mother's side o but God and thank God we are all where we are today.
@ poster, you are not a small girl, we can all type/ talk till we are blue in the face, after all the talking/typing, we all go home to our happy home, you are the only one that knows where the shoes hurt, I am sure you have weighed the options. Good luck I say. By God's grace, your Children and yourself will be just fine.

cotton101:

I'm so sorry for what ur going thru - i've been thru that pain and don't wish it on my worst enemy - how u have lasted 10 years i have no idea cos cheating is the one thing i cannot tolerate and the insult i received from some of those girls was too much.

however, you have 3 kids - yes cheating on ur spouse is grounds for divorce (even in the bible) but u have 3 kids, their father may not be playing his role well , but children need that father figure in their life - u have lasted 10 years - i'm not advocating u remain and go mad but you really need to do something to get ur mind off his cheating, karma has a way of dealing with people. just keep praying and know that God is not sleeping.

will post later as duty calls right now.

I think the notion that children need a father figure, ANY father figure in their lives is misconceived. A child is much better off WITHOUT a father figure if the father is an irresponsible liar and cheat. Nothing destroys the psyche of young boys and young girls more than observing their father disrespect their mum over and over again. It teaches the boys that women are of no consequence and they end up mistreating their wives and girlfriends and it teaches the girls that they have no value and they end up becoming the punching bags and welcome mats of tomorrow.

There are lots of children who grow up without a father in their lives and do VERY well. Besides there are alternatives like responsible uncles (and who knows, you might remarry). Given the additional details you provided, I think you'll do alright. We thank God that you can provide for yourself and your children. I pray that God gives you the grace to carry your cross with ease.

vanitty: I don't know any lawyer in Nigeria.
However, all this talk about who will raise your children.
My dad died when I was just 1+ year old
My mother raised 4 children ( 2 boys and 2 girls) all by herself on a Nigeria nurse salary and this small shop we had back then in Ife, absolutely no help from anyone, father's side o, mother's side o but God and thank God we are all where we are today.
@ poster, you are not a small girl, we can all type/ talk till we are blue in the face, after all the talking/typing, we all go home to our happy home, you are the only one that knows where the shoes hurt, I am sure you have weighed the options. Good luck I say. By God's grace, your Children and yourself will be just fine.

Are you male or female? I ask because I have become a fan of your posts on NLD.

@Moremi

I agree.

Eeyah thank u o
I am a female by the way

^^You are blessed with wisdom.

It helps to have an authorative figure in the house when bringing up children but if that ain't remotely possible then surely it's not the end of the world. There are many women out there in the real world taking up the role of both a father and a mother as well as doing a pretty damn good job of it.
You don't want to stay in a relationship for the kids only for them to grow up and hate the man they call dad.

sure you are a big joker, you need a lawyer and you come to NL? when you needed a clergyman for weeding did you come to NL?
by the way we just heard your own side of the story, and your immediate contemplation on divorce as a first choice of amending your broken home tells a lot about who you really are and what you are made of.
'any woman can make a baby, but it takes a real mother to build a happy home'.....991

991: sure you are a big joker, you need a lawyer and you come to NL? when you needed a clergyman for weeding did you come to NL?
by the way we just heard your own side of the story, and your immediate contemplation on divorce as a first choice of amending your broken home tells a lot about who you really are and what you are made of.
'any woman can make a baby, but it takes a real mother to build a happy home'.....991

Is it her fault that the husband is an unrepentant arrogant cheat?
Why are women always advised to continue dipping their respective heads in fire even when the obvious outcome is always sorrow and heartache?
If she is not happy and the man ain't ready to change then divorce is highly advised. No one deserves to suffer in silence

What would you advice your own sister, To continue staying with a man that doesn't appreciate her and just view her as a s/ex bank any time he wants to ejaculate?

Sad, but divorce may be a good thing here.

The woman has decided to leave all she wants is a good lawyer. Best of life ahead. Don't let people with their religiousity and personal opinion stop you from being happy.

It is a commendable thing to want to be a good Mother and want to stay for the children so they can have a father figure in their life. . .


I don't have no advice to impart other than the latest health news release from the Department of health that:


When this figures were released earlier this year, the figure was stated somewhat like 350,000 are receiving medication, 400,000 are roaming about without seeking treatment. A lot of Nigerians responded with an uproar that the figure is a lot higher than was stated.


If for argument we take these figures at face value, this translates to:


*one in twenty Nigerians have the HIV virus
*one in three babies are being born HIV positive.

So she should sacrifice her happiness inorder to raise her kids in an unhappy home which would obviously affect the kids later on. . . I wonder how some of u come up wiv ur advice. . . This kind of husband won't treat his kids rite. . . Poster, its ur fault this happened cos u knew his past but tot u could change him later. . . . Now u can see u've failed. . . . IMO divorce him, pray God gives u a better guy who wud accept them or give u a means to raise them. . . .

I can see the average Nigerian has this suffering and smiling mentality. . .

jay bee:
Is it her fault that the husband is an unrepentant arrogant cheat?
Why are women always advised to continue dipping their respective heads in fire even when the obvious outcome is always sorrow and heartache?
If she is not happy and the man ain't ready to change then divorce is highly advised. No one deserves to suffer in silence

What would you advice your own sister, To continue staying with a man that doesn't appreciate her and just view her as a s/ex bank any time he wants to ejaculate?

Of course, he conveniently forgets the fact that she tried to make it work for an entire decade!!!! Like I said earlier, nobody can say that this woman has not tried her best.

She is not looking for advice. She has her mind made up and she must have weighed all her options before coming to that decision. I don't know any lawyer except Debrief so you might contact her or she may see this thread and look for you.
I wish you and your kids the very best in life. You will find happiness and your kids will grow up and do you proud. Do not listen to anyone that tries to guilt you into doing what you don't want. You are the one in the situation and you know where it hurts.

moremi2008:

Of course, he conveniently forgets the fact that she tried to make it work for an entire decade!!!! Like I said earlier, nobody can say that this woman has not tried her best.

oya now, COOUURRTT!!!!!!
@OP
you have a family don't you? your husband's people are there, aren't they? society elders and marriage counsellors are there right? why hit the internet with your serious marriage problem? i will always say this,,'NL is not the first/best option when it comes to solution to marriage problems! in serious family problems as such, we go offline and make things work perfectly.

Adultery is a ground for divorce. Do as u please as long as it makes u happy. One more single mom in the world. Good luck.

At OP will ur husband be likely to contest with u for custody of the kids? Thats a problem u might need to think abt b$ commencing divorce proceeding. From ur terminology/use of words u sound like a lawyer or at least someone wit knowledge of the law.

I’m not surprised, but pained and appalled by some of the hurt that gets posted here. I love marriage. Everything about it. It has no downside if correctly understood and properly entered into.

Marriage is not an estate to be entered into or taken lightly. For all those yet to, but hoping for, please make every preparation and every effort to get it right.

At the very least, this section should serve as a warning. And if the only counsel you take away is caution, please heed that. I also see invaluable insights for those already married and some succour for those going through within it.

For those seeking to keep onside of the Bible, my reading is, it permits – not necessarily prescribes – divorce for adultery, but only allows re-marriage in the event of death. And if you do believe God, seeking him wholeheartedly before, will profit you more than coming to NL after.


@OP, your situation is a difficult one. I wish you well.


TV

Tirade over. I'm just pained.